First off - OH JESUS TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST - I did not mean to be away this long. For those who care what happened was that I meant to update just before I moved with a warning that it might be a week before I got internet. But work and moving got in the way and I thought well so I'll just be a little later than usual no problem but then BT (arsefuckwankers) were messing around with getting our phone line set up for internet. Nowhere around had decent wi-fi and I felt a bit weird dragging my laptop into a pub/coffee shop anyway.

TL;DR - You're actually lucky I didn't update before I disappeared because this chapter has a wee cliffhanger that would have made you throw things into my eyes.

Most people waxed lyrical about the full moon, but Kyle had always been partial to the crescent moon, especially as it was now – in the inertial night sky delicately kissing the mountains beyond his bedroom window. For weeks he'd sat on the sill staring blindly at the frozen wilderness, wondering how even nature seemed dead to him. Now he couldn't believe he'd never noticed how alive it was. Everything moved, spoke, felt, saw, and all at a fingertip's reach.

He shifted his legs up onto the windowsill, wished he smoked because he'd probably look kind of cool right now gazing out through slowly falling sleet ruminating like some tragic hero in a French movie. His Sonic the Hedgehog underwear would probably ruin that image now that he thought about it. Thinking further he noticed there was indeed a full moon tonight as Cartman lay prone on the bed chewing his pillow in his sleep, plump pale butt on display where he hadn't bothered to pull up his pants. Not that Kyle was complaining, but the view was comforting and terrifying all at the same time.

How long could they keep up a relationship like this? One where it wasn't a case of worrying that your loved one would die ahead of you, but knowing it had already happened. That it was only a matter of time before they were separated. They could attempt to space out the time between each good deed, eke a few more precious moments together. But would Satan ignore that kind of blatant behaviour? It could come back to bite them. He groaned into his fist.

"If you're going to regret this," Cartman yawned from the bed, "Could you maybe wait until after we've fucked a few more times? That'd be sweet."

Silent as an owl Kyle swooped back under the sheets beside him, tugging him into a vice-like embrace. "I don't regret this. I'm just a worrier. You know that."

Cartman brought a hand to his back and traced a thumb down his shoulder blade. "Actually, I always thought that part of you was kind of cute."

"Maybe, but I have a feeling it's aging me."

Cartman nosed his compact curls. "I think you'd look good with a bit of grey in there. Get a silver fox thing going on. I don't mind dating an older guy."

"You might have to." Kyle considered him with a deeply furrowed brow. "You're going to be eighteen forever or at least until... But I'm going to keep aging."

"So?"

"So?! No-one can see you but me. From the outside I'm going to be that stereotypical creepy old gay guy that lives alone with his cats." Cartman's burst of laughter earned him a distressed smack on the arm. "It's not funny, Cartman! Stan's worried enough as it is. If I stop dating, start living alone, continue talking to myself…"

"Just tell people you're asexual or some shit."

"That doesn't explain the talking to myself. And I'm not going to lie about something like that."

"Well go on a few dates then. Enough to not make people suspicious."

"And you'd be cool with that?"

"So long as you don't fuck them." His heart skipped. "Would you?"

"Of course not."

"Good," he nodded firmly. "Don't want anyone touching what's mine."

Kyle wriggled away from his searching lips. "I'm sure in your head that sounded romantic but it isn't. I'm not your property, Cartman."

"Then I'll be yours."

That wasn't really any better and Kyle drew back to look through streaks of milky moonlight at Cartman's endearingly sincere face, then ran his fingers along the stubble-free jawline thinking back to what had started the conversation in the first place. Forever young, something other people strived for but he'd have given anything for the pair of them to grow old together. For lines to form over the years around eyes and jowls and necks. Knowing them they'd probably spend their twilight years having passionate arguments over whose turn it was to have the Viagra that night. The thought made him chuckle to himself and he answered Cartman's quizzical frown with a kiss rougher than he intended but not at all a bad mistake to make when he felt a hand scoot up the leg of his underwear. Cartman didn't ask but Kyle mumbled, "We've got a few minutes…" anyway and the poor Sega mascot found itself almost ripped away from his body and hurtled to the floor landing on a blue and yellow beanie. Kyle's hand stumbled upon and grasped at the thick cock ready and willing beside his thigh. "Already?"

"That's the best thing about fucking a ghost – short recovery time," Cartman said with a smug grin. "Though I've got to admit I was always the hair-trigger type."

"Good to know," Kyle smirked back. His dick was following suit in its own enlargement and they thrust a little awkwardly at first, each trying to find the other's rhythm but it didn't hide all that well and soon they were panting into mouths and rubbing Kyle's precome over their cocks.

A rattling of keys at the front door made them both groan and not in the way either wanted. "Keep going," Cartman whispered.

"Dude, no way. What if they walk in on us? And what are you whispering for, they can't hear you."

"Oh yeah, good point." Cartman pushed him over and wrapped his legs around his sides. "I can be as loud as I fucking want."

"Don't you dare, Cartman," Kyle spluttered, voice as weak as his resolve and shattering into pieces of silence as an impudent tongue met his nipple. Hopefully this was as far as he'd go. The last thing Kyle needed was his parents walking in and seeing him legs akimbo and asshole yawning wide from some unseen force. He wasn't exactly vanilla but he wasn't that kinky. As he heard their approach up the stairs Cartman sensed Kyle enter the realm of fear and stopped his attentions.

"Bubby?" Mrs. Broflovski rapped lightly at the door. "Are you awake?" The two teens gave one another a glance of understanding and lay mute.

"Don't bother the boy Sheila, he's had a rough day."

"I know but… I just want to check on him."

"Is this about what Liane said? She wasn't trying to scare you. She didn't mean anything by it."

"Trust you to take her side. Sometimes I wonder if you don't still have a thing for her."

Kyle could hear his father's feet shuffle along the carpet awkwardly. "That's nonsense honey, that was years ago."

"Maybe, but those boys could have been brothers if Jack Tenorman hadn't got in the way.

Brothers? Now there was a boner-killing notion, thought Cartman. They swapped similar grimaces once the Broflovskis finally left the doorway. Kyle let out a long-held breath as soundlessly as he could. "Fuck," they both uttered in unison.

"Man I hope after all this we don't turn out to be brothers."

Kyle cocked his head at him with a fond smile. "At least you wouldn't have any ginger in you anymore."

"Actually I don't think it would be so bad to have a little ginger in me." Cartman gripped his russet-haired lover's ample cock. "Or even a lot of ginger."

"I'll hold you to that."

"You can hold anything you want, Kahl." They kissed each other, long and hard as their dicks, exasperated it could only be that for now. "To be continued?" Cartman queried optimistically.

"After my game with the guys tomorrow," Kyle looked over at his clock, "today in fact, my parents are going out with Ike. We have the whole afternoon."

"Sweet." Cartman wriggled excitedly back under the covers with him. "Hey, now that you mention the little dildo, I didn't hear him with your parents just now."

Kyle nodded sleepily into his pillow, thinking on what Mrs. Cartman might have said to his mother to get her so rattled. "Mmyeah – he left the funeral party hours ago. Probably in his room reading all night or something."

"So…" Cartman pondered. "So he's been here all night?"

Kyle sat bolt upright.

That moustachioed man was back, Damien noticed upon entering his father's throne room, draped across a nearby couch, black tie casually loose across his teal shirt. He sat up at Damien's presence and politely bowed. Damien waved the gesture away; he had no time for grovelling. "Father," he called out and Satan looked up from his crocheted poncho. He was doing quite well, for once, and he clicked his tongue in irritation at having his concentration disrupted. "Father, I apologise for continuing to disobey your orders, and you may chastise me when I'm finished but first you must hear of this: Eric Cartman is having intercourse with the living."

"The red-haired boy?"

"Of course."

Satan threw the poncho to the floor. "Damnation, he has moved faster than I thought. Jack, I owe you ten dollars."

The moustachioed man flopped back onto the couch. "Takes after his old man. The apple and the tree, falling and all that."

"I don't understand." Damien scowled at being left out of what appeared to be an in-joke between his father and a stranger.

"This is Jack Tenorman, Eric's sire."

Damien laughed scornfully. "How proud you must be."

"The little shit isn't so bad," he shrugged off the comment. "Sad I didn't get to know him better really."

"Oh I don't know, Jack. I heard you spent some rather quality time together towards the end of your life."

He shrugged again, looking over at the portal Satan had conjured up on the wall beside his throne. His large son was curled around the body of another boy, both sleeping like the dead. "How sweet."

Satan nodded. "It seems that your idea may very well work, Jack."

"Oh," Damien sniffed loftily. "Have we deviated from our original plan already?"

"As I recall you were against it from the very beginning," Satan mocked. "But no matter. Jack informed, or rather reminded me of a very important factor regarding Eric Cartman. This quest is beyond him, and it always shall be."

"That makes no sense. Explain," Damien snapped.

Jack slithered up beside him with an inhuman dexterity and hissed into his ear, "Some leopards cannot change their spots."

Damien turned and his onyx eyes widened at the blood-red wings extending from behind Jack's back. He swivelled back to his father, stammering.

"Good help is so difficult to find," he enlightened his son. "So sometimes you have to make it."

"Make it?"

"My dear friend here is a human-turned-demon, one of many I have created over the years."

"Why would anyone agree to become a demon? Agree to be your eternal slave?"

"Power of course," Jack chimed in. "Why do you think the Denver Broncos were suddenly performing so well? Satan approached us with an offer only a few of use refused. It was enough to secure a lot of victories for us."

"Until you broke the terms of the contract and bred in your new configuration."

"So then Cartman…" Damien considered this new information with a great deal of concern. "Is he the only one?"

"There have been others over the centuries, some still on Earth and some safely concealed here in Hell. Their wings are hidden to protect their identity. I only revealed Eric's to aid him. They are a window of sorts, to one's true intentions. They have been rather beneficial to him to my knowledge."

Jack smirked. "They certainly sped things up. Phase Two can happen now."

Damien looked from him to his father cagily. "Phase Two?"

"If you can't change a heart for the better," Jack lingered a hand over the portal, covering Kyle's body with its shadow. "You can always break it."

Satan nodded and with a low back-of-the-throat chuckle he held out his fingers and upon a snap Cartman's body began to fade.

Next chapter:

It was exactly the sort of moment where Cartman felt drunk enough from sex to say, "I love you," but the words were heavy and clay-like on his tongue and dribbled out in a strange unmelodic hum into the skin of Kyle's neck. He'd quickly regret that lost chance.