Chapter 18

I had no idea how long the flight lasted, but I did know that something profound had happened between Steve and I in those minutes of hurtling across the sky at supersonic speeds. And with it, this buzzing and anxiety I had been feeling cleared out, leaving me at peace in a way I hadn't been- possibly in my whole life.

I'd never really felt that I belonged in the Burg as a whole. I was the misfit. The girl who was more interested in jumping off roofs (because she just knew deep down that she could fly like Wonder Woman) than in playing house with her dolls.

Nobody in my family had understood me other than my Grandma Mazur. Well, and maybe my niece Alice when she came along. Alice had spent years insisting that she was a horse.

I'd tried to do what the Burg expected of me, other than when I went to college and got a business degree, and it had led to me marrying Dickie Orr. That had obviously gone terribly, and we'd had the loudest, least amicable, and perhaps most public divorce in the history of the Burg.

After that, I'd become a bounty hunter, but I'd tried to balance that out in the eyes of my mother and all of the Burg with Morelli. I think I'd never been able to commit to him, and allowed myself my occasional dalliances with Ranger to assure that I didn't, because deep down I knew it was the same thing over again. I was trying to force myself to fit into a mold, but no matter how hard I tried, I never would.

But standing there, looking into Steve's eyes, I knew. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Steve saw me. And all those things that my mother and the Burg had hated in me and tried to quash, Steve liked. My independence. My ability to just go with the flow. My drive.

My tenacity.

He'd already told me he found that fire inside of me attractive, and I was certain he was ready to help me to finally embrace it.

With that newfound understanding of self and emotional comfort with Steve, the exhaustion came back too. I relaxed forward a little more into Steve, feeling Bucky shift behind me to accommodate the movement.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was waking up in a really big bed in a large room with an absolutely gorgeous view of New York City. I was pretty damn high up, so I thought I had an idea of where I was. Still I rolled over into the pillow I wasn't using and took a big sniff.

Steve.

I was almost certain I was in Steve's bed, and it was too bad he wasn't there with me. I snuggled back in thinking maybe if I stayed long enough, he'd show up.

Minutes later, I heard the sound of a door opening and footsteps, which were probably over pronounced to keep from scaring me.

I kept my eyes closed, until they shot open when I heard, "Babe?"

I yelped and shot upright in the bed.

"Ranger?!" I asked.

I looked down, grateful to see that I was wearing clothes… somehow… and rushed to push myself to sitting.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in here?"

"As fun as it would be to let you think I was capable of this level of breaking and entering, given the situation I'll tell you that Captain Rogers let me in," he told me.

That was practically a full-blown speech from Ranger.

"That makes sense," I told him.

"Are you okay?" He asked after a few beats.

At that, I gave him a wan smile.

"For the moment," I told him. Then I decided I didn't really want to get into all of the rest of it until I knew if Tony and Bruce had learned anything, so I evaded further questions with, "I expected you to be on the rescue team. I mean, it was you I called, after all."

"Why did you call me?" Ranger asked.

"I have your number memorized," I admitted. Then I added, "and I thought we were friends— regardless of whatever else is happening between us."

"I thought nothing was happening between us," he answered.

I blew out a breath, "It's not. But honestly, I thought you'd be mad at me for it."

"Babe," Ranger simply said. But I wasn't going to bail him out. I really didn't want to rely on my attempts to read his mind for this conversation. Sure, I'd gotten better at doing so, but I couldn't pick up on this level of complexity. "We are still friends. You are my best friend, and I understand and respect your decision. I understand why you made it. You are right. I can't give you what you want, and it's time for me to back away so you can find it."

I looked down as tears sprang to my eyes, not wanting Ranger to see them. I wasn't even sure why I was crying. I was still tired. Maybe that was part of it. Well, and I was glad to have him as a friend. But I wasn't sad or mourning the relationship that would never exist between us. Rather, I was at peace and grateful to put that chapter of my life behind me.

"I'm your best friend," I finally teased him.

"Babe," he replied.

He was right. I already knew that.

"So how did you get here?" I asked. Then I clarified, "to the Tower?"

"They brought me with them on the jet when they came back to run the search for you after you went missing," Ranger explained.

"And so then why weren't you there to get me?" I was harping on the point, but it really surprised me. Ranger mumbled something I couldn't hear, so I pushed, "what was that?"

"Black Widow wouldn't let me," Ranger said in a tone that almost sounded like he was pouting. "They took my phone and left me in the Tower. JARVIS told me when they had you safely in the jet."

My eyes went wide, and I mulled the information over in my mind. Then I concluded, "she's pissed that you kissed me in front of Steve on Valentine's Day."

"She does seem very invested in his love life," Ranger readily agreed. "You might want to watch out for that."

"She means well," I reasoned. "And I think she might like me?"

Ranger's lips quirked into an almost smile as he asserted, "it's almost impossible not to."

Before we could talk any longer, there was a quick, perfunctory knock on the door.

When it opened, Steve walked in, and said, "Sorry to interrupt."

"We're good," Ranger told him, pushing off of the wall he'd been leaning against and leaving the room.

I collapsed back on the bed in a mixture of relief and exhaustion. Steve came over and flopped diagonally across so that he was propped up on his elbows looking down at me.

I couldn't help it, my grin widened, then somehow got even bigger when he returned the smile.

"Hi," he said pressing a kiss to my lips.

"Thank you for putting me in clothes," I told him. "That conversation would have been way too awkward if I was naked."

"Sweetheart," Steve said. "I'm an understanding guy, and like I told you, I know we're not exclusive yet or anything. But even I draw the line somewhere, and it would definitely be sending your… Ranger… into my bedroom with you naked."

I laughed a little, then sobered up. "We could be," I said.

"Be what?" Steve had gone perfectly still as he looked down at me, so I was pretty sure he knew exactly what I meant. But I didn't blame him for asking me to actually say the words.

"Be exclusive," I answered. "You know. If you want."

It completely terrified me to put myself out there like that, but not in the way I would have expected before I met Steve. Before the idea of actually verbally agreeing to a serious, exclusive relationship with someone would have terrified me because of the commitment.

That was one of the reasons that Morelli had been able to string me along for so long, and it probably stemmed from the fact that part of me knew we weren't right for each other.

With Steve it was purely fear of rejection. I wanted it so bad, and I knew that with crystal clarity. But it wasn't just up to me, and I wouldn't blame Steve if he said no. After all, he was Captain America and I was basically Calamity Jane.

Steve shifted his weight so he was leaning on just one arm, and with the one he freed, his right, he reached up and smoothed between my brow, which must have furrowed as I awaited his response.

"There's nothing I want more," he reassured me. "But—"

Oh God. It was awful. There was a "but." He really was going to reject me.

Steve growled and I wasn't sure if I had accidentally spoken aloud or if he'd just read my expression and guessed at my thoughts. Either way he interrupted them with a passionate kiss. When he finally pulled back, he studied me carefully and said, "I do want it. I just want to make sure YOU are certain. You aren't beholden to me in any way because we came and got you— hell, you rescued yourself anyway. And we're going to help you with whatever is going on as the result of the experimentation whether or not you're my girl. You don't have to be with me to be here, under the Avengers' protection."

"That's very…" I trailed off, not wanting to offend him or have him think I was making fun of him. Eventually I settled on, "noble of you. But I was sure before I got kidnapped. I was going to tell you on our date."

"It's not noble, it's just the right thing to do," he explained to me. "But I'm glad. Then I happily accept. I was going to ask you that night, if I could gather the courage to do so."

"Steve, how could you possibly have thought I would say no?"

He took my hand and pressed it to his chest, and then he said, "I've been this person for so much less of my life than I was that scrawny little guy. I didn't see how I could possibly be so lucky as to find you and have you welcome my advances."

"You still are that guy," I insisted. "It's why you would have helped me, even if I didn't want so desperately to be your girlfriend."

"Desperately, huh?" Steve asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

I just shook my head as I laughed at his antics. Then I used the hand still on his chest to grab a fistful of his shirt and pull him to me for a slow, deep kiss full of promises and hope.

After a couple minutes, I felt myself start to shift and push up into Steve aggressively. In return, he groaned and ran his free hand down my left side, over my hip, and to my thigh. His big warm hand grabbed onto my thigh and pulled it up along his side. The move created a space for him to sink more completely into me and press himself down into me with a tantalizing roll of his hips.

He pulled away from me with a sigh a few seconds later, and regretfully told me, "as much fun as that would be, I came in here to get you to come out and eat. And if we don't leave soon, Natasha will come in after us."

"Can and have," the redhead's voice said from behind Steve, who didn't react other than an eye roll and a shake of his head.

"Just give us a minute," he called back, not breaking eye contact with me.

"One minute," Natasha said in a voice that let us know we would not enjoy the consequences of failing to heed her orders.

Personally, I didn't hear her leave or the door click shut, but Steve must have because he relaxed a little into me once more. I hadn't even felt him go on alert, but he must have done so when he realized Natasha was in the room.

"Can't we just stay here?" I whined at him. "I just want to lay here with you."

Before Steve could answer, my stomach let out an embarrassingly loud growl and I knew what his answer would be.

He gave me one additional short peck on the lips then shoved himself back and off the bed. When he was standing full height, he wiggled his fingers at me with a, "come on. Food first. We can come back here later if you want."

"It's just mean to make a lady sleep in a bed that smells all deliciously like you and then not put out," I informed him.

My stomach growled again, and Steve ignored my comment as we walked out his bedroom door in favor of asking, "did they feed you at all?"

"Not that I remember," I answered. "I wouldn't have eaten it if they had. I felt so sick, and they could have drugged it!"

Bucky was sitting on a couch in a big open living room at the end of the hall we'd walked down from Steve's bedroom, and he looked at me blandly as he said, "Steph. They had already drugged you."

"Well yeah, but what if it had been something bad?" At his blank stare, I clarified, "like a roofie."

"Steph, you were already unconscious why would they need—" Bucky's eyes flicked over my shoulder, I assumed to have a silent conversation with Steve because he didn't finish the thought.

And that was fine with me, I wanted to live in Denial Land. I didn't need to start thinking about things they might have done to me while I was unconscious without me knowing… either time I'd been kidnapped.

Steve's hand let go of mine in order to slide around my hip and pull me close to him. Then he herded me over to a kitchen where Natasha was stirring a giant pot of something.

"I hope chicken and dumpling soup is okay, Steph," she greeted me.

My stomach answered for me with a huge growl, but I laughed and reassured her, "it smells fantastic."

A timer went off and Steve let go of me to walk into the kitchen, around Natasha, and over to the oven. From there he pulled out freshly baked bread that was perfectly golden.

"Steve made that from scratch," Natasha informed me.

"Very carefully supervised," Steve admitted.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked incredulously, worried that the answer was going to be a day or something.

"It's a quick rise bread," Natasha explained at the same time Steve told me it had only been a few hours.

The kitchen had a large breakfast bar that opened it out into the living space, and I was glad to see Bucky set four places out on it. This would be just a casual meal, not some big production, despite the large quantity of soup.

"Go slowly," Steve cautioned once I was sitting down with my bowl in front of me along with a hunk of bread and a coke. "You'll want to make sure your stomach can handle it, no matter how hungry you feel."

"Good call," I told him and willed my stomach to keep the food down in exchange for a slower pace. After a few minutes of eating in contemplative silence I said, "I figured the whole team would be here. Do they all live here?"

"This is my private apartment," Steve said, chuckling when I went bug eyed and looked around at the massive amount of space. "I know, believe me. You should have seen the place I lived before the war."

"During the Great Depression," Natasha commented blandly.

"So this is much larger and more lavish than anything I could have possibly imagined," Steve added.

"We passed doors on the way out here from your bedroom, I guess I just assumed that those were different teammates rooms, like fancy dorms or something."

"I have guest rooms with private bathrooms, a study, an art studio, and two more bathrooms in addition to my own room which, as you saw, is a suite," Steve was shaking his head looking for all the world as though he still didn't believe it. "Sam has been staying in one of the guest rooms. I have one set aside for Bucky, and there's another for you if you'd like."

"You can also stay on my floor if you'd like," Natasha offered.

"How long will I be staying?" I asked.

"We'd like you to stay at least a couple days," Steve told me. "Until Bruce and Tony feel like you're relatively stable or have a system in place for stabilizing you. Then it's up to you. You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like."

"I think you should go back as soon as you're able," Bucky said, getting a frown from Steve for it. "Don't look at me like that punk. She still has stalkers after her, and you aren't going to be able to resolve that with her locked away here. They'll just be out there. Waiting. Best to get her back before long so that nobody questions her absence too much. Have Stark upgrade her security, and have her go about her business. See who or what comes out of the woodwork. Once that is handled, then she can come back for good."

"For good?" I squeaked.

Bucky looked at me like I was an idiot, but Steve rushed to reassure me. "Don't listen to him, he's nothing but a big jerk. We'll talk about it when we get there, but he does have a good point. It may be best to get you back to Trenton soon."

"Are you going to come with me?" I asked. Then I rushed to reassure him, "I mean, I understand if you have something better to do…"

"Things are pretty quiet at the moment," Steve asserted. "And we'll need to do some monitoring of Sojourn Enterprises. Seems to me I can do that from Trenton for the time being."

"Eat your soup," Natasha cut in. "It's getting cold. We'll figure this all out later, once we know what Tony and Bruce have found."