"Zuko," Sokka said, slinging his arm around the firebender's shoulder. "My buddy, my pal. I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but…"
He eyed the heavy oblong glistening with spikes, and shook his head as he passed his judgement. "There's no way this is anything but a weapon."
Katara gasped theatrically, shamelessly taking advantage of the opportunity to mock her brother. "Are my ears deceiving me? Sokka, does this mean you're not going to put your mouth on it for science?"
"Have you had a look at that thing?" Sokka gesticulated wildly, indignantly defending his reputation as a cutting-edge researcher. Who did not, in fact, wish to experience the cutting edge of lethal spikes against his tongue.
"Nope," answered - who else but Toph. "But I sure can smell it, and, wow. That's a good smell, people."
Three pairs of eyes blinked at her, and one continued its neutral stare. Not that Toph could tell the difference.
"It smells like a trash heap," Katara corrected.
"It smells like a trash heap had a child with a three-day-old catch of fish," offered Zuko, who was ever in the process of calibrating a socially acceptable sense of humor.
"So it smells like your dad," Sokka snickered, only to get shoved bodily away from Zuko's side for the implied insult to Zuko's not-a-shit-human-being grandmother. Not that Zuko knew that for sure, since he'd never met her, but it was the principle of the thing.
The impending honor duel was stalled by a sharp crack followed by the squelching of a high-velocity knife sinking into soft flesh. A fresh wave of stink rolled over the group, and Mai inhaled deeply. "Ah," she intoned. "It smells like the decaying corpses of my fiercest foes."
Three pairs of eyes blinked at her, and one continued its sightless stare.
"That's a good thing," Zuko translated helpfully, after a minute.
"I take it back," Katara announced, grabbing at Mai's long sleeve to shield her nose from the assault. A small tug-of-war ensued. "No one should put their mouth on that, for science or otherwise."
"It's a fruit, and how could durian possibly be worse than sea prunes?" cried Zuko, bending down to carve out samples. "You'll see, it's delicious!"
"Still won't see, but thanks." Toph again. "Although, if I was in a forest of these, I could see by scent alone. Because I'm the world's greatest earthbender."
"Toph, I don't think that's -"
A swirl of air interrupted Zuko, as Aang screeched to a halt on his air scooter, momentarily dispersing the thick scent cloud emanating from the cracked fruit. "Sorry I'm late everyone, hey, did you know that butterfly-wasps build whole nests of paper cocoons? And that freshly hatched ones can sting even before they can fly? Guess what I learned today!" Aang's forearm was suspiciously swollen. "Anyway, do you guys still have snacks?"
Katara grabbed for Aang's arm with a watery glove, holding him in place long enough for him to see what Zuko was crouched over. His face fell, watching the knife cut through pale yellow flesh. "Oh. It's meat."
It did indeed resemble an anatomy lesson, two wrongly-colored lungs laid out in a woody carapace.
Pinching his nose, Sokka took one for the team and accepted a sliver from Zuko. "For science!" he declared, popping it in his mouth.
"Uh," he said, after a moment.
"Well?" Toph demanded.
Sokka swallowed, then paused, holding up a finger as he collected his thoughts.
"As a connoisseur of meat," he finally announced, "This is not meat."
Zuko rolled his eyes. A muscle in Mai's face twitched, in an equivalent expression. That display of lovey-doveyness, more than the yet-to-be-determined flavor and texture of the fruit, made Sokka want to gag.
"Then what is it?" demanded Katara, impatient, only to have a piece shoved at her by Aang. Not meat was all he'd needed to hear; zoology was hungry work!
"Mmmmm," Aang started, and then his taste buds caught up to him. "Hm. Ack. Er. Hnguhh. Bleh."
Katara raised an eyebrow at him, still dangling her piece between two reluctant fingertips.
Mai looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed a strip whole without changing expression, before holding out a hand for another. Zuko frowned. "You hate durian," he said, but he was smart enough to still give her more.
"I hate you, too."
Deciding that Zuko's dopey grin was a thousand times more disgusting than any fruit could possibly be, Katara went for it and shoved the pale yellow flesh into her mouth.
"It's -"
"Sweet and savory at the same time?" Sokka thought he'd come up with the right words, but then shook is head. That wasn't quite right.
"Like eating ice cream in an outhouse?" Aang tried, face a mixture of horror and delight.
"Durian. NOW," Toph demanded, plunging her hands into the large fruit and nearly getting impaled for her trouble. The sound of fleshy fruit tearing away from the shell was music to her ears, as was the sound of Katara finally giving up and spitting out her mouthful.
"I feel like I was just asked to consume used surgical swabs," the waterbender complained.
"I try to think of it as vomit-flavoured custard," came Mai's deadpan. "Mmmmm."
Katara's face took on a distinctly nauseous quality at that statement. Mai continued passive-aggressively directing her chewing at Katara's face, the slightest tinge of interest in her otherwise blank expression.
"This," declared Toph, mouth full. "Is AMAZING. It's like… creamy rotten onions. With a hint of banana. But more… juicy."
That resonated with Aang. "Huh," he said, bravely trying another piece.
"Also, I bet it makes my breath smell like I've been kissing my dead grandmother." Toph cackled. Everyone else leaned away. It reeked. Toph grabbed for some more, but her fingernails only scraped the interior of the shell.
Zuko blinked up at her, wiping his mouth. "What?"
"You." Toph challenged, hands on hips. "Have you just been stuffing your face this whole time?"
"No one else seemed to want any until now!"
A knife suddenly appeared in the now-empty durian carcass.
"Except Mai," Zuko hastily corrected.
"Ugh," exclaimed Katara, whose hunched form had gotten too close to the level of Zuko's breath. "You two smell like you've been making out in a graveyard."
Zuko's massive blush did its best to light his face on fire from within. Mai placidly chewed on her last piece of durian, making bored eye contact with every single one of them.
"Oh, spirits," Sokka lamented. "It's official. The Fire Nation has no taste. None at all."
A/N: If you enjoy Maiko that is 100% trolling people at all times, may I recommend "Kill Me Romantically" by All_About_That_Ace on AO3.
True Opinions About the Durian are sourced from a MentalFloss article (I am personally not a fan of durian). This fic is basically yet another headcanon that got out of control, considering the more Thai origins of the Fire Nation.