Apologies for the delay. Trey and Matt can suck my anxious dick.

"Where the fuck did he go?"

Pip shrugged unhelpfully as he watched his new ginger roommate pacing frantically around in front of a viewing portal. In it he could see Kenny holding Cartman's hat, now blue and yellow once again, as the others gathered around to comfort him. "I'm not entirely sure old chap. But if I was to guess…"

"Yes?" Kyle yelped, digging his fingers into Pip's shoulders.

"If he's been exorcised he's probably been pulled to the Second level of Hell. That's where demons belong."

Kyle lessened his grip and frowned thoughtfully at him. "That makes sense. Keep them away from normal humans. Out of trouble."

"Exactly. Though I dare say Cartman won't stay there long. He's the only one with the ability to go to any level."

"What's so special about Cartman?" Kyle ran his hand across the portal and closed it. His heart was still too raw to spend much more time spying on his living friends. "I thought he was just a demon."

"There's a little more to it than that, not that I understand it all that well. Do you remember Chinpokomon?"

That was also too raw for Kyle. "Don't remind me. Stupid trend."

Cheerfully ignorant, Pip carried on. "Like many games the powers involved are based on a balance of strength. There's no one element that's all-powerful within the immortal realm. Except God of course.

"So what beats what?"

"Angel beats demon, demon beats human, human… well they don't beat angel. But an angel can't cause harm to a human unless directed by God, or if the angel is corrupted. Kenny for example."

"Kenny's an angel? Since when?"

"Something about saving the world. I wasn't paying attention. But he's a human that has been gifted angelic status, and he's also been influenced by Cthulhu. That's very powerful in this game. Even more powerful than Satan or Damien. Luckily for them he's not interested in ruling Hell. He easily could."

Kyle sank down on Pip's bed. It was a lot to take in along with dying, being separated from his family and friends forever, and watching his boyfriend's efforts to get back to him end in vain. "So what's Cartman?"

"He's a half-demon, corrupted by Kenny. His human and demon sides make him weak in comparison to someone like Satan. But add angels and Cthulhu into the mix and we're not sure what to make of him. Satan's a fallen angel which may or may not offer some defence. He doesn't want to take any chances. He's been trying to keep Cartman distracted."

"All he's doing is pissing Cartman off. Trust me, that guy's a dog with a bone. He does NOT know when to stop when it comes to revenge."

"Fortunately," said Pip with a knowing smile, "Satan has an ace up his sleeve."

Cartman picked up a couple of nearby rocks and threw one out into the darkness. "Ey! Anybody out there? I can't be the only person in Hell. Whoever invented tofu's gotta be here at least."

A scattering of pebbles behind him sent prickles of adrenaline through his skin. He squeezed his fingers around the other rock he pocketed and turned to get a fix on his enemy.

Enemies.

He dropped the rock like it was hot at the sight of a horde of demons surrounding him, wings outstretched and creaking as they flexed. He felt his back. His wings were still gone. Right when I actually need them, he thought even though he had no idea what they could have done to help. He carefully eyed the advancing crowd for a weak spot he could barrel through. Just as he'd made up his mind to risk one of the gaps closest to him he heard his name from the back of the demons, and was stunned to see them part like the Red Sea.

"Eric! You made it back."

"Jack? What the fuck?" Cartman glared at the calm smiling man. "Who're these guys?"

"Our brethren. Your back-up when you go to fight Satan."

"Okay first up, pops, I don't remember signing a contract, so fuck that. And B, even if I had I'm not doing nothing for you or no-one until I see Kahl."

The other demons looked at Mr. Tenorman expectantly. His smile grew evermore genial. "Of course, my boy, of course. In due time."

"Not in due time – I WANT KYAHL NYAOW!" he screeched in frustration.

"Is this brat for real?" one of the demons coughed quietly but it only made Cartman more livid. He walked away kicking at the ground and pushing aside anyone who was stupid enough to still be in his path.

"Now Eric," Jack said in his most soothing manner as he followed him hastily. "Save that temper for Satan."

"I'm getting real fucking tired over being jerked around by everyone down here. If you don't start giving me information you can forget about me helping with Satan. How am I supposed to rule over Hell if even you assholes won't respect mah goddamned authoritah!"

"I would love to argue with you over this but we have more pressing matters."

"Like what?"

"Like how the moment Satan realises you're back in Hell he'll come find you. If that happens then you'll never see Kyle again."

"Urgh, fine." Cartman stopped and looked at the other demons suspiciously. "What do we do about it?"

"First we put up a barrier around our level so that Satan can't thwart our plans. Only you can do that. Once that's done, you can come and go as you please, safe in the knowledge that if Satan or Damien turn up you can just apparate back here."

"So I can sneak off to wherever Kyle is, get my dick wet, and come back here and prepare for Devilhood? Sounds good to me."

"Wonderful," said Jack, sighing with relief that Cartman was back on board. "Let's get this barrier erected shall we?"

Cartman sniggered. "You said erect."

Jack sighed again.

Plumes of smoke and stones flew up around Kyle's legs and he raised his arm to protect his eyes from the tiny red shrapnel. At Pip's excited exclamation he turned and cautiously squinted through the dust to find Cartman grinning and open-armed before him. Immediately Kyle was in them and kissing his face amidst trembling gasps of delight.

He forgot what happened the last two times they were separated.

"Ow, Cartman! Stop hitting me!"

"You scared the crap out of me, Kahl!"

"It's not like I died on purpose." Kyle scrambled away from his boyfriend's flailing and sat on Pip's bed. "Give me a break."

"Now you know what it's like when someone accuses you of running off."

"Fine," said Kyle with a weary smile. "I'm sorry. Let's take a breather. There's some stuff between us we need to work out and I'd rather not do it with an audience."

Cartman hadn't even noticed they weren't alone. Pip waved cheerily from the other side of the room. "What-ho, Cartman! Don't mind little old me."

"Will you get out of here – we want some privacy."

"In that case help yourself to anything in the dresser. The handcuffs don't have a key but you could probably brea-"

Cartman picked him up by his collar and launched him through the doorway. "Fucking pervert." He slammed the door in Pip's disappointed face.

Kyle response of light laughter halted when Cartman stood in front of him, dropping down and wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing fiercely. Kyle kissed his hair and rubbed his back soothingly. "You okay?"

"I've never felt anything like that. When I saw you lying there. When they gave up on you. It was like…"

"Like your entire being just drained out through your feet. Like you thought the support machines were the loudest thing you'd ever heard, and then they get switched off and suddenly that's the loudest thing you've ever heard."

"Wow. That's pretty fucking accurate, actually." Cartman looked up to see Kyle looking back at him adoringly and his heart fluttered. "And pretty gay," he added with his usual backhanded charm.

Kyle ignored him and fingered the torn fabric of Cartman's top. "Shame about your wings."

"You're in luck, Kahl; your wing-kink can live on, no problem. I can make them come back whenever I want. You were right about the retractable thing."

Kyle leant back on his elbows wearing a sly purse of lips. "Mmm, say that again."

"What?"

"That I was right."

"You're not seriously turned on by being told you're right."

"Only when you do it."

"You're a freak." Cartman crawled up onto the bed with him. "I like it."

Kyle shifted further upwards to cushion himself amongst the pillows and quilt and pulled Cartman on top for a few more kisses. "It's not just that. I'm thinking of all the things we can do now I can get you on your back."

"You're the one on your back," he pointed out.

Kyle was going to reply, "For now," but he was cut short by chubby hands roaming under his shirt. He put his mouth to better use – sucking at the thick flesh of Cartman's neck – and letting his own hands dig into his back when Cartman pinched his nipple. He could truly feel it now that they were both of the same ilk. He keened into the pain and left his own thin red marks on Cartman's skin.

Cartman pulled back, flushed and panting and admired the beautiful young man beneath him. "Fuck you look good in black. I wish I could take my time with you."

"Me too. But we'll find some way to be together, I know it."

"I already have a way. In fact, I need to ask you something. Something super important."

Kyle looked on in muted shock as Cartman slid back off the bed, sank down onto one knee and took his hand.

"Kyle, I want you to do me the honour of becoming my Queen of Hell."

Next chapter:

Cartman dug his heels into the mattress as Kyle's lips slid around and down. Cartman groaned, "Fuck me…"
Kyle came back up to the head of his cock and laughed. "Be kinda hard in this position – I'm not that flexible. But we can compromise."
Cartman was confused until he felt a pair of lubricated fingers pressing and nudging inside him. He groaned again. "That's a good compromise."