A myriad of responses leapt to Ezra's mind and the temptation to let loose with some or all was almost too much to resist. But some voice whispering in the furthest corners of his subconscious convinced him to do the unexpected and keep his mouth shut until he had reasoned this through. He rested his head back on the pillow and tried to find some position that would allow at least the illusion of comfort.

They wanted him on the team? It was a concept almost impossible to fathom, yet apparently true. No one had spoken in opposition to the statement, and he'd actually seen most of them nodding their support. Vin and Josiah had even been smiling as they did.

It was a strange feeling for him and one he was fairly certain he hadn't experienced in some time, if ever. Certainly not at the FBI, and so rarely in his earlier life that the occasions weren't worthy of mention. The issue now was to decided if he could he trust this to be true. The voice of experience was screaming at him, telling him this was all just wishful thinking – the fantasy of a child who wanted to belong somewhere. Anywhere.

Ezra had survived this long by truly trusting in very few things, but that voice had always been one of them. It had shouted warnings to him on an almost daily basis. Protect yourself. Don't be fooled. Don't be a sucker. He had always presumed that voice was a reflection of the finally tuned instincts that were long engrained in him. But now, those same instincts were trying to drown out the voice. His gut was telling him this time, for the first time, things were different.

Without giving any indication he was observing them, Ezra checked the men surrounding him out. They sat or milled about quietly going about fixing lunch, appearing to not have the slightest concern about what had just been said. As if they all fully expected him to give the answer Chris was demanding. They probably did.

Not a word was spoken by anyone. JD put a plate within reach of Ezra's uninjured hand, offering what he hoped was an encourage smile as he did. His intention to speak was temporarily stifled by the Chris' glowering, but as the silence became oppressive he decided to risk it.

"Ezra, what you said about not knowing Rudolph – you were kidding, right?"

The question knocked him out of his contemplative state while taking him by surprise.

"No Mr. Dunne. I was in deadly earnest. While I certainly have heard of the character – it is impossible to avoid the assorted noise that passes for music in the malls and public venues at this time of year – I am blissfully ignorant of the attendant story."

"And the other ones we asked about? Didn't you watch any Christmas shows when you were a kid?"

Ezra looked at the earnest concern the young man seemed to have over what he clearly saw as a serious lapse in Ezra's life experience.

"Suffice to say Mother did not favour sentimentality at the holidays, or any other time. Energy and efforts were focused on more –" oh hell, he might as well admit it, since they had seen her letter "- mercenary concerns."

"We have got to get this boy outta here and propped up in front of a TV for a holiday marathon." Josiah chuckled softly at the grimace that resulted from his suggestion.

"Thank you Mr. Sanchez, but I think that is a pleasure I will forego."

Throughout the discussion Chris kept quiet, not wanting to look like he was trying to direct the conversation this time. He was hoping they would get Ezra back to the issue at hand though.

"You didn't answer Buck about why you're back to this 'Mister' business."

"Reflex. Although I would assume with your profiler training and background you would be more inclined to conclude it is a defence mechanism, with a certain degree of passive aggressive behaviour thrown in for good measure."

"Not so sure about the passive." Buck mumbled under his breath, although not nearly quietly enough.

Vin reached over and lightly punched him in the arm. "Nice and subtle approach Buck."

It wasn't the best opening he'd ever had, but Nathan took advantage of Ezra's phrasing to ask his own question.

"So, was it more of your defence mechanisms that had you trying to s –" no, sneak wasn't the best word under the circumstances – "liberate yourself from the hospital?"

"Excellent job of backtracking. And no, it wasn't anything quite so duplicitous."

"Course not Nathan. Ezra's just like the rest of us. Hates hospitals is all."

"It is far more than a dislike of hospitals Mr. Dunne. It is an abject loathing of them. The sounds, the lights, the smell. The overwhelming sense of gloom and sorrow that fills the halls. The deep certainty that the moment you darken those doors you are taking one step closer to the final threshold."

"Um, sure. OK."

Josiah leaned forward in his seat. "I take it you've had some fairly unpleasant experiences in the past."

"Your gift for understatement is impressive. Yes, there have been far too many experiences that resulted in less than ideal outcomes in the past. I choose to avoid providing fate with the opportunity to repeat those moments."

"Picked a strange profession in that case."

His eyes shifted to Buck. "The list of questionable choices I have made in my life would no doubt astound you."

"That include saying yes when I invited you to join up with us?"

Ezra knew Chris would re-enter the discussion eventually, but he hadn't expected it to be with quite so loaded a question. Or one that was so challenging to answer.

When in doubt, or in need of a delaying tactic, deflection was always a good policy. "I could easily turn that around and ask it of you."

"I won't lie to you Ezra. There have been moments when I second guessed the call. Moments when I wondered whether it's all worth it. And I don't doubt that you will give me a few more of those in the future. Certainly most of the rest of these guys have from time to time." He grinned at surprised look on the man's face. "What? You thought you were the only one that ever drove me nuts? Hell, I've known Buck for years. That alone has aged me more than I can say."

"Hey, watch it cowboy! Without me your life would be too dull for words."

"There have been times I'd be willing to take that chance."

The bantering continued, and Ezra welcomed the diversion of attention, even if it was short lived. Sensing he was still being watched, he shifted his attention to Vin, who was indeed sizing him up.

He spoke softly. "You do fit in Ezra. You may not see it yet, but you do."

"Your skills as a mind-reader are both impressive and disturbing."

There was a small shrug in response. "Not to hard to figure it out. Kinda been there myself in the past, so I get it. And you're not totally right when you say it's about trust. That's part of it, and it goes in both directions. Takes time to learn to trust people. Took us a while, and it will take time to get there with you as well, and for you to trust us."

"You believe I don't?"

"Don't think you'd have believed we'd be talking behind your back if you trusted us. But like I said, that is going to take time. What we've got now though, that will get us through the wait."

He was being tested - he was sure of that. And failing. He couldn't begin to determine what Vin was getting at. What was more important that trust?

"I concede to being stymied Mr. Tanner."

"Think on it some." He smiled again. "You gonna eat that sandwich?"

Ezra just shook his head, already lost in the contemplation of what Vin had said. He watched the byplay, the men joking with each with an ease he couldn't fully understand. If this was what friendship was really all about, he decided he obviously had much to learn on the subject. It certainly did not match up with any experiences he had known.

He tried to examine it objectively but couldn't develop a theory that worked. They were here. All of them, on Christmas when surely there were better places to be. Hell, on any day, there would be better places than this to be. Why? That was the question he kept going back to, to the point it was beginning to make his head spin. Could they really want to include him in this circle of friendship? Was that possible without that illusive qualifier of trust? Again – not in his experience. Of course, he had to admit his experiences were far from stellar, and certainly were well outside the normal course of human interactions.

So, if Vin was right and something beyond trust was the key ingredient, what was it? What would make them consider that someday, somehow, he might manage to stop being the misfit he saw and become a real part of this – dare he say it, dare he even think it – family? What would give them the assurance to believe such an implausible, improbable and incongruous outcome?

"Faith." He wasn't aware he'd said it out loud until conversation stopped.

"Hallelujah, he has seen the light." Josiah smiled broadly.

Ezra turned to Chris, not able to even try to hide the disbelief of his conclusion. "You accept with blind faith that I could somehow find a place in this assemblage?"

"No. Not blind faith Ezra. That's for people less aware of the world than we are."

"We know it will work Pard. Don't ask us how, but we know."

Buck was nodding his agreement. "Already does work. Yeah, there are a few glitches from time to time, but that is what keeps things interesting. And just like us, you are a guy who likes interesting."

"You probably like it a bit too much for my taste, but I guess I can learn to live with that." Chris watched him, asking the question without saying the words.

There was no explaining this. No logic, no deductive reasoning, no statistical analysis that could be presented that would support a word of what was being said. There was, Ezra was certain, far more evidence to deny than verify the hypothesis. But somehow, at this moment, none of that mattered. He had his answer.

"Well then – Chris. Learn to live with it you shall, as I have no intention of changing my character that thoroughly. With adequate motivation, I might rein it in some, but the actions of Buck, JD and the rest of our band of rogues will no doubt provide more than sufficient stimulus for continued vexation."

"You plan on being on the receiving end of that vexation Ezra, or were you going to be doling it out." Nathan grinned as he asked, watching similar expressions break out on the faces of the others.

"I dare say there will be some of both."

Chris sighed dramatically. "Dear God, what have I gotten myself into now?"

The End