So sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to anyone's review last chapter. Just know that I read and soaked in all your feedback like a sponge. It's just grad school… If it wasn't for writing to help keep me sane I think I would have seriously cracked under the pressure by now.
P.S. Ten points to everyone who correctly guessed who Starfall was going to see last chapter. Give yourselves a cookie.
Chapter Twelve: Safe Haven
It was starting to get dark by the time Starfall finally saw Skyfire's apartment tower appear in the distance. The sun was nothing but a thin red strip of light on the horizon now. More than half of the building's windows were backlit from the inside, creating miniature shadowboxes of each room. Even from a distance of several hundred meters, Starfall could make out people moving in several of the windows. He eagerly pushed more power into his thruster outputs. He was almost there. It had taken him the better part of a joor to find his way across the city in the growing dusk. When Skyfire first taught him to fly he'd said it was important to learn the layout of things from an aerial perspective. Things looked different from the air than from the ground. Starfall was beginning to learn that things looked very different in the dark as well. He'd almost mistaken a different apartment tower for Skyfire's half a joor ago before realizing the signal beacon on the roof wasn't the same as the one Skyfire had pointed out to him during his flying lesson. Looking back it had been a complete stroke of luck Skyfire had done that. If he hadn't Starfall wouldn't have even known what direction to fly in when he'd left Optimus and Ironhide's domicile, let alone which building was the giant mech's.
The thought made the queasy knot in the bottom of Starfall's fuel tank tighten. What if Skyfire hadn't told him where he lived? More than likely he'd be heading back to the hatchling facility right now in the front seat of Ironhide's cab unit. If Skyfire hadn't mentioned where he lived Starfall might not have gotten a chance to see the shuttle again. He only hoped Skyfire wanted him. He couldn't go back home. Ironhide would take him back to the hatchling facility as soon as he did. He didn't have a home anymore.
The realization hit Starfall like a physical slap to the face. He'd lost his chance for a family with Optimus and Ironhide the moment his fist connected with Aftershock's chest plate. The memory of Ironhide's angry optics glaring down at him was enough to make Starfall's throat line constrict with a rush of emotions. He hadn't meant to hit Aftershock! He hadn't meant to start a fight! He'd only been trying to do what he'd thought was right. Why couldn't he ever do anything right? No wonder no one had ever wanted him. Maybe Ironhide was right - maybe seekers really were nothing but trouble. He'd done everything he could to be a good son and had ended up doing nothing more than making everyone mad at him.
An angry sob slipped past Starfall's gritted dentas. It was muffled by the whistle of wind as he sped towards Skyfire's apartment. Even after all those joors spent sobbing into the berthmat he still had enough emotions roiling around inside him to make him want to hide in a dark corner and sob himself to recharge.
Starfall could only hope Skyfire wanted him after he found out what he'd done. Ironhide said him and Optimus didn't want him anymore because he was too much trouble. What if Skyfire thought the same? If Skyfire didn't want him he didn't have anyone else he could go to - at least no one Starfall thought might give him a second chance.
The queasy feeling in his fuel tank clenched, making Starfall feel violently ill. Skyfire was his last chance. If he didn't want him Starfall didn't know where he'd go or what he'd do. He didn't want to go back to the hatchling facility. That much was for certain. He'd rather live underground in the sewers than go back to the hatchling facility. Maybe if he told Skyfire his side of the story before he had any time to judge he could convince Skyfire to keep him. It was his best and only plan.
But first he had to find the mech. Skyfire might have told him what building was his but he hadn't exactly told Starfall his domicile number. He could be in any one of several hundred domiciles. The apartment tower was large. It wasn't as big as Optimus and Ironhide's, but still big enough to make Starfall momentarily wonder how much of a chance he really had finding Skyfire. What if Skyfire wasn't even home? How would he know which domicile was his? How much time did he have to wait for Skyfire to come home? Would Ironhide send someone after him? Would he want to return him to the hatchling facility that badly that he'd send someone to find him and bring him back? Growing desperate, Starfall pushed an extra burst of power into his thrusters. He had to hurry. There was no saying how much time he had left. Ironhide had sounded serious when he said he was going to send Starfall back.
The apartment building sped closer. Starfall eased up on his thruster output as he came within the last hundred feet of it before gliding to a stop a couple dozen feet from the side of the building. He hovered midair several hundred meters above the ground. A brisk wind was blowing. It was now full dark The only source of light was from the streetlights below, the surrounding buildings and the glow of electric light spilling out the windows of the apartment tower's occupied domiciles. Starfall hugged himself against the gusts of wind that whipped around him. It was always winder when he was this high. Starfall didn't know why, but it was. The wind seemed to pull at the edges of his armor like icy fingers. It made him yearn to find Skyfire soon. He hadn't had any fuel since his half-cube of energon earlier that morning. If it had been any other day he would have probably already had his evening energon by now. After the events at school, his encounter with Ironhide and flying across half the city to Skyfire's apartment building, Starfall was tired, cold and hungry. He'd give just about anything for a cube of energon and a soft berth or lounge to lie down on. If he found Skyfire maybe the giant mech could give him something to fuel up with. He was so energy-depleted and emotionally-exhausted Starfall would have been happy for just a canister of coolant.
Starfall forced himself to focus on the task at hand. Before he could think about fuel or finding a place to rest he first had to find Skyfire. That was priority. Figuring there was no better way to go about it, Starfall drifted backwards from the building so he could get a better view inside more rooms at once. The bots moving around inside the domiciles were oblivious to his presence as he glided past the windows. Starfall figured that was for the best. If anyone saw him they'd probably panic. He doubted anyone would be happy to see someone - let along a seeker - hovering outside their window late at night.
As Starfall glided back and forth along the side of the building he saw numerous bots through the windows. Most sat on lounges watching the tele-consol or sipping on cubes of energon or other refreshments. Inside several domiciles Starfall saw families of varying sizes and make-ups going about their nightly routine. As he rose a level to inspect a new row of apartments Starfall saw one family in particular that made him pause outside their living area window and stare. It was a small family - two mechs and a sparkling who looked no older than a few lunar cycles. The newspark was fussing. Starfall could hear its angry chirps through the plated glass, shrill and inconsolable. Both creators were trying to calm it. The smaller of the two mechs held the screaming newspark against his chest while his sparkmate cooed and made funny faces at the sparkling over his mate's shoulder. Despite the sparkling's shrill cries and the tired rings of static circling both mechs' optics there was an aura of calm content around them. Even as their sparkling screamed and flailed miniature limbs the two looked indescribably peaceful and… happy.
The scene made the loneliness in Starfall's spark swell. A rush of intense jealously constricted his throat line. When he'd been younger he'd never had anyone to hold him like that or try to soothe his cries. He'd only ever had himself. Even now, after he'd finally found a family of his own he was still alone and unwanted. Staring at the two mechs through the window Starfall wondered why he could never be a part of something like that. He'd done everything he could to make his foster-fathers love him and he'd still been rejected in the end. What had he done to be denied so simple a wish? What had he done that Primus refused to answer his prayers for a pair of creators to love him even half as much as Starfall yearned for someone to. The unfairness of it all made the edges of Starfall's visual readout fuzz with static.
Unable to bear the sight of so much happiness and love he could never be a part of Starfall turned away from the window. He fired his thrusters and sped away from the window down the row of domiciles. His search became more frantic. Moving faster than before, Starfall darted from window to window, desperately searching for the giant shuttle.
Starfall didn't know how long he searched. After the first couple floors all the domiciles began to blur together. He saw no other families like the two mechs with the screaming newspark but the image continued to haunt him like a bad dream he couldn't escape. He'd covered the majority of the upper levels of the apartment tower when Starfall began to doubt if he'd ever find Skyfire. It had been joors now and he still hadn't seen any sign of Skyfire anywhere. Many of the windows he'd passed had been dark, the rooms inside empty. Was Skyfire maybe not home yet? Did he have to check all the windows again? What if Skyfire wasn't planning to come home for a long time? Skyfire had told him he sometimes went on long space explorations. What if he was on one of those trips now? What if he wasn't suppose to come back for a long time? What was Starfall going to do then? He couldn't go back to Optimus and Ironhide's, but he couldn't wait for Skyfire forever either.
Panic and fear began to spread through Starfall. What if he never found Skyfire? What if he was wrong and this wasn't the building Skyfire pointed out to him? What then? He didn't have anywhere else to go, anyone else to turn to. Was he cursed to be alone forever?
A frightened sob escaped Starfall's mouth. The static ringing his visual readout thickened. A gust of cold wind blew past him, sneaking between his plates of armor down to his protoform. Starfall huddled down against himself, shivering. His wings were so cold they shook in the wind, making him swerve slightly from side to side as he hovered. He was so tired. Maybe he should find someplace to sit down for awhile. He could continue looking for Skyfire after he'd had some time to rest. If Starfall had been home he probably would have been getting ready to recharge right now. None of the domiciles of this building had balconies. The only place Starfall could go was the roof. Maybe he could find somewhere to hide and rest up there.
Trying to blink the static from his visual readout, Starfall tiredly pushed more power into his thrusters. This was the longest time he'd ever spent in the air and it was beginning to show its effects. Starfall doubted he'd ever felt so tired and low on energy before. He was pretty sure he was going to drop into recharge as soon as he found a place to lie down, no matter how cold it was. As he rose towards the roof he continued to scan inside the windows of the domiciles he passed. He was only three floors from the top when he almost stalled his thrusters in his rush to stop ascending.
There! There through the window of the domicile two windows down on his right he saw a giant white mech seated at a desk with his back to the window. A large set of red-striped wings hung down his back struts over the edge of his chair. Starfall almost cried out in relief. It was Skyfire! He'd finally found him.
Skyfire tiredly leafed through the stacks of data pads on his desk. Piles of them lined the edge of his desk, surrounding him like walls of a fortress. Several more piles of data pads and notes sat on the floor next to his feet. A colleague at the science institute had asked him for notes on a new synthetic fuel additive he'd worked on several lunar cycles before, but for the life in him he couldn't locate them anywhere in the slew of scientific work.
I really need to organize these, Skyfire thought with a sigh. He had a bad habit of bringing half-finished projects home with him from the laboratory and setting them aside where they'd get buried under the next wave of journals and notes. At least he wasn't as bad as Wheeljack. He could at least take solace in that. When he'd worked with Wheeljack in the Ark's laboratory during the war, the engineer's workspace had been a veritable storm of chaos. How Wheeljack was ever able to find anything in that heap of journals, notes, data pads, half-constructed inventions and tools still mystified Skyfire. It was a wonder the engineer was able to get anything done at all in that environment. Skyfire, on the other hand, liked to think of his own workstation as controlled disorganization. He knew where everything was.
It was just a matter of finding it first.
Shifting through a new stack of data pads, Skyfire vented a weary sigh. He really needed to look into getting a filing cabinet of some sort…
A soft tapping sound behind him made Skyfire momentarily pause. What was that? He waited a moment before turning his attention back to finding his search. It had to be somewhere in this stack. He was sure of it. He thought he'd seen a schematic of a solar-powered energy converter he'd been working on around the same time as the fuel additive. The formula for the fuel additive had to be somewhere in the same stack.
The tapping sound came again. This time louder and more insistent.
Skyfire's optic ridges furrowed together under the edge of his helm. He turned in his seat towards the window where the sound seemed to be coming from. What was that? Was the ventilation system acting up again? He'd called maintenance to take care of that well over a deca-cycle ago and they'd assured him it had been fixed. If he had to call again-
A set of impossibly large turquoise-blue optics stared back at Skyfire through the glass, beseeching and desperate. It took a moment for Skyfire's startled processor to mentally connect those turquoise optics to the pale gray face around them and then to the tiny body and set of wings hovering outside his window, several hundred meters above the ground.
"STAR!" Skyfire shot up out of his chair so fast he sent the stack of data pads balanced on the edge of his desk crashing to the floor. He didn't care. He darted for the window and fumbled for the latch. Sliding the pane of glass aside, his arms were instantly filled by the shivering, sobbing sparkling. Skyfire instinctively clutched Starfall to him, wrapping him massive arms around the tiny seeker. Starfall clung to him, his miniature arms wrapped so tightly around his neck Skyfire felt his intake line bow under the pressure.
"Skyfire!" Starfall's voice was so garbled by sobbing clicks Skyfire almost didn't understand his own name.
"Star, what are you doing here? What happened? What's wrong?" Skyfire glanced between the sparkling clinging to his chest plate and the open window. "Did you fly all the way here by yourself? It's dark outside. You could have gotten into an accident. You're too young to be flying around so late by yourself. Do Optimus and Ironhide know where you are?"
"They don't want me anymore!" Starfall wailed into the side of Skyfire's neck cables. The distraught clicks of his sobs intensified. "They're going to return me! I didn't mean to do it! It was an accident! I was just trying to help Convoy but no one will listen to me! I don't want to go back to the hatchling facility!"
"Hush, shh, shh," Skyfire soothed, gently stroking Starfall's back between his wings. Starfall's wings shook violently. His plating was freezing to Skyfire's touch. The shuttle frowned. Starfall must have been flying for joors in the dark to get so chilled. Sparklings weren't equipped with thick armor like adults to be able to withstand dramatic temperature changes - not even seeker sparklings who could fly in the sub-zero stratosphere of the planet. To let one as young as Starfall fly so high for so long without thermal protection was dangerous. If he'd become over-chilled or tired mid-flight he could have succumbed to exhaustion or exposure and experienced a systems failure. With no one there to watch him there was no saying what could have happened. An accident, a crash, a loss of power to his thrusters - the possibilities made Skyfire physically sick to his fuel tank. He hugged Starfall closer, squeezing him to his cockpit if only to reassure himself Starfall was still in one piece. "It's alright, Star. Calm down. I've got you." His hand stroked long, calming passes down Starfall's wings. "It's okay. I'm here now." Skyfire mentally cued his internal temperature gauge and increased its output by several degrees. He felt the chill in Starfall's plating slowly begin to disappear. He continued to hold Starfall to him with his miniature helm tucked underneath his chin and murmur calm reassurances into Starfall's audios. After several klicks, the sparkling's sobs finally began to taper off. Starfall lay limp against his chest, his face pressed into the side of Skyfire's neck. Skyfire could practically the exhaustion radiating off his tiny body.
Still holding Starfall close, Skyfire went to the lounge on the side of the room. His living area was more of a second laboratory for him than an actual place he relaxed or lived in. After he'd lost Starscream his scientific research was all he'd had left to focus his attention on. In the orns since Starscream surrendered his spark to Vector Sigma his work had become his life.
Brushing several data pads littering the cushions far enough to the side to sit, Skyfire eased himself backwards onto the lounge. He was careful not to jostle the sparkling in his arms too much. Seated comfortably, Skyfire gently pulled Starfall far enough away from his chest to see his face. Starfall's facial plates were a hopeless void of misery and exhaustion.
"What happened, Star?" he gently asked.
Starfall looked like he was about to break into a new round of sobs but somehow he managed to keep control over his emotions. "Dad and Ironhide are going to send me back to the hatchling facility. They don't want me anymore."
"I find that very difficult to believe. I happen to know your father loves you very much. Why would you ever think they don't want you anymore?"
"Because Ironhide told me so!" Starfall fought to keep his voice from breaking but his efforts weren't completely successful. It was taking everything the sparkling had to not break down into sobs again. His optics were ringed with white there was so much static in them. "He said he's going to return me because I'm too much trouble. He said he doesn't want to live with a sparkling who starts fights anymore. But I didn't start that fight! Aftershock did! I was just trying to help Convoy! But no one will listen to me! And now I'm suspended from school, and dad won't ever read me stories again, and I'll never be able to see the sky because the hatchling facility doesn't have any windows and-"
"Star, Star, calm down," Skyfire soothed, petting Starfall's wings. "Tell me what happened from the beginning. What fight are you talking about? Who's Aftershock?"
Haltingly, Starfall managed to run Skyfire through the events of the day, starting from Optimus's plans for his late meeting to Aftershock's attack on Convoy to Ironhide's angry threat and then Starfall's frantic flight to Skyfire's. When Starfall finally finished, it took every bit of willpower and self-control Skyfire possessed not to let his shock and disgust show on his facial plates. How could Ironhide possibly blame Starfall for what happened? Did he even bother to get Starfall's side of the story before threatening to return him? What kind of bot threatened to discard a child over a schoolyard fight they didn't even start? Did Ironhide still have that much hatred for Starscream that he'd try to mentally scar an innocent child? What kind of family had he left Starfall in? When he'd found out Optimus and Ironhide had found Starscream's reincarnation he'd been overjoyed. Surely no sparkling could ask for a better creator than a Prime. Starfall would never want for anything with such a powerful mech acting as his guardian. But now Skyfire was beginning to have doubts. It was beginning to look like Starfall was being denied the one thing he wanted and needed more than anything else: love from both his foster-creators.
Pulling Starfall to him, Skyfire hugged the miniature seeker against his cockpit. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you, Star. That's not fair. No matter what anyone else says you did the right thing standing up for your friend like that. I'm very proud of what you did."
Starfall pulled back from Skyfire and looked up at him with watery optics. "Can I come live with you, Skyfire?"
The question was unexpected and took Skyfire completely by surprise. "What?"
"Can I come live with you?" Starfall stared at him pleading. "Please? Dad and Ironhide don't want me anymore. And I don't want to go back to the hatchling facility. I promise I'll be good. I won't cause any problems. I'll do whatever you want me to. I just want to stay with someone who actually wants me."
"Oh, Star…" Skyfire was at a loss for words. His throat line constricted with a violent rush of emotions. The desperation in the seeker sparkling's optics was enough to tear Skyfire's spark in two. "I'm sorry, but you can't stay here. I have to return you to your fathers."
Starfall's optics welled with hurt. "Why?" A sob clicked in the back of Starfall's throat line. "Don't you want me? I promise I'll be good! I won't start any more fights! I don't take up that much space. I- I'll be quiet. You won't even know I'm here!"
"Star, no, no, listen to me. It's not that I don't want you. Believe me, if something were to happen to Optimus and Ironhide I would be the very first one in line to take you in. But I'm not your legal guardian. Your fathers are. If I tried to have you come live with me without your fathers giving up their rights as guardians first I could get into very big trouble with the authorities."
"But they don't want me anymore," Starfall sobbed. "Please, Skyfire? I don't want to go back there. I want to be with someone who wants me."
Skyfire stared into Starfall's optics, heartbroken and sick to his spark with want. He wanted to take Starfall in. Oh, how badly he wanted to! The thought of returning Starfall to the Prime household filled Skyfire with such disgust he felt shaky and ill. Starfall didn't know how tempted he was to say yes - to take Starfall in and raise him with all the love and attention he deserved. He would never threaten to send Starfall back like Ironhide. He would never make him feel like he was a nuisance or unwanted. He'd make sure Starfall never wanted for anything.
But as Skyfire looked around his data pad-strewn domicile he knew such a fantasy could never be. His apartment was nothing more than a glorified storage area and rest spot for him. He barely spent more than a few joors everyday there himself, and usually only to recharge if he wasn't on some long-range exploration or attending some scientific conference off-planet. While on Cybertron, he spent the majority of his time in the lab working on new formulas and research projects. He was barely ever home. His apartment was filled with nothing more than data pads and scientific projects. There was no way it was a suitable environment to raise a child. There was barely enough room for himself let alone a second bot even as small as Starfall. It would be uncomfortable and cramped. Starfall would have no room to play or grow. It wouldn't be fair to Starfall to try and raise him in such a place. Starfall deserved better. No matter what Starfall thought, Skyfire knew Optimus loved him. He had the money and resources to properly raise a child and was in a better position to give Starfall the love and attention he deserved than Skyfire did. To take Starfall in would force Skyfire to give up certain aspects of his work, which, in turn, would prevent him from financially providing for Starfall. No. For better or worse Starfall had to go back to Optimus and Ironhide.
Skyfire was unable to keep the regret out of his voice. "Star, I'm so sorry. But I can't. I'd want nothing more than to have you come live with me but it's not right. You have to go back to your fathers."
Skyfire might as well have stabbed Starfall through the sparkchamber for the spark-broken look of betrayal Starfall gave him. Distraught clicks began to build in the back of Starfall's throat line. The static in his optics thickened. "But I wanted to stay here with you…" he softly sobbed. The utter defeat in his voice cut Skyfire to his core.
"It'll be okay, Star. I promise."
An angry sob. "But Ironhide's going to yell at me for running away! Now he's definitely going to send me back!"
"No he's not," Skyfire insisted. "I'll make sure of it. I'm going to sort this out with your fathers. Don't you worry. I'm not going to let them send you anywhere."
Starfall miserably leaned into Skyfire's embrace and rested his helm against the side of Skyfire's cockpit. He seemed too exhausted and defeated to protest anymore.
Skyfire couldn't think of anything else to do but hug him closer. Guilt stung at Skyfire from all angles. If only he could keep Starfall like he wanted. No matter how much the logical side of him knew he couldn't keep Starfall it still hurt to think that Starfall thought he was rejecting him too. "It's alright, Star. I promise. I'm not going to let Ironhide send you away." Hoisting the miserable sparkling higher into his arms against his chest, Skyfire got up from the lounge. He walked to the other side of the room where an energon dispenser was installed in the wall. "Let's get you some fuel. You must be famished."
He filled half a cube with energon and returned to the lounge. Starfall very reluctantly leaned back from Skyfire to take the offered cube. The sparkling refused to look at Skyfire as he shakily raised the cube to his mouth and took several swallows. As Starfall hungrily drank Skyfire stoked the backs of his wings. Skyfire didn't know if he was doing it more for his own reassurance that Starfall was alright or to reassure Starfall that he really wasn't trying to reject him like everyone else seemed to do. "Once you're refueled I'll call your fathers to tell them where you are," Skyfire said, trying to sound upbeat. "They must be beside themselves with worry by now. I'll be surprised if they haven't already called Prowl and have every single Enforcer in the city out looking for you."
Starfall refused to look at Skyfire. He continued to silently drink his energon. The defeated way his wings hung down his back stabbed Skyfire to his core. It was like Starfall had already given up all hope and was now just waiting for the other proverbial pede to fall.
Skyfire fought back a wave of painful memories. He recognized that look of defeat. Starscream used to always get that look in his optics after a particularly bad day at the science academy. He had always been so desperate to prove to everyone how intelligent and different he was from other seekers. Seekers were generally thought to be nothing more than sentient military drones built only to destroy and wreak violence on others. Such stereotypes had always haunted Starscream. He'd spent so many orns trying to prove others' misconceptions wrong. But no matter how hard he tried no one ever seemed to want to give him the chance to prove them wrong. Only Skyfire had ever been able to see past the red, white and blue seeker's proud bluster and egotism to the insecure bot he really was deep inside. The hopeless look of defeat in Starfall's optics now reminded Skyfire so much of Starscream it physically hurt.
This couldn't go on. He didn't know what he was going to say when he took Starfall back to Optimus and Ironhide, but he knew he had to say something. No matter how much he still loved the Starscream he remembered before war warped him into a killer, he would damn himself to the Pit if he stood by and let this innocent sparkling in his lap be pushed down the same path as his old love. No matter what came of his meeting with Optimus and Ironhide he was not going to let Starfall be a victim of the same prejudices and misconceptions Starscream had endured in his life. This had to change now.
He was not going to let Ironhide turn Starfall into another Starscream.
to be continued