Draco Malfoy knew many deceptions, as many as a fox knows tricks. Here, he selected a small one. He pretended to be looking at Hagrid's latest acquisition (the topic for the next class), even as she crashed his knee into Granger's shoulder, where she was still squatting with the snugmonkey. Unfortunately, not looking where you're going tends to lead to being slightly out of place. In this precise moment, Draco Malfoy hit Granger harder than he meant to, nearly flipping himself over due to a momentary imbalance of weight. But, as that was not in the plans, it couldn't be allowed to happen. Bu sheer dint of will, Draco flailed himself back onto his feet. Turning, he glared at Granger, saying, "Watch where you're squatting, Mudblood."
Hermione rose to her feet, spitting back, "You pompous prick - you ran into me!" She was practically shaking with anger, something that Draco Malfoy knew was reasonably uncharacteristic of the typically level-headed girl.
Draco Malfoy had to keep his mouth from smirking. Granger had such fire to her, imbued in her very soul. "Do you know what your problem is?" Malfoy asked, his drawling voice cold and sneering.
"MY problem?!" Hermione said, biting her words, "Now look here, mister inbred mutant albino. Let me tell you about your problem..."
"I wouldn't" Draco Malfoy drawled uncaringly, "Haven't you realized that nobody listens to you, Mudblood?" Draco deducted points from himself for the repetition.
"You have to pay people to listen to you, so Mr. Pot, are you really going to call me black?" Draco deducted points for the cliche.
"I'd never," Draco Malfoy drawled, trying to strike as arrogant a tone as he knew how. "Black's my birthright, never yours." In the corner of his eye, he could feel Potter stirring, and nearly hear Weasel restraining him.
'Of course, your mother's side." Hermione said, "Your witticisms are trite and tiresome, you realize?" Now Granger's voice sounded unaffected and disinterested.
"Mudblood, have you ever considered the concept that you're simply missing the contextual clues for the wit?" Draco Malfoy drawled, his tones icy and precise, like an iceblade well below zero.
"I'm no space cadet." Granger growled out, fingering her wand. "You may have me mistaken for Lovegood." Draco Malfoy restrained the sudden impulse to demand an explanation for what exactly was a space cadet. He hated being in the dark.
"With your hair trying to eat everything around it? Hardly." Draco Malfoy drawled. "You are truly the swot of the century, you know - looking up my geneology, of all things! I suppose I might even be flattered, if I thought you liked me." Draco said this in tones of utter boredom.
"Hardly!" Granger spat back, exactly as predicted.
"Little Miss Know It All, has to know exactly everything." Draco Malfoy said in a deliberately ear-grating singsong voice.
"I do not!" Hermione said, crossing her arms, the tension on them giving away the increasing enfrazzlement of her mind.
Ignoring her, Draco continued, "It's a good thing too, or you wouldn't have any so-called friends."
"What do you mean?" Hermione said, and Draco saw the first, slightest, 'cant' see through' breath of air in that stone wall Granger built around her feelings.
"You can't possibly think your friends like you, Granger." Draco said in an officious tone. "They're just putting up with you so you'll do their homework."
"You're lying!" Hermione said, and Draco could start to see her eyes fill with water. This was really striking home, he thought victoriously.
"If you're so certain about that, why don't you ask them?" Draco Malfoy said in a voice lower than a whisper.
Hermione's eyes narrowed to slits, and her hand whipped back, before slapping Draco upside the head.
Draco took a prudent two steps backward, as he mouthed at her, "I win" - before turning around, acting as if the conversation was over. In reality, he was waiting for her friends to crowd around her. Draco slowly began to saunter away, more moving to make it look like he was leaving than trying to actually put distance anywhere between them.
Ah, there we go, Potty in the lead, "Hermione, you really shouldn't let anything he says bother you." Now, truer words were never spoken, but it was hilarious to hear Granger's line popping so effortlessly out of Potty's throat.
And the Weasel: "Hermione, that was so cool!" Neville also offered his congratulations, "Bastard's been needing that for ages."
Hermione took a deep breath, thanking everyone with that genuine smile fo hers, before saying, "Thanks, I really do feel better now."
At which point Draco Malfoy turned around and, cupping his hands around his mouth so she'd catch the exact wording, catcalled viciously, "Violence is Never The Answer!"
Draco Malfoy gave Granger one last smirk and then sauntered away, looking for all the world like the cat who just stole the cream, nevermind the huge palmprint on his head. Because, in that moment he'd turned around, he'd seen Granger look more relaxed than he's seen her this entire year.
It had worked!
[a/n: next chapter will feature Suspicious Harry. Because of course it will. Harry hates people keeping secrets and not letting him in on them.
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Yes, in the teaser, when Draco says love isn't supposed to hurt this much, you can take that as a reference to this scene if you'd like.
Most people don't actively work to get their loves to smack them upside the head (well, for real, anyway).]