PREDATOR IN THE DUNES

JOB SIX: Pharaoh's Dance

"All right Khamen," says Bentley over the binoc-u-com, "we need to get Murray into that chariot race. If we do that, we'll be able to get the whole gang over to the tower for the heist. We'll need it to rescue Sly."

"And how, exactly, am I necessary for Murray to drive a chariot?"

"The race is only open to Rajan's guards. None of them are hippos. In order for us to pull this off, you'll need to steal Murray a disguise."

"I... don't see how this can possibly work," says Khamen. "Rajan guards, they are... tall. Fierce. Green. With tails. Having Murray pass as one of them is more than impossible."

"Which means we get to do it. Those are all the traits we'll need to make Murray embody. Now, I've marked several locations on your binoc-u-com for items you'll have to steal for Murray's disguise. First on the list is that broken fence by the fissure."

"Are you sure you're not just making up work for me?" asks Khamen.

"Just steal the fence already."

Khamen pockets his binoc-u-com and makes his way through town, pickpocketing guards as he goes—purely for practice, of course. The fence is a rope-and-wood thing, with most of the wooden spikes broken off; stealing it is as simple as untying it.

He holds it over head in the classic 'ITEM GET!' pose, only to have Murray appear from nowhere behind him and snatch it out of his hands, tie the rope around his waist, and run off, several feet of rope-and-wood spiked fence dragging behind him.

"Great," says Bentley over the earpiece. "Next up: a green tablecloth."

"Are you implying something about my skills?" asks Khamen, as he leaps from roof to roof. The waypoint Bentley's projecting is on the other side of town; getting there will take a few minutes.

"No. This is vital for the heist."

"If you say so," says Khamen. The tablecloth he's supposed to steal turns out to be a piece of laundry, hanging on a line; Khamen snatches it and holds it over his head. ITEM GET!

Murray runs up and grabs the tablecloth from Khamen's hand. A blur of motion turns into an old-fashioned dust cloud as Murray does something, complete with sound effects: 'Ooof'. 'No, not there!' 'Owowowowowowowow!' 'There we go.'

When the dust clears, Murray... has used his belt to hold the tablecloth to his waist, with one corner coming to rest over his head, dangling between his eyes; one corner dragging on the ground, tied to the end of the broken fence so it covers it; and the last two corners in each hand. He raises his arms and flaps the tablecloth like wings. "THE MURRAY, AWAY!"

Khamen stares after him in silence for a moment. "This is a horrible idea," he says at last.

"Terrific idea, I agree. Now, the next item we're going to need is several leaves from one of the palm trees at the oasis."

"Are you sure this will qualify as 'stealing' Bentley?" asks Khamen as he heads back that way. "It seems to be running errands. Errands anyone else could do."

"That is not true! Carmelita's on her way to the tower again, and Murray and I... can't climb."

"I see. So it's my climbing skills you wish for. Hmf." Khamen sits on top of the tree he grabs the leaves from to do the 'ITEM GET!' shot this time... and then the tree starts bending. Khamen glances down to see Murray frantically trying to climb the tree and succeeding only in shaking it. He tosses the leaves down.

Murray uses the leaves to create a 'snout' of some sort for his crocodile disguise. The stems of the leaves are clearly visible.

"All right, the last thing we need is one of the guard's military-grade flak jackets."

"I need to steal a what?" asks Khamen.

"Steal one of the guard's shirts," says Bentley. "Just go up to a guard and pickpocket them until you've got their clothing. Just press the circle button once you've gotten close enough. Should be easy for a thief of your caliber, right?"

"That is... I mean—"

"Perfect. Off you go, Khamen."

Boy, does Khamen have some uncomplimentary things to mutter under his breath about this one! But yes, he does manage to steal the shirt off someone's back. He's a Cooper, after all.

And this time, rather than hold up the item, he just tosses it over his shoulder. Murray catches it, and in a moment, TRANSFORMS!... by which I mean he puts the jacket on over the tablecloth. And he looks... like a pink hippo in a jacket with leaves on his face wearing a tablecloth and dragging a fence.

But it appears to satisfy Bentley. "Great. You're all done for now, Khamen. Come on back to the safe-house."

"No." Khamen says, watching Murray wrestle with the tablecloth. With the jacket constraining it, it's wrapped around him properly but the dangling edges for his arms are a problem; Murray tucks them under his gloves.

"No?" asks Bentley.

"I will stay and watch the chariot races. Doubtless the events there shall be entertaining."

"Uh-huh," says Bentley, adjusting his glasses. "You don't think Murray can pull it off, do you."

"No."

"Trust me," says Bentley. "He'll be fine."

All right, moving on, let's go see how Murray's doing. He's... well, he's walking in the front door of the Chariot shop. "I hear you're having a race!" he shouts, banging one fist on the counter.

The shop's owner, a jackal with a lazy eye, blinks at him slowly. "We are," he says, looking Murray up and down. "But it's only open to those who serve the spice lord. Do you—"

"Do I serve the spice lord?" Murray asks, putting one hand to his chest and holding the tablecloth in place. "Of course I do! Would I be wearing this jacket if I didn't?" he asks, turning to show it off, his 'tail' dragging on the floor as he spins.

"I... see," says the Jackal. "Well then, I suppose all is in order... do you have your entry fee?"

"Totally!" Murray says.

When next we see Murray, he's standing in a chariot, picking up the reins. It's not a large vehicle, but it holds him, and it's set high enough that there's a good few feet of space between the bottom and the wheels—a design clearly made so that he can see above the heads of the animal he'll be commanding.

Oh, the animal he'll be commanding? The chariots aren't pulled by horses, you see. They're not pulled by camels, either, though that would make sense in the desert. Oh, no.

They're wild hippos.

That's right. The Murray is going to control a chariot pulled by a wild hippo.

"Okay Murray," says Bentley over the binoc-u-com. "The vehicle you're driving is... a bit strange, but you should be able to handle it. Press the X button to snap your whip in the air; that'll scare it into speeding up. Use the L1 button to pull back on the reins and turn left; use the R1 button to pull back on the reins and turn right; and press both buttons at the same time to slow down or stop. If things get hairy out there, you can use the left analog stick to lean in different directions. Try ramming yourself sideways into some opponents—or even pressing the square button while pressing left or right to punch them. It's all fair here."

All fair indeed.

The Murray trounces the competition, to Khamen's shock, and is awarded a small trophy... and told when to return to the chariot shop to go to the finals.

JOB COMPLETE

*The Murray does a victory pose with his trophy*