Dean wasn't sure how they made it back to the Bunker. His memory seemed to consist of snapshots of action; Cas pulling Dean to his feet, his lips never leaving Dean's; Dean's hands scrabbling at Cas's back trying to pull him closer; both of them stumbling to the car; Cas's eyes never leaving Dean as he drove, gripping his free hand as if he was afraid Dean would disappear.

Somehow they made it to Dean's bedroom. Things were moving so fast Dean's head was spinning. Cas wouldn't stop touching him, and every patch of bare flesh that Cas's hands brushed against felt like it was burning. In between frantic kisses, they pulled at each other's clothes—trench coat, shirts, tie, shoes, pants—trailing their progress to the bed. The back of Cas's legs hit the mattress and he sat down with an abrupt huff. He looked up at Dean, and what Dean saw in his eyes was everything he'd ever wanted and knew he didn't deserve. It was terrifying, and Dean couldn't bear that look directed at him, so he closed his eyes, bent down and kissed Cas with everything he had.

The desperation he was feeling was like a physical thing. It made his skin itch and he thought if he could just lose himself in Cas maybe he'd be okay. He opened his mouth against Cas's and roughly pushed his tongue into the other man's mouth. Their teeth clashed, and Dean bit down a little on Cas's bottom lip. God, he just needed to drown in this and never come up for air. Dean climbed over Cas's lap, straddling him. He was surrounded by Cas, his flesh, his scent. Cas was everywhere and still Dean thought he would never get enough of him. They were both down to their underwear, just two thin layers of fabric separating their equally hard flesh. Cas felt so hot, Dean couldn't help grinding down into him, trying to get some of that heat against his own cock, frantic for some friction. Fuck, he'd never wanted anything like he wanted this. He'd never gone from zero to desperate so fast. He tried to push Cas further up the bed, but Cas was trying to stop him. He was saying something, but Dean didn't want to talk. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to feel this, and nothing else. He wasn't aware of sadness or anger being with Cas like this. The only thing he was aware of was feeling Cas, and being terrified that Cas would stop.

"Dean." Cas had his hands on Dean's face again, trying to hold him still. Dean tried to push back into Cas's mouth, but Cas held firm.

"Dean, wait."

Dean shook his head. No, no, no, don't want to wait. Don't stop. "Don't stop Cas…" he mumbled trying to get closer again.

Cas gave in for a moment and kissed Dean feverishly again, but he was trying slow things down. The kiss turned from frenetic and almost violent, to something far more languid. Gentle.

Then Cas pulled away again and leaned his forehead against Dean's.

"Don't stop," Dean whispered again.

"I'm not stopping." Cas's deep voice rumbled in the shared space between their mouths, making Dean shudder. Dean moved forward again, but once more Cas held him back.

This time, Dean pulled away enough to look at Cas's face. Was he already regretting this?

Castiel must have seen his concern because he wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling his body close. Dean could feel Cas's heartbeat against his own ribs, and he didn't think anything had felt so right in his life for a very long time. It felt like their hearts were beating in time. Like it was Dean's heart beating inside Cas's chest.

"I'm not going anywhere, Dean," Cas reassured him softly. He slowly ran his hands down Dean's back, and then back up his arms. His one hand travelled to the back of Dean's neck, keeping him close, while the other stroked up his left arm to his shoulder. Then Cas fitted his fingers into his handprint seared into Dean's flesh, and closed his eyes. The moment Cas's hand was in place over the scar, Dean felt an almost electric buzz on his skin. It wasn't painful but it was almost unbearably intense. The feeling spread out from his shoulder and travelled over his body. Dean felt it on the back of his neck, in the base of his spine, and in an unexpected pull in his groin. His heart skipped a beat before speeding up.

He gasped out loud, and looked at Cas with wide eyes. Cas was once again looking at him with such heat in his eyes, Dean could hardly stand it.

"You feel it too." Cas wasn't asking. Dean could feel the other man's body trembling slightly against him.

"Yes!" he breathed out heavily. "What…?"

"I don't know. But we're connected, Dean. You're a part of me. You c— you can't shut me out again. You can't give me this and then shut me out again. I won't survive it. So you have to be sure about this, Dean. You have to be sure."

Dean didn't even have to think about it. "I'm sure. I'm so sure." He licked at Cas's lips for a moment, before moving down to his neck, tasting his skin as he went. He sucked a small bruise into the soft skin just beneath Cas's ear, then sat up and looked into Cas's eyes.

Dean took a deep breath and said with as much conviction as he could muster when he was still so terrified he would lose this, "I've never wanted anything like I want you."

At his words, Cas stood up, holding Dean in place against him and flipped them onto the bed. Dean landed on his back and shuffled up to the pillows, Cas following him. Dean let his legs fall open and Cas settled between his thighs like he belonged there. He pushed his hips against Dean and both men groaned at the sensation. Cas took another moment to look at Dean before dropping down to trail his mouth from Dean's lips, to his collarbone. He nipped at the flesh there before dropping lower and taking one of Dean's nipples in his mouth. There was a loud intake of breath from Dean as Cas sucked at his nipple and then ran his tongue around it, then across to the other. He bit down on the nub of flesh, before dropping a small kiss there. With licks and bites Cas made his way down to Dean's hips, biting at Dean's hip bone, and licking his way along the edge of Dean's charcoal boxer briefs.

"Jesus," Dean gasped and Cas looked up to see that Dean had thrown one arm over his eyes, as if he couldn't stand the sight of Cas there, while the other was tangled in the sheets of the unmade bed, fingers fisting the fabric.

Cas sat up and tucked his fingers under the waistband of Deans underwear, waiting for Dean to give him the go ahead. Dean peaked at him from under his arm and panted, "Please."

That was all Cas needed to hear. He pulled Dean's underwear down, staring hungrily as Dean's flushed cock bobbed against his abdomen. Cas left the bed just long enough to pull his own briefs off, and then he settled back against Dean, no barriers between them.

They both groaned again, not seeming able to stop rubbing against each other. Cas would have been perfectly happy to just do that, it was more than he ever thought he'd get with Dean, but just as he was settling into a rhythm of delicious thrusting against Dean, kissing Dean, consuming Dean, Dean pulled his mouth away and said words that nearly made Cas lose control entirely.

"I want you inside me, Cas."

Cas looked at Dean in shock.

"You're already a part of me, fuck, you don't even know. But I want to feel you."

Cas's mouth was dry. God, he wanted this so bad.

"I need you," Dean whispered.

And there wasn't anything Cas could say to that. He needed Dean so much. He thought he would die when Dean had let him leave the Bunker. It seemed like a lifetime ago, when it was only a few short hours. And now here they were and Dean was offering himself to Cas, in ways he'd never dared dream about.

All Cas could do was nod. Dean put a small bottle in Cas's hand—Cas didn't know where Dean had gotten it from— and settled back against the pillows.

Cas hesitated. "I've never…" he looked down at the bottle of lube and then up at Dean.

"I know," Dean nodded. "Me neither."

Cas's eyes widened at that. The trust that Dean was putting in him was overwhelming and his mouth crashed into Dean's, trying to convey everything he was feeling in that moment.

"I love you, Dean." He couldn't not say it. Not now.

A small sob broke out of Dean. "Fuck," he choked. His eyes were tearing up, and Dean wiped angrily at them. "I love you too, Cas. Jesus, you have no idea. It's all been so fucking hard, and I swear you're all that's kept me breathing. Just… make me forget about it all. Help me to feel something else, something good."

Dean kissed Cas frantically again, like he was afraid that if he stopped Cas would change his mind.

There was no universe in which Cas would change his mind about this.

Cas slowed them down again, calming Dean into soft kisses and small whimpers. Cas wouldn't feel embarrassed about this. Dean was new to this as well, so they'd learn how to make each other feel good together. Cas took his time, making sure that Dean's body would welcome his own with as little discomfort as possible. He probably overdid it, used too much lube, took too long, but feeling Dean on the inside was something Cas thought he would never get over. Eventually Dean was shaking with need and begging Cas.

Cas pulled his fingers from Dean's body and let his gaze roam over the man writhing beneath him. There must be a benevolent god, Cas thought to himself, if I get to have this.

Cas sat back on his knees, and told Dean to sit up and turn around. Dean looked a little confused at first, but he did as Cas asked. Once Dean was kneeling with his back to Cas, Cas shuffled forward so that his knees slotted underneath Dean. He lined up their bodies.

"Sit back, Dean. Go as slow as you need to," he whispered into Dean's ear.

Dean shuddered and slowly started to lower himself onto Cas's cock. Without even thinking about it, Cas fitted his hand onto the handprint on Dean's shoulder and they both trembled at the electricity that seemed to flow between them then, emanating from that connection to all the points where they were touching.

"Jesus," Dean panted, at the same time as Cas breathed, "Oh my god."

Once Dean was fully seated in Cas's lap, he brought Cas's other hand around his body, and linked their fingers together, before bringing them up to kiss Cas's knuckles. And they began to move together.

It was the most profound thing either of them had ever felt. They moved slowly, wanting to make the moment last, but their emotions had been running high for days now, and this last ordeal of Cas leaving had nearly broken them. So they clung to each other, whispering things they would only ever tell each other in moments like this, sharing their breath, sharing their bodies. It was over before either was ready. Cas brought their linked hands to Dean's aching cock and they stroked him together. Dean couldn't hold back his release, spilling over their joined hands. Dean's heat clenching so tightly around him made Cas lose control.

They collapsed onto the mattress, bodies still touching in as many places as possible. After a moment, Dean sniffed.

"Jesus, I'm such a girl," he tried to joke. But he was still wiping at tears in his eyes, and Cas couldn't let him belittle the person that meant the most to him.

He leaned on one elbow, looking down at Dean, who was trying to avoid his eyes. Cas brought his hand to Dean's face, turning it slightly so that Dean had no choice but to look at him.

"You are the strongest person I have ever known. And I'm so in love with you."

He lay back down, and pulled Dean in close. Dean let his head fall on Cas's chest, while Cas traced the outline of the imprint of his hand with one finger, going over and over the raised flesh. They could both still feel the buzzing between them.

"I've been in love with you for so long, I can't even remember when I realised it. But this scares the shit out of me, Cas. I can't lose you." Dean spoke softly, as if he didn't want to let the words out.

"I will always find my way back to you, Dean. This," he placed his hand over the handprint again, "it connects us. I don't know how or why, but whatever happens, we'll find each other."

Cas sounded so certain. Dean just hoped to hell that Cas was right.