I laid my head down on my pillow and sighed heavily. My throat hurt still and my head was pounding again, but I was ok. I wasn't dying anymore. I was gonna live and I didn't know if that was good or bad. I didn't want to die... but I certainly didn't want to live without Michael. I wondered if he wanted to live without me. Of course he did. He left. He was 'Sorry'... but he left which means he didn't want to be here. He didn't want me anymore. Maybe he never did.
I picked up my phone and texted his phone. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but I felt like there were words left unsaid and I didn't have peace with the whole situation. Maybe if I said whatever I needed to in the form of a text, I'd be able to get some closure.
'Hey. I should be mad. I'm having a hard time working up any emotions at this point. I understand that you won't text back. You probably won't even see this. I just kind of want to text. Try. I don't even really know what to say. I'll just tell you what I'm thinking. I think you are not Michael McBride. Even if you are... you aren't the version I knew. You aren't the man I fell in love with. I think your name is Michael... I've decided McBride isn't your last name because you always reacted pretty badly when I called you that. You reacted badly about a lot of things that upset you. Wherever you are, I hope nothing is upsetting you. Anyway, I also think you are not as much of a criminal as you had me believe. I think this because you had some form of a friendship with that Sam fellow. By the way, if I ever see him again, I'm probably gonna sleep with him. Tell me not to or don't. I don't really care. I lost months of my life to you... you get to at least lose a friend. I wonder how much of a friend he is to you. If your ex girlfriend threw herself at him, would he remain loyal? Exgirlfriend isn't a nice term. I don't wanna be called that. Wherever you are, just don't call me your ex. Call me your former lover. Or a woman you used to love. I don't know. Just not ex. I think you aren't from Belfast. You hardly knew anyone here and you said you lived here for years. Also, we did a lot of deals in this area and we never crossed paths with the men you were running from, when we met. Person B, was it? Maybe person A. I don't remember. Maybe the story was a lie anyway, so it doesn't matter. So, you aren't from Belfast. Where are you from? And where did you go? I think you probably live in Kilkenny or Cork and you probably have a wife. Maybe not a wife. But I think you're from the south because your accent isn't northern Irish. I think Kilkenny because you think yourself a weapon, in body and mind. Kilkenny is where I imagined you were turned into a weapon. Anyway, I think you're also older than you had me believe. You look every bit of 26 most of the time, but sometimes, you'd talk to me like I was a child. Like you were my boss. I wish you were my boss. I wish you were my anything. I wish I was anything to you. I guess I don't know what I want. I don't really know. I also think you won't get this text because your phone number is disconnected... but it seems like you were always more connected than you led me to believe, so I just assume you will somehow get the message, if not the text. I love you Michael. Write back. Come back. Be here.'
I still hadn't spoken, but I stopped trying. I didn't really have anything to say. Patrick brought me a plate of alfredo and truffles and I smiled. "Theres that beautiful smile." He smiled back. "You're welcome, angel."
I dug in and he watched, pleased with my reaction to my favorite food. The dish was halfway gone when he changed the channel to the news and I slowed down. I had been eating faster than probably healthy and I didn't want to get sick again. "Look at that storm." Pat shook his head. "Seans lucky he scampered out the other night, otherwise, he might be stuck in its path like you and I, kiddo."
I continued eating and watched the forecast with him.
"Looks nasty. You and I will just have to hunker down and wait it out. It should make landfall by tomorrow at noon. I'll be heading to the store first thing in the morning to stock the fridge in case we lose power. You just sleep in, tho. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."
I was more than grateful that Pat didn't need my response to continue the smooth conversation. It was comfortable and I appreciated him.
"You look wiped." He commented when I finished the food. "Head to bed?"
I got up and made my way to the bedroom. Patrick took my plate to the sink and began washing the dishes. I stood in the dooorjamb to the kitchen, watching him. "Thank you." I said in a croaky vioce.
Patrick looked at me like a child who said its first words. "You're welcome angel. Sleep well, Fiona."
I went to bed, smiling in adoration of my brother. He was an amazing human and I wondered why I never noticed it before.
I had slipped off to sleep and it was nearly 3 hours later when I awoke to Patrick shaking me.
"You're screaming his name, Darlin" He looked pained as he woke me.
"Sorry." I tried to catch my breath as the tears fell from my eyes unchecked.
Pat shook his head. "You're not the one who should be apologizing."
That was 11 days after he vanished.
The days and nights kind of started to mesh together as I came to the grim realization that Michael wasn't coming back. I had to accept it. It hurt. He was gone and I needed to move on and try to live half a life at least. For Patrick's sake, if not for my own. He wasn't gonna leave until I was ok again and that was clear. His wife needed him though. I knew she was probably upset with his absence, so I pretended for as long as I needed to. He had to go home to her. I had to make it on my own.
"If you're sure." He had said as he packed up his car to return to Dublin. "Positive." I hugged him.
"Call if you need anything, Fiona." He said, driving away.
I sighed and went back upstairs to collapse on the couch. "Ok, Fiona." I talked to myself. "You can do this."
I couldn't. I was sure. I stopped eating after Pat left and stopped getting off the couch shortly thereafter. It was a few hours before I decided my only option was to find Michael. I was going to die otherwise. I didn't have much of an option. As unhealthy as it was, I just wanted answers. If I found Michael and he told me he didn't love me anymore... I'd probably be ok. I just wanted to know though. I needed answers and he owed them to me.
I started searching through the flat for clues. There was a business card in the bottom of a drawer. Tom Card was all it said. No company or anything. I googled him and found no answers. I called the number on the card and it asked for an extention. I didn't have one. I hung up and googled the number. It didn't come up with anything. I googled the area code. Langley, Virginia, USA. I narrowed my eyes at the card and wondered what else to do.
Turning the card over in my hands, I noticed a number scrawled on the back in pen. I called the number, but hung up before anyone could answer. I didn't even know who this number was for. I needed to mind my own business. I tried to think of any associates who might offer answers. Samantha. I needed to find Sam. She could answer my questions. She had lived here with Michael for a short period of time, I thought. I looked through The closet and didn't find anything but a box of old mail. None of it had any names on it, except one letter, handwritten to a Samantha Lynn Keys. I googled the name and found a Facebook page. I messaged her.
'Sam, My name is Fiona. I need to get a hold of Michael and he is unreachable by phone. I need to get him an important message. I know you're an associate of his and if you could get a message to him, have him call me at 028-365-1213, Use country code 353 if you aren't in Ireland. I appreciate it. Thank you'
I sent the message and continued searching the flat for clues. I was lying with the whole, 'need to get him a message' but I was a bit desperate for answers. I decided to go out to get dinner, seeing as I was probably not gonna eat, I figured I could get my favorite food and try that. The night sky was dark and the wind whipped around, making my hair blow in my face. I walked to the car quickly, pulling my jacket closer around my shouders. My phone rang as I started the car. It was Louis. He was an old friend of Michael and I.
"Louis?" I answered. "Have you heard from Michael?"
"What? No. Fiona!" He sounded out of breath. "I'm calling to warn you."
"Warn me?"
"Someone is coming for you."
I turned the car off and listened carefully.
"I was just selling a gun to a man in Belfast."
"I'm in Belfast, Louis."
"GET OUT OF BELFAST, FIONA. He is coming. He asked if I knew you and I lied and said not any more and he explained that Michael is not who we think he is. He thinks he's a traitor and you knew and were working with him. He's coming for blood, Fiona. Get out of town. Tonight."
"Thanks for the warning, Louis. I owe you." I hung up and ran inside the flat to pack a bag. Now I DID need to get a message to Michael. I had a reason to be stalking him. After throwing everything in site in a bag, I grabbed the wad of cash and the sketchy business card and took off for the airport. It wasn't an hour before I parked the car in long term parking and walked into the airport. I was looking for the soonest flight leaving and noticed one headed to Langley Virginia. It wasn't leaving for 2 hours, so I decided it was out of the question, but there was a flight boarding now for New York. I bought a ticket and rushed through security.
The plane was quiet, seeing as it was night time when we took off. I used the plane's wifi to send Patrick a facebook message and tell him I was going to America. I'd call and explain when I land. I then went to google and looked up hotels in Albany where the plane was landing. After finding one and booking a room online, I googled Langley. It was eating me alive. Who was Tom Card and why did Michael deem his business card important enough to keep. I looked for anything notable about the city. CIA headquarters. Thats it. I sighed heavily. That would explain why the card didn't have a company on it. I was eager to land and have cell service again. I had enough information and had decided I needed to call the number on the back of the card. The flight felt like it would never end. Maybe only because I felt like I was being chased. My heart raced as I cracked my knuckles, anticipating danger.
That was 14 days after he vanished.
The hotel was a lot nicer than I had thought and I was grateful because I had assumed whoever was looking for me would never look in a 5 star hotel in Albany, New York. I pulled out my cell phone and accepted the international charges. I was 3 am in the USA, but I couldn't wait any longer. I assumed there would be no answer and I could figure out who he was by his voicemail greeting.
"Tom Card." He answered.
I panicked. "Um... I'm sorry... I didn't think you'd answer." I didn't know what to say. The man sounded like he had been sleeping and I had woken him. I breathed. "My name is Fiona Glenanne." I started.
"FIONA?" He interrupted.
I paused. "Yes. Do I know you?"
He thought about it and decided not to answer. "How did you get this number?"
"I found it... I think you work for the CIA...?"
He didn't answer.
"I just need to get a message to Michael." I said.
He sighed. "I'm afraid I can't make any guarantees he'll get the message."
"I'm in America." I explained, ignoring what he said. "I assume by your reaction, you know where Michael is."
He didn't answer. "What is the message, Fiona?"
"Tell him Louis said that Collin Ruiz is coming after me. He wants me dead and Michael too." I sighed. "I don't know why. Just warn him, please."
"Wait, Fiona." Tom seemed surprised, suddenly interested. "Someone wants to hurt you?"
"Yeah. Thats why I came to America. I'm in New York, hiding. He has it in his head that Michael is a traitor or something. Why?"
He sighed again. "Can you come to Langley or shall I fly there?"
I rubbed my arm. "I just landed. I need to sleep. Can you help me?"
"I will do everything in my power. Stay put. I'll be on the first flight out."
"Why?"
"Because Michael made you a federally protected indivual. He wanted to ensure no one could harm you, so he went to extreme measures to be sure you were safe. Any enemy of yours is now an enemy of the states. This Collin Ruiz will be on the no fly list by the end of the hour. I will do everything in my power to protect you, Fiona."
I was shocked. "Thank you."
"My pleasure. I'll be there asap."
I hung up and breathed a sigh of relief.