Greetings and happy belated Christmas. I hope everyone has had a good round of holidays. I have to say the best present I got this year was a Starscream costume hoodie. It's awesome that I have a boyfriend that not only tolerates but actually contributes to my Transformers obsession.

Chapter Twenty-Six: A Decision

Awareness returned to Starfall instantly. Like being jolted awake out of a deep recharge, he came back to himself with a startled gasp.

The first thing Starfall noticed as he looked around was the white light. This light was different from the lights the medics had shined into his optics in the emergency room before everything had faded to black. This light had a soft, golden hue to it. Although it overwhelmed Starfall's optics, it was warm and felt strangely reassuring. An endless dome of empty white nothingness spread out around Starfall towards what appeared to be the horizon a hundred-thousand miles away in all directions. The vastness of it all made Starfall felt extremely small. A silence so complete that Starfall wondered if his audios hadn't actually been deactivated enveloped him in a soundless vacuum.

The next thing Starfall noticed about the strange place he'd woken in was the weightlessness. He felt like he was floating. He could detect no air currents or any sign of an anti-gravity device. Where was he? None of this made any sense. The last thing he remembered was the medics taking him into a small room with lots of scary looking machines. Was he still in the hospital? If he was then where was his father? He remembered Ironhide being right beside the gurney as they wheeled him through the halls of the hospital. Where had he gone? He wouldn't have left him to wake up by himself in such a strange place, would he?

Starfall desperately squirmed, hoping to get some sense of which way was up, down, left, or right. If he could just figure out how to stand he knew he would be able to get his bearings and figure out where he was. He had to find his father so he could go home. He didn't want to float in this endless white void anymore.

As if something had heard his unspoken wish, Starfall felt the pull of gravity and he suddenly felt as though he was standing upright. Starfall could see no actual ground underneath his pedes – just an empty void of gold-tinged light yawned underneath him – but the sensation of standing on solid ground was very real.

Frightened by these inexplicable things, Starfall hesitantly called into the white void, "H- hello? Is anyone there? Where am I?"

What are you doing back in my realm so soon?, a booming voice answered him. The Voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at one. The very air seemed to reverberate with sound, shaking Starfall at a subatomic level. The Voice sounded neither angry or threatening. Although its presence was awe-inspiring, Starfall was not frightened. If anything, the Voice reassured Starfall. It proved he was not alone in this empty place. Was it not but a short time ago you stood before me begging me to send you back in a form your loved one would recognize? The Voice almost sounded intrigued to discover Starfall's presence there.

Starfall looked around. He could see no one else in the empty white void that surrounded him. "Who are you?" he called. His voice sounded extremely small even to his own audios in comparison to the invisible voice that shook the air. "Where am I?"

You should know. You have been here before. Do you not remember the last time you stood in my presence?

Starfall paused. Like a dam breaking somewhere in the back of his mind, memories flooded his brain. Somewhere deep inside him, Starfall felt something shift. He looked down at himself and was startled to find himself staring at a body that was not his own. No longer did he have a small sparkling's body painted white and light blue. Instead, his body was now that of an adult, his armor painted brilliant shades of red, white, and blue. Images flashed past his mind's eye – images of war, battles, spilt mech fluid and death. His mind flashed with memories of past encounters he had completely forgotten about until now with Skyfire, Optimus, Ironhide, and countless other bots. He remembered long nights spent studying in the science academy's library, flight training, a deadly snowstorm on a distant alien planet, and a jail cell. He remembered distant worlds, the vast emptiness of space, and the reflection of light shining like prisms through the crystals of the Vosian palace's gardens.

"I remember," Starscream whispered with a startled gasp. "I remember everything."

Of course you do, the Voice agreed. Memories can never truly be forgotten. They are imprinted on your spark forever.

"I remember," Starscream murmured, overwhelmed by the revelation of his memories. "They made me forget. They made me surrender my spark to Vector Sigma and forget."

No one made you forget anything. You agreed to Optimus's offer of your own free will. You chose to be reborn through Vector Sigma. No one forced you to return to atone for your sins.

Starscream scowled. He defiantly crossed his arms across his cockpit. "I agreed to Prime's offer so I could see Skyfire again. That's the only reason I let them turn me into a sparkling."

Is it?, the Voice knowingly rumbled. You hide your shame behind a mask of aloof indifference, but deep in your spark you are mortified at the things you did in your previous life. You accepted the Prime's offer not just out of a desire to reunite with your lover, but also out of a need to make amends and find some sense of redemption.

Starscream was disarmed by the truth with which the Voice spoke. He opened his mouth to refute such claims, but found he could not find the words to actually do so. In the presence of such all-knowing power, such denials were useless.

Starscream's crossed arms suddenly felt like a protective shield against the Voice's omnipotence. He unconsciously hugged himself tighter. "Maybe a little…" he softly admitted under his breath. "But it was mostly for Skyfire! I wanted to see him again. I didn't want to leave him yet. Not after he came to see me in jail and told me he still loved me."

You thought he had completely abandoned you after he left you to join the Autobots, the Voice said. You were certain he no longer loved you and that no one else ever would. That was why you fought the rest of the war blinded by such reckless hate. You were hurt and angry. You blamed the rest of the world for your pain and no longer cared if you lived or died.

Starscream miserably nodded, too ashamed to speak. The memory of Skyfire's betrayal and the days following it were still physical stabs of pain to his spark. It had hurt when he'd lost Skyfire to that storm. In the vorns following Skyfire's supposed death he'd often felt like he would literally deactivate from loneliness and guilt. There had been days when it had been a victory he even got up off his berth. After several thousand years he began to recover enough to be able to go more than half an orn without thinking of Skyfire. Then war had broken out. The near-constant fighting had given Starscream a way to distract himself from memories of his lost lover, although Skyfire was never completely far away from his thoughts, especially late at night when he would lay on his berth and stare at the ceiling, missing the giant mech. Then, several millennia later, to find out Skyfire was still alive after all that time and have him turn his back on him and walk away had hurt Starscream more deeply than any physical wound ever could have.

He never stopped loving you, the Voice softly boomed, as though hearing Starscream's thoughts. He still loved you with every fiber of his being although he could not bear to physically stand beside you anymore. He proved as much when he went with Optimus and Ironhide to see you in prison and convince you to take the option the Prime was offering you.

"He was why I decided to go back – so we could have a second shot at being together," Starscream sorrowfully admitted. "I blamed him for so long for leaving me, but in the end I know it was my fault we couldn't be together after he woke up on Earth. I wanted to see him again. I wanted him be able to look at me without that look in his optics like he thought I was a monster."

Do you wish to go back?

Starscream was startled by the question. "How? If I'm here than I've either died or surrendered my spark to Vector Sigma again, which I know I haven't."

I am the Giver of Life. The Bringer of Light. There is much I can do. You are currently in Limbo – caught between the realms of life and death. I am keeping you here so that you can make another choice - a choice even more important than the one Prime originally came to you with. You can either choose to return and fulfill the role I sent you back to complete, or you can choose to pass into the Well of Allsparks to join those that have crossed though the light before you.

Starscream hesitated. "How am I even here? My spark is immortal. I shouldn't even be here. I can't die."

I fixed that defect in your spark when you first entered my realm after giving yourself to Vector Sigma. Your spark is no longer immortal as it was in your previous existence. It is now like any other Cybertronian's.

"And yet you say you can bring me back to life?" Starscream skeptically sneered.

As I said: I am the Giver of Life. The Bringer of Light. The Destroyer of Darkness. I can restore you to life if I will it. But to do so, you must first choose. I will not force you to return if you would rather stay and take your place in the Well of Allsparks.

Starscream felt something inside him shift. When he looked down he once again found himself in the body of a sparkling.

"I do wanna go back," Starfall insisted in a tiny, frightened voice. "I miss my dads. But… I'm scared. I don't wanna be the same bot I was before. I don't like him. I don't wanna hurt other people." He now knew what awful things he was capable of doing. And that more than anything else made him hesitate.

You will not follow the same road you did if you do not wish to, the Voice gently insisted. The Voice's deep rumble washed over Starfall like the roll of a slow ocean wave. I have restored your spark to its original state. It will stay as pure as you choose to keep it. Fate is not written. Destiny is decided by the actions you choose to make. You learned many hard lessons in your previous format and will use those lessons to your advantage in the future if you choose to return. You have in your power the ability to accomplish many great things. I sent you back through Vector Sigma with a purpose. You are the key to healing the final rift that exists between the different races of my children. You are the key to our planet's peace. Why do you tarry? So many people await your return. The one called Skyfire mourns you, as do your fathers. All of them are desperately praying for you to be restored to them.

Starfall felt something in the back of his mind shift and he was once again the Decepticon second-in-command. Starscream gave a derisive snort. "Optimus and Ironhide are even bigger soft-sparked fools than I originally thought they were. They adopted me knowing full well who I really was. They must both be insane."

You mock them for their affection, yet you love them with the exact same intensity, the Voice knowingly pointed out.

The sneer on Starscream's face slowly dropped away. As much as he wanted to deny it, the Voice was right. Just the thought of the two mechs – his former enemies - made his spark ache with yearnings for home.

Is love really a thing worthy of such scorn? In your previous format your deepest desire was to know the love of a real family.

"I spent the first portion of my old life alone because my creators were too busy doing their own thing to even spare me a second thought!" Starscream spat. Even now, after countless millennia, the memory of his creators still made resentment rise in the back of his throat line like molten lava. "Neither of them wanted me. I was nothing but a burden to them. All they ever did was leave me with other people so they could go out and do their own things. Even when I was sent to my aunt's everyone was always too busy for me. Slipstream always had more important things she had to do than spend time with me. I was basically raised by tutors and hired caretakers."

Even now there is still so much lingering hurt and resentment in you that you cannot see how much others cared for you, the Voice sadly rumbled. Slipstream did not neglect you out of disinterest. Since discovering your rebirth you rarely stray far from her thoughts. She wishes to somehow make up for some the pain and loneliness you suffered when you were her charge.

"Little good that does me now," Starscream bitterly snapped, gesturing to the empty white void around him.

Your creators wait for you in the Well, the Voice unexpectedly announced. You could see them if you wanted before you make your decision. They dearly wish to see you. The last time you came here they begged for the opportunity to speak with you but you refused. Long have they waited for the opportunity to try and make amends with their only offspring.

Starscream sneered. "Well, they're going to have to wait a lot longer. I still don't want to see them. At least with Optimus and Ironhide they didn't try to push me off onto anyone who was free to babysit. My creators never cared about me when they were alive, what right do they have to pretend to care about me now?"

Do you choose to forfeit the promise of the Well of Allsparks and return to life then? Your loved ones all wait for you. There is so much waiting for you to do. As I said: you are the key to our planet's last stage of healing. You, and you alone, have the power to bring Vos back into the fold and heal the wounds left by thousands of millennia of warfare and hatred.

Starscream sighed, all the anger and resentment for the perceived wrongs done to him in his past life abruptly draining from his soul like water through a sieve. "I am tired," he whispered. "I don't want to play political games anymore. I had enough of that in my past life to last me a hundred more. All I want to do now is rest."

There is no shame in wanting peace. I would not judge you if you wished to stay here in the light. It is your right. You have done penance and sacrificed much to re-earn your entrance into the Well of Allsparks. But remember that life doesn't have to be as painful or as lonely as you once thought it did. It is possible to find love and acceptance from more than just one bot. The one called Skyfire still loves you as much as he did when you first fell in love with each other – but he is not the only one. Many others care for you as well. Your absence will be sorely missed among those you've left behind.

"I want to see Skyfire again…" Starscream longingly murmured. "He's the only one I ever would have sacrificed my spark to Vector Sigma for, but… he deserves someone so much better than me. I'm not good enough for him. I've done so many awful things. I could be reborn a thousand more times and still not be good enough for him."

Do you truly doubt my ability to repair the hurt to your spark, or do you only tarry in making a decision because you are afraid of facing the uncertainty of Life again?

"I am not afraid!" Starscream screeched. How dare the Voice imply that he was afraid! "I once led armadas of seekers into battle! I am afraid of nothing!"

Then why do you hesitate? I can sense that you are not ready to let go of your ties to the living just yet.

Starscream could not find the words to answer. His feelings were torn and ran and opposite directions. It was true he wanted to go back. It was true he was not ready to relinquish his ties with those he'd left behind. There was still so much he wanted to say to Skyfire - still so much he had to apologize for. He still had hope he might be reunited with Skyfire and rekindle the love they'd once shared before a freak snowstorm had torn Skyfire away from him. The other, younger, more innocent part of him also missed Optimus and Ironhide. He wanted to go home and be with his fathers. He did not want to give up everything Life still had to offer him.

But he was so tired. He had not forgotten the injustices and loneliness that also came with Life. Even in this white, weightless place Starscream still remembered the burning cut of loneliness that came from not feeling wanted. He still remembered the crushing helplessness of being hated for no other reason than having a different frame type than everyone else. Like a ghostly echo, Starscream's wings suddenly ached with remembered pain from his most recent mortal existence. He had not forgotten what pain bots were capable of inflicting on one another because of hate. He would not miss such indignities and pain. He was tired of hurting. He could feel the Well of Allsparks calling out to him. It sang to his weary spark like a homing beacon guiding him home. It promised him safety and peace – a final end to his suffering. All he had to do was refuse the Voice's offer to return and he knew he would never have to hurt again.

And yet, Starscream still hesitated. No matter how hard he tried he could not forget the reason he had decided to accept Optimus's second shot at life in the first place. Skyfire still lived. The Voice said he still loved him. How could he choose to stay in the light when doing so would leave Skyfire behind, hurting and alone?

I know the reasons why you hesitate, the Voice gently rumbled. I understand your conflict. But I am afraid you cannot delay any longer. You must choose quickly. I am powerful but even I have limits. The window of time for which I can restore you to life is quickly drawing to a close. You can either stay with me in Well of Allsparks or you can return to Life and be with your loved ones. Choose now.

Starscream growled with panicked indecision. He wanted to go back, but going back meant he would have to face all the pain and loneliness of the world again. He was tired of hurting. In his previous life he had lived in almost constant pain, both physically and emotionally. Whether from Megatron's fists or from the aching emptiness left in the wake of Skyfire's betrayal, Starscream could barely remember a time he hadn't wished he could somehow find a way to make all the hurting just go away. His most recent incarnation had been slightly better than his first. There had been bright spots in it that had made up for the days spent alone and unwanted in the hatchling facility.

He still remembered the first time he'd seen Skyfire as Starfall at the Autobot's anniversary party. Skyfire had recognized him despite his new body. He had smiled down at him and – Primus, it still made Starscream's spark ache to remember – had looked at with such love in his optics Starscream now understood that Skyfire had kept the promise he'd made to him the last time they'd seen each other in prison that he would wait for him to be reborn. Although there hadn't been any way for him to know it at the time without his old memories, Starscream knew the Voice had not lied when it said Skyfire still loved and wanted him. The giant mech hadn't abandoned him.

The Voice had also not lied when it had said he was loved by others besides just Skyfire. Despite everything he'd done in his past life, Optimus and Ironhide had taken him in and loved him as their son. It had taken some time for Ironhide to warm up to him, but there was no denying the gruff old mech's devotion to him now. Memories of his last few hours of life were hazy and disjointed, but Starscream still remembered the look in Ironhide's optics when he'd found him in that basement, covered in mech fluid and half beaten to death. He had felt safe in Ironhide's arms when the weapons specialist had carefully picked him up and rushed him to the hospital. Although Fate had been ultimately proven the old war mech wrong, he had truly believed Ironhide's frantic rambling at that time that everything was going to be okay. He'd come to trust and rely on his adopted father in ways he'd never been able to trust anyone else in his past life. With Ironhide and Optimus he was actually able to say what it was like to see love on another bot's face and have that love directed at him. He did not want to give that up yet.

"Send me back!" Starscream shouted into the empty white void with sudden certainty, his voice breaking with emotion. "I choose to go back! I don't want to leave them yet!"

Very well.

"Will I remember being here?"

No. Like before, you will not remember this place when you return, but memories can never truly be erased from one's spark.

Starscream felt the shift far in the back of his mind again and he was once again Starfall. White light rose up around him, blinding him with its brilliance. He suddenly felt extremely tired, his body unbearably heavy. He felt like he was falling backwards into weightless nothingness.

Farewell, the Voice softly rumbled from somewhere beyond the wall of light.

The last thought Starfall had before the light completely consumed him was how pleased the booming voice sounded.

OOOOOOOO

Night had long since fallen over the city of Iacon. Most of the city's population was recharging. Even Iacon General Hospital, which was usually a hub of activity, was unusual quiet. The halls of the great medical institution were empty except for the occasional medic that had had the misfortune of being assigned the late shift.

Octane was just such a bot. As one of the newest medics to the IGH staff he had the pleasure of overseeing graveyard-shift rounds. All the patients seemed to be resting comfortably. It looked like it was going to be a quiet night. That didn't mean there weren't things that needed done before the morning shift came in, however. Part of Octane's job was to review patient charts and see that any new information from earlier in the day was correctly updated to the hospital's main database.

Unfortunately, there were several inconstancies on a chart that had forced Octane to take a trip down to the hospital's morgue. A mech had come into the ER earlier that day with severe injuries sustained during a construction site accident. Apparently, the rigging on a bundle of steel beams that were being lifted for a new skyscraper had broke. The poor mech had been standing directly underneath them when they fell. He had survived long enough for a medical transport to get him to the ER, but had died shortly afterwards. While there was no doubt why the mech had died, his charts listed him in one place as a construction model and in another place a standard four-wheel based model. Although such inconsistencies were unlikely to result in any problems, it was still Octane's job to correct the information so there wouldn't be any chance of the hospital being sued for medical malpractice or negligence later by the mech's family. In order to correctly input the mech's frame-type, Octane found himself in the hospital morgue in the middle of the night.

The morgue was a series of large white-tiled rooms located deep in the bowels of the hospital. Utter silence stung Octane's audio receptors between the echoing thud thud thud of his pedes on the floor. Octane fought the urge to hum something under his intakes just to break the unnerving silence of the place. Although he'd never admit it to any of his colleagues, he hated coming down to the morgue. He wasn't unnerved so much by the sight of dead bodies - he was a medic in a major hospital, he saw dead bodies on almost a daily basis. No. What unnerved him was the morgue's utter stillness and silence. It was like the place had been sucked dry of any and all signs of life.

As Octane turned into the largest room of the morgue, motion-activated lights flickered on. Several empty examination/autopsy tables stood in the middle of the room. Along the one side of the room five gurneys were lined up. Each gurney was draped with a gray tarp which shrouded the distinct outline of a body. These were the bodies of all those who had died in the hospital within the last twelve joors. Come morning, when the head mortician returned to work, he would begin autopsies on those who had died from unnatural or suspicious causes. After that, the dead would be released to their families for internment or incineration. Those who didn't have any family or anyone else who wanted to claim their bodies would be left to be recycled at the state's expense.

Checking the identification placards that hung from the ends of the gurneys, Octane found the patient he was looking for. He folded back the tarp from the mech's upper body. A massive gash just about the size Octane would have estimated a steel beam to be bisected the mech's torso. Octane could actually see the shredded remains of the mech's sparkchamber through the hole. Surveying the damage it amazed Octane the mech had actually survived as long as he had to get to the hospital.

"Standard model," Octane murmured to himself as he replaced the tarp over the mech's body. "Makes sense. A construction model would have known better than to stand directly underneath a rigging of steel beams."

Sighing with disgust at the unnecessary loss of life, Octane was about to turn and leave when he happened to notice the last gurney at the end of the row. The shape underneath the tarp was noticeably smaller than the other four beside it. Octane's spark gave a sympathetic spasm. He knew who was laid there. Everyone in the hospital was talking about what had happened to the Prime and Consort's son. Although Octane remained suspicious of the Vosians wanting to leave their city, it had saddened him to hear what had happened to such a young child. No child, no matter what make he was, deserved such a brutal end.

Octane hesitated a moment before slowly edging to the shrouded sparkling. He had never seen a seeker up close before. He had been young during the war and taken shelter with his family on a distant world as a refugee to escape the worst of the fighting. As such, he had only ever heard stories of the winged bots of Vos.

Gently folding back the tarp Octane was immediately taken aback by just how young the little seeker was. He barely looked to be the five vorns the news feeds kept insisting he was. The sparkling had been washed so that there was no more mech fluid on him – his injuries ready to be examined by the medical examiner come morning. Painful looking dents and scrapes covered the sparkling's body. Although the worst of the damage was hidden underneath the sparkling, Octane could see some of the shredded remains of his wings spread across the gurney beneath his shoulders. The sparkling's armor was a dull slate gray, his optics devoid of any light. Pity stabbed Octane's spark. This was so wrong. This should have never happened.

Octane reverently replaced the tarp over the dead sparkling and turned away with every intent of leaving. Just as he reached the doorway of the room, however, there came a flash of brilliant light behind him. It flared pure white, casting a dark silhouette of his body against the wall in front of him before disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared. Octane swung back around. The morgue was as empty as it had been when he first entered. What was that? Had he just imagined that flash of light?

Growing uneasy, Octane turned back to the door. He wanted to get back to the main part of the hospital where there were other bots. He no longer wanted to be anywhere near the morgue.

Just then, there came the soft, barely audible sound of shifting material on the other side of the room. Octane froze in place.

"Hello?" he hesitantly called. His voice echoed against the cold white tiles of the morgue. "Hello? Anyone there?"

There came the sound of more movement. Octane finally pin-pointed its origin. The sound was coming from the row of dead bodies on the other side of the room. As he stared at them for some other sign that he wasn't going insane he noticed the tarp covering the smallest body at the end of the row move. The tarp crackled as it shifted. A low moan drifted out from beneath it.

Hurrying towards the gurney, Octane ripped the tarp back from the Prime's son to find two optics of dim turquoise blearily staring up at him. The seeker sparkling weakly squirmed against the surface of the gurney and gave another whimpered moan. The moan trailed off into a half-conscious sob of pain. Although still tinged heavily with gray, the sparkling's armor was no longer a lifeless gray.

"Primus," Octane breathed in numb shock. Moving on pure instinct that had been drilled into him from vorns of medical training, Octane pressed a hand to the top of the sparkling's chest. He could feel the slow but steady pulse of a spark underneath the sparkling's cockpit.

"You're still alive," Octane whispered, shock making his own spark slip a pulse. The sparkling gave no reply except to give a plaintive moan low in the back of his intake line. As Octane watched, his optics dimmed as he slipped into unconsciousness.

Turning from the unexplainably living sparkling, Octane hurried to the communications consol on the other side of the room. Punching in an emergency code, another face appeared on the other side of the line almost instantly.

"ER," the femme announced.

"I need a team of medics down in the morgue immediately," Octane hurriedly ordered. "The Prime's son is still alive."

to be continued

Happy New Year! May 2014 be even better than 2013!