FISHING FOR FEATHERS
Job 7: Calamari Damacy
Carmelita leaves the safe-house in the pale light of dawn and walks down to the beach. Henriette is there, waiting; she trots up to Carmelita. "Do you know how to swim, lubbuh?"
"I can't cross large distances," says Carmelita, "or fight any sort of current. But I have made sure I know how to not drown."
Henriette props her hands on her hips. "We're gonna tie you to the mast."
"You're what?" demands Carmelita.
"One end o' the rope around the mast, the other around yer waist," says Henriette, turning her back on Carmelita to get into the rowboat. "We only do it fer storms, but wi' you, lubbuh, I ain't takin a chance. You were one o' mine, I'd be makin' ya swim right now."
Carmelita sighs. "I suppose I can't argue the point," she says, irritation in her voice, as she gets on the other side of the boat and settles onto a seat. "But I will be free to move around?"
"Course," says Henriette, and starts to row.
The game flashes out into a brief loading screen, then reopens when they're on the boat proper. Henriette is in her element, waving to her sailors, barking orders, shooing some of them below deck and others into the rigging. True to her word, she tosses Carmelita one end of a sturdy length of rope first thing, and sets about tying the other end to the mast.
Carmelita ties the rope around her waist and takes up a position near the center of the boat, where she can see almost anything. "I'll be steerin' a'course," says Henriette, "but you know where we're goin. Use the L1 button to tell me to steer to port—that's 'left' to you landlubbers, and the R1 button to steer to the starboard—right. An if'n I need to fire any cannonballs, well, I'll use the L2 button to get my crew to fire on the port side o' me ship, and the R2 for the other. Think you can remember that?"
"You're the sailor," says Carmelita, twirling her gun on one finger. "I'll leave that to you. But if anything comes up, I've got my shock pistol to help me."
"All right, then let's get underway," says Henriette.
Sailing is just as much fun as it was in game 3. Granted, there aren't any other ships out here to fight (at the moment), but Henriette spends some time just enjoying her day. She detours around some rocks in the path and keeps a sharp lookout for anything unexpected... but it's just another day.
"We're closing in on the position," says Carmelita. "Remember, we're after some sort of ship killer—"
"What scared the seaweed-slurpin' fishermen," finishes Henriette. "Probably a proper pirate. Shouldn't be a hard fight if it is."
Carmelita nods and goes to stand beside Henriette, stretching the rope to the limit. "You're actually legal?"
"Not used to it from us Coopers, are you?" says Henriette, glancing at her. "Truth be told, not all of us're thieves. Family's stretched across the globe at this point and I've got twenty or thirty cousins, but half of 'em are honest as the day is long, and only one o' the rest is worth handing the Thievious off to when I'm done."
Carmelita snorts. "So it wouldn't be an insult to his family tradition if Sly weren't stealing?"
"No, who told him that?" says Henriette. "Course, all the 'rents want their kid to be the next best thief and carry on the tradition, name passed down in Cooper lore, but it don't happen. I don't know what generation Sly is, but there's a tally sheet in the back, and every third person what gets it goes through before passing it on and takes out anythin' that isn't useful anymore. That gets placed in the vault. One o'me great aunts, Karin Coopergiwa, developed a technique that makes any loose change move towards her, and that's great. Grand one ta' pass on. Her bits on keepin' candles from flickering as you walk past is already out o date." She shrugs. "And none o' my writings on using a ship'll be any use soon as someone makes a better one."
"Huh," Carmelita says. "You need to tell Sly this. Maybe it'll convince him to quit stealing for good so he can become a cop and we can actually have a relationship."
"Odds o' that are about as good as you growing wings," says Henriette. "We play loose with the law, all o' us Coopers do, bend it and rub against it, but not with ourselves. Sly's a thief, plain as salt in the ocean. But you can be in the wrong without bein' wrong, and that's what we Coopers are best at."
"And I suppose you know so much about—"
Carmelita's interrupted by a low-pitched burbling noise, like boiling water trying to escape the pot. She runs to the front of the boat—as far forwards as she can anyway—to see something massive, easily twice the size of the boat, bubbling in the water ahead. "Henriette," says Carmelita, "I think we found it."
"It's a big 'un, in't it?" she says cheerfully.
That cheer dies when the... thing... rises. It's hard to say what it is, or what it once was, around the debris stuck to it. Rocks, sharks, entire fishing boats are caught in the mass of carnage around this thing. Six tentacles rise from the water and raise once, splashing down, and then start propelling the massive thing towards the ship.
A few things become obvious very quickly.
The first: if that thing catches them, not just a glancing blow but catches them, they'll be as stuck as everything else.
The second: It's not quite as fast as they are.
The third: Carmelita's shock pistol stuns it for a few moments.
And most important: if the dang thing can be hit with a cannonball when it's stunned, some of that stuff will fall off and sink beneath the waves. Like, say, other boats.
Shouting strategy back and forth, Carmelita and Henriette get to work. Carmelita runs all around the boat, firing when she can and almost tying herself to the mast when she runs in too many circles; Henriette uses good steering and timing to turn the ship at just the right moments to avoid the thing and fire at it.
Bit by bit, pieces fall off. Masts from boats, then the boats themselves. Then smaller boats. Whole tree trunks. Sharks, and dolphins, that swim away frantically. And as things fall off, it gets smaller. And faster. Things just can't be easy, can they.
When it's smaller than they are, it turns to flee. "We can't let it get away!" shouts Carmelita. "It'll just do this again."
"Right you are, mate," says Henriette. "Hope ye're in for some sharp shooting, cause that blighter's fast!"
Is Carmelita in for some sharp shooting on a fast moving target? Of course she is. Carmelita would never admit it, but she lives for this sort of chase. Why else did she never ask to be reassigned off the Sly Cooper case?
Besides her crush on him, of course.
As pieces fall off, the monster gradually becomes revealed. Henriette slings a rope at it, lassoing one of its tentacles, and they pull the monster to a halt. Without its massive coat of debris, it turns out to be a giant squid.
A young one. At that size, it could suck up a rowboat, at the most.
Which Henriette and Carmelita immediately decide to test by getting into one of their lifeboats and rowing out to inspect the thing.
"This is what caused all the trouble?" Carmelita asks; the squid seems to shy away from her. "How on earth does knowing about this help us on the heist?"
"I dunno, mate," says Henriette. She reaches out her hand and rubs its head; her hand sticks. She has to use her hook hand to pry it loose. "Poor thing can't help it."
Soon as Henriette's got her hand free, the squid presses closer to the boat, leaning its head towards Henriette's hand. Carmelita raises her shock pistol, but Henriette just laughs, wraps her bandanna around her hand, and pets it again. "Seems all it wants is a little affection."
"Are you seriously petting it?" demands Carmelita, her gun still drawn. "It's a monster! A menace! It deserves to be—"
"I'm gonna keep Sushi as a pet," says Henriette.
"Sushi?" Carmelita asks, not lowering her pistol.
"Its name, mate," says Henriette, turning to Carmelita. "You'd make a fine member of my crew, with your aim and your sea sense, but you don't know nothin about forgiveness."
JOB COMPLETE
Henriette poses by giving the giant squid a one-armed hug while Carmelita looks like she's not sure how to react.
Author's Note:
I just want to state, for the record, that this job has the best title I've come up with.