INTERLUDE: HAZARD ROOM

Sly enters the hazard room in fine form, cane in hand, twirling it and ready. An unpulled switch stands along the wall, marked in blue; he pulls it, making two platforms lower, one on each side of the room. He jumps onto the nearest one and waits for the force field to start. He pulls out his binoc-u-com. "Okay Bentley, what are we doing in here today?"

"You're a great thief, Sly, but between your captivity and the other events, it's been a while since you've been on a job. We need to do some exercises before you can go back in the field."

"What did you have in mind?" Sly asks, leaning on his cane.

"Let's start with movement." Bentley adjusts his glasses. "Now, you're by far the most maneuverable member of the team. The Thievious Raccoonus contained all sorts of tips from your ancestors."

"None on dating a cop," says Sly.

"Why don't you try impressing her with some rail walking and rail sliding?" Bentley asks, dropping some ropes and wires between the two points. "She was quite taken with Tennessee Kid Cooper when we were in the old west. Just—"

"Jump and hit the circle button to land on pipes and ropes," says Sly. He puts away his binoc-u-com and crosses to the other platform, regaining a feel for walking on different materials and controlling his slide down slippery objects. When he's finished and on the other side he says, "Come on, this is Carmelita we're talking about."

"How about your ninja spire jump?" Machinery raises the ropes and wires and drops down a set of pointed objects: spears, weather vanes, even a few ridiculously sturdy hats. "She never met Rioichi. Jump and press the circle button to land on narrow points."

Sly gets from point A to point B in seconds. "Come on, pal, aren't you going to give me a challenge?"

"Not until you've proven you're still good with tight spaces," says Bentley, dropping an air-vent maze before him. "You're the only member of the team that can get through those."

"I know Carmelita came with you guys just because of me, but... is she a part of the gang now?" asks Sly, crawling through the maze. "I just can't picture her as a thief."

"I can't picture you as a cop, either," Bentley says once Sly's through. "You two can work out whatever craziness you've started later, after we've dealt with our current mess."

"Right. So, you said you had a challenge?"

"When dealing with prepared guards, sometimes there won't be anything to climb. Those are good times to look for cracks or dents that you can use like a wall-hook."

"Oh, I just love finding hooking spots," says Sly. "I just jump and hit the circle button to latch on."

"Yep. Once you're on, lean back—you know, press away from where you're facing—and press the X button to launch yourself upwards. Or, just press the triangle button to let go and drop."

"Leaning on hooks," says Sly. "I'm sure Carmelita would find something arresting about that."

The obstacle this time is an almost sheer wall with lots of nooks and crannies, sparkling blue in typical style to indicate Sly can do one of his master thief moves with them. He makes it to the top of the wall and pauses. "You put an outright hook up here, too, Bentley?"

"I did. Jump and press the circle button to grab onto hooks with your cane; you can then swing back and forth, and press the X button to let go."

"Couldn't I just swing one way?"

"No."

Sly crosses the gap by swinging on hooks to discover the opposite platform has been raised high in the air. "All right then, what's next?"

"I retrieved a new paraglider for you. Press the R1 button—you know, the button you use to run with—while in the air to deploy it. I'm dropping an obstacle course for you; give it a try."

Sly does, with ease.

"All right, that's enough movement," says Bentley, raising the obstacle course out of the way. "Now for a little more complex stuff: actual thieving."

"You're not gonna make me pick locks, are you?" asks Sly. "If any of the guys we steal from found a door forced that way, it'd blow the whole operation."

"Of course I'm not. But I am going to make you do a crash course on pickpocketing."

"Easy, I just sneak up behind someone and press the circle button."

A scarecrow pops out of the floor, on a stick, with a very obvious back pocket with something stuffed inside it. "Why don't you demonstrate that for me?"

Yep. Sly pickpockets a scarecrow, and then has to demonstrate his skills on a moving scarecrow. "Much as I love getting my hand in someone's pants, Bentley, do you have anything more challenging for me to do?" asks Sly over the binoc-u-com.

"Right. Let's review taking down guards. You're good in a fight, Sly, but you're not like Murray."

"I'm the thief, not the muscle; it's best for everyone if no one knows I'm there."

"Course. But sometimes, you're going to have to fight. When you can, keep them from seeing you by using a stealth slam. You can only use this on guards that haven't seen you, Sly. Don't try it on someone already on your tail."

"If someone has my tail, then I'm in trouble."

"Even if it's Carmelita?" asks Bentley, adjusting his glasses.

"Well... depends on if it's a cops and robbers situation or a different one."

"Uh-huh. In any case, sneak up behind a guard—you may have to be even closer for this than for pickpocketing—"

"Because you can't hurt someone with their pants."

Bentley stares at him in silence for several long moments, before sighing and planting his face in his palm. "Are you done making jokes?"

"Sure. For now."

"Sneak up behind them, then press the triangle button to smack them in the air with your cane. Then, while they're still in the air, press the square button to grab them and smack them down hard."

Sly demonstrates this on a scarecrow. Enthusiastically.

"All right Sly, just one last thing. As you know, it's often very useful to go undercover in these operations. I've left you a disguise hooked up to your L2 button; press it to get to work."

Sly does so, and finds himself wearing... a prison costume. "Very funny, Bentley."

"Isn't it, though? Now, guards are paranoid. They often wind up checking on everyone, even each other. In order to keep from being caught, you need—"

"My trade mark Ita'lian A'c-acent!"

"...No. You need to know the passwords. Usually I'll have hacked their databases to discover them before sending you in, but you may need to eavesdrop on guards. Anyway, approach the guard and give him this password: square triangle square square."

Sly walks up to the scarecrow and says, in his trademark Italian Accent, "Squawe Tri-angle Squawe Squawe."

"Okay, that's the last thing I needed you to do," says Bentley, turning off the force-field. He wheels himself out into the room. "Did you have to use the accent?"

"Of course, I love that thing." Sly jumps to the ground.

"It would get you arrested by a native speaker," says Bentley.

"Yeah... it didn't work too well on Rajan, either."

If there were a picture for visible silence, it would show Bentley's expression now. Pure, disbelieving, horrified, 'Of course this is Sly he would do something that stupid' visible silence, shown in a look.

Sly shrugs. "It worked in Arabia."

HAZARD ROOM: COMPLETE