Chapter 15,

Hey guys, this one is a long but i couldn't cut it, i hope you don't mind.

...

Born on the wrong side of the ocean
With all the tides against you
You never thought you'd be much good for anyone
But that's so far from the truth

I know there's pain in your heart
And you're covered in scars
Wish you could see what I do- Aquaman thyme song.

...

Danny clasped his hands together in excitement. "Now that you've seen the not so good side of New Jersey, it's time I show you the fabulous side of it, what do you say?"

Steve scoffed, "Right, please don't let it involve snakes again, Danny."

"Am I ever gonna live that up?"

"Not a chance. Next time you trash Hawaii or even think about it, if you so much as you complain about the sun or the sand…." Steve was saying.

"Oh, come on!" Danny complained.

"Or pineapples," Lou added.

"I'm gonna bring up your trashy alleys with deadly snakes in them." Steve finished.

"It was just one snake Steve and your terribly bad luck. Do you know how rare and weird it is to even see a snake in New jersey? My entire life, and I've never seen a snake in Jersey until you came along."

"So, it's my fault now?"

"It's entirely your fault. I spent my whole life in Hawaii dodging bullets whenever I'm with you. Now I come to Jersey for the first time with you and suddenly there are snakes here? I mean, I thought you being a trouble magnet only involved bad guys and bullets, Steven!"

"Oh, way to turn the tables Danno. The fact remains, Jersey sucks. I doubt there's anything you're going to show me that's going to change my mind."

"Wait till you see…"

"Let's just go, Danny. Your mom will be waiting for us."

Danny's parents had been all too happy to host them for Christmas. Lou was the only one who couldn't stay for Christmas, he was taking his family to Chicago to celebrate Christmas with his parents this season. Rachel had flown in with Grace and Charlie. They had a big house that had raised five children, they also had a basement so, rooms were just enough to house everyone and avoid going to a hotel. At this time of year, it would be a nightmare.

Laura was still in a numb bubble in spite of two days of sightseeing and being pampered by Danny's parents who had taken her in their own. She still could not believe it. It still felt like a dream and she didn't know how to shake herself out of this numbness, to shake off the protective scales around her heart and enjoy this time with friends. She could not believe it had all gone away, just like that. She was free. She didn't even have to look over her shoulders in fear anymore, she didn't have to run, or locked up for this again. She recalled as she had sat in the judge's chamber later after the court ruling with the Judge, the D.A, some government officials she didn't bother to remember and the CIA Director himself. Of course, Danny and Steve were there as they refused to leave her side at any time, especially at a time like this and she really appreciated it. She was handed the official release papers, and an official Presidential pardon. So, that's what had done it. Apparently, her release deal had been negotiated and signed while she was still in solitary confinement at Springcreek, a whole week before she was meant to testify. She had been free for a week in that horrible place and didn't even know it. But since everything had been so covert that she didn't even know she was going to be testifying until she was on the stand, they could not even get her consent for her testimony. It was just as well because she wasn't sure she would have been able to find the courage to stand up to that bully. She had been locked in fear for so long she might not have been able to stand on her own. And she had been right to fear, if not for Steve and Danny, she might not have made it to the stand at all. Would probably never have seen this day of her freedom. The Presidential Pardon was not being made a matter of public record. So, they were still keeping some skeletons. But it didn't matter, the Presidential Pardon was enough to secure her freedom from anyone who would try and bring up this matter again in court. She was free, as far as the law was concerned. But was she safe? The Director of the CIA had offered his apologies and offer her a job as a chemical engineer. She politely declined and hoped she had swallowed the bile and fear down her throat discreetly. She didn't think she'd ever hear the abbreviation CIA again without being spooked.

Now,two days after, she sat alone on the patio observing like the outsider she was, the boisterous arguments, the jokes, the happy laughter and the preparations going on around her. She would help out when asked too, but she really liked to observe, to take it all in and maybe force herself into believing it. It wasn't happening. She smiled at the jokes going on with the guys as she kept her hands busy pealing beans.

"Hey."

Steve had excused himself from the group to come sit with her. She had not seen him move, too deep in thought and reverie.

She looked up at him and smiled. She had been smiling a lot lately, he liked that.

Steve took a been from a bowl on her lap and started to peel. "This is harder than it looks." Steve said, having taken a considerable amount of time peeling one been then reached for another.

"Not everything requires bruit force."

"Oh, is that sass I hear? Now you sound like Danny. You two plotting against me?" Steve said with laughing eyes. She was coming to life; the ice was melting and that stab of sarcasm more than indication that.

She only smiled back at him, placed the bowl between them on the bench and looked out in space with a sad smile. The smiles were easy with her now, but Steve would give anything to see her laugh. To hear cry. Just to crack that armor she still had on firmly around her. He was afraid it may never completely go off because of what she had gone though, she would never completely enjoy anything, and he wished he could change that somehow. There are wounds that never show on the body but are more painful and real than anything that bleeds. Steve knew it all too well. This had become a new life mission for him, to make her laugh, to really feel the joy of everything like she used to before all this happened to her. She had a lot of pent up grief inside, a lot of guilt and anger too, and he needed her to let it go.

"You're missing your parents?" Steve asked tentatively, taking another bean to peel.

"Yeah, I miss them. I miss them a lot." She said with a sigh. "Especially this time of Christmas."

"How was Christmas at home with your parents?"

"It was usually just my parents and I and a few friends. My last Christmas with them, Joe, my fiancé, was present too. We would have a Christmas tree much like that one." She indicated the tree in the Williams' Living-room. "No, this one is much bigger. I've always wanted a bigger tree."

"This one?" Steve asked with a surprised smirk.

"Oh yeah. I've always wanted to fill up the house with a huge Christmas tree. When I was younger, I would look up at a tree like this and it'd seem much larger. It made me feel like Christmas was so much bigger than I could comprehend. When I grew, the size of the trees was no longer impressive, because I grew taller and they became smaller, so did my awe of them and Christmas. It fast became just another day. My mind grew too scientific for me to appreciate the real meaning of Christmas. But I remember it being warm, and happy…it was home." She said wistfully.

Steve took in everything she said. "Family usually makes it more special."

"It does." She agreed. "I heard you lost both your parents too, your mom even more recently. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," He sighed. He could either brush it off or let her in. He had never really talked about it to anyone. The people whom he would normally talk to already knew, that was his sister and Danny. His sister had shared it with him, and Danny had been there through most of it. He hadn't needed to explain his feelings, these two people had already an uncomfortably deep understanding of it. Now he was taking one more in.

"For a long time, my parents stopped being the kind of parents you remember yours to be." Steve said. "Christmas at home stopped when I was sixteen, when my mom died for the first time." He looked at her puzzlement and force himself to go into detail. "I loved my dad, my sister, but Doris…For a long time I thought I hated her, when I found that she had faked her death. I resented her, but like any grownup with childhood mommy issues, I longed for the time we could be a family again. I had that when she moved back home when I brought her from Korea. But I was too busy resenting her for being fake dead this whole time and loving that she was alive at the same time." He said with regret. "I should have known that was the last we were going to have moments like that again. I should have realized that my wish to have my mom again and be a family had been miraculously granted. I should have…Instead i…"

Laura reached out and touched his arm, her eyes full of compassion. Her touch always had a jolt of electricity that alarmed him but was reluctant to lose.

"It wouldn't matter if you had parted on the best of terms, if you had been the best son and she had been the best mother, it would hurt just the same, and guilt doesn't make it any easier." She spoke from experience, wanting to ease his pain.

"You're probably right. I wish you would take the same advice for yourself. Let it all go." Steve said.

She scoffed, Steve wished it was a laugh or even a sob, "You, better than anyone, know it's easier said than done. I have a lot more lives on my conscience that my parents."

"You didn't kill any one of them. "

"I did kill one."

"The inmate?"

She nodded.

"Tell me what happened."

She sighed, "Her name was Gretchen, she wasn't so bad, at least she wasn't one of the gangs I would have expected to exhibit such behavior."

"She came at you with the shank." Steve said in comprehension.

She nodded. "It was time to go to the yard and everyone was filing out. She came close to me, hoping to stab me and disappear in the chaos. We were still on the first floor. Somehow, I turned and saw her coming, we struggled and tumbled down the stairs with the knife between us. She fell with the knife turned on her, the impact impaled it in her chest. I was shocked to find it wasn't me who got it."

"But you had blood on your hands again and they put you in solitary." Steve said.

She nodded. "I swear that day, I really wished she had killed me."

"I'm glad she didn't." Steve said meaningfully. "They all failed for a reason Laura. You didn't kill anyone; you were a victim. The dead were lucky to have gotten off so easily compared to what you've been through. But you came through. You've got to start living now. You've been given another chance to line again."

"You know," She said wistfully, "one thing that kept me sane in solitary were the books. I had a choice of the library, a little of yard time separate from the others because I was dangerous, and Chapel."

Steve felt raw for the little girl who had been forced to live like that for something she hadn't done. The world was never fair, and he held firm to his conviction; they had no say in it.

"I didn't read science, although I didn't know the whole story like I do now, I knew that science had brought this on me. I hated it and I read everything else but science. I was raised a good, God fearing and loving girl, but after my parents were killed too, I had nothing left to pray for. Nothing to want anymore. I felt so betrayed by God I made sure never to darken the door of the Chapel with my shadow, even if it meant more time inside my dark, depressing cell. I just couldn't find the guts to kill myself."

Steve was glad she hadn't done that.

She sighed, looking up in the clouds thoughtfully, "But now, after all that has happened, I can see I was being hidden. Protected. I liked the peace and quiet of solitary; I could have been easily killed again in general population. Gretchen had been paid or blackmailed to kill me, someone else would have taken out the job and done it successfully had it not turned out the way it did. I look back now and look at how things have worked out so suddenly, and I think I'm beginning to understand. I wasn't ready to die, and I was being preserved by God, even as I hated him so much for ten good year. We may have no say in how things turn out, but God does and once in a while he writes in a happy ending. We may not have much of a say Steve, but we have one on our side who does. I'd like to believe that in the end, we win."

She didn't cry as she spoke, not even a smart of tears, but Steve's throat had clogged with tears he couldn't shed for her. He heard what she said and applied it to himself. He had thought Christmas was going to be one bleak occasion for him this season, but it was looking like it could very well be one of his best. He could see the light out of that deep depression he had been nursing for the last couple of months, even longer than that if were being that honest with himself. Much longer. But now he could feel the breeze of a new beginning.

"I don't know why I was preserved, but I'm starting to see how." She said.

"We don't usually get the full picture until it's complete." Steve said contemplatively. "And it's still being written."

She sighed and looked up into his eyes, a smart of tears but not quite. "For money. He did it all…for money."

The tears were more in her voice that in her eyes, Steve observed. There was a lot of pent up bitterness threatening to spill through. Steve wished she would let it out and let it go. "There are bad people in this world Laura. It is the weak who are cruel, and gentleness is always expected of the strong. Even now you're gentle and kind, even after what you've been through. You're one strong lady and this experience will only make you stronger."

"Hey, you two love birds," Danny stuck his head out and yelled at them, "Get in here, it's time for lunch."

…..

At the CIA Headquarters, the CIA Director passed the news to the office staff that the former Deputy Director of the CIA had been stabbed to death in prison. It looked like the prison mates had learned of his former position and didn't take kindly to it. He had known this would happen, that was why he had been doing everything he could to make sure they put him somewhere safe, like solitary or something. At least that's what he had told his colleagues with an appropriately bereaved face, and that's the story everyone was going to hear and believe. What was there not to believe? He went back to his office and sat down on his desk. One loose end neatly taken care off, one or several others left. He would give Laura Mallory a few months or even years for this to die down. It wouldn't look good if she suddenly had a freak accident, she had received a Presidential pardon after all. No, he was thorough about things but smart. So much smarter and patient than his now deceased prodigy. But Laura Mallory was a loose end that had to go, and again this time she was going to take a lot more people with her.

…..

The next day they went Ice Skating. Steve was really excited about it, anticipating the competition. He figured he's only needed a few tutorials before he could challenge his tutor to a match.

"Is everything a competition to you?" Danny complained after Steve had challenged him for a match.

"What, you're afraid I'll beat you at your own game? On your turf no less?" Steve taunted.

Laura smiled as the others laughed at the two bickering grown men, they were comically competitive. Danny did finish first on the race but only just. Steve gave him a run for his money for someone who had just had a few lessons so far, he really got the hang of it quick. Danny had given most everyone a lesson, Junior was competing with Tani on the other side of the snowy cliff.

Charlie made a jump from the cliff, "Uncle Steve look out!" He yelled with his little voice and they all got out of his way to watch in amazement as he made a clean landing.

"Woooow, awesome little man!" Steve high-fived with Charlie, then turned to Danny. "No way I'm gonna let Charlie beat me on that cliff. I'm going up." He said, picking his way up the highest cliff in the snow.

Danny threw his hands up in the air in despair, "What's wrong with you? What's wrong with him?" He asked rhetorically. "Steven, if you break a leg, don't come crying to me."

"You sure you're not scared of breaking your leg if you take up a little bit more challenge Danno?" Steve yelled back.

"Who the hell do you think taught Charlie to make that jump, you overgrown child?!" Danny yelled, taking the bait and following Steve up the cliff. "If you break your neck making that jump, don't blame me for putting that cliff there, like you did with the snake."

"I never said you put the snake there, I just merely pointed out that it's a Jersey thing." Steve said with a comical shrug. "And if I happen to break my neck, I'll just put it down to all the things I hate about New Jersey."

Tani and Junior came up on the mountain too, "Oh, don't listen to him Danny. Jersey is awesome!" Tani shouted with excitement.

"Thanks, Tani." Danny said.

"Sell out." Steve and Junior said in unison.

"Look, all I'm saying is, I've had the most terrible experience of Jersey, there's a lot to make up for here. All I've seen so far is snow, Danno." Steve jibbed.

Steve made the jump and made a loud exhilarated hoot for someone who was arguing that he wasn't having a great time in Jersey. Danny made the jump too, although with less surprised excitement. The two made it back the cliff to jump off again.

Laura followed the bickering with an amused smile. Danny had given her a few lessons and she could skate around on steady ground, but she wasn't ready to take the risk of the cliff yet. She watched in admiration as even Tani made the exhilarating jump with a scream of glee, going back there again to do it again. Laura stayed back getting more lessons from Grace and Rachel, making their own safe fun with Mr and Mrs Williams Senior.

"Rach, Laura, come up here." Danny yelled, "Why are you dawdling with old people? I don't mean you mom." He yelled.

His dad threw him a snowball, caught him on his helmet and the group laughed. "That will teach you to call me old."

Danny smile in good humored chagrin. "Grace, what are you doing down there?! Come up here."

"Let's go." Grace said with barely concealed glee. She had not wanted to leave Laura and her mom alone but had really wanted to go up that high cliff.

Rachel laughed, "Come on, I know you've been wanting to go there since they started jumping off that cliff."

Grace peeled off to go take a jump she was no doubt very familiar with.

Laura thought she would just skate around on the safe area and wouldn't have to take the jump, but Steve pulled her to him as soon as she came up that cliff.

"You ready?"

"No way. I'm not making that jump." She protested.

"Oh, come on, I know you're not a chicken. You'd let Charlie beat you?"

He was so funny she wanted to laugh, "Yes, unlike you, I have no problem with that."

"Oh, I think that's a lie. I know that gigantic brain of yours is feeling really repressed right now."

"I think you're right. If you give me a scientific equation, I'm sure it would jump to the occasion."

"Oh, come on, I'll jump with you." Steve persisted. She got a little more courage seeing Rachel make the jump holding hands with Danny. It was a long jump, but she was the only one beside the senior Williams who hadn't made the jump yet, and Steve wasn't letting her go. She took a deep breath and took his hand.

They skated from a distance and then picked up speed to make the jump. When she started flying off that height something broke in her. She screamed, in glee, in fright, but it had been ten years since she had exhibited such emotion. Ten years since she had allowed herself to feel, but now she did.

As she made the landing, she bumped into Steve who was waiting ahead of her with open arms, to break her fall. She held on to him and laughed with exhilaration. She laughed so hard and then the tears broke. He held her, cooing her as she cried, letting go of the anger, the hopelessness, all the bitterness she had pent-up inside.

"It's ok, let it out, let it all out." Steve cooed. She buried her face in his shoulder, she hadn't cried in ten years, not a single tear. She didn't know when it started, when she had gone so completely numb. Was it when she had seen her colleagues gunned down? Was it when she had seen the life of that young boy and his father at the Gas Station go out? Was it seeing Joe's photo, dead for no reason at all than that he had loved her? She knew what had finally shut her down completely, hearing that parents had been killed in a tragic car accident on their way from visiting her in prison. The walls had been erected from there on, but now the walls broke.

Steve held her tight as she cried, glad that finally the armor was coming apart. For money. Of all the reasons, money was why she was made to go through all this. His anger on her behalf was barely controlled but he wanted her to feel again, to see the new light in her life now. He needed her to start believing that it was all over, it was all real.

He kissed her forehead as her tremors receded, he held her back from his shoulder and wiped away her tears with both hands as she looked up at him with such heart-breaking eyes. He would work the rest of his life to make her laugh again, to make her smile with happiness. He didn't cringe from that line of thought which normally would have him running the opposite direction. He kissed her nose, then kissed her lips with all the love he felt inside of him, needing her to feel it. Needing to replace that fear and pain with love. He knew why she had been spared, so she could find herself to him and give him this. To give him a new beginning, a new light in the deep darkness he had been in. It was a wonder that a girl with so many of her own issues was the one who carried the torch to bring him out of his own. But she was, and he wasn't afraid. He kissed her again.

"Funny thing is, I think I'm falling in love with you." He whispered.

She looked up at him with teary eyes, "I think I'm falling in love with you too. And I'm scared."

"It's ok, I got you."

…..

'Cause baby, everything you are
Is everything I need
You're everything to me
Baby, every single part
Is who you're meant to be
'Cause you were meant for me
And you're everything I need