Got a wing-kink there, Kyle?

"Aren't selfies a little tasteless right now?" said Kenny, posing anyway with his arms around Butters and Wendy as she held out her phone. They scrolled through the resulting snapshots, Butters begging for them all to be deleted because he thought he looked terrible. Partly, he was fishing for compliments and knew Kenny would immediately defend his looks, but he agreed with him on the vulgarity of the activity. It wasn't a day he wanted crystal clear memories of, nor the last few weeks, and that made him feel bad because that also meant he didn't want to remember the beginnings of his relationship with Kenny. It was becoming a bittersweet love, tainted and wilting. He was an important thread in his life that had started to unravel. He buried against Kenny and made an important decision.

Stan mistook Kyle's soft smile as being directed at them. Really he was watching Cartman behind them making faces over their shoulders at the camera. Kyle was just as impatient as he was about sending everyone home so they could talk, but they were all concerned about him, and it was mostly Cartman's own fault. He'd shot himself in the foot and they were both paying for it. At the very least Heidi and Bebe had fucked off early, and he had a suspicion as to why. Well, good for them he supposed, but he couldn't help feeling envious.

"A toast," Kenny crowed, passing along a blunt. "To my BFF, Eric Cartman – you magnificent bastard."

"You're supposed to pass it to the left, Poor-boy," Cartman scolded as the tantalising smoke passed by him to Wendy.

She thought for a moment. "To Eric Cartman, the second-best kisser I've ever had. I hope they've got quadruple stack Oreos up there."

"I'm the first-best right?" asked Stan anxiously.

"Yes baby, you're number one." She sighed. Sometimes his fragile ego was a little much to deal with. "Your turn, Stan."

He was already taking a deep toke, his weak lungs retaliating instantly with a thick cough. "Fuck, what can I say?" He looked up at Kyle, gazing back at him expectantly. "I wish you'd let me talk you into joining the football team. We could've hung out more." Wendy patted his knee affectionately.

Kyle only took a small puff of the joint, not being a big fan anyway. "To Eric Cartman, who hates the shit out of us for doing this without him."

They all, including Cartman, snickered and Kenny took the smoke back. "You must have more to say than that."

"I think we all know I've been talking enough to Cartman lately," Kyle said with a wink.

"True," Kenny grinned. "Butters, babe, you don't want in?" Butters had stayed outside the circle, hunched miserably on Kyle's bed. He crossly shook his head. Kenny went and sat beside him. "Don't you have anything to say?"

He instantly crumbled. "I-I have a-a hundred things to-to say."

"Oh Bee," Kenny instinctively gathered his shaking form in his arms.

Worried for Butters, but also sensing an opportunity, Kyle gently advised, "Kenny maybe you should take him home. You know he can't handle weed, even second-hand."

Butters snapped. "Shut up, I'm not some kind of fucking baby." Even Cartman jumped at the sudden outburst.

Kenny rubbed his shoulders soothingly. "Woah, Butters, where did that come from? Kyle's just looking out for you."

"Gosh, m'sorry, Kyle," Butters whispered and tapped his fingers together in a guilty prayer.

Kyle smiled. "It's okay. I get it. Been a long day for all of us." Please please please get the hint.

"We should all go," agreed Stan.

"Fucking finally!" Cartman threw his hands up in exasperation. "Screw you guys, you're going home."

"Does Kyle hate me now?" Butters cold hand shifted in Kenny's warmer one as they walked to his house.

Kenny squeezed his fingers. "Course not, Bee. He understands the stress you're under. He understands better than anyone."

"The difference is I have you. Who's Kyle got?" he sniffled.

"He'll be okay. He's a tough little bastard underneath all the pretty nerd layers."

"So you think he's pretty, huh?" Butters pouted as they approached his front door.

Kenny yanked him into an overly zealous hug punctuated with fiercely apologetic kisses. He pulled back and gasped, "Shit, I forgot, sorry," trying to ignore how turned on Butter's flushed face made him. "If your parents saw they'd ground you and kill me."

"Actually…"

"Though that could be cool. I'd get to hang out with Cartman again. Aw, but man I'd never get to spend his cash so-"

"Kenny!"

"Hmm?"

"My parents aren't home." Butters tapped his fingers together.

Relieved, Kenny gave him a few more kisses, stopping a little while later very reluctantly. "I'll see you tomorrow? We're thinking of hanging out on the basketball court."

Butters fiddled with the toggles on Kenny's parka. "I thought maybe as my parents aren't home you could stay the night."

That made sense. Butters was often nervous about being alone in his house. "Sure. We can watch a movie or something."

"I was sorta thinking we'd go straight to bed," he mumbled shyly.

"Yeah I guess you must be tired after today."

Butter's head fell against Kenny's shoulder. He couldn't believe it was this hard to get South Park's biggest manslut into bed. "I'm not sleepy, Ken."

Cognisance didn't so much dawn on Kenny as it did fly into his face like a fucking comet.

A few feet away, separated by a wall, Cartman waited for Kyle to finish in the shower. He pushed aside the delectable image of Kyle exchanging the funeral suit for his birthday suit and how he would be damp-haired and pink-skinned when he came back. He craned his neck back to give his wings a hopefully stern look. Here he was trying to be good and his wings kept messing things up. "Don't fucking spoil this for me," he warned, not entirely sure what 'this' was.

The bedroom door clicked open and Kyle slipped inside wearing just his bathrobe. Cartman made a noise like a slowly deflating balloon. "Big day, huh?" Kyle remarked, swaying back and forth lightly on the balls of his feet. "Lots of… things happened."

"Yup," Cartman replied, letting the 'p' pop out of his mouth. He was bored of beating around the bush. "How long?"

Kyle titled his head. "That question's a little vague. How long what?"

"How long have you…?" He pointed at himself.

"Oh, uh…" Kyle considered his answer carefully. "I guess when they told me you probably wouldn't make it. At least, that's when I knew." He chuckled softly. "Sorry, when you asked 'How long?' I thought you wanted to make a dick joke or something."

He blinked a few times. "Well NOW I do."

"But if you really want to know," Kyle smirked, "long enough."

"Long en-" Cartman screwed up his eyes. "You sound pretty confident about that, Kahl." Perhaps he was confident because he saw no problem in taking a seat right next to Cartman on the bed. Cartman gulped. A demure Kyle was definitely cute, but a self-assured Kyle was sinfully sexy.

"Cartman?"

His head shrank into his shoulders causing a few extra chins to form. "Ye-yeah?"

"Okay so let me know if I'm being offensive or anything, but… can I touch your wings?"

He was clearly taken aback. "My wings? What for?"

"Don't take this the wrong way…" Kyle looked away timidly and Cartman's eyes locked on the way his robe fell open to his navel. "I think they're kinda beautiful."

He had no response to a confession like that – for anyone to find any part of him beautiful was astounding. "Sure," he eventually whispered, turning slowly so that Kyle had time to duck under the one wing swinging towards him. He fidgeted anxiously, shuddering when he felt the tips of foreign fingers align with the dark vessels meandering through the translucent skin. Then Kyle moved to along the 'arm' of the wing to a small patch inside covered in velvet fur, the same shade as Cartman's hair. Kyle giggled quietly. "It's so soft! Like a kitten or something." He traced down with the grain of the fur to Cartman's back.

"K-" Cartman's skin goose-bumped when Kyle began to tease one of the fingers of a wing.

"Hmm? Something wrong?" Kyle murmured in his reverie.

"You uh… remember I said having wings was like having two extra dicks…"

Kyle dropped his hands to his lap immediately. "OH! Oh God, sorry I…" Mortified, Cartman squirmed in front of him. Kyle hid a laugh with his hands; he couldn't help it. "Do you need a minute? Should I go?"

"I'm kewl," he sniffed trying to be laid-back about the whole thing. "It'll go away."

"But it you needed to, or wanted to," asked Kyle, shifting closer, curious, "could you?"

He had no idea. No body meant no desire, not physically, and he'd barely spent a moment alone long enough to wonder if ghosts could jerk off let alone try it.

He was done wondering. About everything. And Kyle didn't seem to want to wait for an answer either as he slipped back under the wing sliding a hand over his thick thigh. Cartman leant forward, touching their foreheads together as his trademark smirk was already spreading across his face. "Let's find out."

Next chapter:

Kyle shifted closer to nuzzle into his neck and when his hand at fucking last slipped inside his sweatpants Cartman's head fell back with an embarrassing moan.

~~~If the next chapter was a Friends episode it would be called The One Where Everyone Fucks~~~