Chapter 1: Marriage counseling
ONCE UPON A TIME
On an island far, far away…
Ralph:*Stormzing into da b3ach parte*
Ralph:JACK I SWE4R TO G0D
Jack: What lol *obviously drunk or sm bc its rotteen fruit or watever)
Ralph:*VERI ANGERY* I TOLD YOU NoT TO THROW ANY MORE BaBeQuIES WHEN WE'RE SUPPISED TO BE MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Piggy:Yeah you kinda just left
Piggy:And you took my glasses so I'm blind now o whateva ;p
Jack:BABE I TOLD YOU
Jack:I WANT BABREGUES WITH THE BOYS
*all Jacks homies go silent*
samneric:Hi yall whats goign on here
Ralph:*SCREAMING*
Ralph:I TOLD YOU
Ralph:YOU CANT DO THAT
Ralph:WERE BRITISH DAMMIT
Ralph:STAHP
Jack:Ahaha
samneric:Goign to leave now bai
roger:*eats fruit emo-ly* ahhh yes surfiing
Piggy:Uhhh
simon:*crying in the cornr*
Ralph:JACK
Ralph:JACK U CANT DO THIS WE HAVE A CHILD
Jack:Excuse me since whEN
Ralph:OU R SON
Ralph:HAS BEEN TRIPPING BALLS
Ralph:IN A FOREST
Ralph:WITH SOME RANDOM PIG HEAD
Ralph:I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE IT CAAaME FROM
Jack:I did that dUmMY! Interior design is my passion ralph you know this :(
Ralph:JACK THIS ISNT THE TIME
Ralph:OUR SON IS CRYING IN THE CORNER
Ralph:WHILE YOU ARE PARTYING
Ralph:WITH NAKED CRAZY BOI SAVAGES!1!
Jack:TheSE NAKE CRAZY BOIS ARE MY FRIENDS RALKPH
Jack:UR JUST SOME DUMMY DUM DUM WHO THINKA HES CHEF
Ralph:iiIIIIiiiIIII doOOoOOOOOOOoOooooNT CAAAaaAAaaaAAaAAaaaAAReRrex
Ralph:WyODU ARE NEGELECTING OUR ONLY SOONNN
simon:CRIES LOUDER
Ralph:LOOK AT WHAT YOUVE DONE
Ralph:YOU TWAT
Ralph:YOU MADE HIM CRY MORE
Jack:wELl mAYbE iF YoU StOPpED YElLinG
Ralph:NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS
Ralph:SIMON NEEDS A HUG FROM HIS FATHER
Piggy:Okay I have to put a stop to tis! JACK AND RALPH CHILL TF OUT. we need to go to marrage conseling
Jack:RALPH YOURE HIS FATHER
Ralph:SO ARE YOU WANKER
Jack:I NEVER AGGREED TO ADOPTING A SMOL CHILD
Ralph:I REMEMBER THE DQAY WE ADOPTED SIMON
Ralph:I WAS LIKE BB CAN WE ADOPT A CHILE
Ralph:AND YOU WERE LIKE I DONT CARE
Ralph:AND SO I DID
roger:*chokes on fruit*
*eric tries to stop roger from chokig while sam screeches*
simon:*CrIES* caN WE ALL JUST cALm DooOoOWn :''''''''''(((
Piggy:Okay STOP. Simon is literally sobbing and Rogr is about to SUFFOCATE
Piggy:*trie to push jacc and ralp apar t*
Ralph:*out of breathe*
Jack:Ahaha
Piggy:Okay btchej come with me :(
*piggy leads gack and galph out to the bech*
*on beach*
Piggy:Ok we need to talk this out guys
Jack:You need to shut ur mout. HAHA GOTEM
Ralph:JACC NO :(
Jack:Ahaha
Piggy:Okay first Im gonna need you to-
Ralph:Piggy if you dont shut the up-
Jack:Ralpg this is why we cant have nice things
Ralph:Jack i swear if you cONTUNue tO InTErUPT ME I WILL
Jack:We both know ur too soft to do anything
Ralph:At least I dont make my sun crie mf
simon:*crieing* IM NOT YOUR SONNN
Ralph:Not now child your father and i are busy
samneric:*they have arrived*
samneric:Hey guys whats poppin
Piggy:These two gay bitchesd wont stope yellig
Piggy:I hate them
Jack:*steals glasses anaig*
Piggy:Geev me my glasses bacc you snaty boi
Jack:No you are fat
Piggy:Ur momz fatt
Jack:Ur dad lefted
Piggy:At least mine came bacc
*ocean eyes plays*
simon:*sings bille elish*
Jack:*gets inspired by simons benadryl singing*
Jack:Ralph I always love you even when your nopt being epic
Piggy:Omg this is so roman attic
Piggy:Im glad u could make it to my ted talk
Ralph:Im glad we could too
*they kits*
samneric:Hahahahahahah uguys are gay lol
Ralph:We have been married for 5 months
Jack:Roxanne roxannnne all she wanna do is opart all night
Ralph:Excuse me jac who is roxane
Piggy:Oh shoot
samneric:Oh shoot
roger:Oh shoot
simon:Oh shoot
simon:My fathers are goig to have to go to marrige counseking again this is so sad alexa play juice wrld :((
*distant gack and galph arguing*
samneric:Excuse me simon who is alexa
samneric:I thought we had something
samneric:I thought it was special
simon:I dont even gay
Piggy:Sometimes i forget that sam and eric are two different people and not conjoined twins
samneric:WOOOW I see how it is
simon:Wait they arent
simon:What does conjoined mean
simon:Wait does that mean connected
simon:My little brian is confuse
simon:Wait if they arent connected how did maurice have-
Piggy:Simon stop i dont need this rn
maurice:HEY GUYS so basically I just got a win on fortnite
Piggy:Maurice its like 1943 what is that
Jack:You guys dont play fortnite? Ahaha
simon:No? what the hepp is that
maurice:Well its on like a tv
Piggy:And?
maurice:And its like you make the tv do things but with a plastic thing and a disc and u kill ppl but not rly
samneric:I dont undersnand help
maurice:I thought we had soething special
samneric:Maurice i dont even know what your name is how would we have something speacial
Ralph:Wow my hubby is so smnart he plays forntie
Ralph:Not maurice lol
maurice:WOOOOOWWWWWWW ok ralph
maurice:This is why i like your hubvsand better than you ahaha jk i love all my homies ewually can I get a hoiyah
Youre so dumb ahaha
roger:*pops in*
roger:Hey can i attack a child and then kill a different child with a rock
Jack:Sure lol just go do it at the cliff not heree
maurice:Yeah we dont need those vibes here
*at cliff*
Piggy:Im so glad I went here to get some alone time becaue everyone was dcr4aming
roger:*peeks around rocner and see piggy*
Piggy:What was that soujnd
roger:Oh why hello there
Piggy:Im blind lol who dis
roger:It's rogger *throws rock at piggys face*
Piggy:A *falling* oH SHOOT-
Piggy:*dies*
maurice:*arrives*
maurice:Omg piggy dead? he do be kinda dead doe
roger:No its ok he just restig
maurice:Nahhhh bro you killed im
Ralph:DID I HEAR KILLED
Ralph:DID YOU KILL AOMEONE
Jack:Oooh noce no more conseling
Ralph:Jac
Jack:At least he didnt die on the beach
Ralph:Jacc
Jack:That would be a shame
Ralph:Jack no he was my fren
Jack:Anyway where were we
Ralph:Jack i am in grief
Jack:I think we might have been kissing
Ralph:Jack cn you not see the tears streeming down my face
Jack:Maybe kissing will help
Ralph:Jack i am crying stop
Jack:Welp guess ill go kill a pig then oh wait
Ralph:JACK
Piggy:*in heaben*
simon:I cant beliebe you killed piggy :(((
simon:Father jacc ralp is in grief stop truna kiss
Jack:Go talk to your pig haed friend
simon:No i wish to comfrt mon papa
Ralph:*sobbing*
Jack:What was your friends name
simon:Father
Jack:god of the bugs or something
simon:No father
Ralph:What? *still shakign and cryign*
Jack:Nothing lol now gimme kiss
Ralph:NO
maurice:Uh oh uh oh uh oh
maurice:UH OH
maurice:Hes gonna cry
maurice:The counselr jus dyed
roger:Huh… he did didnt he
Ralph:AAAGH
simon:Pahpah do not partake in the act of crying :(
Jack:Yeah u gotta kitsnme
Ralph:Only if you bring back piggay from the deed
Jack:Ok ;))))))))
simon:Jack no
Jack:Respect your two fathers chile
*Sniffle*
Piggy:*in heaven lookig down on dis*
Piggy:Wow what a mess
maurice:I play pokemon go every day i play pokemon go
samneric:Ritual time!