It was the light in his eyes more than the ache in his back that told Ezra immediately he had not enjoyed the comfort of his soft bed and satin sheets. His window there faced the west, away from the morning glare, but now he was staring into the bright beam the streaked across the living room. More disturbing than that was what the beam highlighted. Six bodies were spread throughout the space in varies postures. Chris was settled into the reading chair, legs crossed at the ankles, arms over his chest. It was the same stance Ezra had seen more than once when he'd been getting the silent glare that proceeded a Larabee Lecture. Josiah had laid claim to the lounging seat in the corner. Buck was sprawled beside the coffee table where he had no doubt been stretched out trying to watch the TV. JD was a few feet away, similarly angled toward the set his head resting on his arms. Nathan had used a couple of throw pillows to fashion a cubby in the far corner of the room. It looked like he had fallen asleep while trying to keep his eye on the couch, which made Ezra realize he had been given the status of patient for the night. That left only one missing man. Standing slowly, hoping his balance would survive the wave of vertigo he was sure would follow the action, he cautiously looked around the room. Vin was flat on his back a few feet away. He had positioned himself in such a way as to make it all but impossible for Ezra to leave the room without disturbing him. Or Chris if he chose the alternate route.

"Talk about between a rock and a hard place." he thought as he debated the most advantageous and least threatening route. The choice was made for him when Vin suddenly sat up.

"Can you get yourself to where you're going?"

Ezra set his shoulders back and hoped his voice wouldn't betray the way he felt at this moment. "I have been succeeding in that action for the vast majority of my life. I see know reason why today should differ."

"Well, because it's the day after you drank your lunch and skipped your dinner, so I'd be betting your eyes are spinning and your stomach ain't far behind, so if you need my help…"

"I would gladly take that bet. I assure you I am perfectly capable of functioning on my own. However, if you are desperately in need of offering assistance, there is a task you might perform on my behalf."

Vin rose from his spot trying not to let on that his back had not appreciated the sleeping conditions. No need to give Ezra something else to be feeling bad about. "Name it."

"Please see to it that my unexpected company has departed by the time I return."

"Don't think that will work Ezra. The fellas want to have a little chat with you."

Ezra's gaze narrowed. He could well imagine the chat that was planned, as vague memories of the previous day began to break through the fog that had settled into his brain. He just wished the thoughts were a little less jumbled and presented of a more coherent, not to mention cohesive, picture of the day.

"I am going to retreat to my chambers, remove and possibly discard these garments and spend an uncommonly extended period standing under the shower. It would be in the best interest of all concerned for this assemblage to have departed by the time I complete the task, as I prefer to air dry myself, and generally do so by wandering the apartment 'au naturel' until I am ready to select my apparel for the day."

"Suit yourself Pard. Doubt you've got anything that will come as a shock to any of us." Vin stepped back to allow Ezra to pass, then turned toward the kitchen. "We'll have the coffee waiting for you."

Knowing he did not possess the ability to provide the appropriate glare to counter Vin's rather blasé response to implied threat, Ezra chose to simply turn on his heel and depart with whatever dignity he could muster. Praying his balance did not betray him, he marched off in what he hoped was a confident and determined manner. His decision to punctuate his action with the slamming the bedroom door behind him was a move he regretted the moment it was executed. Even before the door made contact with the frame he was wincing, anticipating the fireworks that would go off in his brain as a consequence. He was not to be disappointed, sadly. The room spun as his entire body seemed determined to take revenge on him in a consolidated attack. He lurched toward the bathroom, ordering his stomach to cease and desist in its revolt, and was stunned when it did. Leaning over the sink he allowed the water to get cold before splashing some onto his face. Reluctantly, he raised his face to confront his reflection.

"What have you done to yourself now Standish?" The reflection gave him only a puzzled look in response. "What possible actions could you have taken severe enough to warrant have six men sleeping on your floor, waiting for the opportunity to berate and chastise?"

No answers were forthcoming, and Ezra quickly concluded that until the haze lifted from his awareness he was not going to learn anything more. Stripping down he cautiously stepped into the shower and allowed the process to begin.

Bowing his head to let the pulsing water massage him, he closed his eyes and tried to focus. Slowly, the memories began to come together. The botched job was the first recollection. The only saving grace of the fiasco was that no one had been injured – somewhat of a novelty for them. Ordered to go home and clean up before reporting for a debriefing in the morning, Ezra recalled hurrying to his car before anyone could alter that call. Taking time to regroup, to sort through what had gone wrong, was of paramount importance. Years of past experience told him the blame was going to be place squarely at his feet, and he was determined to find a way to redirect the assault. It never occurred to him to consult with the rest of the team for their input. That same past experience had conditions him to expect nothing would be gained by such an effort.

He had retrieved his mail from the box in the lobby before riding the elevator to the 12th floor. As expected, a few bills and several pieces of advertising. He was about to toss it all onto the counter when the postmark from Europe caught his eye. A note from his mother, no doubt detailing her plans. He remembered hoping he hadn't missed her arrival, although he'd been certain she would have no difficulty in finding ways to keep herself entertained. She had a gift for finding a high stakes card game in any city in the world.

His heart had dropped as he read it. Not coming. He shouldn't have been nearly as surprised as he was by the news. She was right. He knew better than to expect her to place family above a heathy bottom line, and the holiday were indeed a lucrative period. He couldn't help but feel at that moment exactly what he was feeling now - that she was right about the rest of it as well.

His mood, already bleak, had turned black with the news and he had crumpled the letter into a tight ball before tossing it away. He stormed through to the living room, stopping only long enough to grab the scotch from the bar. Filling his tumbler with what amounted to at least a triple, he started to toss it back, pausing as the glass reached his lips. He remembered the lecture he'd given himself.

"Getting inebriated mere hours in advance of a debriefing would definitely qualify as one of the more imprudent career moves you have made, and given your history, that is quite a claim to make." Apparently, he hadn't listened.

Ezra sighed loudly, knowing the water would drown out the sound. He turned his face upward, letting the gentle palpitations work at reviving him a bit further.

The meeting – interrogation – had been about as expected. Clearly something had gone wrong, and equally obvious was the fact a scapegoat would be needed. It was a role with which he had far more than a passing acquaintance.

Fatigue and frustration had kept him far closer to the edge than he normally was, and he paid the price for that. It didn't take very long until he hit the breaking point, and effectively told all those present to take the job and, in the spirit of the holiday, stick it up their chimneys. Not the most diplomatic manner to tender his resignation, but he was long since past the point of caring.

What he should have done next was head directly to talk to Chris and let him know what happened. He owed the man, and the team, that courtesy. But facing them, having to tell them he was for all intent and purpose abandoning them was something he simply couldn't face right now. He needed a bit of fortification first, and despite the early hour he was certain that somewhere in the neighbourhood there had to be a bar ready to address that need.

What happened after that was something he knew he would never be able to testify to. To say the recollections were dim would be an exaggeration of their clarity. Based on the fact there were six men waiting outside, it couldn't have been a particularly good day.

One of the many advantages of the condo he lived in was the access to a virtually unending supply of hot water. If he truly wanted to, he could stand under this torrent all day, or at least until he began to feel moderately human again. The reality was that he figured he was already on borrowed time, and likely had just minutes until his privacy was challenged, if not invaded. He reluctantly turned the taps and stepped out into the steam filled room. Wrapping one of the plush towels around his waist he stumbled to sink again to continue the morning routine. He would pass on a shave right now. Hand wasn't quite steady enough yet for the straight razor he preferred. Detouring his hand away from the toothbrush he was seeking, he to a moment to swipe at the mirror to clear some of condensation, and promptly wished he hadn't. The face staring back at him was not something worth looking at.

"Pull yourself together Standish. You couldn't fool a child the state you're in right now, and those men are decidedly not children. They will eat you alive if you go out there like this." As pep talks went, that one was sorely lacking.

Sounds from the other side of the door paused his activity. It was mostly a buzz, not loud enough to break through both the physical and mental barriers that surrounded him. But the tone was clear. Anger, and a good deal of it, was very much a part of what was being said. Well, he supposed they had the right to be as furious as the wanted to. He had broken his word and walked out. It wasn't the first broken promise of his life, but he knew it was going to be the most damaging.

"Damn them all anyway." His voice was low as he glared at himself in the mirror. "What right do they have to try to control what I do and where I go? They are co-workers – nothing more. Certainly not family. Not that such a status would be anything I could recognize." The buzz from the other room continued. He could hear Buck and Chris raising their voices, but the other were participating as well.

"No doubt continuing their critiques from last night." Snatches of conversation danced in his head. The details were shrouded, but the message was coming back to him. Without knowing it, they had confirmed what his mother had so thoughtfully laid out for him in her missive. He was an outsider, and always would be. Whatever world he tried to exist in fought to turn him away. Fitting in, being part of any kind of normal life was simply not in the cards for Ezra Standish.

His head pounded as the ill-defined images assaulted him and his anger grew. He could feel the tension running through him as he tightened his grip on the toothbrush, snapping it in half. The destruction felt inordinately satisfying and he balled his fist, ready for round two.

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Chris disconnected his call with a look of grim determination on his face. It didn't take the others too long to assess the reason.

"Don't tell me those jackasses are taking his resignation seriously?" Buck was ready to charge out of there and into the offices of whatever particular idiot needed his direct attention. He was certain the others would be close behind.

"No, not exactly. According to Travis they commuted that into a one week suspension for insubordination and what he referred to as a generally poor attitude." Despite the seriousness of the moment, he couldn't stop a brief smile from flashing across his face. "He wouldn't repeat Ezra's words – said he couldn't even remember half of them – but the tone apparently left little to the imagination."

Sitting back in his seat, coffee in hand, Josiah grinned. "Our boy does have a rather unique flare, no two ways about it."

"Not that the suspension isn't sufficient motivation, but something else has you pissed off. What?"

"Vin, you are a truly suspicious man. Yeah, there's more. A few of them still seem to think Ezra had something to do with whatever went wrong and are looking at a full investigation."

That had Buck on his feet. "OK, enough of this shit. Which moron needs to have things explained in nice simple language?"

"Down Buck. Beating the crap out of a superior is not a recommended course of action, no matter how warranted it may be." Nathan doubted his words would settle anything, but the effort had to be made.

"Don't care."

JD was now standing next to him, coat in hand ready to head out. "Aside from the fact we know better than to accuse Ezra of that, an attack on one of us is an attack on all, and no one pulls that crap on this team."

Chris knew he should be taking them to task for this. Even if they weren't serious about going after the accusers, and he wasn't entirely certain that was an accurate assessment of their intentions, the suggestion alone was enough to earn them all suspensions right along side Ezra's. His role as leader was to bring them all under control and reprimand them for the actions. His role as friend, on the other hand, made him damned proud to be part of this group.

"The Judge said he'd make sure nobody did anything about this until after we've had some time to go over everything, and with the holid-" the rest of the comment was cut off by a crash from the bathroom. They all turned, but being closest, Josiah was first at the door.

"Hope you're decent Ezra cause I'm coming in. Shit – Nathan, get over here."

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tbc