Urgh, okay I wanted to put this off a little longer but this chapter is giving me a hernia. It's a bit of an iffy one that I know will make some people bay for my blood. I shall offer no spoiler other than the reassurance that there is no cheating in this story. Apart from Jack and Gerald but that's in the past.

Cartman woke still a little heady from the afterglow of early morning fucking and nudged nearer to Kyle's back. There was a sleep-filled murmur of disagreement from him before he remembered where he was and who it was and he pulled the wandering arms around him closer. It was exactly the sort of moment where Cartman felt drunk enough from sex to say, "I love you," but the words were heavy and clay-like on his tongue and dribbled out in a strange unmelodic hum into the skin of Kyle's neck. He'd quickly regret that lost chance.

He felt his fingers coil inwards and meet nothing, not bare stomach nor taut muscle nor downy teenage chest hair, and his eyes flew open in a well-deserved panic to see Kyle fading in front of him. The whole room in fact was swiftly being replaced by a vastness of red and black stone and the stink of sulphur and the helpless distant pleas of the Damned. His knees hit the rust-coloured dust of gravel paving and a large hand covered the back of his head with a vicious burning.

"Welcome to Hell, Eric."

Cartman jumped up and adjusted his clothes to a more modest arrangement. "What the fuck am I doing here?"

"You look disappointed," Satan smiled. "Was this not your intention? To go to Hell."

"Not right now! How the fuck have I racked up enough hippy points in just a few days? This is bullshit!"

"Let us just say you have time off for good behaviour."

"Then give me some back. What do I have to do? Scam an old lady? Steal candy from a baby? Kick a puppy?"

"Would you really kick a puppy just to get back to that boy?"

His wings slumped in defeat. Probably not, and besides Kyle would be mad at him if he found out. "No, but the other two are cool with me. Sound hella fun actually."

"There shall be no need for any such occurrence."

"Wait," Cartman growled – something Satan had said was grabbing at his attention and shaking it violently – "What do you care about Kyle? Have you got some kind of problem with him?"

Satan shook his head gravely.

"With us?"

"You cannot have sexual congress with the living. It is forbidden, except for designated incubi and succubi."

His wings arched outwards in anger. "Well fuck me for not getting the memo. You never said nothing about that."

"I should have hoped it would be obvious." He held up his hand for silence as Cartman began to protest. "It does not matter. You are here now, and here you shall stay. Try to enjoy your time until you are reunited again." He turned as if to go then looked back at Cartman's suffering with a satisfied chortle. "Of course, if that boy loves you as much as he says, that might not be so very long."

Fury propelled Cartman forward before sense could stop him but Satan had already disappeared into a cloud of smoke. He landed on the sharp stones with a frustrated yell scrabbling at them until his skin was as red as the floor.

"Cartman?" A silken voice pervaded his misery like the fragrance of camomile. He raised his head and had to squint at the brightness above him; an eerie radiance in contrast to the absorbing dark of the world around them. A black cloak was the only hint of a (Cartman guessed male) body and long limp pale hair framed an even longer limper paler face. Snow-storm eyes sunk back into dark sockets were the only part of him one could attempt to call ugly, but even they looked exquisite in a tragic sort of way. A slender hand poked through the cloth and gestured for Cartman to follow. If he hadn't been so irrepressibly daffy for Kyle he might have followed this beauty anywhere he asked. But he had enough wits about him to be suspicious and not fall into a trap over a pretty face.

And then he noticed the ridiculous little brown cap perched on the boy's head – completely out of place on such loveliness – but this was his only and biggest clue to their identity. "Holy shit… Pip?!"

"You remember me?" he whispered disbelievingly and a smile shone out of him in a way that slapped Cartman upside the head.

Dammit, I've fucked one dude and now I'm gaying all over the place. Cartman gathered himself as best he could. "Sure I do, who could forget someone so annoying?" The face Pip made damn near broke his heart. "But I mean, who wasn't annoying as a kid, huh? Kids are brats. Fuck, look at me right?"

Pip tittered musically.

"But damn look at you now. When'd you turn into Legolas?"

He blushed at the compliment. "Thank you. But we shouldn't be out here much longer."

"Why?"

"This is Level Thirteen. I'm not supposed to be here. And neither are you. Not past orientation at least."

Cartman folded his arms; suspicious always his default outlook on the world. "You're going to have to give me more info than that before I go anywhere with you."

"I will, I'll tell you as much as I can. But first we need to hide."

Cartman regarded him warily for a moment. Pip was basically the English Butters. Quiet and nervous and unassuming. But he'd seen him turn before and it was scary. Cartman realised he didn't have much choice and his wings fluttered in their accord. "Lay on, MacPoof," he drawled and let Pip lead him away down between a craggy crevice and into a series of dimly lit caves. Quite how they were lit Cartman couldn't work out. There were no candles or bioluminescence that he could see. They just somehow glowed, rather like Pip.

Pip tucked his cape beneath his knees and lowered himself to the floor staring around cautiously until he was moderately sure they were alone. He slid his hand along the bare rock in front and a shimmering mercurial pool formed. "Kewl!" exclaimed Cartman sprawling beside him. "What is it?"

"Would you like to see Kyle?"

"Serious? Through that?"

He nodded. "It's a bit like live television. Not everyone can access this power though. Only the devil or devil-blessed."

"Blessed?" It seemed a funny word to associate with evil.

"I suppose 'corrupted' is more accurate."

"Corrupted? Oooh," Cartman snickered loudly. "You mean fucked. Who stuck their devil dick in you then, Pip? Can't be Satan, he's a total bottom."

Pip turned a dark shade of pink. "It's not your business. And I've half a bally mind to not let you see Kyle at all now."

"I'm sowwy, Pwip," Cartman simpered clinging onto his arm. "I'll be good from now on. Pweeease Pwip. Let me see my Kyley-wyley." Pip speedily relented at his begging if only to save his ears from the high-pitched whinging. A moment's concentration brought Kyle onto the screen and Cartman shuffled forward to get a better view. It was far later in the morning than when he woke before and Cartman could just make out the time on the alarm clock. It would be going off soon and sure enough it did the moment he thought it. Kyle stretched out lithe limbs across his bed and was quick to realise that shouldn't be possible. He sat up searching around the room and the lump in Cartman's throat was large and jagged as he watched powerlessly.

"Cartman?" Kyle called out and it was the loneliest sound he'd ever heard. "This better not be a prank." Fuck Cartman wished it was a prank. "I swear to God, Cartman, if you jump out at me I'll…" Kyle looked under the bed, in the closet, the desk and the hallway once he'd put on his robe. "Please," his voice broke, "please be a prank. Please jump out at me, Cartman."

Cartman brushed his hand across the portal and the transmission fizzled away. "No more," he croaked miserably, hugging his knees to his forehead as best as his round stomach allowed. Pip stared at the blank wall and then at Cartman. He shouldn't have been able to close the portal. Not unless…

Pip closed his fingers gently around Cartman's shoulder. "Would you like some cookie dough or something? Always helps me when I'm down in the dumps."

"Do I look like a teenage fucking girl, Pip? There's no nice way to say this and even if there was I wouldn't use it – fuck off." He waited for the fingers to disappear and really they should have done if Pip had an ounce of self-respect. But he didn't and instead Cartman felt himself embraced warmly, lips against his temple punctuated by a quiet rhythmic song of, "I know, I know."

Kyle was determined not to think the worst, to panic, to start the grieving process all over again. He was already exhausted from depression, body crumbling around him as effortlessly as his mind. He just couldn't do it. So he wasn't going to. Cartman was coming back. He was a maniacal piece of shit and it was impossible for one little will to cover all of his indiscretions over the years. He had to believe in that if not him.

He stepped into the shower looking down at his camp-tanned body, unmarred by any of their lascivious activities; the only evidence of their coupling was 'Eric' invisibly writ across his trembling heart.

They'd thrown caution to the wind at around dawn, screeching birds awaking them, and finding that they were both rested enough and hard again, and certain that everyone else was asleep they entwined again with muffled giggles and lube-slicked cocks and Cartman pinning him down when he entered him as if he were hoping the heat of their bodies would weld them together permanently. If only, Kyle thought grimly as he stroked his cock at the memory, pressing back against the slippery bathroom tiles for what little support they gave. No, not a memory he corrected himself, memory implied something past and ended. It was a recollection, a snippet of more to come.

Sated and quivering and fatigued, Kyle cleaned up, and wrapped his plush green bathrobe around himself feeling a little more positive in spite of an anxious nausea bubbling in his stomach. A rush of steam followed him out of the door and so he almost blindly tripped over his little brother on the floor. "Sorry Ike, were you waiting for the bathroom?"

He leapt up and eyed him curiously. "Who was in your room last night?"

Kyle swallowed. "My room? No-one."

"Well, you must have been jerking it something fierce. The plaster was coming off the ceiling. C'mon tell me! Was it Kenny? Isn't he with Butters now?"

"What in the Hell makes you think it was Kenny?" Kyle asked, dumbstruck by the accusation.

"I'm not stupid, Kyle. You've had him in there a few times." For the first time that morning, Kyle was glad Cartman had gone AWOL. God knew how he'd react to that revelation.

But he was still at a loss as to how to explain last night to his brother. "It wasn't Kenny. I'd never do that to Butters, and neither would he. I did have a guy in there but he's gone already." Not gone, his mind remonstrated, just not here right now. "We were both kind of fucked over by the funeral yesterday so we… comforted each other a little."

"Pretty loud comforting," Ike grouched, but he accepted Kyle's word for it. "I mean, YOU were loud. I didn't even hear the other guy."

Well you wouldn't, Kyle laughed to himself. "Yeah, he's not the vocally expressive sort," he said and it was so far from the truth he almost laughed for real.

Next chapter:

"Kenny, would you please marry me."