Its raining that night in Albuquerque and Ryan Evans couldn't sleep. Every strike of lightnings, every groan of thunders, bring out his old memories that he wish he could forget them.

All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door

Cause if I could see your face once more

I could die as a happy man I'm sure

When they were 4 years old, in Ryan's oldest memory, was their 4th birthday celebration. Its a really simple party. Just the four of them. Vance, Derby, Sharpay and Ryan. There was a fondant cake of colour pink and blue. With 2 mini figures of their signature on top of it, a white kitten and a duck.

'Happy 4th birthday Kitten and Ducky' was written on it with icings.

They were really happy on that day. Both of them got a very thick notebook with emblem of their names on it from their parents. For them to write their adventures, memories, goals, wishes and whatever they want to write, what they have been and will go through their whole life.

It was Vance's idea to give those as their present. He was a very kind and sweet hearted person. He always wanted the best for his favourite twins, his whole world, his love of his life. And Ryan really loved him, Vance was his hero (noticed the past tense).

But a day after their birthday, Derby died in a car crash. He remember it clearly.

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside

I lay in tears in bed all night

Alone without you by my side

Ryan was sick that day. He was down with a pretty bad high fever and Vance was outstation doing his business. So Derby was driving the car to a hospital, bringing his only son to meet a doctor. Sharpay was at home with one of their maids.

Frowning when she saw Ryan's face in bright red, she put her hand on his forehead, and her brow furrow even more when she felt the temperature. "Ducky, tell me if you feels like fainting or you can't take it anymore, okay? I love you"

Ryan just nodded. He was closing his eyes all the time, he's burning from the inside and his head aching. But then he heard a noise which he noticed was the sound of honking, he opened his eyes just in time to see a truck came out of nowhere, colliding with their car straight to the driver's seat.

The glass was shattering to his mother's head, the steel was stabbing her stomach, the inersia was pushing her mother out of the car, and blood was splurting everywhere, mostly to his face.

He was safe. Undefected, at all. He unbuckled his seatbelt, crawling out of the car to Derby's dead figure on the road. Ryan hugged her and started crying uncontrollably, waiting for her to wake up and tell him she was okay, he was okay, they were okay. But she never did. "Mommy...I love you too"

But If you loved me

Why did you leave me

Take my body

Take my body

Things were never the same after that accident. When Vance came home, Ryan thought he could take some sympathy from his father, for someone to comfort him, to soothe him, like he always did. But all he got was a tremendously hard slap on his blushing cheeks.

And when days goes by, it became a regular activity. Vance blamed him for Derby's death. Ryan couldn't help but thought it was his fault too. He was so young when it happened, but he felt responsible for it.

All I want is

And all I need is

To find somebody

I'll find somebody

Ryan is crying really hard, but soundlessly. He wouldn't want to wake Troy up. So he cover his mouth with his hand.

He didn't exactly know why he's crying. Maybe he missed his mother, the sweet Derby Evans. Or because he's too hungry right now. Stomach churning like hell. Or probably because he felt painful all over his body. Not like he wasn't used to it, but still.

Or maybe because he missed Sharpay too much. Really truly badly miss her. Or maybe his father. Yeah, he was a monster but there were times in public when he put on his acting face and shows affection to them, like he loved them. Those fake moments were actually pretty good to be remembered.

Or maybe because what had happened today. When Gabriella framed him. When Troy beat him. When Jack yell at him. When Lucille shows her disappointed face to him.

Just, everything.

So he cry, along with the rain. Until there are no tears left. He feel so empty. He didn't know what to feel anymore. So he just lie there, looking at the ceiling. His body is extremely tired, he really want to sleep but the brain said "no sleeping Ryan, just fucking wore me out", so he didn't.

Just about 20 minutes after his brain gave him the permission to sleep, the alarm was set off and Ryan scream internally. FUCK OFF.

But swearing is not Ryan's thing, so he just take a deep cleansing breath and stand up, to get ready for his day before Troy wake up.

Again, it was a really hard process of showering with all the bruises and cuts and scars and whatever terms he has for those ugly things on his body. He carefully clean his body and dress up.

He got out of the bathroom to see Troy sitting on his bed, checking on his phone. He's 100% ignoring Ryan's present in his room. So he walk to the bathroom, shove the blond's shoulder one time and take his shower.

Ryan sigh. He really don't know what to do. Maybe he should wait for Troy to cool down a bit, about a decade later, then, he'll talk to him and apologize.

He pack his school stuffs and go downstairs. Its still too early in the morning to go to school but he got his plan.

Jack is sitting on the chair in the kitchen, reading newspaper while Lucille is at the island on the centre of the kitchen. "Hey" he said to the two Bolton. Half smiling. "Hey" "Morning", they replied.

Ryan noticed that Lucille hadn't prepare anything for breakfast yet, she was just getting started with it. And he was too shy to ask for food. So he just go straight to his point. "I..um...I know that I was grounded"

"Yes, you are. And you are forbidden to join any extra clubs at school. You should come back from school by 3pm. And that's that" Jack said, still sounded like he's pretty mad at him.

Ryan gulped. This is hard. Reaaaally hard.

"What is it Ryan?" Lucille asked, noticing the tense in the boy.

"I was wondering if I could... uhh... get a part...time...job" he said slowly, and the last part was so close to a whisper.

Jack's eyebrow furrow in confusion, same goes to Lucille. Seeing the two Bolton in quiet mode, Ryan quickly add. "I mean, if I can't join something from school than maybe I can do something not related to school. And maybe I can pay you guys back somehow... for being so nice to me".

"That's very thoughtful of you Ryan, but you don't have to do that" Lucille smile at him, squeezing his shoulder. Ryan loose up a bit when Lucille don't freak out on him. "Yeah, I do. Thats the least I can do".

"I don't think so. You've done enough damage in school. And now, working? In public?" Jack said, voice raising in anger.

Ryan's heart skipped a bit when Jack said that, his face drain to pale. Lucille frown at Jack, gently pulling Ryan to her side. "Jack, maybe this whole Gabriella thing was a misunderstood situation. Give him a chance. He's looking for a part time job, not looking for trouble".

Jack take a deep breath and sigh. Quiet in his own thoughts for a few minutes before he sigh again, a small smile on his face. "Alright then, you can have a part time job, BUT ONLY after school, weekdays, for a couple hours. Before 9pm. I don't care where you'll work but this is your curfew. Understand?"

Grinning, Ryan said "Yes. Thank you so much, for believing in me". Lucille pull him in a bear hug and quickly prepare their breakfast. Ryan sit beside Jack, hesitating before he ask "Um. Coach Bolton? Can I, um, walk, to and from school? Since, you know, Troy's still pretty mad at me?"

Jack's considering what Ryan just asked before the blonde add "And, I can just walk to the mall, looking for a job, and then I can just walk there and go home everyday, without burdening any of you guys to send and pick me up".

"Yeah, I guess that will do" Jack approved after thinking about it, again, only a small smile on his face. Maybe he's still mad at him, just like Troy, Ryan thought to himself.

Lucille put a plate of sandwich each for both Jack and Ryan, and a plate for Troy at the empty spot on the table. She put her hand on Ryan's shoulder, "Ryan, I'll pick you up after school and help you find a job today" she smile at him. Ryan nodded his head and said thank you before contentedly eat his sandwich, trying not to look so hungry.

Finishing his breakfast quickly, Ryan look at the clock. A little too early for school to start, but since he's walking for 5 blocks to school, he should start his journey. And plus, Troy is still getting ready upstairs, he better go before the brunette join for breakfast. Wouldn't want to make the situation become tense and awkward.

He excused himself, and start walking after Jack gave him half of his usual amount of pocket money. Ryan slowly walk through the pedestrian street, because his body is still sore and aching, and he's exhausted, and sleepy.

It took him almost 20 minutes before he reached school. He went straight to his locker, ignoring all glares and stares he got in the hallway. He stop dead when he saw Taylor standing in front of his locker, looking pissed. Her ears are practically steaming.

"Hey" he said, gulping. Trying to say the right thing. Too bad that everything came out from his mouth are never right. "You don't hey me, you dickhead!!!" she yell, slapping his cheek hard, stronger than how she looks like.

Ryan didn't expect the outburst that he tumble backward, quickly balancing his body. "What the fuck did you do to Gabi?! Everyone thought you're just a fag, but you're a stupid fuckboy too. You fucked Troy and now, Gabi?! You're such an asshole!!" she yell even louder, grabbing everyone's attention.

Pushing his shoulder, she shove the blonde to the locker. "If you ever come near her again then I swear I'll kill you" the girl said, slapping his cheek one last time before walking away.

Ryan wince when his bruises hit the thin metal of locker, both cheeks stinging in pain. Damn, this girl is really strong. But now he realized, the news must have spread to the whole school. He blushed, from pain or shame, he didn't know.

Ryan take his book out from his locker and locked it. He turn around just in time to see Troy arrived in the building. The brunette push his books out of his hand and send a death glare to him. Ryan pick up his books from the floor, heading to his homeroom when the bell ringing.

He enter the class and everyone stare at him, most of them have hatred their eyes. They all love Gabriella. She's really sweet and kind. If they know the truth about that bitch. Ryan's eyes met Gabriella and locked for a few moment, pure satisfaction in her eyes, before Chad nudge his head hard. "Don't look at her you freak!".

Ryan quickly take his seat and remain quiet. At this point of life, Ryan lost his abilities to defend himself when he got no one having his back and the whole school is against him. So he decided to just deal with it until the end of his senior year. Although it means to take every single beats from those stupid jocks, every glares and shits thrown to him.

He really have nothing to look forward in his life. When Coach Bolton said he can't join any clubs from school, Ryan knows he had no chance anymore to get extra marks for college. So he'll just probably try to get good grades in every subjects for a scholarship, although the chances are really really low. He don't think he'll go to college if he didn't get any scholarship. Wouldn't want to burden the Bolton.

But then he got the idea to find a part time job. So there's a light and hope there. He'll try to save his money, as much as possible, including his pocket money, eventhough that means no lunch everyday despite his pocket money being cut off, to go to college. He really need to get out of the Bolton's house and be independent.

His thoughts about life was interrupted when Miss Darbus arrived, looking at Ryan in disgust before starting her lesson. Ryan sigh. Even the teachers are against him these days. The power of slanders and rumors.

Taking a deep breath, he mumble to himself, "Goodluck, Ryan".

-x-

Ryan never realized how cold the tiles are in the locker room, not until today when he's taking another wrath from Jessie, Wilkie, and their friends from the football team after his gym class, the last subject for today, and this place is freaking empty.

Seriously, he don't know what's their problem with him. He never, ever do any shit to them. Not even once. Its just, breathing the same air in their area is a type of wrongdoings, so they beat him. Not to forget all those names they called him, which is surprisingly a lot.

He clutch his stomach, he can feel the bruise that's started to fade is starting to form again. He can take some beat from Wilke and the other two he didn't know their name. But Jessie's powerful hand is just too much for him. Too much like his father. He tried his best not to show his pain on his face when their hands and feets hit him.

"Aww, the little fairy can't even cry now. How about my dick in your fucking mouth then maybe you can shriek a little" Jessie laugh to his own dirty 'hambar' joke. ( A/N : I'm sorry; hambar is a malay word and I can't resist to use it haha).

Ryan is really sick of this. Just because he live with Troy and he look so vulnerable; and maybe soft, people thought he's gay. Bluntly, he said to him in between catching his breath, "Too bad yours are too small, can't even reach my throat".

Really, he's already in a lot of pain from all their bullshit and saying this is really welcoming new bruises. Jessie's friends snicker at his words before they were hushed and kick the blonde even harder than before.

It took them another few minutes before they left him alone there. Ryan lay on his back, groaning in pain. He feels like coughing but he know that'll let out some blood, so he hold it. He straighten himself, leaning to a locker and trying to calm down, taking deep breaths.

He roll up his shit to see darker colour of bruises all over his torso. He's glad he didn't feel too much pain there, afraid that he might have fractured or bruised ribs. After regaining his normal breathing pattern, he stand up and walk out from the locker room; heading outside the building.

Lucille Bolton already wait for him there in her car. Ryan reach the car and quickly got in, and look at the clock. Its already 3.35pm. Half an hour late. "Mrs Bolton, I'm sorry I'm late. I got a detention because I left my homework at home. I'm really sorry" he lied, using the most relevant reason ever.

"Its okay Ryan. Sometimes we can't avoid these kind of things right?" she smile at him while patting his back. Ryan tried his very best not to wince at the touch that was literally on his bruise beneath his shirt.

Lucille drive to the mall. Mainly because its pretty near to the school and the house. About ten minutes walk from both place. "I think there are plenty of shops here that offer part time jobs", she said to him.

"Yeah. I guess I'll get one" he grin. Lucille parked the car and they got in the building. They walk aimlessly, looking for 'help wanted' signs on every windows from the shops. The lady Bolton really did help him, finding the suitable job for him to work.

After about an hour of searching, Ryan got a job at a bookstore, and he really love it. Because first, they had a deal. The manager really need a worker, so when Ryan asked if he can work for only 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, they are already more than happy.

Second, they offered $6 for an hour. Which means he'll get $30 a day, $150 a week, $600 a month. Thanks, Ryan, for the math.

Third, its a freaking bookstore. A good spot to hide from his schoolmates. One point for that.

So now, he's officially a working boy. But he'll start his work next monday, in 4 days. Enough time to figure out how the hell to escape from his bullying problem at school to be on time for work, 3.30pm.

Lucille asked if he's hungry so they can grab something together but Ryan politely refuse. She had done enough for him, he wouldn't want to cost her anything. So they went home.

"Ryan, about the Gabriella thing yesterday... You... wanna talk about it?" Lucille asked softly, didn't want to freak him out. "I don't know" he said quietly.

There's an awkward and uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before she continued. "Okay, but I want you to know that whatever happened, you're still a part of this family. Even if Troy acted cold to you. And Jack, maybe he's still mad at you but he'll come around. I hope you know that I love you, like my own son. Okay?"

She smile warmly at him, reaching his cheek. And Ryan couldn't help but shed some tears. He didn't feel so loved like this since Sharpay died. And it felt like forever. So he cherish the moment, even for a little while.

Not long until he heard a familiar sound he heard 13 years ago. The same sound that was a cue for his misfortune. That stupid sound produced by a truck. And in a milisecond, the same situation happened the same day her mom died, is happening again.

The truck hit the driver's part of the car. Like a dejavu, the glass is shattering to Lucille's head, the steel is stabbing her stomach, the inersia is pushing her out of the car, and blood is splurting everywhere, mostly to his face.

And like before, he's undefected. Like he hadn't been in a car accident. Ryan started to hyperventilate, shock take over his body. His hand is shaking, it took him almost two minutes unbuckle his seatbelt.

Peoples are gathering around them. Horrified look on their face. He look at the truck to see the driver, he assume was dead, head smashed to the cracked window, his skull can be seen and Ryan try not to vomit.

Ambulance can be heard and Ryan ignored all questions from the paramedic who's trying to check on him to see if he's injured. He used all his strength left to fight them, crawling out of the car, reaching Lucille's dead body, and start sobbing, hugging her tightly. "I love you too. I love you too".

-x-

The last time he felt like this was only about a month or so ago, when they held Vance and Sharpay's funeral. Sad. Guilty. Angry.

But now, he feel this again. On Lucille Bolton's funeral. Hearing Jack and Troy's eulogy. He tried to keep looking to the ground. He didn't want to look at the casket that held Lucille's awfully wounded body. He didn't want to look around at this same memorial park

of Vance and Sharpay.

He didn't want to look at those sympathy on the wildcat's faces for the Bolton. And most importantly, he didn't want to look at Jack and Troy's accusing face.

The funeral that evening was held smoothly. Although its raining towards the end of the day. They all went home when everything had settled.

The entire drive is full with a dangerous silence to Ryan. The atmosphere is really tense and he just wanna burry his face into the road.

As they reach home, the two Bolton quickly get in the house. And Ryan trailing slowly from behind. They both lock themself in their room, without saying anything to him.

Ryan went upstairs to the bedroom he shared with Troy for a while now. Knocking softly, he open the door to see Troy sitting on the floor, hugging his knees, head down. Tears falling from his face. Whimpering and sniffling can be heard.

Ryan stood there quietly. He know what Troy feels right now and want to do nothing but hug the brunette, comfort him and tell him that everything's gonna be okay. But of course, he won't do it.

Troy snap his head up, looking directly to the blonde's eyes. Pure hatred in his eyes. If look can kill then Ryan sure he'll be in the hell right now.

Ryan just stare back at him and Troy can never read him. He was emotionless. The older boy aggressively attack the blonde, sending him off the floor, pinning his shoulder.

"You killed my mother! You killed her! You're a murderer! You killed your father!! You killed your twin sister!! I hate you! You're an asshole!!" he spat to his face, cursing him. His face is bright red, anger took over his body, his breath is harsh. And Ryan bit his lip, not care if its bleeding.

Slowly, he saw Troy's face soften towards him. His grip on Ryan's shoulder loosen, and he get off the blonde. Tears falling from his cheek uncontrollably. Ryan just stare at him, still looking terrified.

"You ruined my life. Everything was doing good before you came. None if this will happen if you die a long time ago. You jinx me... You jinx my family" he said, voice cracking.

"Troy..." Ryan managed to say but he paused. Hesitating. "I'm sorry" he said, crying as he did so. Not caring if Troy see him crying.

"I will never, ever forgive you"

A/N: Half song fic, I guess. All I want - Kodaline. Thanks for the reviews.