Chapter 8 Out in the open

The day at Sotherton had deeply affected Fanny. In the next few weeks she was plagued by nightmares and during the day she was as skittish as a deer, startled by sudden movements of other people. She didn't ride as much as she wished to, because of the weather, but when she did, she felt she had lost her enthusiasm. Even Mr Crawford couldn't cheer her up, although he really tried. Mary invited her often over to visit her at the parsonage. Many a time she was accompanied by Edmund. Fanny did enjoy the visits, as a distraction and as a means to get out of the house, but no real joy could get through to her.

Mrs Norris had become even more insufferable. She scolded Fanny for not being grateful enough for being allowed to accompany them on their trip to Sotherton. She scolded Fanny when the girl nearly fell asleep on the sofa after dinner one evening, due to a very disturbed night before. She admonished Fanny for always complaining of headaches – Fanny had only mentioned it twice to make her excuses for not being able to run the umpteenth errant for Mrs Norris. And her looks of contempt for Mr Crawford giving her attention, were hard to bear.
The only good thing in those weeks was that Mr Rushworth stayed away.

"Fanny, are you ill?" Edmund asked one day, when they were on their way to the parsonage. "You seem so withdrawn."
She sighed. "No, I am well."
"But something is wrong," he insisted. "You have not been yourself since we went to Sotherton."
"Pray do not ask. I cannot speak of it," she said.
"I will not. But is there no way I could help you? It pains me to see you so downcast."
"I do not know. But I thank you." It pained her to see his worry, but she just could not tell him. It was best that no-one knew.

Henry was deeply disturbed by seeing his little friend feel so miserable. He was at a loss as to how he could help her. What had happened at Sotherton had deeply affected her and seemed to bring her down into some depression. No matter how often he tried to cheer her up, took her to beautiful places on their rides, told his stories and invited her over for time with his sisters, nothing seemed to get her out of her gloomy thoughts.

He could see her from the window as she was nearing the parsonage together with Edmund. She looked listless and Edmund looked worried.
When they entered the parlour, he greeted them together with his sisters. Both Sophie and Mary had tried to talk to Fanny, to find out what was wrong, but she kept closed up.
Something needed to be done, he thought.

While his sisters chatted with Edmund, Fanny sat quietly on the sofa, not paying attention to the conversation.
Henry sat himself next to her. She startled at his sudden arrival, but then sunk back into her previous position.
At first he tried to get her into a cheerful conversation, asked her about her morning ride and told her about the latest news from Everingham. Her response was minimal, her answers short.
He really was at a loss what to do now.

"Would you all care for a walk?" he asked his companions. Sophie said she had to speak to Cook and Mary said she needed to write some letters. He saw that Edmund was somewhat disappointed by that news, but nodded his ascent.

A little while later the three of them were walking out and soon out of the village. Henry chatted to Edmund about some estate matters. Edmund had taken up his father's role in this time, since Sir Thomas was still in Antigua and Tom was still absent. Fanny walked on Edmund's arm.
Somehow, their conversation came to the subject of Maria's wedding to Mr Rushworth. Henry saw Fanny flinch at the name and she unconsciously let go of Edmund's arm.

"Are you alright, Fanny?" the latter asked. She shook her head and then started to cry. Normally she would probably have been ashamed at this public display of her emotions, but she seemed too worn out to care.
It tore at his heart to see her like that.
Henry took her hand. "Miss Price, Fanny. Maybe you should speak about it, just once. It is eating you up inside."
He didn't see the look of surprise on Edmund's face.
She looked up at him, teary-eyed. "How can I? How would it help? No-one should know. I just need time. I will recover."
"Fanny," he gently said, "it is like a wound. Have you ever seen a festering wound? When someone gets an injury, the wound needs to be cleaned. If not, it can become festered and a person could die. Your injury is not of physical but of emotional nature. I believe the wound needs to be cleaned. Talk about it. Maybe just once will be enough."
"How could I do that?" she asked. Tears were streaming down her face. Once more he offered her his handkerchief.

"Fanny, look at me please." He didn't notice his slip of her name. She looked at him.
"Do you trust me?" She was quiet for a moment and then nodded.
"And do you trust Bertram?" Another nod. By now Edmund looked equally worried.
"Will you not tell us both?" Edmund nodded his ascent to this plan.
Edmund took his coat off and placed it on the grass along the road and then helped her sit down. Both men sat next to her, each on a side.

After some hesitation, she started; first with great difficulty, but gradually it became as if a dam had been broken through and it all spilled out. She told both of them about Mr Rushworth's unwanted attentions from the beginning. Henry knew a great deal about it already, but to hear it told by herself was heart-wrenching.

"I never really knew!" Edmund said. "I remember seeing some of it, when we just got to know him. And I also remember I was ashamed of my sister Maria at how she flirted with the man. I guess she didn't want him to give his attentions to you."
Fanny nodded. "And Aunt Norris has been blaming me for it all. But if there was any way I could get rid of his advances, I would gladly do it."

After being quiet for some moments, she said: "But Sotherton was the worst. It reminded me of…" her voice was nearly a whisper and she started to shake again. "Of those friends of Tom's."
Edmund put his hand on her shoulder, when her tears started to fall faster once more. "Poor Fanny. Yes, I can just imagine that all of this would bring up memories of them."
Henry looked at both of his companions. The pain and despair on Fanny's face brought him nearly to tears. "What… happened?" He asked. Fanny covered her face in her hands. "Something… similar," was all Edmund said.

"Tom had two friends staying for a while, a few years ago. Both were just as disgusting as Mr Rushworth. One of them… tried to compromise me. Thankfully Edmund walked in. They were both asked to leave and not come back." This speech seemed to be too trying, for she broke down in sobs again. Without realising, Henry had taken her hand between his and stroked it with tenderness.

None of them spoke for a while. Fanny's continued sobs broke the silence, but gradually she became calmer.

Henry's own thoughts were in a turmoil. He was horrified at what she had gone through. He was glad for her sake that he himself had truly fallen in love with her. For, knowing what he was before he knew her, it could have gone in the same direction. He was ashamed to admit to it, but he knew it was true. Because of his love for her, he would never do anything against her will. He wanted the best for her! He wanted to see her happy!

"Has it helped, Fanny? To talk about it?" Edmund asked.
"Yes, I think it has," was her soft reply. She had stopped crying and was staring into the distance. "I know there is nothing to be done about it, but it is good to know that I have two friends to support me." She let out a small laugh. "It is probably very inappropriate that I told two men. But you are the only people I trust." This last made her sigh very deeply.
"I will not betray your trust, Miss Price," Henry said. "Nor I," Edmund followed.
"Miss Price, I am glad that you now have also told Bertram about it. He can look out for you at home." She nodded. "I think it will help me feel safer."

Then Edmund said: "Crawford, it seems you had some foreknowledge about this situation. How did you come to know about it?"
Henry glanced at Fanny and then answered: "At the first evening that I met Rushworth, I observed his behaviour towards Miss Price and I warned her about him, even though she of course knew already to be careful. Because of that I have tried to look out for her and I also knew how much she detested going to Sotherton that day. And as she told, I happened upon her, when… well, you know."

Edmund nodded. "Well, thank you for looking after her! I am sorry I wasn't there for you, Fanny! But I hope you know you can always come to me if you wish to talk. We are friends after all, are we not?" She nodded. "Thank you! Both of you."

"Do you feel well enough to walk back?" Henry asked her.
"I… think so." He held out his hand and helped her up. Then they walked back. Edmund thought it wise to return to the great house straight away, even though it was clear that he had wished to be in Mary's company once more. Henry agreed with him. Fanny said she felt a little better, but it was visible to everyone that she had been crying. She should go home to rest a little and to refresh herself.
Henry said he would excuse them to both his sisters and then said goodbye.

While walking home, he decided he needed a long ride, so as soon as he reached the parsonage, he asked the groom to ready his horse, quickly went inside to tell his sisters where he was going, and then was out again.

During his ride he got the time to think about what had happened, what he had heard, about his feelings. His mind went to a solution that he had been thinking about. He knew his love for her grew deeper each day and he could save her by marrying her. But he didn't want her to accept him just for that reason. He hoped she would come to love him as well. However, so far he hadn't had any indication in that direction. She treated him as a good friend and seemed to enjoy his company as a friend, but there was nothing more, as far as he had observed. He was glad to hear her say today that she trusted him. He thought that was a step in the right direction.

In the meantime, he might need to be careful. Not only because of Mrs Norris, but it would not do for others to assume an attachment where there was none.
He knew so far he had always tried to treat her as a friend, but this afternoon he might have let some of his emotions be visible. He now remembered calling her by her first name. She hadn't seemed to notice in the state he was in, but he must be careful nonetheless.

Maybe he should try to take some distance. It relieved him to know Edmund could now look after her as well. It was good to have someone else share in the burden of Fanny's secret.

This last resolve was helped on literally, when an express was awaiting him when he came home.
He was asked to come to Everingham to solve some problems. Immediately he sent off a reply that he would set off the day after tomorrow. Then he went to tell his sisters that he would be gone for about a fortnight.

The next morning, he rode out and met with Fanny. He asked how she was doing, ("Quite well") and told her about the express he had received.
"It will be sad that I will have to leave," he said. "These last few months made me feel at home at Mansfield. I feel attached to this place in such a way that I did not think possible. I hope to be back in a fortnight, but it could be longer."
Fanny looked a bit sad. "It will be quiet without you," she answered. "But I hope you will be back soon."
"Maybe it will get Mrs Norris off your back for a while," he said. She sighed. "I doubt that, but that would be something."

"I will write to my sister if there is any news to tell that you might want to hear." He smiled. "Especially equestrian news." She laughed. "You know I am always eager to learn of that."
Her laughter was music to his ears. It had been some weeks since he had heard it.

At the end of their ride, they took leave of each other and it felt strange that he would not see her for two weeks. He hoped the time would pass by quickly. And he hoped with all his might that she would be safe in the meantime.

A.N. Heavy stuff again. I doubted about this chapter because it probably is strange (or even far-fetched), especially in that time, that Fanny would go out on her own with two men (even though they are her friends) and her telling them about inappropriate behaviour of other men.
But, as I let Fanny explain: they really are the only two people she trusts. Mary and Mrs Grant are becoming good friends with her but I would not trust them with this sort of knowledge.
So I hope you will forgive me for the slight impropriety in this chapter.

Let me know what you think of this story.