First off: big thanks to all my awesome, awesome readers. You guys rock. Your encouragement and feedback was just what I needed to motivate me to get another update out. Next chapter might be a little longer in coming, though, since I am now firmly entrenched in midterms (aka. hell week) and several papers are coming due. I just ask for patience and I'll try to get another update out as quick as I can to you!
Chapter Thirteen: Turning Point
Ironhide sat on one of the lounges in the living area. He sat hunched forward in his seat, his hands clasped together over his knee joints. He didn't know what else to do with them. His shoulders were stiff with tension. Apprehension curdled inside his sparkchamber, making him feel edgy and restless but he didn't dare move. He felt like he was in the eye of a storm. Any movement or noise on his part might just be the catalyst to break the calm and bring a landslide of guilt and blame crashing down on him. Ironhide timidly glanced in Optimus's direction.
His mate stood in the doorway of their domicile's balcony like a frozen sentinel, staring outside into the night. Above his battle mask, Optimus's optics were two pools of worry. They swept from side to side, constantly scanning the skyline. Ironhide knew what he was looking for. He was looking for any sign of Skyfire on the horizon. Ironhide leaned back on the lounge and vented a deep sigh.
When he'd discovered Starfall was missing he'd immediately called Prowl's private line at the Enforcer Headquarters. It had only been by luck that he'd managed to catch Prowl; the tactician had just been getting ready to go home. As only an administrator of Prowl's caliber could do, he'd taken all the relevant information Ironhide could give him - all of Starfall's distinguishing characteristics (as if there was more than one seeker sparkling in Iacon they needed to find), his last known whereabouts and any possible places Starfall might go - and put out a missing child alert to all on-duty Enforcers. He'd done all that in the span of three klicks. Ironhide had never been more impressed by Prowl's efficiency than then. Some emotion Ironhide couldn't even begin to guess must have shown on his face when all that was done because Prowl -cold, calculating, unfeeling Prowl - had offered him the reassurance that they'd find Starfall and that everything would be alright. It was one thing for Prowl to do his duty, but a completely different thing for Prowl to actually try to console the creator of a missing child. Prowl never did that! He did not consider such sentimental reassurances part of his job. His only concern would be to find the missing child and return it home. Maybe it was because they had such a long history together that Prowl felt the need to offer Ironhide some support. It was the only reason Ironhide could think of to explain it. He'd been a little shaken when he'd found out Starfall was missing, yes, but it wasn't like he'd called Prowl in a panic or anything. Optimus had entrusted him to watch the seeker until he got home and Ironhide had let his mate down. That was it. He was allowed to be upset about that. It wasn't like he'd actually been worried about the kid or anything.
Right?
After hanging up with Prowl Ironhide had then made the call he'd been dreading since discovering Starfall's disappearance: he'd contacted Optimus. He'd called his personal comm-line. It had taken several klicks before Optimus finally picked up. Ironhide expected it was because he had to politely excuse himself from negotiations and find a private place to talk. When Optimus finally did answer there'd been a noticeable note of apprehension in his voice. He and Optimus didn't use that line often, reserving it only for emergency use when they desperately needed to get in touch with each another. Ironhide hated to have to break such troubling news to his mate but he'd dutifully told him of Starfall's disappearance.
Optimus, as expected, had not taken the news very well. It had taken every reassurance and platitude Ironhide knew of to convince his mate to stay calm. He'd already contacted Prowl, he'd told Optimus, they had every Enforcer in the city looking for Starfall right now, no, he'd been told by Prowl to stay at the domicile in case Starfall came back before anyone found him, no, he didn't know why Starfall had run away, and, no, he didn't think Starfall was in any danger. More than likely he was flying back home as they spoke. Despite all of Ironhide's reassurances, Optimus's panic was unrelieved. He'd immediately left his meeting and headed home.
When Optimus finally got there he was an emotional wreck. The turmoil did not show on the Prime's masked face except for the anxious tightening of protomatter around his optics but Ironhide could feel Optimus's panic as soon as he was within range of their sparkbond. His sparkmate's feelings were like invading tentacles of worry that reached out across their bond and wrapped around Ironhide's spark, squeezing it in a vice-like grip that made Ironhide feel like he was being throttled from the inside out. Ironhide had never seen his mate so anxious before. Optimus was always calm and collected, even in the midst of battle. Yet as soon as the door had shut behind him Optimus had all but broken down. He began to pace the apartment. It was disconcerting to see the Matrix-bearer so lost and utterly helpless.
Ironhide could barely stand to look Optimus in the optics. It was all his fault. Optimus had asked him to watch Starfall and he'd gone and managed to lose the darn kid. What kind of creator was he if he couldn't even keep an optic on his own child? Why had Starfall run? Sure he'd been hard on the kid, but he could have been a lot tougher. All he'd done was send the kid to his room for Optimus to deal with whenever he got home and what had Starfall gone and done but flown away. Ironhide might have been angry with him at the time but it wasn't like he'd been ready to beat the kid or anything! He wasn't no Megatron who liked to use his fists to try and correct bad behavior. Ironhide would never resort to that even if he had thought Starfall had started that fight. Starfall must have had a melodramatic moment. That was the only explanation Ironhide could think of for why Starfall took off. Starfall might not have started that fight like Ironhide originally thought but his flight still proved Ironhide's suspicions that a streak of Starscream still remained in Starfall. Running was something Starscream would have done. Whenever confronted with difficult situations the seeker's first instinct had always been to run.
Nonetheless, Ironhide couldn't shake the guilt off himself. No matter how much of the Decepticon Air Commander still remained in Starfall it was still partially his fault Starfall had run. He should have been keeping a closer optic on the kid if for no other reason than to keep his promise to Optimus to watch the seekerlet until he got home. What kind of sparkmate was he if he couldn't do such a simple thing? What kind of creator?
An anxious huff drew Ironhide's attention back towards his sparkmate. Optimus had turned away from the balcony to come inside. His body language was tense, his optics swimming with worry. Helpless anxiety clawed at the back of Ironhide's spark across his and Optimus's bond. The worst of Optimus's panic had subsided since coming home, but the constant storm of emotions from Optimus's side of their bond was beginning to wear on Ironhide. He wasn't used to dealing with so many emotions of this magnitude - both his and Optimus's - all at once.
"What is taking them so long?" Optimus wondered out-loud. He began to pace along the side of the living area nearest the windows. A new wave of worry flashed across their bond to Ironhide. "Skyfire called almost a joor ago. He should have brought Star home by now. Could they have gotten into some kind of trouble on the way here? Do you think one of us should go out looking for them? Should we call Prowl and ask him to send someone?"
"Optimus, yeh gotta calm down. Skyfire said he's got the kid. Starfall couldn't be with a better bot right now. And we shouldn't bother Prowl or Jazz anymore ta-night. Not after that false alarm ah had him put out before Skyfire called."
"I just don't understand why Star tried to run away," Optimus said, still restlessly pacing up and down the side of the room. Ironhide found the sight extremely disturbing. Optimus never paced. During the war whenever he'd been upset or troubled he'd stand completely still - like a statue silently contemplating the universe. But he'd never paced. Was Optimus really that upset?
Ironhide got up from the lounge to go to him. He stepped directly into Optimus's path and stood there to make the Matrix-bearer stop. "Optimus," he softly intoned. Optimus looked at him with empty optics. The look made Ironhide's spark twinge with guilt. "Skyfire's got the kid. It's alright. He's bringin' Starfall home as we speak."
"But why, 'hide? Why'd he run?" Optimus demanded, desperate to piece together the details. He looked personally hurt as though Starfall's disappearance was a reflection on his own parenting skills. "Star's so young. It's dangerous for him to go flying off on his own like that, especially so late at night."
"Ah don't know," Ironhide shook his helm. He vented a weary sigh. "Ah admit ah wasn't too thrilled when Catalyst called me, but ah didn't yell at Starfall anymore than ah'd yell at any other kid fer startin' a fight."
Optimus frowned. Ironhide could tell by the narrowed corners of his optics. "You should have gotten more details from the administrator before accepting Starfall's blame as the antagonist in that fight. Even if he was guilty, knowing all the details would have helped us know how to properly discipline him later."
Ironhide vented heavily. He'd already had this conversation with Optimus when he'd gotten home. Optimus's accusation hurt like the lash of an electro-whip. "Ah know, and like ah said before: ah'm sorry. Ah shouldn't have come down so hard on that kid like that. Ah just didn't want him ta think that fightin' was alright. Ah don't want us endin' up raisin' another Starscream, 's all."
Optimus's optics narrowed and he turned away from Ironhide with a frustrated sigh. "Star is not Starscream, 'hide. When are you going to understand that? Star is a good sparkling who just wants to be loved and have a family. Everything he does is to try and make others like him. He's been alone and rejected so many times it is a miracle he isn't emotionally scarred. Why do you refuse to see him for what he is?"
Again, Optimus's words cut Ironhide like a knife. Only Optimus could make him feel like a disobedient sparkling being chastised - all the while never even raising his voice. "Ah'm sorry," Ironhide insisted. He hated admitting he was wrong, but in this case it was a necessity. He had screwed things up royally. He deserved everything Optimus was throwing at him. "Yer right. Ah shouldn't of yelled at Star like that. Ah just-"
The ring of the door cut off anything else Ironhide might have said.
"It's them." Optimus went for the door, his footsteps anxious and hurried.
Ironhide reluctantly trailed after him. He didn't know if he wanted to face the little seeker just yet.
Optimus motioned the door open to reveal Skyfire standing on the other side with Starfall held against his chest. The seeker looked absolutely tiny in the shuttle's arms, almost like a newspark. He clung to the giant mech's front with his face buried in the side of Skyfire's neck.
"Star," Optimus choked and desperately motioned for the sparkling. Skyfire gently pulled Starfall away from him and handed him into Optimus's custody. Starfall might as well have been a sack of spare parts for all the resistance he gave as Optimus drew him to his chest. For a moment Ironhide wondered if he wasn't actually recharging until he saw the sparkling's optics over Optimus's shoulder - online but incredibly dim. Starfall was limp in Optimus's arms, his wings hanging straight down his back. The only sign of life he made was to timidly clutch at Optimus's armor as the semi arranged him in his arms and squeezed him to his chassis.
"Thank Primus," Optimus groaned over Starfall's helm. "I was so worried. Why did you leave like that, Star? You had your father and I so worried. We thought something had happened to you."
"I'm sorry," Starfall mumbled into Optimus's plating. His voice was so quiet Ironhide could barely hear him.
Optimus stroked the plating between Starfall's wings as though to reassure himself he really had his sparkling back. "It's alright," Optimus hushed. "I'm just so relieved you're finally home. Are you hungry? Do you need any fuel?"
"I already fed him at my domicile," Skyfire said. He stepped inside the apartment to let the door close behind him. "It took us a little longer to get here because I wanted to let Star's system's warm up a little more before going into the air again. It's cold tonight and Star had been flying for some time before he found my domicile. It's lucky he didn't get over-chilled or have an accident in the dark."
Optimus clutched Starfall tighter. Ironhide felt choked by the rush of emotions that flooded his spark from Optimus's side of their bond. Although the Matrix-bearer didn't show it, inside he was almost shaking with relief.
"Thank you so much, Skyfire," Optimus said. He still had yet to relax his hold around the tiny sparkling clutched to his chest. If anything his grip tightened. Starfall was limp in his arms, his face sullenly tucked underneath Optimus's chin as though trying to hide. "You don't know how grateful I am for you bringing Star back to us." Gently, Optimus relaxed his hold around Starfall and urged him to lean back and meet his gaze. Starfall reluctantly did so. His optics were empty as he met Optimus's gaze. "It's very late," Optimus said. "It's far past your recharge time. Go and get ready for sleep. We'll talk about what happened in the morning after you've had time to rest."
"I'm sorry," Starfall plaintively mumbled. "I didn't mean to run away. I just wanted to see Skyfire."
"I know, it's alright," Optimus reassured him. "Don't worry, no one's mad at you." He slowly released his hold and eased Starfall to the ground. "Now go get ready for recharge. No stories tonight. It's too late for that. We'll talk more about what happened in the morning."
Starfall looked sick to his fuel tank as he stared up at Optimus. His wings hung so low on his back they almost touched the ground. "I'm really sorry," he insisted in a bitter whine. "About everything. I didn't mean to hit Aftershock at school or-"
"Star, it's alright. We'll talk in the morning," Optimus said. "Now go recharge. Your father and I have to talk to Skyfire."
Starfall turned to Skyfire, his optics pleading and frightened.
"It's alright, Star," Skyfire assured him with a warm smile. "I'll talk to them just like I promised."
Starfall reluctantly nodded and turned away. Ironhide was stuck by how sad Starfall looked. It was like he thought he was never going to see the shuttle again. As if accepting defeat, Starfall hung his helm and dejectedly trudged down the hallway to his room. It wasn't until they heard the door slide close behind him that the three mechs turned their attention back to each other.
"Thank you so much again, Skyfire," Optimus said. "We were so worried before you called that-"
He was cut off by Skyfire turning optics of blazing fury on Ironhide. "What are you doing? Are you actually trying to hurt Star?" he hissed between gritted dentas.
Both Ironhide and Optimus shrank back from Skyfire, startled. Ironhide was not a mech who was easily frightened, but he couldn't deny the flash of fear that coursed through at him at the look Skyfire speared him with. It was the first time he'd ever seen Skyfire actually angry. Usually the scientist was the living example of calm. The look in his optics now, however, was anything but calm. It was apocalyptic and indescribably frightening.
"Wha're yeh talkin' 'bout?"
Skyfire's optics narrowed. "I'm talking about the way you're treating Star. Have you never heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? You constantly expect the worse from Star and treat him like he's a criminal. This is exactly what happened to Starscream when we were in the academy together - people always immediately assumed the worse in him and blamed him for things he had no control over. And all because of what model he was. I am not going to let history repeat itself. Starfall is an innocent child. What you are doing to him borders on cruelty."
"Wha're yeh talkin' 'bout?" Ironhide once more demanded, anger rising in his voice. "Ah've never once raised a hand ta that sparkling."
Skyfire's optics flashed. "You might not physically touch him but you're abusing him with your words and your indifference. He came to me tonight completely convinced you are going to return him to the hatchling facility. He believes he's not wanted anymore and that you're going to send him back."
"Where would Star ever get such an idea?" Optimus said, his tone aghast.
A sick feeling of realization curdled the bottom of Ironhide's fuel tank.
"Why don't you ask your sparkmate," Skyfire said, openly glaring at Ironhide. "He was the one who told Star he was going to return him."
Optimus turned on Ironhide with a scandalized look of horror. "'hide? Why would you say such a thing? Star is our son."
Ironhide groaned and reached up to massage the pinch of protomatter between his optics. "Ah didn't mean it. When we got back from the school ah was still angry 'bout Starfall gettin' inta that fight. Ah might've said something along the lines of takin' him back if he was gonna make a habit of startin' fights, but ah wasn't actually serious! Ah was just upset and ventin'."
"Well, Star believed you," Skyfire hissed. It was the closest Ironhide had ever come to hearing the scientist actually growl. "He came to me tonight pleading for me to take him in. He believed your threat so much that he spent joors flying around in the dark trying to find my domicile, just so he wouldn't have to go back to that hatchling facility. This isn't right. It isn't fair to make Star live in a home where he lives in constant fear of being discarded. I don't care what kind of old grudge you still have against Starscream, I am not going to let you destroy him like others did before." Skyfire turned to Optimus, the wrath in his optics dimming slightly. "I know you love Star as your son, Optimus, but this cannot go on. If Ironhide cannot bring himself to live peacefully with Star then I will have no choice but to go to Child Services and report what is happening here. I am sure you would be able to smooth a lot of things over with your position as Prime, but I will make it my life's goal to see to it that Star is removed from your custody if things don't change here immediately. I will use every resource I have to find Star a better home, even if I have to take him in myself. I will not let you stand by while your sparkmate steers Starfall down the same path Starscream went."
Ironhide and Optimus stared at Skyfire, stunned. A cold wave of horror washed down the length of Ironhide's back struts. He didn't know if the sensation was an echo from Optimus's side of their bond or from himself. The guilty tightening in the bottom of his fuel tank, though, he knew was completely from himself.
"Skyfire…" Optimus said, his voice shaky. He seemed at a loss for words. "If you do that then you could never regain Star as your lover."
"I don't care," Skyfire snapped. "I would rather be Star's father and love him that way than see him become what he was before." Taking a deep intake of air, the anger abruptly drained from Skyfire's optics like water through a sieve. Skyfire suddenly looked tired and old, as though wearied by the unfairness of life. He looked up and speared Optimus and Ironhide with a desperate look of heartache. "I do not want to do anything that would take Star away from you. Optimus, you are a good father. No sparkling could ask for a better creator. But this relationship between Ironhide and Star has to change. You cannot let things go on as they have. Ironhide, you might not even realize what you're doing but you are ruining Star. All he wants is for someone to love him. That's it. He doesn't remember being Starscream. He is no longer that bot. Starfall is nothing more than a lonely sparkling who needs someone to love and protect him. He wants you to love him as a son - I know he does. He wants you to be his other creator. But you refuse to give him the chance to prove he's not Starscream. All you do is push him away and make him feel worthless in the process."
The knife of guilt in Ironhide's fuel tank twisted, making him feel queasy. Just like Optimus, Skyfire's words were like physical stabs of pain to his spark. He'd never felt like such a despicable mech in his life before now. Was that what he'd been doing to Star all this time? Did he really treat Starfall as horribly as Skyfire said?
It sickened Ironhide to his core to admit that Skyfire was right. He had.
"Ah'm sorry," he mumbled around the knot of guilt choking his intake line. He couldn't bring himself to meet the shuttle's gaze. "Yer right. Ah haven't done right by the kid. He's not Starscream. Ah see that now."
Skyfire vented a heavy sigh, his wings sagging sadly behind him. "I am scheduled to leave for an off-world conference in the next several orns. I will be gone for a deca-cycle. When I return, I hope to find Star in a happier situation than he was tonight. If not…" The shuttle hesitated, as though regretting the words that needed to be said. "If not, then I will go to the authorities. I cannot let things go on like this."
"I can assure you it won't come to that," Optimus said.
"I hope so," Skyfire murmured. He sounded neither hopeful or encouraged. Having said his piece, the shuttle offered Optimus and Ironhide both a shallow dip of his head. Then quietly turning to the door, he let himself out.
Neither Optimus or Ironhide moved for a long time in the wake of Skyfire's departure. The silence left behind was suffocating. Ironhide felt hollow inside as if someone had scooped out a portion of his soul and shattered every preconceived notion he had of the world and where he fit into it. He felt disgusted with himself. Everything Skyfire had said was true. From the moment Optimus had found Starfall in the hatchling facility he had treated the seekerling like an unwanted houseguest. Everything Starfall said or did he scrutinized and judged. No matter what contradictory facts slapped him in the face Ironhide refused to see the sparkling as anything more than a smaller version of the Decepticon Air Commander - not as a child he was meant to care for and protect. Starfall had stood up for another sparkling in the face of extreme adversity. He'd stepped into a fight at his own personal risk to come to the aid of another and Ironhide had automatically treated him like a criminal. What actions he should have praised and rewarded he'd treated like a malicious act of violence. What kind of parent did that? What kind of mech hated a child so much that he refused to even give that child a chance to defend himself? Or frightened a child so badly with the threat of abandoning him that he felt it necessary to run and seek shelter with another? Primus, he was no better than a Decepticon.
No, probably even worse…
Optimus was the first to make himself move. Slowly, he turned and trudged towards the kitchenette unit where he dropped heavily into one of the chairs. The plates of his battle mask retracted to reveal a mouth turned down in a spark-broken frown. His optics intensified his sorrowful expression by staring forlornly at the table. Ironhide timidly followed his sparkmate and sat down across from him at the table. Neither could think of anything to say for several klicks of stinging silence. Ironhide sat tense in his seat, like a prisoner awaiting execution. He kept waiting for Optimus to finally break the tension and unleash a storm of blame and reprimand on him. It was what he deserved. After how he'd treated their son he deserved nothing less.
"So what do we do now?" Optimus finally spoke. His voice was a depressed rumble. His optics listlessly stared at the tabletop as though unable to bring himself to look at Ironhide. The sick feeling in Ironhide's fuel tank tightened. "What do we do with Star? We obviously cannot go on like this… Not as a family. Not as sparkmates…"
"Ah know," Ironhide mumbled, head bowed. "Everythin' Skyfire said was right: ah haven't been fair ta the kid. He deserves better."
Optimus hung his helm, his optics dimming. "Perhaps Skyfire is right. Perhaps we should give Star to him. Everyone might be happier in the long run that way."
The cold sensation ran down the length of Ironhide's back struts again. It took him a second to realize the sensation was horrified shock. "Wha? Why? Ah said ah wasn't serious 'bout sendin' Star away. Ah was just ventin'."
Optimus emptily looked up to meet Ironhide's gaze. "'hide, you have not been happy since Star came to live with us. It is not fair to either you or him to continue this charade if you cannot learn to live with each other as a family. I had hoped you would eventually come to see the good in Star on your own, but that seems all but impossible now. Perhaps we really weren't meant to have Star as I originally thought. Maybe we really aren't meant to raise any children…"
"Optimus…" The utter loss in his sparkmate's voice was spark-wrenching. The guilt festering in his fuel tank spread up into his throat line until Ironhide felt as though it was going to burst from his mouth in a gush of noxious bile. How could Optimus even suggest giving Starfall away? He'd yearned for a sparkling for so long he might as well have said he was planning to cut off one of his own limbs. The torn anguish from Optimus's side of their bond made it no better because Ironhide knew it was because of him that Optimus was even considering giving Starfall up. It was his fault he and Starfall had not been able to come together. It was his fault the family he and Optimus had always dreamed of was unable to be because he refused to see Starfall as anyone other than Starscream. And it was his fault Optimus was forcing himself to give up their only chance of having a son.
"No," Ironhide said, vigorously shaking his helm. "No. We're not takin' Star back ta the hatchling facility or givin' him ta Skyfire or anyone else. He's stayin' right here with us."
"Things cannot go on the way they have, 'hide…" Optimus said.
"Ah know," Ironhide nodded. "But ah think ah'm finally ready ta be a father ta Starfall. Ah haven't been fair ta the kid. He's not Starscream - ah get that now. Ah'm ready ta try harder. Ah just need a second chance ta prove it."
Ironhide was shocked by his own sincerity. He sent his conviction and an accompanying plea of forgiveness rushing across his and Optimus bond. Optimus tentatively looked up to meet his optics. Ironhide was relieved to see that some of the anguish in Optimus's optics had faded and replaced by a glimmer of hope.
"Please?" Ironhide murmured. "Ah wanna have the kind of family we both said we wanted when we first started talkin' 'bout havin' kids. Ah'm ready ta be the kind of father Starfall deserves."
"It will not be easy," Optimus reminded him. "Not after everything that's happened."
"Ah know," Ironhide murmured. "But ah've always enjoyed a good challenge."
Against all odds Optimus offered him a thin smile. As Ironhide returned it a tendril of tentative hope snaked across both sides of their bond to the other.
The next morning found both sparkmates in the kitchenette unit of their domicile again. Ironhide was busy preparing everyone's morning cubes of energon while Optimus examined a read out on Ironhide's data pad at the table. He was looking at local attractions in Iacon. Since Starfall was still suspended from school he and Ironhide had decided they would use it as an excuse to go out and spend time together as a family. Optimus had been surprised when Ironhide suggested it. He suspected the weapon's specialist was trying to make up for lost time and do damage control by jumping headfirst into his newly accepted role as creator. Ironhide's show of effort gave Optimus hope that their little family would somehow pull through this together.
"I think Star might enjoy the Crystal Gardens, 'hide," he said as he scrolled down the garden's web page. "I doubt he's ever seen anything like it before. We haven't really taken him anywhere since adopting him. I think it would be good to take him out and show him what the larger world is like."
"That sounds like a plan," Ironhide said. "Kid will probably enjoy seein' all the different colors. Ah've never been there myself. Never really had much time 'r interest ta go before the war, an' after the war all the gardens were gone. Ah'm surprised they've regrown 'em so quickly." He turned from the energon dispenser and set four and half cubes of glowing purple down on the table.
"Where there's a will there is a way," Optimus sagely said. He powered off the data pad and set it aside. Getting up from the table he headed for the hallway. "I am going to go wake Star up. I'm surprised he hasn't already come out for his energon."
"Probably still tired from last night," Ironhide said. "Skyfire didn't get him back here til pretty late." His tone was guarded as though uncomfortable about talking about the previous day. Optimus felt a ghostly echo of guilt stray across their bond. He sent a pulse of reassurance back to his sparkmate. Ironhide, though, still refused to look at Optimus. Although it had been a long time in coming, the fact that Ironhide was so self-conscious about how he'd acted towards Starfall gave Optimus hope that things really were going to change.
"Let me go get him," he said.
Ironhide grunted his acknowledgement.
Optimus strode down the hallway to Starfall's room and motioned the door open. As expected, he found Starfall laying curled on his side in the middle of his berth. Optimus quietly walked up to the berth and eased himself down on the edge of the mat beside the recharging sparkling. Starfall didn't even stir. He continued to sleep, his legs pulled up to his cockpit and his arms folded tightly down over each other against his chest as though he were huddling for warmth. Curled the way he was Optimus could have easily picked him up and cradled Starfall between his palms. His wings lay almost flat on the berthmat behind him. Even in recharge Starfall radiated exhaustion. Optimus frowned. Starfall must have been awake for joors after he'd sent him to bed. No doubt he'd still been too upset to fall into recharge. Maybe he and Ironhide should have talked to him last night after all. It might have saved Starfall joors of restless tossing.
Optimus reached out and gently rubbed the patch of armor between his son's wings. "Star?" he softly called. "Star, it's time to get up."
A groggy moan sounded in the back of Starfall's throat line but otherwise he did not respond.
"Star? Come on, son. I know you're still tired but your father and I want to take you somewhere."
Turquoise optics tiredly flickered online and looked up at Optimus. Optimus smiled, still petting Starfall's wings. "Good morning, Star. Let's get up. It's almost time to go."
"Go?" Starfall groggily stared at Optimus. He was still half asleep. "Where're we going?" he slurred.
Optimus helped pull Starfall up into a sitting position on the berth. "Your father and I want to take you out today. You're still suspended from school so no class. We're going to have a family day out together instead."
Starfall seemed to suddenly come awake and stared at Optimus with wide optics. A note of distress hitched his intakes. "I'm sorry about yesterday, dad. I didn't mean to hit Aftershock or start that fight. I just-"
"Star, it's alright," Optimus quickly reassured before the sparkling could get himself worked up. His hand continued to stroke long passes down the lengths of Starfall's wings. He could feel them vibrating with tension underneath his touch. "Your father and I talked to Skyfire last night. Neither of us are mad at you. We know what really happened. That's why we want to take you out today."
An odd look Optimus couldn't name flashed through Starfall's optics. "Where are you taking me?"
Optimus offered him a smiled. "It's a surprise." He got up from the berth. "Hurry and get ready. Your father already has your morning energon ready. We want to leave soon. We'll be waiting for you in the kitchenette."
He was almost to the door when Starfall's voice timidly spoke up behind him. "Dad?" Optimus paused in the doorway. He looked back over his shoulder. Starfall was staring at him from the berth, his optics impossibly large and filled with a strangely pleading look. "I really am sorry about yesterday, dad. I promise it won't happen again."
"I know, Star," Optimus reassured him. "Everything that happened yesterday is in the past. We've all learned our lessons and now we can move forward. That's the beauty of life. We get a fresh start each new orn." Optimus cued his internal chronometer to check the time. "Let's hurry and get going. We should try to leave soon. It's a long drive ahead of us."
Giving Starfall one last smile Optimus stepped through the doorway and headed back down the hall to the kitchenette. Ironhide looked up as he entered and retook his seat at the table. He'd already started on his cube of energon as he read the morning newsfeeds.
"Well? How's the kid?"
"He seems well enough," Optimus said. "I suspect he was up much later than when I sent him to bed. He still seemed exhausted when I woke him up."
The corners of Ironhide's mouth turned down in a frown. "Maybe we should let the kid sleep some more. It's not like we're on any kind 'a schedule or anythin'."
"That's true. But Star can always sleep on the way to the Gardens."
Ironhide shrugged and went back to reading his newsfeeds as Optimus picked up his first cube of energon. Optimus was just about to start on his third when he checked his internal chronometer again. He frowned at what he saw. He looked back over his shoulder towards the hallway.
Ironhide glanced up from his data pad. "Wha? Wha' is it?"
"Where's Star? He doesn't usually take this long to get ready in the morning. I hope he didn't fall back into recharge."
"Yeh want me ta go check on him?"
"No, I'll do it."
Optimus got up and went back down the hallway. "Star?" he called as he craned his head around the doorjamb into the room. "Did you fall asleep again? What's taking so long?"
What he saw made him freeze in the doorway. Starfall knelt on the floor in front of his shelving unit. A sea of data pads was strewn around him as though he'd become the center of a miniature storm. At least half of the data pads from the shelf were pulled down and fanned out on the floor around him. As Optimus watched, Starfall pulled off another handful of data pads and began to frantically shift through the titles. Not finding what he was looking for, he discarded the data pads on the floor along with the other two dozen or more he'd already pulled down. It was only then that Optimus heard the soft click of sobs coming from Starfall.
"Star? What are you doing? What's wrong?" Optimus said, stepping into the room.
Starfall visibly jumped and spun around on his knees towards Optimus like a criminal caught in the act. His optics were fuzzed white around the edges there was so much static in them. At the sight of Optimus he visibly cringed down against himself, his sobs clicking louder. He clutched the several data pads in his hand close to his chest as though trying to prevent them from being snatched away.
"Star, what is it? What's wrong? Why are you pulling all your data pads off the shelf?" He stepped closer, careful not to step on any of the data pads covering the floor.
Starfall's optics flared white with static as his face collapsed in an expression so full of misery it took everything Optimus had not to immediately rush to the sobbing sparkling and pull him to his chest. "I- I just wanted to keep some data pads!" he wailed. A fresh round of sobs clicked in his throat. "F-for when you take me back! I took back the ones I had before, but I wanted to keep some of the new ones you bought me too. I wanted to keep them so I can read them later after you send me back!"
If someone had been standing in between Optimus and Starfall right then he would have bowled them right over in his rush to get to his son. Brushing aside the piles of data pads spread out around Starfall, Optimus knelt on the floor, scooped the miniature seeker up into his arms and squeezed him against his chest. Starfall buried his face in Optimus neck cables and broke into helpless sobs of anguish. Optimus instinctively clutched him to his chest, rocking him back and forth in his arms.
"What are you talking about, Star? Where do you think we're taking you?"
"Back to the hatchling facility! Y-you don't want me anymore and you're gonna send me back!" He was so hysterical Optimus could barely understand what he was saying.
"Wha's goin' on in here?" Ironhide's voice called behind them. Optimus glanced back over his shoulder. The weapons specialist stood in the doorway, his face cloudy with worry and confusion. He must have come running when he'd heard Starfall's cries. "Ah heard yellin.' Wha's goin' on?"
Optimus was too busy trying to calm their son to answer. He cradled Starfall to his chest, murmuring soft reassurances into his audio. "No we're not, Star. We're not taking you anywhere."
"But you said-"
"I said we were taking you out for a family day together - not to the hatchling facility. Is that what you thought I meant when I woke you up?" Optimus's fuel tank churned with understanding. He guiltily clutched Starfall closer to his chest. "No, Star, no. I didn't mean that. We're not taking you back there. You're staying right here with us."
"But I started that fight at school…"
"Defending one of your classmates from a bully," Optimus said. "You stood up for another and that took a lot of courage. I am so proud of what you did. Ironhide and I both are. Even though you got in trouble for it, you still did the right thing. That's why we wanted to take you out - to reward you for your bravery."
"No you aren't!" Starfall angrily sobbed. His wings were shaking so hard against his back Optimus was surprised Starfall hadn't strained a gear in them yet. "You're going to take me back to the hatchling facility. I know it! You're just lying to make me leave!"
"That is not true," Optimus said. He hugged Starfall tighter, almost crushing him to his frame as if to physically smother his doubts away. "I have no intention of ever letting you go, especially not over a simple fight at school. They would have to send an entire army to take you away from me." When Starfall didn't respond Optimus gently pulled him far enough away from his chest to properly look at him. Starfall refused to meet his optics. "Do you remember what I told you about lying?" Starfall miserably nodded, his optics firmly downcast. "What did I say about lying?"
"That you shouldn't…"
"That's right. And what is my job?"
"You're a Prime."
"Again, correct. Being a Prime is a very important job with many responsibilities - one of the biggest of those responsibilities being to set a good example and to tell the truth. After all this time as my son do you think a Prime would lie?"
Starfall tentatively looked up at him. The worse of his sobs had abated, although a thick ring of static still circled his optics. "…no?" he uncertainly mumbled.
Optimus offered him a warm smile. "That's right." He leaned forward and pressed the front of his helm to Starfall's. He stared deeply into his son's optics over the bridge of their nasal ridges. "I will never let you go, Star. I chose you as my son and I intend to keep you, no matter what. You are mine and no one is ever going to take you away from me."
"Really?" Starfall asked, his voice timid as though afraid to hope too much.
"Yes," Optimus nodded. His tone was steeled with conviction. He heard movement and felt Ironhide step up behind him. The weapons specialist leaned over his shoulder and reached around to awkwardly pat Starfall on the back. Optimus could feel his sparkmate's hesitation towards Starfall leak across their bond. He still felt extremely guilty about his early treatment of Starfall, which made him uncomfortable and edgy around the saprkling. Optimus tried to send him a pulse of reassurance to help ease his nervousness.
"Ah didn't mean wha' ah said yesterday, Star," Ironhide self-consciously rumbled. "Ah shouldn't 'a said what ah did. We ain't gonna send yeh back. We're keepin' yeh right here. Yer in fer the long haul with us."
Starfall's entire body seemed to sag in Optimus's arms. As though too overwhelmed to say anything, he ducked his head underneath Optimus's chin and pressed his face into the side of Optimus's neck with a sobbed click of relief. For several klicks of thoughtful silence the small family basked in mutual peace. Although a certain element of tension still hung in the air between them, it was so small Optimus was able to all but overlook it. Their family still had a long way to go, he knew, but there was now hope of getting where they were going together. Ironhide's long-awaited acceptance of Starfall had been the first step in the right direction.
Hugging Starfall tight he could feel the relieved exhaustion suddenly seeping off Starfall's body as if his moment of panic had completely drained him of energy. It seemed Ironhide's reassurance had finally put the last of Starfall's doubts to rest. With nothing left to worry him, the tension, emotional turmoil and lack of sleep he'd suffered over the last orn was finally taking its toll on the seeker. He relaxed so much in Optimus's arms Optimus thought for a moment that Starfall had unintentionally fallen into recharge.
"Star?"
"…hm?" the sparkling tiredly murmured into Optimus's neck.
"Do you want to go out like we planned or do you want to stay home today? Your father and I were planning to take you to the Crystal Gardens, but only if you feel like it. We can all spend the orn together at home if that is what you'd rather do."
Starfall leaned back from Optimus to look at him. "What do you want to do?" he asked.
"I would like to take you out and spend the day together as a family. I think you would really like the Crystal Gardens. But we'll go only if you want to."
Starfall thought for a moment. Blinking the last of the static away from his optics, he bobbed his helm. "Alright." He timidly met Optimus's optics. "Can I ride in your cab unit there?"
Optimus gave him a blindingly warm smile. "Of course you can. It will probably take a good joor or two to get there." Hugging Starfall tight Optimus rocked backwards on his heels and up onto his pedes. Starfall's arms wrapped around his neck cables to press himself closer as Optimus walked towards the door. Ironhide followed just a step behind. As the three headed back to the kitchenette to finish drinking their morning fuel Optimus was once again filled with certainty that everything was going to be alright. Their family unit still wasn't perfect. There was still a long road ahead of them before they reached the ideal version of a family Optimus envisioned, but at least now it was a possibility. Where there was love there was hope. And Optimus could not imagine going on if he did not have hope.
to be continued