It's a monotonous monday in the science building where Wally is atoning for fridays sins by scrubbing out the congealed phosphate within his newest beaker. There's a mindlessness to the action which might have been relaxing if the craving for Mountain Dew hadn't arrived.
Yikes.
Because Mountain Dew is a treat reserved for slushies at the first sign of spring. Mountain Dew is a reward for going to the gym. Mountain Dew is a last resort pick-me-up when his blood sugar is agonizingly low and he needs to get food but only has the overpriced vending machine and a sensitive chemical reaction on the counter and his speed could get him food but his speed is exactly why craving Mountain Dew is bad because… Mountain Dew is a reward for finishing a long run with Barry around the world on a lazy Saturday. And Mountain Dew is the gift he gives himself when he works on vibrating through a wall despite being a little depressed at how it alternates between exploding and giving him a nose bleed. Mountain Dew is what he wants but only gives himself when he did really well, actually, and earned it- y'know?
And Mountain Dew will kill you, sure. But not as quickly as his powers have been.
And spring is coming. There's a smell to the air, a feeling on the breeze marked by longer days and a sort of universal sigh as winter loses its grip and all the anxious claustrophobia gives way to hope and freedom. Spring seems so awful right now. With empty promises of being outside again. What good is that? He's trapped in eternal winter.
Because this spring? Wally won't have that one amazing first day of spring where he no longer needs to keep a sharp eye out for ice and snow. The relief of the sun being properly warm and the people no longer cooped up indoors. Wally won't see the cherry blossoms in D.C. and he won't see the wildflowers in Colorado because he can't run through the Continental Divide after a stressful exam anymore.
It aches. It burns to see his uncle running on the news. He has never resented Barry before. It's horrible. To have something and know it's so perfect for you and to be so happy then have it start to kill you? To realize it always was killing you? Like drinking Mountain Dew and knowing it isn't good for you but as long as you're a healthy person you don't think you'll see the effects - especially in moderation… and running was not a craving to be limited. God, it stings to know he can't go back. It stings to know he's missing so much. It stings to know that the flowers can bloom and the sun can set without him there to see it.
His hand is stinging, too.
He pushed too hard. He broke the beaker. He pushed too hard. He broke his speed.
What a surprise.
He always hoped he'd be faster than Barry - one day. He knew he could be. If he could just push past this wall. But the wall broke and there was nothing behind it. Just wounds left to heal in its wake.
Shard by shard, Wally removed the glass wincing as the wound healed before his eyes. What was that worth? Another day of his life taken away by a broken beaker because his body decided it was worth using his powers? The powers he fought so hard for? The powers that he isn't supposed to use because they're destroying him on a cellular level?
When you meet resistance - you have three options. The first is to quit. The second is to find a way around the resistance which sometimes involves the realization that you simply can't do something but can do something else. The third has you barrell through and brave the storm.
Wally was the lightning induced product of the latter.
But the resistance continued. He'd gotten his powers- great! But they always resisted him as much as enveloped him. He could run - but not as fast. He couldn't stop very well. He couldn't vibrate through a wall - and then he could- but it exploded in his face. A push and pull as night and day as the ocean at high tide only to be left in the dry sand of low tide.
Is this the next test? Or was he suppose to find another way when he met resistance? Did he make some massive mistake? Is he giving up right now? He only really knows how to keep pushing. Keep going and your hard work will pay off, right?
Wally's dying. Well, I mean, he's alive. He's existing, let's call it that. Because there isn't exactly a hole so much as a blanket enveloping his form. He moves and it feels so wrong. So heavy and just wrong. Each lethargic motion is not good enough. He can feel his muscles atrophy because he's moving too slowly and sitting so idly. His body wants to move. To run.
He looks fine to anyone who doesn't know he's a speedster. But it's killing him. He wants to live. He hates living this way. He wants to take care of himself.
Running is the cure. Running is the cause.
And Wally craves Mountain Dew.