So I've had this idea for awhile, what happened to Bruce Banner after Age of Ultron (if you disregard Ragnarok of course), and I had to write it down! I'm weak! And it wouldn't let me ignore it anymore.
I hope you enjoy!
Warnings: Violence, talks of child abuse, Mind Rape. Not Natasha friendly. Not Maximoff friendly. That's all I can think of right now. Tell me if you see more!
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Forcing himself to take a deep breath Bruce tried his best to keep a tight hold on the almost overwhelming anger that coursed through him. Under normal circumstance he could easily stop himself from losing control, but nothing was normal at the moment.
For the first time in his life a small part of him wanted nothing more than to let the Hulk take over just so he wouldn't have to deal with everything that was going on in his head. Anything to get a tiny bit of peace and quiet.
At the same time though, he had already spent a lot of time as the Hulk recently. Something that he wasn't happy about. Because at the moment in time apparently his mind wanted to pull him in every direction possible. That always end up well for him.
Which left him where he was. Sitting in the middle of a clearing in the middle of a forest in who-knows-where wondering just how long he would be able to last this time before it all became too much and Hulk took over.
He had been getting better as the time passed. Using every trick that he had picked up over the years he was able to stay as himself for a little over a day. He always ended up falling asleep though. That was when the whole process started over again in a new place.
The only thing that he could do at the moment though was sit there and try to work past everything that happened. Maybe he could finally figure out what the hell was going on in his mind and stop the madness.
Not that he was really questioning what had happened to lead him there. He knew how he ended up in this state. At least for the most part. Things were a little blurry and he felt as if there was some gaps missing in the pictures when he thought back on it. Which wasn't all that surprising.
Growing up he had done everything in his power to make sure that he never lost time. There had even been a point when he had kept a very detailed journal so he always had something to look back on. Something that he had been forced to give up a long time ago.
He had been forced to give that up when he had become the Hulk. The last thing he could risk was having any find out not just where he was but what he was doing day to day. It was too easy to use that information against him.
Which meant that he spent a lot of time wondering if he was remembering things correctly or even at all. It wasn't as if he didn't have faith in his abilities and his mind, but he had always questioned basically every little thing he's ever done.
So he wrote things down and got them out of just his mind so he could be a little more objective with his thoughts and feelings instead of relying on gut reaction. He was never all that good with gut reactions.
Now he had to deal with waking up and not remembering things. It reminded him too much of his father. Turning into that man was and always had been the thing that he was the most afraid of. At least, he had always thought that becoming his father was his worst fear. Now he knew better. There was one thing that he was even more terrified of.
He couldn't believe that his fear had actually changed. Becoming his father had been his greatest fear for as long as he could remember. It didn't matter what happened in his life that fear stuck with him through everything.
One person had changed all of that though. A part of him wished that it had been Betty. If he had been better for her than none of it would have happened. He would still have a life if he had just been… better. It wasn't though.
There was only one person that came into his life that made such a major impact and left him wondering what happened. Tony Stark. Given who the man was it wasn't all that shocking that things had changed after meeting him.
It was almost surprising how easily things and him had changed with the man around. He hadn't even noticed what was going on until it was thrown in his face and then he had lost all that he hadn't realized he needed to hold dear.
It wasn't Tony's fault that he hadn't noticed what was going on. Looking back he saw just how hard the man had tried. Every second of every day they were together he… He was the best friend that Bruce hadn't known he needed.
It was his fault that he lost all of that. He was to blame for the fact that everything had fallen apart as spectacularly as they had. He had never wanted to apologize for something as he did with that man. Yet he doubted that he'd ever be forgiven for what he did.
That was all he wanted though. It didn't matter that he didn't deserve forgiveness. He wanted Tony back in his life. He wanted the life that he had used to have back. He wanted to be able to call the other man his friend.
Maybe one day he'd finally grow a pair and go back. He'd beg the genius to forgive him and do anything that he said until he finally did. Or he'd hear that Tony wanted nothing to do with him and he would have to leave for good.
Not yet though. Not until he didn't feel like he was a danger to the other man. Which was exactly what he was at the moment. Romanov and that Hydra bitch had made sure of that. They had taken what control he had thought he had and ripped it away.
At the thought of the two women Bruce felt the Hulk start to grumble angrily. Shaking his head quickly he wrapped his pulled his legs to his chest wrapping his arms around them and rocking back and forth.
It was such a childish motion and a part of him hated himself for that, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. The slow rocking helped calm him down slightly though he doubted that would last for much longer.
He could still see it so clearly. It didn't matter that he knew he was only seeing it because someone was mind raping him. It didn't matter that he could logically say that it would never happen. It didn't matter.
Clenching his eyes shut Bruce buried his face in his knees curling in on himself as his mind took control. Over and over the memories he had of his father were replaced with Tony's face. Fists rained down as names and curses were thrown out.
Freak.
Idiot.
Worthless.
Monster.
The words echoed louder and louder competing with the sound of the Hulk growling. A broken sob caught in his throat before being pushed out of the way for a scream as the Hulk finally broke through taking control of their body once more.