December 5, 2018

Maggie stared down at her phone, not quite able to believe the sheer idiocy she'd just read. She'd never really been James Olsen's biggest fan. She hadn't really gotten to know him until after the Guardian debacle started, so she didn't have the best first impression, but deciding to spend time with the Children of Liberty to understand their point of view was a new level of idiocy. You didn't try to understand people like the Children of Liberty, any more than you tried to understand the Klan or skinheads. You just shut them down, locked up as many of them as possible, and hoped they didn't get a chance to recruit before you did.

She was tempted to go over to CatCo and slap him upside the head and call him a moron before she slapped the cuffs on him, and if a hands-off order hadn't come down from on high, she'd do just that. But what worried her more was the part of the story where the Children of Liberty had managed to lure Kara to Shelly Island and trapped her while she was under the effects of the power dampening pilons.

After their little run in the week before, Maggie had been more than a little pissed at Kara. But reading the article had been a kick in the gut. Not quite the same way watching the footage of Reign beating Kara down had been the year before, but enough that she wanted to reach out and check on her. She just didn't know how.

She and Kara had never really gotten along. In her better moments, she could admit that it was as much her fault as it was Kara's. Neither of them were very good at sharing their toys. Kara had resented that she suddenly didn't have a monopoly on Alex's time. Maggie could understand that, and she could appreciate how hard Kara was trying. She could see her struggling to tamp down her jealousy, could spot the smiles that never quite reached her eyes when Alex was talking about some plans she and Maggie had together, and she felt for her. She's wanted to reach out, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had never quite forgotten the fact that when push came to shove, Alex had chosen Kara over her. The fact that Alex had come back, had apologized, had explained why she had freaked out so badly when Kara went missing hadn't really damped the sting of being cast aside so quickly after she'd taken such a huge risk and broken her iron clad 'don't date baby gays' rule.

She'd thought, after Alex's kidnapping, they'd finally been headed in the right direction, but then the invasion had happened, and Kara had lost Mon-El, and she'd just shut down, and before things had gotten better, everything fell apart between Maggie and Alex, and her entire life had collapsed in on itself. She'd lost Alex, and a whole family along with her. J'onn, and Winn, and James, and Eliza and Kara.

It had made the last year hard. Seeing the news reports, seeing someone she cared about, because she had cared about Kara, beaten, broken and constantly in danger and not being able to reach out, to do something, to help. Knowing that, even if it was Kara in the news, other people she cared about would be out there with her, in danger, risking their lives. That they might die, and she'd never know.

Being on the outside looking in sucked, but it wasn't like she could just pick up the phone anymore. That was the story of her life, though. Love someone, get tossed aside. Because she was gay. Because her girlfriend didn't want to come out to her family. Because she'd been hurt and angry and drunk and made a mistake. Because she didn't want kids.

Little Maggie, who was never enough for anyone, but was so desperate to be loved that she would let herself fall for someone knowing that it would end in disaster.

And Kara had just stood there and called her family. Like she cared. Like Maggie mattered to her. Like there wasn't a bottomless chasm of broken dreams and empty promises between them.

The worst part was, Kara had reached out afterwards. A few texts Maggie had deleted unread, a few voicemails she'd never listened to. She's been hurting, and Kara had been too close to the source of the pain for Maggie to want anything to do with her. She didn't want false concern.

There was a small part of her that wanted to believe that Kara wasn't like that. She'd watched Kara up close for months, and she knew as frustrating as Kara could be sometimes, that she was the real deal. She gave so much of herself to other people and believed so strongly in them that it was humbling.

She wanted to believe that Kara cared, but the pain had been too fresh, and all she could see was the danger she'd ignored when she got close to Alex.

She looked down at her phone again, looking at James' article, wondering if maybe she wasn't being fair to Kara. It was hard to know. If it were anyone else she would have just assumed it was a few perfunctory texts and calls to assuage Kara's conscience. But Kara was never quite like anyone else Maggie had ever met.

Maggie sighed and pulled up her contact list. Kara had said she could call, but Maggie wasn't quite that brave, so she sent a text.

Maggie: Hey. Saw James' article. Are you okay?

Kara: I've been better.

Maggie: What's wrong?

Kara: I trusted someone I shouldn't.

Maggie: You want to talk about it?

Kara: Yes.

Maggie: There's a donut shop near my place.

Kara: You are the best! Text me the address.

Maggie sent her the address, wondering what the hell she was doing the whole time.

Kara frowned as she spotted Maggie in the back corner of the shop. She'd thought the gunshot wound she'd treated wasn't that serious, but Maggie was sitting there with her left arm in a sling. Kara made her way over to the table where Maggie was sitting.

"Hey," Kara said as she sat down.

"Hey," Maggie said. "You still pumpkin spice, extra foam, with cinnamon?"

"You remembered," Kara said, not quite able to stop herself from smiling.

"I do that. Comes with the job."

"Softy," Kara said.

"Keep that up, and I'll eat all the strawberry glazed with sprinkles myself."

Kara narrowed her eyes. "You do and I'll melt your face."

Maggie laughed. "I thought that threat was reserved for pot stickers."

"Donuts are serious business."

"I'm a cop. You'll get no argument from me on that one."

Kara grinned and reached for the box of donuts in the middle of the table. "What happened to your arm?" she asked as she got one of the aforementioned strawberry glazed with sprinkles.

"I got shot, remember?"

"Yeah, but it was a graze. It didn't even hit the muscle."

"I know, but there was some sort of coating on the bullet. It left behind a bunch of tiny silica particles. Some kind of alien moon dust. They had to debride the wound, to get it out. I'm out on medical leave for the next few weeks, until it heals."

"I'm sorry," Kara said.

"Not your fault. In fact, you probably saved my arm."

"What?"

"When you irrigated the wound," Maggie said. "The lab guys said that if you hadn't, the pressure bandage probably would have driven the particles into the muscle, and it would have been hamburger by the time I got to the hospital."

"That doesn't make any sense," Kara said. "The Children of Liberty I faced on Shelly Island were strictly low tech. Garage built AK's with automatic trigger groups, shotguns, a few hand-me-down revolves and semiautomatic pistols, a couple of newish Glocks. Gun show and street gang stuff. What you're talking about is serious high-tech weaponry."

"I know," Maggie said. "I think we might have gotten the stash they were planning to use against you on Shelly Island."

"That would be the first bit of luck I've had in months," Kara said.

"What happen out there?" Maggie asked. "James's article didn't have much in the way of details. Just that they got you inside the power inhibitor field and managed to trap you."

"Yeah, and now, every Supervillain from now to the end of time is going to know inhibitor pylons work on me, and fill their bases with them," Kara grumped. She took a bite out of her donut. She chewed slowly, and avoided looking at Maggie, until after she swallowed.

"I was stupid. I walked into a trap."

Maggie gave her the same annoyed look she used to give her when they were about to argue over whether Supergirl should have interfered in a certain situation. "I'd say that's not like you, but we both know I'd be lying."

"It's not," Kara said. "At least, it's not anymore. I messed up really, really bad during the whole business with Reign. I've been trying to do it the right way. Work with the DEO. Go in with backup. I screwed up again a few weeks ago, and it messed up everything, so I've been trying to do it right. But it was different this time. I had backup. I had a plan."

"What happened?"

"I trusted someone I shouldn't have," Kara said. "Have you seen the warrants for Manchester Black?"

"Yeah. They were… vague."

"That's because the DEO issued them."

"I figured."

"I was working with him. His girlfriend, Fiona Bryne, went missing a few weeks ago. He and J'onn were working the case together, but by the time they found her, it was too late. The Children of Liberty had killed her. Manchester came to Thanksgiving dinner, and he helped me out when the Children of Liberty tried to steal some fission rods. He said he wanted to help, to bring the Children of Liberty to justice. I thought he found a piece of evidence, so I went to meet him, but I caught him about to beat someone up with a pair of brass knuckles. When I saw that, I was done with him. I told him I wouldn't work with him anymore but J'onn convinced me I was wrong. That Manchester was on our side."

"I'm guessing he wasn't."

"No. I knew Shelly Island had inhibitor pylons. I didn't worry about it because I had a yellow sunlight grenade. Manchester sabotaged it. He walked me right into a trap, and just handed me over to the Children of Liberty."

"After they killed his girlfriend?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah."

"Why would he do that?"

"He wanted a meet with Agent Liberty."

"So he could kill him?"

Kara nodded. "That's our guess. And he traded my life for the chance to do it."

"Jesus, Kara. I'm sorry."

Kara reached out and picked up a napkin and started folding it. "I don't… I… I know I shouldn't be. J'onn already feels terrible about it. He wanted to believe in Manchester, which I get, but I'm just so… *angry*. I knew something was off about him, but I let myself be talked out of it, and I'm mad at J'onn for doing it, and I'm mad at myself for letting him do it, and I'm mad at Manchester for selling me and all the people I help out for revenge."

"You know that's okay, right?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah…. No… I don't even know anymore… It's hard, you know. I'm angry, but I can't talk to J'onn about it, because he already feels horrible, and I can't really lay into him about trusting someone like that without coming across as a giant hypocrite, and I can't talk to Alex about it because if she knows I'm mad at J'onn, she's try to fix it, so J'onn will find out anyway, and I just don't have it in me right now to deal with his guilt. Not while Manchester and Agent Liberty are still out there."

"Kara, I'm going to say this again, because it really sounds like you need to hear it. It is okay for you to feel what you're feeling."

Kara dropped the napkin she'd folded into a tiny little square while she'd talked and let out a sigh of relief. "I really needed to hear that."

"I figured," Maggie said. "But it really is okay, you know. Sometimes, you just don't have the emotional bandwidth for dealing with other people's feelings. That doesn't make you a bad person. You go out there, and you give a lot of yourself. More than you probably should. It's okay to keep a little for yourself."

Kara looked up at Maggie. "I don't know what to do. There's so much going on, and I don't know how to deal with it all. Alex is supposed to be the director of the DEO, but President Baker put this horrible woman in charge, and Alex is struggling to keep the DEO from turning into a bunch of murder happy fascists. J'onn has decided to go off and be a pacifist when things are starting to get really bad. Clark's off world, so I'm trying to cover the whole planet without backup. Winn's gone. James is determined to get himself arrested or killed playing Guardian. Nia, this girl I'm supposed to be teaching how to be a reporter, has got a serious medical problem and is lying about being in treatment. Everything Marsden has built is being torn down by a bigot in a mask, and I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you."

"It sounds like you really need to get it out of your system."

"Yeah. But I don't want you to think that the only reason I wanted to see you was to have someone to listen to me complain."

"It wasn't?"

"No," Kara said. "I know it upset you for some reason, but I meant what I said the other day. You're my family. I know things didn't work out between you and Alex, and I know we were never as close as we should have been, but I never wanted you to disappear from my life. I tried reaching out a few times after you and Alex split-"

"And I didn't reach back."

"I should have tried harder," Kara said.

"No," Maggie said. "You shouldn't feel guilty because I turned down your help. I shut you out. That's on me, not you."

"I'm still offering. If you've changed your mind."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Maggie said.

"Yeah."

Maggie looked down at the table, and took a deep breath, and Kara knew before she spoke what was coming next. "How is she?"

"She's had her ups and down," Kara said. "She was torn up for a long time by what happened. She nearly quit the DEO. I think the only reason she stayed is because J'onn promoted her to director before he left."

"I heard about that," Maggie said.

"She got better, after that. Started looking into adoption."

"She seeing anyone?"

"Maggie-"

"No, forget I asked."

Kara looked at Maggie for a minute, trying to decide which would hurt her less. She finally decided that not knowing would probably be worse. "She's dated a bit. No one more than a couple of times."

"Is she happy?" Maggie asked.

"She's trying to be," Kara said.

"That's good."

"What about you?" Kara asked. "Are you happy?"

Maggie reached out and pushed the box towards Kara. "Eat your donuts, Kara."