The Will of the Force

Only the journey is written, not the destination.

Prologue

'It's bedtime, sweet one.'

'I'm not tired!' protested the little boy playing with his straw figures and stick sabers on the floor of their stone dwelling.

His mother smiled at him. She picked up her sleepy little boy and carried him to his room.

'Tell me how the story ends,' he demanded mid yawn.

She tucked him in and kissed his forehead.

'Which story?' she asked, sitting on the side of his bed.

'The story that you said happened a very long time ago. The one about the famous Jedi Knight. The one who went to the dark, dark place, but then he found his way back to the light place?'

'Oh, that story. Okay. But you have to promise to go to straight to sleep as soon as I'm finished.'

The little boy nodded his head enthusiastically.

'Okay, are you comfortable? Then I'll begin. Our story starts with a girl…'

Chapter 1

When you look at the darkside, careful you must be, for the darkside looks back.

'This is impossible!'

Rey called out in frustration as she once again failed to fuse the broken saber back together.

'I can't do this, Leia,' she said. Slamming the pieces down on the workbench before her. She'd been at it for hours and the light had long since dimmed.

'You can, Rey,' Leia coaxed.

'You have so much faith in me. I don't understand,' Rey said, picking up the two saber fragments once more.

'I see so much potential within you, Rey, but you're holding back.'

'I'm not.'

'You are.'

You are.

The voice in her head was neither her own nor Leia's. It was his. The voice that was always there. The one she wished would leave her alone, but she couldn't bear to be without.

After the battle of Crait, he had stayed away for a long time, then it appeared that curiosity had gotten the better of him and he started to reinitiate the bond between them. She heard his voice a little at first, then as constant as the sun and moon. Now he was present almost everyday, passing his opinion at every opportunity. It was a bittersweet experience for Rey. She often found his interruptions annoying, but she couldn't deny that her body hummed whenever his energy interlaced with her own. She often mused that whatever they were made of, it seemed to be the same basic hardware able to charge each other up whenever they interacted. Like a couple of solar service droids.

Rey wasn't in the mood for Kylo to charge her up that day. She closed her eyes.

Go away. She willed.

'Rey?' Leia asked, with concern in her eyes.

'Sorry, just lost in my thoughts,' she said with a fake smile.

'Rey, you know you can tell me anything.'

'I know. Thank you Leia, I'm fine, really, but I think I'm going to call it a night.'

'Okay. If you're sure. We'll train again in the morning.'

Rey nodded though she felt her tired limbs ache in protest.

'Yes Leia, Goodnight.'

'Goodnight, Rey.'

Rey made her way back to the tent she shared with Rose, touching every outstretched leaf and blade of long grass as she walked through the dense foliage. She silently thanked her lucky stars that the planet they had decided to use as a hideout was dense with greenery. It fed her dry, desert soul.

Rule with me and I will show you planets where the trees and plants are so vibrant, you would gasp in awe.

'Moments before you destroy it all,' Rey retorted to her darkside shadow.

I do not revel in destruction, Rey. Even I can appreciate that some things are made to be cherished.

Rey let out a stunted breath. She wondered what he meant by the curious comment, then decided she didn't want to know.

'Will I ever be free of you?' She whispered against the cold night air.

You don't want to be free of me. I know it. As I know you. Join me, Rey.

'No.'

What will it take to have you by my side?

'You can't erase what you've done, Ren. So much death and destruction lie in your wake.'

He ignored her protests.

I know you saw what we will become. I saw it too. We witnessed our glorious coronation as rulers of the Final Empire. Why are you fighting your true destiny?

'I fight for the Resistance, I fight for what I believe is right.'

I see the darkness within you, Rey. You fear it. Let go! Give in to the dark or your fear and self- loathing will drive you insane.

'You are a tortured soul, Kylo Ren. All that you are is fear and loathing. Giving in to the dark will not free me of these, it will chain me down under them.'

You're already trapped by your feelings of inadequacy, Rey. It's infuriating watching you second guess your every move, you don't even think you're worthy of my uncle's saber. That is the real reason it still lies broken.

'You shattered that saber when you shattered my hopes that we could be something other than enemies.' Rey admitted, her words heavy with emotion.

He fell silent and Rey imagined a stone wall within her mind. Hoping it would be enough to keep him out, or at least dissuade him until she could reclaim some peace.

That night in her cot next to Rose, Rey tossed and turned. Everything felt so out of balance. Leia was training her to fight Kylo Ren. Her only son. Han's only son. The thought broke her heart just as much as the memory of him turning his back on saving the last of the Resistance did.

It didn't have to be this way.

His voice interrupted her thoughts once more. She sighed, her mental wall had fractured. She would have to stop neglecting her mental studies.

'No it didn't, you could have made the right choice, she hissed out loud then pressed her lips together when she heard Rose stir a little.

You should have joined me. There's still time. My hand is yours, whenever you choose to take it.

Get out of my head.

I would love to comply with your request but you appear to want me here.

Was he suggesting that she was the one summoning him? She felt like laughing.

I've never willingly called out to you and I never will.

We'll see.

He started to hum and Rey hated to admit that she found the rhythmic vibrations somewhat soothing, she was lulled into a deep restful sleep.

Is this really the great Kylo Ren I see before me?

Kylo gritted his teeth as Han's voice rang in his head.

'Shut up,' he growled back.

I'm sorry I'm just confused. I thought the plan was to kill the girl.

'That is no longer the plan.'

So the new plan is to worry so much about her wellbeing you end up serenading her with one of your mother's old lullabies all so she can get some much needed shut eye?

Kylo ignored his taunt.

'The plan is to turn the girl, not kill her. I don't ignore potential.'

I see.

'No you don't. You never did.'

I see a lot more than you think, kid.

Kylo unclipped his saber from his belt and ignited it. Time to train.

Yes let's go smash things. That will make you feel better.

'Why won't you die?'

You won't let me, kid. You won't let me.

Rey awoke feeling refreshed and ready to train. Her skills had been steadily improving for some time under Leia's masterful tutelage. Though pride was not a feeling she was familiar with, she was secretly very proud of her developments.

Rey looked over at Rose and smiled. Her friend's nose was scrunched up while she slept. Rey wondered what she was dreaming of. Perhaps she dreamt of Finn. The two were growing closer day by day. It warmed Rey's heart, but also reminded her of what she could not have.

'I can feel you staring at me,' Rose muttered suddenly.

Rey giggled.

'I'm sorry, Rose. You just looked so peaceful.'

'I was until I felt you breathing all over me,' She complained as she yawned.

'I just wanted to ask you to come to breakfast with me. I feel like I never see you,' Rey coaxed, picking up her staff, and securing it on her shoulder.

Rose finally opened her eyes and smiled at Rey.

'Sure, I'll come to breakfast with you. You're right; we haven't caught up in a while. But that's because you're always training.'

'It's necessary.'

'Is it?'

Rey looked at Rose in surprise.

'Yes. You know as well as I do the First Order and Kylo Ren are a very real threat to us and they are out there right now, planning their attack. I have to be ready.'

'I know, I know, but even the infamous Resistance rebel Rey needs to take a break sometimes,' Rose replied playfully.

Rey briefly smiled back, then her thoughts once more turned to Kylo.

'I wish he would give me a break,' she murmured.

'What?' Rose asked.

'Nothing. Just talking to myself. Let's go to breakfast.'

Poe and Finn were already in the mess tent seated at one of the wooden benches when Rose and Rey arrived. Poe was trying to balance an orange on BB8's head, but the little droid kept shaking it off and beeping with annoyance. Finn laughed as he watched, eating his morning rations from a somewhat tarnished tin compartment tray.

Rey knew the ex stormtrooper had etched his name into the bottom of his preferred tray. When Rose and Rey were feeling particularly playful, they often hid it and enjoyed Finn's annoyance at having to use what he considered to be an inferior replacement. To Rey, all the trays looked the same. Worn down and overused, much like the Resistance itself.

Rey glanced at Rose and caught her smiling at Finn.

'Rey and Rose! Well if it isn't my two favourite resistance gals,' Poe announced, standing up as they approached with his hands held out to his sides.

Rey rolled her eyes and Rose laughed. She sat down next to Finn, with Rey sitting at the head of the table. BB8 rolled up next to her.

'Hey BB,' Rey cooed, stroking the droids dome. BB8 beeped cheerfully at her.

Poe cleared his throat.

'So what's on the agenda for today, Rey? Let me guess, training, training and...then some more training? am I right?' Poe smirked.

Rey resisted the urge to break his nose.

'Yes, actually.'

She smiled her thanks at Rose who had returned from collecting their rations and carefully placed Rey's down in front of her.

'Man Rey, you're a machine,' Finn observed.

Rey tried not to be offended by the comment. Is that how people saw her? As barely human? A machine with no feelings? Just a weapon to be used in times of war?

I don't see you that way.

She shook her head though she knew it was futile. There seemed to be nothing she could do to get him out of her mind.

'Rey, what is it?' Finn asked frowning at her.

'Nothing, just a bit of a headache. I'll be fine,' she lied with a smile.

Finn looked unconvinced.

'Do you want my apple, Finn?' Rose offered the fruit his way.

'Thanks Rose,' Finn answered with a warm smile before biting into the sweet fruit. Rey watched as her two friends looked at each other warmly. She felt slightly envious at their effortless interaction.

You think you can't have what they have. You can. You can have that and more, so much more. With me. Their feelings are barely a flicker, ours would set entire worlds aflame.

Rey let out a shaky breath.

'That's what I'm afraid of.'

'Did you say something, Rey?' Rose frowned.

'I said I have to go train,' she replied in a voice she didn't recognise as her own. She stood up and reached for her staff.

Poe looked hopefully at the apple which still rested on her tray. Rey picked it up and took a big bite as she walked away from the table.

That's my girl.

She heard her constant companion say, with a low chuckle of approval.

'You're not yourself today,' Leia observed as she put Rey through a series of tactical manoeuvres.

'I'm just feeling restless, I think I need to go for a run. Burn off some of this nervous energy.'

'I have to go see Poe about some supply runs anyway. Will I see you at dinner?' Leia enquired.

'Sure.'

Rey jogged through the tall trees for some time trying to reconnect with the environment around her. Her clothes stuck to her body as she started to perspire profusely and her feet protested painfully as she pounded them into the forest floor.

You can't hide from me Rey.

Rey groaned and stopped running.

'Why can't you take no for an answer?'

Because it's not the answer either of us want.

Rey didn't know what to say to that, so she attempted to change the subject.

'Your mother misses you. She doesn't talk about it. But I sense it.'

I don't care.

'Yes you do.'

She's using you. You're nothing but a poster boy to the rebels. Join the good fight! See the amazing Jedi from Jakku! You're just a source of cheap theatrics for a meaningless cause.

'It's not like that at all. They care about me.'

They care about winning. They don't care about you. I care about you.

'You care about no one but yourself,' she hissed.

Rey, don't let them use you. You should get to decide your own fate.

'Don't pretend you have my best interests at heart. You just want me to leave so the rebels are vulnerable to your attacks.'

I sense your loneliness. I sense your need for belonging. It matches my own. Come to me. Ease both our suffering.

'Stop this,' Rey's voice came out small and weak. She didn't have the energy to fight anymore. The conflict wasn't just against Kylo, it was with herself. Part of her was tempted by his offer and that scared her more than anything Kylo could say or do.

'Enough,' Leia said as she suddenly appeared before Rey.

Rey jumped and looked at her mentor with wide eyes. She hadn't realised Leia had been watching them.

'I know what he's doing to you, Rey, and I think I can help you.'

'You can?' Rey said with relief.

Leia touched Rey's arm and closed her eyes. Kylo sensed his mother's energy and immediately pulled away.

Leia opened her eyes once more and Rey saw the hurt that lingered there. Her son had turned away from her yet again. How many more disappointments could Leia bare? Rey's heart went out to her. She took Leia's hand.

'There's still good in him. I know it,' she said squeezing Leia's fingers.

'I wish I had your optimism, Rey, but I think it is very clear now that my son will never come back to the light.'

'A wise woman once told me that hope is like the sun,' Rey said with a small smile.

'And that is still true Rey, but sometimes it feels like this night will go on forever.'

'The sun will shine on us again,' Rey stated confidently.

'But how many of us will still be here to feel its favourable warmth?' Leia added sadly.

Kylo slammed his fists down on the table before him. He had not anticipated his mother being able to sense their bond. A foolish mistake. The feel of Leia's familiar energy still tingled in his veins. He tried to ignore the pain the sensation caused him.

Leia. My Leia.

Han whispered from within Kylo's mind.

'That was a violation,' Kylo seethed.

That was a mother's love, kid.

Kylo paced the floor of his quarters, running his hands through his hair over and over whilst breathing heavily.

You can't brood this away, boy.

'You aren't even real,' Kylo snapped.

You'd like that wouldn't you? You'd like to believe that I'm a figment of your imagination. Something you can just will away. Well I'm afraid it's not going to be that easy.

'I'll find a way to be rid of you.'

There was no response.

Kylo stilled for a moment as his mind went silent. Could it be that his father had finally…

Got ya.

No one entered Kylo's room that night, but when they heard the sounds of destruction three levels down, the maintenance crews were discreetly informed that their services would be required in the Supreme Leader's chambers the following morning.

The following day, Rey spent the morning sat on her cot cross-legged studying one of the ancient Jedi texts. The books were written in a number of different languages and were at times a challenge for her but with Leia and C3PO's help, she was slowly managing to harvest their forgotten secrets.

'Rey?' Leia appeared in the doorway of the tent.

Rey jumped up from her cot.

'Is there trouble?' She asked urgently.

Leia smiled at her.

'No, my dear. I came to give you this.'

Leia handed Rey some sort of cylinder wrapped in a beige cloth and tied with a leather rope. Rey felt a surge of energy as she accepted the item from Leia.

She looked down at the unexpected gift and then back at Leia with a questioning look.

'This was mine. I thought it was lost to me, but I've recently managed to track it down with the help of some old friends. I want you to have it. Let this be a symbol of how much I believe in you,' Leia explained.

Rey unwrapped the parcel and gasped as she uncovered a uniquely beautiful lightsaber hilt. The orange and silver metal it was composited from glinted temptingly in the afternoon sun.

Her scavenger brain started mentally calculating how many portions she could get for such a rare item, but she pushed the thoughts aside. That was another life, one she was happy to have escaped. Rey carefully held the precious object. She immediately felt Leia's younger energy, a mixture of excited potential and sad resignation flowing through her. But there was also power. Leia's power.

'I can't take this,' Rey said unable to take her eyes off the magnificent relic.

'Yes you can. Rey, until we can find a way to restore Luke's saber, you need to be able to defend yourself and this base.'

The saber began to whisper its secret past to Rey. She saw images of Luke and Leia sparring together within her mind.

'You never finished your training,' Rey announced.

'No, I didn't,' Leia said regretfully.

'Why?' Rey asked.

'There was...a complication that I wished to avoid.'

Rey could see that whatever the reason was, it was hurtful for Leia to recall. She didn't push her Jedi Master for answers, but she made a mental note to try and find out more should the opportunity arise.

'Thank you Leia,' she said, clipping the saber to her belt and enveloping the aging general in a tight embrace.

'I should warn you, I don't know how he will react to this, should the two of you meet and you are forced to use my saber against him. It may cause him more than just pain. Please, Rey, promise me you'll be careful,' Leia pleaded.

Rey suspected she was equally as worried for Ben as she was for herself, but she didn't want to cause the general any more heartache by acknowledging her theory out loud.

'I will, Leia. I promise,' she said still holding her master tightly to her.

Ben, can't you see how much we both care about you? Come back to us. Please.