Lily bundled out into the frigid cold of the grounds the next morning, bleary eyed. Remus hugged her so tight she could hardly breathe before she left, and Lucius was nowhere to be seen — she was grateful for that. Her head was in far too much of a jumble to deal with any thrill of seeing him, as much as her eyes searched the entrance hall before she picked up her bag.
She slept most of the way back to King's Cross, only waking long enough to shove a pumpkin pasty into her face.
The sleeping meant she could also avoid any of those tricky feelings, which was helpful.
Instead, she thought about going home.
Her first Christmas home from Hogwarts had been strange, but in a way she couldn't put her finger on at the time. She knew now, of course, it was that the entire time she was at home, it felt like Hogwarts hadn't really happened. That she'd wake up after New Years Day, and put on the same school uniform at Petunia, grab her books, and go to what had been her favourite Muggle school class — Science. Getting back on the Express after that trip had been both heartbreaking — she had realised how much she missed her family — and a relief. It had been real. She hadn't imagined all of it. She had sat next to Seph on the way home, she remembered, and Seph filled her in on what a wizarding Christmas had been like, and asked all the rude questions about Muggle Christmases that had made Lily sure she wanted to be friends with Seph forever.
But as she got older, each trip had felt more like a sacrifice. Where that first one had felt like going back to real life, now she found they felt like they took away from her real life, as a witch. She could see her parents still exchange a glance, even, when she referred to herself as a witch, a small smirk pulling at her mother's lips — though, maybe she was just imagining that part. She had heard all the tales, seen all the TV shows when she was younger, and knew that being a teenager meant feeling like your parents didn't understand you, but this was something more than that, wasn't it? They truly could never understand her.
Maybe it was a blessing that Petunia had bought them those tickets, a good excuse for Lily to only spend a few days there.
Christmas was the usual affair. Petunia had, through some miracle, actually bought Lily a present — a scarf in Lily's favourite green, the one that matched her eyes. Perhaps their mum had bought it for Petunia to give her, but it didn't matter. Petunia had given her a gift. That's all that mattered. She hugged Petunia tightly, even as her older sister squirmed in her hold.
Her parents enjoyed the little animated Christmas decorations she'd bought from Hogsmeade several weeks before (although she caught the significant look that slipped between them). No matter how much she tried to explain, though, she couldn't get any of them to understand that the jumpers she had bought them — all in their favourite colours, of course — would always smell like their favourite scent, and no amount of washing machine cycles was going to rid them. Apparently "enchanted scents" was a difficult concept.
She filled herself full of Christmas dinner, and especially full of her mum's roast potatoes, so good that even the House Elves couldn't beat them, and luxuriated in the glow of the TV.
In a year or two, she would leave so much of this behind. Coming home would be a choice, rather than an obligation. And while Lily was sure it would be a choice she would make — she loved her family, for all the stress they caused her — she also knew that she dreamed of a little house full of magical artefacts, a place where no TV would ever work. So she enjoyed the Christmas television programming while she still could.
She slept better than she had in months, and it was with much regret and bitterness she bundled into the car with her dad, and they made the journey back to King's Cross.
AN: So sorry for the delays in getting a new chapter up and thank you for the lovely comments in the meantime, they are very motivating!
Life has gotten really busy as I'm moving internationally in just a couple of months, so it's been hard to find writing and editing time that allows me to work on something that's gotten as big as this story.
I've built up a small cushion of pre-written chapters now, but I'm likely only going to be updating once or twice a month so I don't burn through my cushion before the move. I'll try to stay consistent, whatever the weather, and let you know in each chapter when the next is going to go up!
This is just a short chapter to cover Christmas, so before this AN gets longer than the chapter itself: thank you for your patience! Next chapter (which will be full-length) will go up next week.