I stared at the pill for a long while. I had lost track of little things like moments, and all the mini fragments that made up time. How long had it been that I stood there and simply stared at it? I wasn't sure but I was sure I couldn't trust what father had put inside it.

My thoughts danced with possibilities of what it could be-could it make me stronger...could it kill me?

I picked up the pill and simply pocketed it for the time being.

"Well..it's not like it came with instructions," I mumbled under my breath. I wasn't doing anything wrong. There were no orders.

I could only fathom that it had to do with piloting the Eva somehow. But all I could remember were the horrors an Eva can bring to a pilot unwilling to synchronize. I thought of being trapped inside a berserk Eva, completely surrendering all control. I wouldn't relive that again, I couldn't. Despite it all I just knew. I knew somehow I would be inside an Eva again that there really was no escape from this reality. This reality was all there was and all I would ever know. The crushing weight of my truth sunk me deeper into depravity. Maybe the only way out was in the Eva…

I left my room with purpose. I needed answers, I needed to see this new series of Evas and I needed to know what I had to do with it all. But Nerv wasn't what it was. There was no bustle, there was barely a sense of presence. It was empty and forsaken-really just a wide expanse of abandonment, long hallways, the endless escalators and the lonely piano. Or at least that was most of what I had seen.

"Hello?" My voice echoed off of crumbling walls and high ceilings. The only voice that returned to me was my own echo. Everything felt fruitless and miserable, like it really was just me, father, and this blue pill. Well, that was until she crossed my mind.

Rei Ayanami, maybe she-no she couldn't be...but maybe…

I walked to Rei's old quarters, hopelessly but with a slight drive of confidence. A few paces off I saw a warm orange glow . The kind of glow that could only signify presence. The books I had left behind for her were gone but the glow was undeniable. She had to be inside.

"Uh...Rei? Is that you?" My voice wavered into a whisper with my confidence fading.

Then, I saw a shadow and movement and russling of tent flaps. Was she really here?

"Rei!"

She stood before me bandaged, bruised, and in an entirely different plugsuit. Not white, not black, just grey. Grey at the body and white detailing. Wow, did she really sleep in that thing? Did she ever take it off? Did she have that much pride in being an Eva Pil-

"Hello, Shinji." She was monotone and flat. Her lips pursed in a straight line, eyes downcast and empty.

"R-Rei...you're really here...I thought that...I actually...I'm not sure what I thought."

She looked up at me blankly.

"You're hurt, aren't you?" I asked, unsure what else to say.

"No. I'm well enough to work."

"You mean...get in the Eva right?"

"Yes."

Silence. This couldn't really be Rei. It never was going to be the real Rei and there was almost no use in trying to talk to her like she knew me...knew us. This was just another Rei…another clone.

"So...there are Evas then…"

"Yes, Shinji. Why haven't you changed?"

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of what she meant by changed.

"Like...into my plug suit?"

"Yes."

Oh. Now I was really sure that I would never be free of the Evas and suddenly I felt like I was suffocating inside the entry plug-LCL in my lungs, panic rising, heart racing, skin sweating-

"Were you not informed of the testing launch? You should have received a suit. You are a part of the operation, Shinji."

My hands began to feel clammy and the color began to recede from my cheeks. A test operation? Already?

I fished through my pocket and found the blue pill. "No...I only got this," I opened my palm and showed Rei the pill. "I don't think I can get in the Eva as I am...I'm not...I feel like-"

"You should do as your told, Shinji." She looked down at the pill and back up at me, radiating a maternal authority. "Everything is to help you better pilot the Eva."

Those words echoed in my ear. Pilot the Eva, pilot the Eva, pilot the Eva….

"But I don't even know what it is!" I exclaimed, closing up my palm, hiding the pill again.

"If it was issued to you by Nerv, then you don't need to wonder such things, Shinji. You won't be able to pilot the Eva without it."

"What if I don't even want to pilot the Eva? I'm not-I can't." I dropped my head. I didn't have the blind programmed loyalty that Rei had.

"Fine. I'll pilot yours then, as I'm ordered to"

My chest tightened and my stomach dropped. Suddenly I was too aware of her bandages and bruises and willingness to sacrifice herself at whatever the cost. She wasn't the real Rei but she was still Rei...she was still Rei…she was in some sick unnatural way connected to me.

"No. Don't...don't do that."

"Ok."

I opened my palms again, stared down at the pill. "I'll take it. I'll go." Anything but Rei sacrificing herself again. Anything but that…

I placed the pill on my tongue, ready to swallow it dry but within a second it had rapidly dissolved on my tongue leaving behind a tingling warmth.

"Oh...it wasn't a pill after all." I nervously laughed. I waited in silence for a few moments as if its effects would actually happen that quick.

"So...do you know...do you know what happened to Asuka? She's not here, is she?"

Again, she stared at me blankly.

"I don't know."

Thought so. I sighed and turned around, feeling a warmth down my back. As I turned I almost expected to see someone but it was still just me and Rei. The warmth persisted. It felt...good?

As I came back to the present moment, Rei began walking away. I quickly caught up to her.

"Hey Rei, where are you going?"

She didn't stop. She didn't turn around. She kept walking.

"To run tests on the new Evas."

I laughed nervously, vaguely remembering her having mentioned that before. I didn't ask her if I was supposed to come or if I should go. For once, like Rei, I blindly followed. What other option was there?

When we arrived, I stopped remembering specifics very quickly. But the only certainty-the only image I kept in my heart was what looked like Unit 1 standing tall and unawakened, but on closer look I noticed slight differences in color-less prominent green highlights, pale yellow on the knees and forearms and a much higher spread of purple and black across its body. And then it's size. It was massive and more square in places. Too massive to be Unit 1. Looking up, I realized I was seeing Unit 13 not Unit 1. It was unawakened but in perfect condition-like nothing had ever happened at all. It had to b eUnit 13-the only Eva that was designed for not one but two souls.

"I have to go now, Shinji." Rei said as she walked away from Unit 13.

"R-Rei...is Unit 13 your Eva?"

She looked at me for a moment, with an unreadable expression. "No," she started, "It's yours."

"But that's not possible!"

Rei continued walking in the other direction, with nothing left to say to my protest.

"Are we gonna pilot it together?"

She stopped mid-step but failed to turn around.

"No," she stated.

I didn't have the will to stop her anymore. I watched her back as she walked away, likely to another room with another Eva. I watched her until it was only me and Unit 13 and the same warmth from before, crawling up my back and beginning to wrap around my torso, getting closer and closer to my chest until everything faded around me into a red comforting haze.