AN: This chapter is a lot longer (and includes a dash of smut) to make up for my spottiness recently! Hope you enjoy! (Also the title comes from Nightingale/December Song by Sunset Rubdown, which I listened to a lot while writing this.)
It took them twice the usual time to get back to the Hogwarts grounds, with the freezing wind trying to pull them back, so that they had to walk hunched over, with their scarves wrapped tight around them. But, after they passed the gates back into Hogwarts, but before they could reach the castle, Lucius slunk his arm around Lily's waist and began to lead her to the left.
"Come on," he said.
"Is this another surprise?" she said. The wall around the grounds thankfully cut through some of the wind, so she could speak without shouting.
Lucius shook his head, but there was a coy smile on his lips. Lily poked him in the ribs.
"Where are you taking me?"
"Where does it look like?" he said simply, his lips quirking.
Lily glanced in front of them.
"Well, obviously the Forbidden Forest, but why?"
Lucius tutted and shot her a glance. "You really have the patience of an ape, Evans."
She wasn't sure If she should be offended or not, but settled for an exaggerated huff and folded her arms over her chest. She let him lead her forward, her curiosity too great.
It didn't take them long to reach the first shadowy trees, and almost immediately, Lucius removed his hand from her back and instead took hold of her arm. He pulled her behind one of the trees, gently pushing her up against the trunk.
"You look so damn cute in the cold," he said, his voice rough. Then he leant down to kiss her, his tongue immediately probing and eager, his lips soft but cold. She groaned in surprise, which seemed to spur him on, and he leaned into her.
She ran her hands up his sides, slipping one hand through his hair before he suddenly pulled back. She let out a little surprised breath.
"Sorry, I —" he paused and chuckled. "I've just wanted to kiss you the entire time we were walking."
"I mean, yeah, I almost constantly just want to kiss you," Lily said. In front of another boy, she might have blushed at her own naked honesty. But with Lucius, it felt easier to be bold. She watched as his face slid from abashment back into confidence.
"Oh yeah?" he said, now grinning that cat-like smile. He leaned down until his lips were only an inch away from her own, so she could smell the ever-present strawberries on his lips, feel the heat of his breath on her. "How about now? Do you want to kiss me now?"
Lily didn't trust herself to speak. She nodded.
"So why don't you?" he said.
She was fighting all of her instincts not to lean up and press herself against him, to not grab a fistful of his hair and grind against him. Instead she tried to breath. She didn't know what was possessing her not to take the opportunity to jump his bones, but perhaps it was the surprisingly pleasurable way that her body burnt with anticipation.
She stuck her chin out, so their chins now touched. Involuntarily, she let out a little sigh as she did so. Her eyes flicked up from his lips to his eyes, which were watching her with a ferocious hunger. A hunger so deep and endless and clear that she whispered: "Fuck."
"It's so easy for you, isn't it?" he whispered into the scant space between us. "You can just control yourself, don't need to give in to me? And here I am, not able to even make it back to the castle…"
Lily sighed again, her heart pounding in her chest. This was not just turning her on, she knew — no, in fact, this hurt in some new and fresh and interesting way she couldn't quite put her finger on. If she had been honest, had this hurt not always been there, from the moment they kissed soberly in that Potions class? She could feel the pain somewhere just under her ribs, the ache throbbing in time with her heart.
"And yet," she whispered back, so that she didn't have to think about the sharpness in her chest, "you're also resisting me right now."
"Would you like me to kiss you now?" Lucius said. His eyes were full of daring.
"More than anything," she breathed.
And instantly, he was kissing her, his hands now on either side of her face as he held her against the tree and kissed her with the same intensity as a hungry man presented with a hot meal. One of his hands slipped under her hat, so that it almost fell, and the other dropped to grip her arse. If she wasn't quite mistaken, she could feel just how excited he was, pressed against her thigh. How had she managed to do that from just being cold and bundled up in a hat and unflattering coat? She leaned her hips into him, ground a little, and smiled into his mouth as she heard a groan escape from him.
"You're teasing me," he panted.
She nodded, and kissed him again. She said, "Weren't you just doing the same to me?" before pressing against him again.
"I can't — oh Merlin," he said, and reached down to grip her hips, stopping them from moving. "I'm not going to be able to go back into the castle all day if you keep up at that."
"Is that right?" she asked. She tried not to grin quite so wickedly, but it was hard when his eyes were glazed over with lust. She pushed against his grip, managed to squirm against his hardness just once before he stepped back, his face flushed.
"I'm not even going to last out here if you keep doing that."
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right."
He cocked his head at her, raising an eyebrow. "You really don't know how sexy you are, do you?"
She wanted to object, but she knew she shouldn't. It would feel like fishing for compliments, and that was certainly not what she needed — some famous Malfoy flattery.
"I'm going to need to take a minute, anyway," Lucius said, "before we head back."
"Or," Lily said, her grin widening. She reached out and trailed a finger down Lucius' jaw, "we could go back to your room."
Lucius eyes widened. She could almost hear him thinking that yes, they had had a deal, to slow down. But did it matter now?
Certainly, the only thing Lily could currently think about how much better this would all be on a bed in the warm when she could get his kit off.
Finally, Lucius seemed to make a decision, because he grabbed hold of Lily's hand and started them back out of the Forest.
She couldn't even find it within herself to be a little annoyed by the fact he made her wait outside for ten minutes before following him down to the dungeons (though not before he'd adjusted himself to hide his erection beneath his robe) — it seemed only reasonable to not be seen together, with it being just after lunch time and therefore the foyer would be chock full of students. And did she really want any particularly gossipy fifth year telling the whole school she'd been seen sneaking down to the dungeons with Lucius Malfoy? Or worse yet, if Remus saw them?
When she got down to the Dungeons, Lucius was stepping from foot to foot in front of the Slytherin entrance.
"Coast clear?" she said.
He nodded, and led her inside. She was being led about a lot today, by Lucius, and she didn't mind one bit.
Just as Lily opened his bedroom door, a door opened on the other side of the Common Room. Lily ducked inside Lucius' room as quickly as she could, hoping and praying that she hadn't been seen.
"Lucius?" the student called.
Lucius stopped in the doorway. And Lily crouched to the side of the door so the stranger couldn't see her. She watched with some amusement as Lucius' expression twisted from horror, to exasperation, to pure impatience and finally to the smooth, public-ready smirk as he turned towards the boy.
"Marcus," Lucius drawled, and leaned casually against the doorframe.
Marcus, Marcus… Lily remembered now that Marcus Turnbill was the Slytherin Head Boy.
"Is your friend a Slytherin?" the boy named Marcus asked. Lily breathed out. Clearly he hadn't gotten a good look at her, even if he did see her.
"Excuse me?" Lucius asked. Lily shook her head, even though Lucius couldn't see her. Stupid to try and play dumb when he had been caught red-handed with her.
"Your friend — the one who just scooted into your room, is she a Slytherin?" Marcus repeated, this time with an edge to his voice. "I thought I'd told you about bringing non-Slytherin's into the dungeons. It's really not on, you know."
Marcus was doing his best impression of a teacher, and Lily imagined he was puffing up his chest, and probably levelling Lucius with a disapproving glare. If she didn't hate him already from keeping her from Lucius' bed, she certainly did then, hearing his patronising tone.
"Marcus, I assure you, she is a Slytherin," Lucius said smoothly, as if he really believed it. "I didn't realise you were keeping such a close eye on my bed mates, though. If you'd like, I could try setting you up with a few girls of your own. I'm quite sure that would keep you more entertained than trying to police your fellow classmates."
"Lucius —"
"I get it, Marcus," Lucius said. Lily watched him wave a hand in the boy's general direction. "No non-Slytherins. Can I go now, please?"
There was a pause, and Lily heard Marcus sigh.
"Fine."
That was all Lucius needed apparently, as the next moment, he had shut the door behind him.
"All these girls you're bringing back here, Lucius," she said softly, coming over to put her hands on his hips. "Should I be jealous?"
He gave her a surprisingly serious glare.
"None while I've been with you, I assure you."
She rolled her eyes, as if she hadn't been being serious at all. But her chest flooded with relief nonetheless. She hated it.
"Now, where were we?" she said, hoping to hide her feelings, bury them beneath lust. Such an easy mask to slip on — or, easier at least than admitting her fears.
"Hmmm," Lucius said, trailing a hand up her side. "I think, there was some grinding and groaning involved."
"I think you might be right," Lily said.
She reached between them and began to unbutton his shirt, and wondered at her own fingers shaking. He stopped her, gripping her hands.
"Are you okay?" he said. "If you don't want —"
"No, I do want," Lily said, returning to unbuttoning him. "I really, really want."
"But?"
Lily looked up at him. "But what?"
"That's the kind of statement, Evans, that is usually followed by a 'but'."
Lily thought for just a second. She would love, more than anything, to tell him that yes, there was a but. And that 'but' was the sudden fear that this was becoming more serious to her than she ever intended to let it. And she didn't know what had changed it, or when it had changed, but she hoped she could wrestle it back and just enjoy the time they had together now instead of ruining it with something as stupid as feelings. And that she hated that it had taken someone else, namely Remus, being disappointed in her to make her realise that she wasn't thinking straight and that this — all of this — was not who she was. She wasn't someone for creeping around in the shadows, for keeping secrets, for doing things she might be ashamed of being caught doing. There were a million things she would have liked to say.
Instead she gulped.
"Just got a bit spooked, is all, by almost being caught."
Lucius' smirk returned. "Really? I rather liked the thrill."
He leaned down and kissed her, softly at first. She leant into it, tried to concentrate on the feeling of his lips, the flick of his tongue. It only took seconds to melt into the warmth of him, to shake the thoughts loose from her head. She took his bottom lip beneath her teeth and bit. He growled.
Before she could even let out a small yelp, he had scooped her up and was striding across the room to deposit her on the bed. She giggled as she collapsed onto the mattress. It smelt so strongly of him, too, that musk and leather and soft fruit. He reached down, pulled her top off, and then scrambled to get his own shirt over his head, not bothering with the buttons at all.
"Now who's the impatient one?" she asked, laughing as he got his head stuck in the collar.
"And look where it got me."
"Come here," she said.
He growled again, this time in more exasperation. He was thrashing like a cat who wanted to be set down, and she could barely get a hold of the collar.
"Will you stop that?" she said. He stilled long enough for her to undo a few of the buttons, and pulled the rest of the shirt on. His face was pink beneath it, but he was grinning.
"I really don't know how you resisted me for so long, Evans, when I pull smooth moves like that," he said.
"I really have an iron will," she sighed dreamily. Then she laughed. "Come here and kiss me."
He didn't hesitate. While they kissed, she felt one of his hands trail down to start undoing his trousers, and she swung her feet over the bed to shimmy out of her own.
Once they were in their underwear, he gentle pushed her back, crawling to crouch over her. His body was tantalisingly warm, but just held inches above her. She arched her back to feel him more solidly against her, and wrapped her legs around his hips to bring him closer. She grinned as he moaned.
"Can I?" he whispered into her mouth, one finger trailing lightly across the elastic of her knickers. She nodded, breathe light and fluttering from anticipation.
He pulled them down to do so, and slipped his own pants off. She couldn't help but be impressed, to see his erection. She thought she had exaggerated its grandeur in her memory. But all she wanted was for him to bury it inside her again.
He half-stood at the end of the bed, watching her carefully, his eyes drinking in every part of her. She groaned in frustration, in having to wait for him.
"Hold on," he said.
"What could you possible be waiting for?" she said, flopping her head back to stare at the ceiling.
"Do you know how many times I've imagined you like this in the last few days, Evans? Every single night, every single morning, and half the time in between. I just want to make sure that, from now on, I get all the details right when I'm imagining it."
She slapped her hands to her face, trying to cover the blush and the stupid grin that had spread across her face.
"You are terrible," she said.
"Oh, am I?" he said, and she could hear that he was grinning from his voice.
"Yes!"
Then she felt his deft, thin fingers trailing up her thigh, touching the sensitive skin around her privates, and she let out an involuntary gasp.
"Am I still terrible now?"
"Yes," she said, but her voice was shot with desire.
He trailed a finger up her slit, with just a last-second brushing of her clit that elicited a soft cry from her.
"So I assume you want me to stop?" he said, his voice all honey. His fingers brushed lightly up and down her, and she arched her back, trying to press into her hand.
"Yes," she said. She didn't sound very convincing, even to her own ears.
His fingers suddenly disappeared, and she pulled her hands away from her face to look at him. He was standing there, his face broken by a smug, satisfied grin.
"Fuck you," she said, and reached up to grab his arm.
She pulled him towards her, and took hold of his erection in her hand. He let out a gasp that made her insides wobble. She liked having this effect on him, liked watching him tremble.
"Not so fucking smug now, are we?" she whispered in his ear as she danced her fingers up and down his soft skin, hearing his breathing come out in uneven rags in her ear.
"Language, Evans."
She grinned. Even though the words sounded strained, he still couldn't resist being a git.
It took a little persistence in her pushing his hip, but eventually she managed to get him on his back so she could straddle him. He looked up at her, his eyes shining in the candlelight, and he smiled. This time, it wasn't even a smirk, it was just small and satisfied.
"Merlin, this is a good view," he said, reaching up and cupping one of her breasts.
She pursed her lips, trying not to blush, and worse yet, to resist covering herself with her hands. The way he looked her up and down made her shiver and she both wanted him to take in the view, and wanted to hide from the intensity and presence in his eyes. She let out a shaky breath, remembering why she'd flipped them over in the first place.
She leaned down and kissed him, and struggled then to escape the warm refuge of his lips. But she did, and started to trail kisses down him — over the soft stubble of his chin and neck, smiling as she felt his adam's apple bob under her mouth. Down his chest, taking the time to gently flick one of his nipples with her tongue, and smiling again at his sharp intake of breath. Then, further she went, kissing the soft downy hair of his chest and stomach, relishing in the little sounds he made as her breast trailed over his erection. She felt it twitch beneath her.
As she kept moving downwards, she felt him shift above her, and looked up. He was looking at her with curious eyes. Curious, and hopeful.
Her own breathing was a little ragged now. She hadn't really gone down on many men before — well, just the one, and he had been a bit more aggressive than she would have liked, grabbing her head and thrusting into her roughly. She had no idea how good she would be — but she was quite sure Lucius had probably received enough blowjobs in his day to be a good judge. She didn't need to be the best, either. Just…good.
She let out another shaky breath as she reached him, and he twitched as soon as she planted the very first kiss on it. She kissed it again, tentatively. She took her time, kissing it gently, then harder and hearing him hold his breath as he waited. She had wanted to take it in her mouth as soon as she had thought to even do this, but she also knew how wild he drove her.
After a few minutes of her kissing the soft skin, providing the occasional lick before going back to kissing around his hips, nibbling at his hip bones, he finally reached down, and she looked up at him. His face was screwed up tight.
"Please, Lily," he said. "Please."
His voice was thick with want, with desire, with desperation. He bucked his hips up towards her and she grinned. It was nice to feel like the one in control. She bit her lip, thought about teasing him some more — but the way he squeezed his eyes shut, she knew it would be torture.
So she slipped him into her mouth, and smiled around his cock when she heard the relieved and pleasureful gasp he let out, his head thumping back down onto the mattress. His fingers curled into her hair, but loosely. She went slow still, at first, but sped up when she couldn't resist the little noises he made, the way his hips jolted slightly whenever her lips pressed hard against the head of his dick, and the shallow, uneven breaths she could hear him taking. It was making her wet, just knowing how much pleasure she was giving him.
"Fuck," he whispered. She looked up to find that he was watching her intently, his grey eyes glazed with lust and yet so concentrated on her at the same time. She almost blushed, but she knew that would be ridiculous. Still, his eyes followed her head with each bob. "I'm getting close."
She let out a little moan of acknowledgement. Suddenly, she was filled with the desire to taste him, to get him to cum in her mouth — something she had never really thought about before, hadn't considered in any way a turn on. She had never let her ex do that. But she increased her speed, and was rewarded by a groan from him, his hand taking up a fistful of her hair and gently encouraging her movements. Then he was jerking into her mouth, and he let out a moan that was almost a whine and her mouth was full of his cum. She swallowed quickly, surprised by the heat of it.
When she was sure he was finished, she let his hands pull her up so she was level with him, her breasts pressed against his chest.
"Merlin, Lily," he said, breathing heavily. She knew she was panting too. He caught her in a kiss, deep and grateful. "That was…"
She waited, but he didn't finish his sentence. That made her grin all the wider — Lucius Malfoy, speechless. She had definitely done a good job, then, thank goodness.
Still lying flat on top of him, Lily nestled her head into the crook of his shoulder. She inhaled deeply, pleased to fill her senses with his musk.
"Thank you," Lucius said at last. He kissed her neck, and she giggled as the soft bristles of his unshaved chin brushed against her. "I'll be ready to go, again, in a bit."
"Okay."
The feeling of his chest rising and falling beneath her, his hair tangled against her face, his strong fingers drawing patterns into her back. For once, she was happy to wait.
It had only taken Lucius five, maybe ten, minutes to recover, and it had been his turn to make her groan. Now, as he lay on top of her, the deed done, they both breathed heavily into each other's necks. Lily felt him shift near her ear, and he whispered, so quietly at first she thought she might have imagined it: "You're a very dangerous thing for me, Lily Evans."
When she was sure she had unscrambled what he was saying, she replied, "Is that right?"
She was smiling, but she stopped when he moved onto his elbows and looked her in the face, his eyes dark and serious.
"That's right."
"And why's that?" she said, hoping the quiver in her voice wasn't obvious. What was she even nervous about? She wasn't sure.
"Because I tend to lose my senses around you," he said slowly, like he was drunk though she knew it were more likely the fatigue of coitus washing over him. "And want things I shouldn't want."
Her heart twisted violently in her chest, so hard she thought she might shudder, but she managed to hold onto herself.
There was so much she wanted to say to him, the words were right there behind her teeth, waiting for her to open her mouth. But she couldn't do it, because she didn't know how far and deep those words would go, and how serious they might become. She couldn't even comfort him, like she wanted to, to say that she, too, wanted things she shouldn't. And to ask, hoping the fear wouldn't be plain in her voice, what those things he wanted were, and were the same as hers.
So she said nothing, but nodded gently and hoped her eyes let him know she felt the same — but that they didn't give away how much she felt them.
He frowned at her for a moment and considered the lines of her face. Then he pulled out of her, and lay next to her. He shuffled one arm under her neck, and held her. Not tightly, gentle in fact, but firm. Solid.
"You can stay the night, if you want," he said, but he said it quickly, like a throwaway comment about the weather.
She gulped. Every part of her wanted to remain there, wanted to be there, wanted to wake up in his arms like she had the first time they'd slept together.
But she knew if she gave in, it would only hurt her more. That she would imagine what it was like to wake up there every morning, if only he would let her. If only she would let herself.
She shook her head. "I think I'll go back. People will notice if I don't come back tonight."
He nodded, and she felt it against the top of her head.
She turned and kissed him, gently. He kissed back just as gently. There was something shaken, something fragile between them now and Lily wasn't sure what it was but she was scared to crack it, scared of what was under it. She took a deep breath before she gather her things. He watched her as she peered out his bedroom door, checking that the Common Room remained blissfully empty; it did.
"Goodnight," she whispered to him.
"Goodnight, Lily," he said, his eyes still focused on her shadowy form.
She slipped out of his room, and then out of the Slytherin dungeons. She was grateful not to meet anyone on her way back, and that even Remus had seemingly gone to bed already; or, at least, wasn't in his usual spot on the sofa. It was like all of Hogwarts was just as weary as her, just as ready to curl up under their duvets and to cry softly about — about what she wanted to cry about, Lily wasn't exactly sure. But she knew she wanted to, and she did, when she eventually got into bed. Not great racking sobs or even anything near as grand. More a stray few tears that wet her pillow before she fell asleep.