Tucker starts up a club. Grif thinks it is beyond stupid, but he keeps sticking around anyways. Much to Simmons' annoyance.
Pairings Beyond Grimmons:
~Carwash
~Sucker
~Mentioned Sheila x Lopez
~Mentioned Docnut OR Mentioned Locnut depending on your fancy! :D
~Mentioned Chex
~Mentioned Huggins x Kaikaina
Other Notes for This Story:
~Modern Workplace AU, with some vague allusions to Season 16 and previous seasons' plot points.
~Extremely copious amounts of my poor attempt at humor and dangerous levels of teeth-rotting fluff. XD
~Written for the 15kisses comm on Dreamwidth. The prompt was "Sagittarius: #15 Frustration."
Legal Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or any of the show's characters. They are the rightful properties of Rooster Teeth.
Lonely Guys Club
"Welcome to the first official meeting of the Lonely Guys Club!" The dark-skinned man dressed in teal shouted out with all of the fake bluster that he could muster in the little café's dingy corner.
The two men seated across from Tucker didn't exactly seem to share his glowing enthusiasm.
"Huh." Dexter Grif remained incredibly nonchalant and unimpressed even with Tucker's sweeping, grandiose arm gestures, "That's just sad, Tucker."
"Yeah." Caboose intoned rather sagely as the blue-wearing blond next to Grif struggled with the Chinese finger trap he had been trying to overcome for the better part of the afternoon, "This is exactly like last Friday, only with less crying."
"Shove it, you two." Tucker harrumphed and sat back down with his arms crossed over his chest, "It's not like I can help feeling a little bored. Junior's visiting his grandparents for the summer and a certain fat-ass' hot-and-crazy-as-fuck sister put a cockblock on me."
"See, that last part is where you're wrong because I can safely assume that whatever happened between you two was entirely your fault." Grif told Tucker with a great level of certainty. He was, admittedly, proud that his sister had standards that were at least higher than Tucker.
"Yes," Caboose nodded his head gravely in staunch agreement, "I have also come to believe that most bad things happen because of Tucker. Even when he is not in the room."
"Why is Caboose here again?" Grif asked, already not really caring about the answer.
Tucker groaned, "Because Church wanted to get dumped again by Tex privately and I couldn't find a babysitter."
"Plus, Church said that Tucker would be even more sad and lonely without me taking care of him since he'd have to deal with his horrible life choices on his own." Caboose chimed in proudly, clearly parroting the words he had heard quite frequently from their grumbling friend, "And now he is starting a club! I am having so much fun!"
"You're the best, buddy." Grif patted Caboose on the shoulder before looking around at the altogether pathetic table they were seated at, "But if you guys aren't hanging out together because you're lonely or whatever, why the dumb club name? It's not like I'm lonely. In fact, if you ask me, I'm not lonely enough right now."
Tucker snorted, "You're not with anyone either right now, so it still counts."
"I guess that's true since Sarge wouldn't technically count you two as people since you're in the Blue department," Grif said while giving Tucker a disparaging look, "But you're really just doing all of this because apologizing to Kai would be too much trouble, right?"
"Dude, shove it!"
Just then, Grif's phone rang. The chubby man absentmindedly picked it up, only to be met with the high-pitched, incredulous tone of one Richard "Dick" Simmons.
"Grif!" The redhead yelled without any preamble, "Did you really just hand in another report covered in Cheetos dust?"
"Sounds vaguely like something I think we'd both agree I would do." Grif replied, strumming his fingers along the edge of the table.
"Sarge is seriously pissed!" From the background noise emanating from the office on Simmons' side of the phone conversation, Grif could somewhat make out the familiar disgruntled Southern accent of Sarge yelling out for his shotgun.
"He really should extend our lunch break then." Grif replied back evenly, "For the good of office morale."
Simmons' tone become one high-pitched whine without any actual words. Grif quickly turned the phone off before all the dogs in the vicinity started to react.
He saw Tucker grinning smugly at him, "Oh, sounds like the wife is pissed off again." He said with a shit-eating grin.
For a brief moment that Grif would wholeheartedly deny to anyone later, there was a slight upwards twitch of the corners of his mouth and his tanned cheeks became just a fraction warmer, "Fuck off, Tucker." He responded oh-so-eloquently as he squashed said moment down.
"So, today's agenda will be as follows…" Simmons continued droning on and on as he always did at the very start of the work day, even though he should be fully aware by now that it was pointless and no one paid attention to his dumb chore wheel anyways.
That was certainly true for Grif, at least, as he pretty much tuned out the moment his shift began on all work-related topics. It was a testament to the fact that he could still get shit done that he hadn't been fired yet. Instead, his brown eyes remained fixed on the pale, lanky redhead's form for entirely different reasons as he lazily and contentedly drank in the sight he could never get enough of.
"Hey." Tucker elbowed him, rudely jostling Grif out of his "enjoying the view" mindset to loudly whisper to his coworker, "Seems like Wash and Carolina had some kind of a fight."
Grif had distantly noticed that the two were absent from this morning's meeting, though that had largely been circumvented by him not really caring all that much.
"Mind if we bring one more to our next club meeting?" Tucker asked Grif conspiratorially.
The almost pleasant lull of Simmons' voice continuing to speak nonsense had regretfully faded entirely from his ears. He glanced over and up to see that, yes, Simmons had indeed stopped talking about agendas. There was a vivid sharpness growing in his green eyes and his jaw clenched tightly in that way the maroon-wearing nerd would complain about later in obvious frustration as he glowered over at Tucker and Grif for their interruption.
Grif sank even further into his seat with a tired, resigned sigh, "Sure, Tucker."
"I'm really not sure how I should feel about being invited to join a club for lonely guys." Carolina admitted with a slight frown over her cup of coffee.
"Aw, come on, Carolina! Don't be like that!" Tucker told her happily, "You're definitely one of us guys!"
The redhead raised an eyebrow in mild amusement, which was way better than how she would have probably beaten the daylights out of Tucker for saying something like that to her when she had first been getting used to all of the crazy work antics, "Thanks, I guess?" Carolina replied.
"Besides, Wash was being way too much of a mopey killjoy to hang out with." Tucker added brightly.
"And that just makes the invitation feel all the more special." She noted wryly, knowing that, if Washington hadn't still been upset about their fight, she would have been their second choice.
Grif raised his own coffee cup in mock salute, "Welcome to the club."
"I'm glad to be here, to be sure." Carolina mocked right back, her green eyes, just a slightly different shade than Simmons' (not like Grif had been paying super close attention to his eyes or anything because he had once noticed some flecks of blue in them), fell upon Caboose sitting on a counter stool close by, "Besides, I don't think leaving Caboose unsupervised with you two for too long is a great idea."
"Alexa!" Caboose called out happily at the computer display for orders, "Can you play that song from the movie with the elephants and the singing and the fireworks again? I liked it a lot."
The brown-haired man in purple behind the counter sighed as he adjusted his glasses and pink apron once more, "Caboose, that isn't a TV or a computer screen, and we don't even have an Alexa here."
"You should! She is very nice."
Frank "Doc" DuFresne sighed again, "Maybe Mom was right about me staying in med school."
Carolina was oh-so-casually checking her phone with a barely concealed, worried frown on her face. No doubt she was hoping for a message from Washington. Tucker was telling Caboose about how Alexa was actually downright "creepy as fuck, dude" in the background.
Grif looked down at his own phone as it beeped beside him.
"Grif, what the actual fuck? First you didn't pay attention to the agenda again, and then you leave without even cleaning up all the coffee you spilled in the breakroom?"
Even without the use of emojis to help further accentuate his point, Grif could just picture how red-faced and flustered Simmons had been when he texted that message.
He smirked slightly as he responded with a crying face and a coffee cup in turn, eyeing his phone's screen excitedly for the kiss-ass' reply.
The beep from Simmons' response just sounded annoyed, though the upraised middle finger emoji now lighting up the orange-wearing man's screen helped paint that picture all the better. Grif looked up from grinning back down at his phone to see an amused Carolina sigh and shake her head at his expense.
Donut somehow managed to tag along to the next Lonely Guys meeting.
"I'm just saying, it totally rubs me that I feel so unappreciated at work!" Donut lamented from where he was sitting next to Grif, dramatically twirling the free biscotti he had somehow coerced Doc to give him with just a wink and a smile, "And not the good kind of rubbing, you know? But the really wrong kind. With extra chafing."
Grif did not, in fact, know what kind of rubbing Donut was referring to. And now he was more upset that they were back at Doc's crappy café instead of somewhere he could drink that imagery away.
"Dude, I can't figure out why Kai is still freezing me out!" Tucker wailed into his iced latte beverage over Donut's complaint, his body slumped over as if he was, in fact, at some crappy dive bar attempting to drink his troubles away.
"That's because you're an idiot, since I'm pretty sure she told you exactly why when she started doing it." Grif informed the teal-wearing man succinctly.
Tucker mumbled something into the crook of his arm that Grif didn't care to try to discern.
"Don't you think a song about friendship will be a little too cheesy, Caboose?" Carolina asked behind the three sitting coworkers, flipping through tracks on her phone.
Caboose beamed, "Karaoke is about friendship!"
"Caboose, we don't actually have a karaoke system here." Doc tried politely to point out, not wanting to say that he really just didn't want Carolina's singing to once again scare away any potential customers.
"I can relate." A gruff, gravely voice suddenly spoke up from Donut's side that belonged to the new guy who had just transferred to their work a few weeks ago, "About not being noticed, at least."
"Holy shit, dude!" Tucker started up along with the rest of them at Locus' presence, "Where the fuck did you come from?"
The large, intimidating-looking man with an X-shaped scar across his face frowned, "Tucker, I have been here this whole time. Donut invited me." Locus muttered, "Against my better judgement I said yes."
"And what?" Tucker snorted in disbelief, "Did you just happen to have a fucking cloaking device turned on?"
As Donut started in on a ramble about the apparent many and varied pros and cons of wearing camouflage as a bold fashion choice, a topic which Locus surprisingly actually seemed to be taking a keen interest in, Grif's phone rang. He didn't even look down at the number, having a pretty good guess as to who was calling him.
Sure enough, Simmons' upset screeching assaulted his eardrum the second he picked up the phone.
"Grif! You are such an asshole for leaving me with a sulking Wash and a deadline tomorrow!"
The tan-skinned man hung up, knowing Simmons' rambling would last a bit longer before he even realized Grif wasn't listening anymore. He could already picture how flushed Simmons would get, and how shocked he'd be when Grif surprised him with the reveal that he had already finished up the project about a week ago.
Grif was sure the reaction would be well worth the pouted moodiness he would get from Simmons at first. As he daydreamed blissfully for a moment, he caught Donut and Locus both glancing over at him questioningly. He coughed awkwardly, trying to play it cool, "Simmons says hi."
"What in tarnation is going on here?" Sarge loudly declared as he approached the café counter along with Lopez where the only two seats remaining in Doc's tiny café were.
The rest of the counter space was occupied by the assorted, colorful members of the Lonely Guys Club, all sipping their coffee already.
"Red Sargent! Lopez who is not a robot!" Caboose exclaimed happily, "Tucker started a Friendship Club!"
"Caboose, that's not what it's fucking called!" Tucker stage-whispered to him.
"What kind of hippie claptrap are all of you getting sucked into now?" Sarge demanded, before casting a glance over at Doc, "No offense, son."
The bespectacled Doc's return smile was rather resigned looking, "I'm actually pretty used to it by now, Sarge." He assured him with a weary slump of his shoulders, "Sadly."
"Sarge, we're lamenting our shared sense of loneliness!" Donut cried out dramatically in further explanation, his arm draped over Locus' shoulder as the larger man pretended not to notice, "You and Lopez should totally come and join us!"
"Sabía que era un jodido error no solo irme a casa mientras Sheila visitaba a su hermana." {"I knew it was a fucking mistake to not just go home while Sheila is off visiting her sister."}
Lopez sighed as he muttered whatever it was he had just said under his breath before very promptly exiting as fast as his feet could take him.
Sarge glanced over at Carolina questioningly, and she simply shrugged in response, "I'm just here to give Wash some space." She explained as if she wasn't also enjoying a nice Caramel Iced Latte.
Tucker let out a loud groan from his dejected posture draped over the counter, "I think I messed up my only chance at having any kind of meaningful relationship down the road with a totally hot, totally crazy chick!" He bemoaned to no one in particular.
"Hey!" Grif really didn't need to hear that about his little sister even if the crazy part was true.
"That seems surprisingly insightful coming from you." Locus mused to Tucker, almost sounding as if he was impressed.
"Yeah, it's rare for you to plow right in there with your feelings, Tucker!" Donut agreed.
"Want to talk about it, buddy?" Doc asked Tucker politely even though he was totally ignored by everyone in the café.
"Tex said she would pay me to keep Tucker company so that she could make Church cry again." Caboose informed them all happily.
At the mention of her brother and his constantly on-and-off again girlfriend, the meaning behind Caboose's words gelled in her mind and Carolina grimaced, "I should have just left with Lopez." She murmured to herself.
For a few moments, it seemed as if Sarge was very much debating why he hadn't done the same. Reluctantly, as if his need for caffeine then abated all common sense and decency, he pulled out the stool next to Grif and signaled Doc for his usual order, "You lot need to get your priorities straight." He said to the group at large.
"Says the guy who wanted to get holiday photos taken with his shotgun?" Grif asked incredulously.
Sarge bristled at the insinuation that there was anything wrong with such an idea, "There ain't a more heartwarming sight than the deep, abiding love between a man and his primary firearm of choice, Grif!"
Grif shot Tucker a questioning look over his shoulder, to which Tucker promptly shook his head and muttered something along the lines of "that's too sad and crazy even for us."
Sarge, thankfully, did not notice this apparent rejection to being invited to Tucker's sad excuse for a club, instead turning his disparaging regard Grif's way, "And just why exactly are you here, numb-nuts?" He asked pointedly, looking at something rather specific adorning one of Grif's fingers.
Grif absentmindedly rested his bare hand over that digit in a totally not conspicuous way before shrugging, "Just wanted to skip work like usual."
"Huh." Sarge mused and took a huge swig out of his steaming mug of black coffee without even missing a beat, "You're gonna get an earful when you get home."
Grif couldn't really argue with that, nor with the oddly wistful tugging he always felt on his person now at the mention of "home."
"Hey, bro," Kaikaina Grif greeted as she stepped out of their apartment just as Grif was heading towards it, "Is Tucker still doing that stupid club of his?"
"Uh-huh." Grif nodded his head absentmindedly, "It's gotten a few new members even."
"That figures. You all seriously need to look into therapy." She made a slight face and shuddered, "Do you know how weird it is for me to be acting responsible and shit? It's freaking me the fuck out!"
"Yeah, that's not something I've been all too comfortable with either." Grif admitted, smirking as he dodged a playful jab thrown his way.
"Oh, your gray nerd let your cop friend crash on the couch again. He's, like, eighty percent ready to try calling your other hot chick cop friend who he totally wants to bench press him straight through the mattress, I think?"
Grif sighed, "Thanks for the heads up." …Along with the mental image I totally did not ever want or need of Wash and Carolina having crazy, aggressive sex together.
"Hey, next time check the room before trying to put some more footprints on the ceiling." Kai smirked, jangling her car keys, "But since he's still being a buzzkill, I'm gonna go out with Huggins and light things up!"
He rolled his eyes, "Just make sure you two don't end up in jail this time, all right?"
"No promises, sucker!" Kai called over her shoulder with a wave, "If Tucker ends up getting over being a whiny-ass bitch tonight and actually wants to go to a fun club for once, let him know he can still hang out with me and Huggins, all right? She gets first dibs though!"
Grif smiled slightly and nodded as Kai departed to see Huggins with a happy hum escaping her lips.
Sure enough, there was indeed a passed out Washington taking up all of the space on Grif's beloved couch.
The heavyset man stealthily crept past the blond to make his way into the kitchen, where Simmons was finishing up doing the dishes because he was too much of a nerd to let the pans soak in the sink while he ate, as if they would mock the redhead for having done so in silent, sudsy judgement.
Not that Grif minded much in this instance as he noticed the two plates, one of which was heaped up with a lot more food so it was clearly meant for him, at the table. It meant that he had the wondrous opportunity to eat dinner again with his beloved kiss-ass, after all.
"Hey." Grif greeted as suavely as ever before he draped himself over the lankier man's frame from behind, pulling Simmons against his chest in a backwards hug just as he was turning off the sink.
"H-Hey!" Simmons greeted with a surprised squeak, and it was still too priceless that his entire freckled skin turned a pinkish hue after all this time when they managed to share these moments together, "How'd Tucker's club meeting go?"
Grif buried his face in the crook of Simmons' neck, relishing the feel of skin to skin contact with the other man, how his warmth increased even as he shuddered slightly with Grif's breathing against him, "It was okay until Sarge crashed it." He managed to say as apathetically as possible.
Simmons cackled. How he could do that both cutely and sexily, Grif had never been able to figure out, "That'll teach you to keep skipping work for a dumbass club you're not even a member of!" Simmons let out deviously, obviously proud of his revenge plot. What a nerd.
Grif gave the maroon-wearing man a begrudging nod of approval as he reluctantly pulled away from the redhead, "Nicely played, Simmons." He replied sagely, almost impressed.
"Dinner needs about five minutes still to cool off." Simmons informed him, because of course he was a stickler for things like optimal food temperatures too.
Grif grinned and ran his hand suggestively up and down Simmons' arm, "We could fool around in the meanwhile."
Simmons' face took on a reddish hue once more, "N—not with Wash in the living room!" He chided, "He had a rough day."
No doubt made all the more rough by Washington and Carolina still dancing around one another.
"We could close our bedroom door and do it in the closet just like at work." Grif coyly suggested.
A still very much red-faced Simmons elbowed him, but a shy smile formed on his face to match Grif's own, "M—maybe after dinner." He finally relented, seeming slightly excited at the prospect all the same.
Grif grinned, "I'll hold you to it." He reached out and gently gripped Simmons' hand with its matching wedding band with his own, his grin widening to face-cracking levels when Simmons returned his squeeze.
Next time, he mused as they stood there side-by-side for a few more wonderful moments, Grif was definitely going to drag Simmons along with him to the club meeting. Skipping work was not nearly as much fun when they weren't doing it together.
Author's Notes: I would very much like to apologize for this being such a short update after going a full week without one. The last two weeks have been insanely busy and chaotic for me in real life, and I have relatives coming in tomorrow to add to said busy-ness, but I really wanted to write at least a little something and to help soothe my nerves a bit before stress completely overwhelms me.
So, here is a fun little one shot idea that my sister came up with! It was a cute idea that meshed with the "Frustration" fluff prompt really well from Simmons' side of things. He totally got his revenge though, and both he and Grif really don't mind at all being the actual only ones of their friends who have their stuff together on the romance front. XD The fake out about them being married all along totally came from her too as she loves that trope, so I'm glad that I was able to incorporate it into the story!
Hopefully next week I will be able to update one of my longer, multi-chapter stories again. I'm so sorry for the delay, and I hope you will all bear with me and my sporadic scheduling! :) Thank you for reading and, if nothing else, I hope that the fluff was like a soft blanket! :D