Happy New Year to anyone that I haven't said it to already and I am back with my next long fic. Buckle your seatbelts because we are in for a looong ride.

I don't really know why this story came to me. I must have read a story with a similar storyline (because I have been trying to read all the Reddie fanfiction on here since about October time...) and this was born.

I don't know whether this is going to be helpful but, for at least the first 15ish chapters, it is going to somewhat require your knowledge of what happened during series 3 (for sure) and series 4 (with a little of series 5 thrown in. All will be made clear. Don't you worry.) I'm calling this an AU story from Series 3 Episode 16 (which this first chapter is set after) but we will see. Might be helpful if you remind yourself of what happens in each episode, mainly because I do gloss over a few things. Become more evident when we get on to other chapters.

As we all know, I seem to like putting Rachel through horrific situations... That doesn't stop here...

Chapter One
More Than a Threat

Rachel knew at some point she would either have to read the letter properly or just discard it and read it in the morning when she'd had time to properly process all of the events that had happened during the day.

She knew that it would always be difficult when someone discovered her past and she was still making up her mind as to whether she was relieved or not that Eddie knew. His reaction made her wish that she had found the courage to tell him herself. Of course, he was going to be angry. She was still angry at herself for putting herself through two years of hell. But she couldn't find the words to explain why she had done what she had done, giving him the bare minimum when she did try and explain.

She had hoped that once his anger had died down, that he would see her and maybe why she was so passionate about the students and why she believed in every single one of them. He had realised that the only reason this was coming out was because Stuart was blackmailing her. Why could he just see past it?

Rachel couldn't tell Eddie everything, as much as she wanted to. She had gone back to feeling as vulnerable as she did when she was 17. Her stupid, stupid decision that was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. The decision that would always follow her. And just when she felt like she could bury her past.

The door to her office opened and she hoped more than anything that it was Eddie to tell her that he had thought about it more. That he didn't want to resign. That they could work through it.

Instead, Stuart stood there and the feeling of dread filled her. She hadn't even realised how late it was. Had she really been sitting there, on her own, staring that the letter for that long?

"You must really enjoy working late."

"What do you want Stuart?" She said as she put the letter in her top drawer.

"We can still be civil, can't we Rachel?"

"Can we? When you drag up something that I did 20 years ago?"

"I only did what I thought I had to do."

"I mean, when is this going to end Stuart? You have the bid. You have the contract. Can't you just build the building and leave me alone?"

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"No, I can't just leave you alone. See Tess keeps telling me more and more about you. How you had built up a good and stable list of clients. How you were seen as the favourite because of that. How you always made sure that you had someone in your bed or I suppose theirs sometimes."

Rachel could feel the bile rise up her throat. How he spoke about her made her feel sick and she didn't want to think about herself in that way. 20 years she had tried to bury the feeling of self-hatred and here he was, bringing all those emotions back into play.

"Stuart, just go."

"Maybe I want to find out what all the fuss was about."

She stood up. She somehow felt a little less vulnerable standing. The problem was she knew his behaviour better than she would ever admit. The threat was there and she knew that if she allowed him to, he would take what he wanted and just discard her, as many had done in the past. She promised herself that it wouldn't happen again. It happened to Amanda Fenshaw but not to Rachel Mason.

"I am not going to ask you again. Leave Stuart."

"There is no one else here. No one to hear you scream for help or anything like that." He said as he started to make his way around her desk.

She knew that all the time there was something between them as well as distance, she could keep him at bay. She did just want to run out of the door, get in her car and drive home but it wasn't as simple as that. Stuart would easily clear the distance between her desk and the door before she was halfway across the room and her car keys were in the drawer of her desk, that she had just moved away from.

"Stuart, please."

"Begging now are we?"

She hadn't realised how close he was to her and as her back hit the filing cabinets behind her, she knew that no matter how much she fought him, he was going to get what he wanted. She tried to push him back but he didn't move.

"Come on Rachel." He said as he moved in closer.

Rachel could feel the panic rise in her and it wasn't helping as she tried to think of a way out of this. He was too close now and she hated herself for allowing herself to get into this situation.

"Or would you prefer it if I called you Amanda?"

The cold, empty house did nothing to help her. There was no one to ask whether she was okay or to notice that she had got home at just gone 12 at night. There was no one who was worried about her.

She made her way slowly up the stairs, unsure as to whether she wanted a shower first or to throw up. Her mind was full of memories that she had spent the last 20 years trying to forget and Stuart Hordley had just opened the box wide open.

Rachel only just made it to the bathroom before she threw up.

She grabbed her phone out of her pocket, wanting to call someone to tell them but not knowing who to call. In fact, there was only one person that she wanted to call but she knew that he didn't care about her like she thought he did. Eddie resigning meant that. Just because he couldn't see a way through it, he had basically told her that he had given up on her.

And just when she needed someone at her side.

Feeling like her stomach had settled for the moment, Rachel pulled herself off the bathroom floor and towards the shower. She had to scrub him off her. For some reason, all she could smell his aftershave and it was causing her stomach to turn again.

By the time Rachel dropped into her bed in the early hours of the morning, she knew that she wasn't going to get any sleep. There was no way that she was going to be able to sleep with all the memories of what she had done and what had just happened floating around her mind.

For the first time since she was a child, she didn't want to go to school.