Lily was feeling better when she woke up in her dorm room the next morning. She stretched out like a cat on her bed. While it did often feel lonely, there were some advances to not having Seph and Maddy there beyond the obvious "they couldn't ask her questions about where she was all night and worm the answers out of her under threat of hex" (or, at least, that would definitely be the tact that Seph would take). One of those advances was that she had time to actually think, rather than being swept up in the rush of the mornings as they all tried to get ready while trading whatever gossip they'd heard the day before and did they think so-and-so was getting off with that other so-and-so.

Which was not to say she didn't like those kind of mornings — she enjoyed them a lot. But today was the kind of day where, upon waking, she had to swing back her covers and say loudly to herself: "Stop being such a damn fool, Lily Evans."

There was some kind of magic, she thought quite often, to saying things out loud. Almost like they didn't need to be true, couldn't be proven, if you kept them inside. And you certainly couldn't take any action until they were all hanging out there, likes words in a speech bubble, tangible and less nebulous.

At least, that's what she wanted to think, because telling herself to be less of a bleeding idiot definitely put more of a spring in her step.

She went to shower, scrubbing some of the memories of last night off her skin. Good memories, memories she knew she would return to often. But, memories that were no good to her now. Quite the opposite in fact. They were a hole for her to fall in, if she let them.

She was pleased to find Remus waiting for her in the Common Room, and she linked arms with him so they could go down to breakfast together.

"Why, isn't someone chirpy as a tit this morning," he said brightly once they were outside the Fat Lady.

Lily grinned. "And what if I am?"

"Well," Remus said slowly, as if he was really taking the time to think about it and not just pulling her leg, "Well, then I'd have to surmise that a one Miss Lily Evans went and got herself laid last night."

Lily's eyes widened. She looked around her. Remus tutted and rolled her eyes.

"Oh as if everyone isn't at it," he said. "Besides, I've heard some rumours about you before, and they were more scandalous than spending the night with a classmate."

Lily laughed, until she realised what kind of rumours might be spreading right at this moment, if anyone had ever caught a glimpse of them — or if Sev had vented at any Slytherin classmates about she and Lucius spending time together.

"What kind of rumours?"

"Oh you know," Remus said airily as they mounted the stairs together, "that you're having it off with a centaur in the Forbidden Forest, that Seph is secretly a succubus that feeds on you, that sort of thing."

Lily cackled.

"Is the centaur cute at least?"

Remus shook his head. "I always forget how shallow you are. Maybe this centaur just has a very nice personality."

Lily stuck her tongue out.

"Unless he looks like Professor Davenport, I want no part," Lily said.

Remus eyed her carefully. "Please tell me your little romance is not with Professor Davenport."

"No! Merlin, Remus, what do you take me for?" Lily said. "But he is cute!"

"He's cute, but he's also the most slimy man I've ever met, and I'm best mates with Peter."

They made their way across the Great Hall to the Gryffindor seats, and Lily was pleased with how easy it was to stop herself from glancing over at the Slytherin table. Half determination and half being distracted by Remus was the perfect recipe for despondent feelings that were trying to curl out of her chest. She just would not have get silly over a man. No way.

"So," Remus said. He reached over and started to prepare himself a breakfast plate, but his eyes kept flicking up to meet hers.

"What?" Lily said.

Remus gave her a withering look. Apparently her feigned-innocence was not convincing enough.

"Don't be coy with me, young lady," Remus said, spearing a sausage on his fork. "Where did our favourite young man take you yesterday that was worth the secret?"

Lily bit her lip. There was no passive aggression or chiding in Remus voice, not that she could detect, but she was more than capable of inserting her own regardless of how Remus actually felt. She was still embarrassed to have been caught in her lie the day before.

"We just had a wander," she said slowly, watching him carefully. "Around Hogsmeade. And then it snowed, which was nice."

"And then?"

"And then, you know."

Remus pursed his lips. "It's very boring to be a secret keeper if you don't give me any juicy details, you know that?"

"Fine, then we went back to his room, and it was fantastic," she said. She let out a very exaggerated exasperated sigh and started eating her own breakfast. She ignored how sharp the images that flashed in her mind were as she thought of Lucius, laid out on his bed below her, and how much it made her heart beat faster.

Remus grinned.

"Okay, I can work with that," Remus said. "So I take it then that this confirms he's not a Gryffindor, since I was in the Common Room for most of yesterday… Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, that's the question."

Lily gaped at him. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to try and guess!"

"I know, but Lily, it's too much fun to watch you squirm when I threaten it!" Remus said. "Besides, any guessing would be purely conjecture at this point."

"Oh yeah?" Lily said.

"Yes, and I want to be sure I'm right," Remus said. He popped a piece of fried toast in his mouth, and around it said: "I like being right."

They ate in silence for a few minutes, before Lily said, "Sometimes I think I might have made a grave mistake, entrusting my secrets with you."

Remus grinned.

"That's not a compliment," she said, glaring at him.

"I know," he said, waving her off. "But I don't usually get to be the mischievous, annoying one. Usually it's James or Sirius. It's all very exciting."

Lily couldn't help but grin back.

"So, do you have a date lined up today, or do I get you to myself?" Remus said. "I've been forced to finish my homework and spend time with people I barely like. When are you going home?"

"Tomorrow," Lily said, biting her lip. She had been trying not to think about it. "I'm back straight after."

"So is half the school, so while we're free of them, namely James — and I know he's the reason we don't usually spend a lot of time together, don't try to deny it—"

"I would never, you know I loathe him."

"Well, then it might be nice to hang out. If, of course, you're free of any romantic obligations."

Lily bit her lip. She did want to spend time with Remus, and knew it was the best decision she could make. But her heart also tugged every moment she thought about agreeing. What if Lucius wanted to see her today? Remus was right, half the school would be back immediately after Christmas, and Lucius and she might not have as much time to spend together.

Of course, she was meant to be taking this less seriously anyway. They weren't going to be together forever. So what was the point, truly, on clinging for dear life to every spare minute?

But it was hard to let go of the idea that last night might have been the last night they spent together.

A little, troublesome voice whispered in the back of her head: she could always arrange to see him that evening. One last time before she was back at home, wrapped tightly in the cloaks of the Muggle world.

"Okay," she said at last. "Let's do something together."

Remus beamed.

"I'm going to ignore how reluctant you sound, and just be happy about it," Remus said, sticking his chin out.

"Awh, I'm not reluctant, just—"

"I know, I know," Remus said, waving a hand at her. "You think I haven't been love sick before? It's hard to convince yourself to spend any time away, even with people you like. Or, at least, I assume you haven't been hanging out with me just so you can avoid the rest of our House, and secretly you despise me."

"Ah yes," Lily said, shaking her head. "I do tend to confide in the people I hate most."

"That's what I thought."

After they'd finished the rest of their breakfast, they agreed to go down to Hogsmeade to see if Remus was right — that despite being students, the fact they were both already eighteen might allow them to buy alcohol at The Three Broomsticks — but not before Lily broke off from him as they exited the Great Hall. She had seen that Lucius was still sitting at the Slytherin table. She paused long enough to give him a meaningful smile before she left.

She stood to the side of the doors of the Hall, and waited for him to finish up.

He had been talking to a quiet-looking boy who Lily could have sworn was related to Sirius through some confusing way — she could never quite grasp the old Wizarding family trees. They all seemed to be related to each other somehow, if not by blood than marriage. She wondered — had any one of them married a Muggle before? Had they even so much as dated one? Sirius certainly had, she'd seen him cosy up to more than one Muggle in the last few years, before she knew that he was a special case. Had overheard him bemoaning his crazy family. And, well, the Gryffindors in general had a different attitude to those older Houses that seemed to only ever get sorted into Slytherin.

Lily pursed her lips. Then, her eyes widening as she realised where her thoughts were inevitably leading her, she shook her head to clear them. What did it matter if purebloods didn't normally marry Muggles? That was no concern of hers. Absolutely none.

"Stop being such a damn fool, Lily Evans," she said to herself again. It didn't have quite the same effect, but it certainly steeled her enough to slide down the wall, and sit on the floor next to the plates of armour, doing her best to instead think about her upcoming day out with Remus.

A few students wandered out of the hall, but none seemed to pay her much mind or even see her. After almost five minutes, he came out, still talking to the same quiet boy.

"I'll be down in a bit," Lucius was saying. "Just going to get some fresh air."

The boy didn't even reply, just gave Lucius a curt nod as if he were a professor rather than a classmate, and off he went towards the stairs to the dungeons.

Lucius walked past her and out of the doors, pretending he hadn't seen her. Lily followed.

The wind was chill against her thin clothes — she hadn't brought a coat with her — but it was also refreshing. He stopped just behind a bush, that would keep them out of sight of any windows.

"Bit risky, isn't it?" Lucius said. She was about to come back with some passive aggressive remark when he wrapped his arms around and her gave her a quick kiss, his mouth warm in the frigid cold. "I thought you didn't like the idea of being caught?"

She smirked.

"Now, what couldn't wait?" he asked, his arms still squarely planted on her hips.

"I was wondering if you were free tonight," she said "I'm going to busy all day today, and I can't really see you, but I'd like to spend some time together before I leave."

"Christ, is tomorrow Christmas Eve already?" he said, frowning. "Of course I'm free. I wouldn't want to miss you before you leave."

"Do you think," she said slowly, testing each word like it might collapse under her as she spoke, "we could go back to your room too?"

Lucius' face split into a grin. "How am I meant to refuse that? Yes. Meet me in the Potions room?"

She got onto her tiptoes to plant a peck on his lips.

"Let's."

The day was spent in Hogsmeade, then. She and Remus had got there at a brisk pace, arm in arm after Lily almost toppled over in the wind. She bought sweets at Honeydukes, given that she hadn't had the opportunity to yesterday, to take home to the family. She went with Chocolate Cauldrons and Liquorice Wands — they seemed like the safest, least strange and frightening bet. She'd taken them home before, and her family always liked them — or, well, her parents seemed enthusiastic and ate at least a few, even if Petunia turned her nose up.

And Remus had been right, she had discovered when she sat with him at the back of The Three Broomsticks, fire whiskey in her hands.

"This is disgusting,' she said, screwing up her face. "Why is everyone so eager to drink it?"

Remus shrugged. "We all want what we can't have."

Lily pulled an even more dejected face, without meaning to. She tried to right her features in time, but Remus was paying too close attention.

"Hitting a little too close to home?" he said. He sounded, at least, apologetic. "Please tell me lover boy hasn't been playing hard to get."

Lily shook her head.

"But you know, you were right the first time about him," she said.

Remus' eyes widened. "Please don't tell me I guessed him at some point and didn't even realise."

"No," she said, swatting at him.

She looked around; The Three Broomsticks had only two other Hogwarts students in it, two girls she didn't recognise in in Hufflepuff scarves, but they were all the way across the room. Probably there more to enjoy the warmth of the fireplace, given the way one of the girls shivered. There was a man she didn't recognise sat at the bar, but he seemed far more interested in his drink than he did in anyone else. And finally, Madam Rosmerta flitted about behind the bar. She had an eye on them, but she always seemed to pay close attention to her younger clientele.

It wasn't that Lily was necessarily worried about anyone overhearing — nothing she said, she hoped, would make her suitor obvious. But she didn't need any gossip about her spreading, false or half-truth or otherwise. Well, none that were close to the truth, anyway — she was excited to tell Seph about the succubus one, Seph would revel in that role. Anything that intimidated their classmates brought joy to that girl.

"That's not what I meant," Lily said finally, sure they were alone. "I just meant, what you said. About whether I would want to marry him or date him. Because, suddenly, I find myself wanting that."

She paused, watching Remus' face, waiting for him to roll his eyes or make a joke of it. She fully deserved it, even if her heart thudded a little louder waiting for his reaction.

Instead, he reached out and put his hand over hers.

"Oh dear," he said, his eyes glittering with sympathy. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, but it sounded hollow, false in her ears. "I think a few days away should cure me, right?"

Remus nodded, but his face was still twisted in worry.

She put on a more convincing smile, even felt it a little. It would be fine. How many times had she told herself that so far? And it would be. It had to be. If it wasn't… No. It would be fine.

"Honestly, don't worry about it," she said. "Besides, what is the point of being our age without a little heartbreak?"

That seemed to brighten Remus' mood. He nodded, and took a swig of fire whiskey.

"Too true," he said. "And at least now we know where we can go if we need to drown our sorrows, right?"

"Exactly!"

But his hand returned to hers.

"Just…let me know, if you want to talk," Remus said. "And you should know — I'm not going to tell the boys about this."

"Oh, I wouldn't think—"

"I know I said, when you first asked me for advice, that I tell Sirius mostly everything, but not this, you know? This stays between us."

Remus was smiling but his eyes were set and firm. Lily thought for a moment, then nodded. A little warmth bloomed inside her, and it wasn't from the whiskey.

"Thanks, Remus," she said. "Seriously. I don't know what I'd have done without you here."

"Well, I wouldn't have given you the rotten advice to go ahead with the whole endeavour," he said, flicking a hand up as if to dismiss her sincerity."

"Oh yeah, I forgot the part where you put me under the Imperius Curse," she said snarkily. She took a sip of her own drink, and screwed her face up. "Ugh, I do blame you entirely for making me drink this shit, though."

Remus grinned. Then he sighed. "The next few days are going to be dull as dishwater, though, without you and your salacious gossip."

"I'm so sorry I'll be depriving you," she said. "I'll miss you."

He squeezed her hand.

"I'll miss you too."