IV
Rachel can't possibly keep a hold of her surprise when she steps into Rose's Diner the next morning and sees Quinn and Lex in a booth with the two women and toddler from the bowling alley.
As a result, she ends up skipping a step, and it takes Finn holding her arm to stop her from actually hitting the floor, or doing something equally embarrassing.
She saw somebody different at the bowling alley. Quinn seemed younger and carefree, but the lighting was dark in the alley, and the sun is so, so bright this morning.
Now, Rachel can see very clearly, and Quinn is ridiculously stunning in the light.
Rachel makes a beeline for the front counter, her heart pounding in her chest. This isn't happening. This cannot possibly be happening.
She slides onto a stool and reaches for a menu, even though she knows it by heart. Her fingers are shaking, and she almost jumps out of her skin when Finn takes a seat beside her. If he's noticed something is wrong, he hasn't said anything, and she doubts he will.
Kitty appears in front of them a moment later, ready with a pot of coffee, and Rachel nods her head for a cup, just about managing a smile at the young woman. "What can I get you to eat?" she asks, bouncing slightly.
"I'll have a Full House," Finn says, his voice a little gruff this early in the morning.
Rachel wrinkles her nose at his order, because gross. "Are the fruit bowls ready?" she asks.
Kitty glances over her shoulder, peeking through the open window and into the kitchen area. "Yip," she eventually says. "Citrus or Summer Medley?"
She perks up a little. "Surprise me."
Kitty chuckles, but nods and disappears with their order.
Rachel reaches for her coffee, sliding it closer, and almost forgetting there are people around her. Well, that is until Finn says, "Do you think she's one of them, too?"
Rachel glances at him. "Hmm?"
He gestures towards Quinn's booth, his expression unreadable. "They're obviously lesbians. She must be one, too."
Rachel can't pinpoint what about his words and assumption sets her on edge. Also, the idea that Quinn could be interested in women is something she doesn't think she could even be considering right now.
She turns her gaze on Finn properly. "Is there something wrong with that?" she asks pointedly.
Finn sputters. "What? No. Of course not. I just mean, like, it's unlikely she's straight, right?"
"Because she happens to have lesbian friends?" she presses. "What would that say about me?" She pauses, because that's really something she shouldn't even be dropping into the Universe, and she immediately moves on. "Or you," she adds. "If that applies to Quinn, it must apply to you, right?"
Finn looks horrified, and Rachel has the urge to throw her coffee in his face. Wow. "That's - that's not what I was - "
"Just stop, Finn," she snaps. "You've already made an ass of yourself." She forces herself to calm, and, when she looks back at Quinn's booth, both Quinn and the redheaded woman are looking at her, expressions carefully neutral.
Well.
Rachel turns back and sips at her coffee, breathing slowly. All of a sudden, she wishes she never got out of bed this morning. She should have slept in, but she had to get her boys ready for their grandparents, who promised them a trip to the aquarium.
Finn just happened to be awake and asking for some attention, so she found the energy from somewhere. Breakfast seemed like the safest option while Rachel tries to get a handle on just what she's feeling about her life and her career.
And her relationships.
Rachel knows she shouldn't be lumping Quinn into that mess, but she can't help it. This is something she's really going to have to consider. She has to take the time to think about it and try to figure out all her feelings surrounding it. Whatever it is.
Kitty eventually brings out their meal, and Rachel is able to focus on that, choosing rather to chat to Kitty about how her summer is going over trying to hold some kind of conversation with Finn, whose every word just manages to annoy her.
Rachel has experienced some intense changes in her life, but this feels different. Most of the other changes have been exterior and external. This, however, is internal, and it feels as if it's going to be permanent.
When she does allow herself to think about it, she knows there's a part that's going to be devastating.
Just the idea of it makes her want to hide away somewhere and never see another living soul again. It's almost as if she thinks people will know how she's struggling, just by looking at her, and she doesn't know how she feels about that.
She doesn't know anything.
Abandoning her fruit to her sudden lack of appetite, Rachel excuses herself to the bathroom, momentarily forgetting that she has to walk past Quinn's booth. They don't fall silent, which is a relief. She's convinced they barely notice, because she ends up hearing Lex say, "Mommy says we're going to be three children in the car, Aunt Lou," which is followed by a chorus of soft laughter.
And, if Rachel is unfairly tuned into the sound of Quinn's... well, then, she's probably in more trouble than she initially thought.
She eventually makes it to the bathroom and immediately slips into a stall, just needing a moment to settle her head and heart. She needs to go home and regroup. She needs to get out of here, go somewhere where she can be alone, and think hard about what can and can't happen.
It takes a few minutes, but she finally feels stable enough actually to use the toilet, just the fact she's in here prompting her bladder into protest. Typical.
With a sigh and a flush, she's convinced she's ready to face the day, once more. Which is a belief that's derailed when she open the stall door and visibly startles when she finds the redhead standing there, leaning against the counter of sinks. It's obvious she's waiting for Rachel, and it takes everything for the brunette to step forward and face whatever this is.
Once she's at the sinks, she lathers her hands in soap, and then starts to rinse them, all while waiting for this woman to say something. If she and Quinn are as close as Rachel suspects they are; then Quinn has probably told her everything that's happened between them so far.
Rachel even gets to drying her hands with a paper towel before the woman finally opens her mouth, saying words that Rachel expects, but also doesn't.
"I couldn't do anything to protect her from the last person who hurt her," she says, her voice tense. "This time is going to be different."
Rachel looks at her face, not sure she's ready to hear this.
"I don't know what you've got going on, and I don't care," she says. "But Quinn does. For whatever reason, she seems to care about you, and your sons, so you really need to get your shit together because I'm not going to sit idly by and watch you create chaos in my best friend's life."
Rachel feels indignant, because she's pretty sure she hasn't done enough to deserve this kind of dressing-down.
This warning.
At Rachel's expression, the woman's ire dissipates quite suddenly, and she deflates right before Rachel's eyes. "I know I have no right to say any of this, not really, but I have one request," she says, her voice low. "Please, please be careful with her. With them. They're much to precious for this world, and I made a vow to protect them. Don't make me have to protect them from you, too, because I will."
All Rachel can manage is a single nod before the woman is stalking out of the room, the door swinging noisily behind her.
Somehow, by some miracle, Rachel is able to move Quinn to the back of her mind, keeping her there as she navigates the next few days without completely losing her mind. Things haven't necessarily improved with Hugo, but they haven't worsened, and Rachel has been finding endless excuses not to spend time with Finn.
She wouldn't call the days easier in any way, but there's something rewarding about dedicating her focus and attention only to her work and her sons. It's the way it's supposed to be, she knows, but she can't help wishing there was more to her life.
The thought is coupled with a lot of guilt, and she struggles to shake it off in time to have the usual suspects over for what is one of two monthly dinners - this one at her house. In general, Rachel surrounds herself with two groups of people, and one is less rowdy than the other.
It's really a tossup which is which, though - particularly when there's alcohol involved.
She aims to use the evening to distract herself, but that desire gets derailed entirely when Noah brings up the one person from whom Rachel wanted to be free for the night.
Just her luck, really.
"You'll never guess who came into the office today," Noah says entirely too casually.
Rachel looks up from the pasta sauce she's stirring, the two of them the only ones in the kitchen. "Who?"
"Kidnapper Lady."
Rachel freezes for merely a beat of her heart, but she doesn't think he notices. She doesn't know what to do with that information. "Oh?"
"She didn't recognise me," Noah says. "I half expected her to see my face and go for another punch, but I guess she didn't remember me from that night."
Rachel almost wishes Quinn didn't remember her, either, so they can start over or something. It's a thought that strikes her as odd, because why would she even want that? She clears her throat. "What did she want?"
"Apparently, she's taking down a wall in her house and redoing her kitchen," he explains. "She needs some labour."
Rachel doesn't even know what to say to that.
"I offered to head out to her house and check if everything was up to code, you know, because - " here, he pauses and waggles his eyebrows, and Rachel feels like she's going to throw up. "She said no."
"Oh?"
"She has all the permits and an architect even signed off on all the plans," he says with a shrug. "Didn't seem like this was her first renovation, so of course I was fucking turned on."
Rachel focuses quite hard on her pasta sauce, wanting nothing more than to say something, anything, to turn him off of Quinn. It just -
She can't do this.
Whatever this is.
"I also totally asked her out," Noah says a moment later. "She shot that down, too, claiming she doesn't mix business with pleasure." He whistles to himself. "When this job is done, though, I am totally gonna - "
Rachel's spoon slips, and a dollop of pasta sauce ends up flying towards Noah, landing on his shirt.
"Shit," he yelps. "Rach, watch it."
"Sorry," she says, trying to find him a dish towel to clean it up. "I wasn't paying attention."
Noah huffs out a breath as he sets his beer on the counter and dabs at the front of his shirt with the located dish towel. "Guess it's my fault for distracting you," he quips, grinning a little crookedly. "I'm going to head out there and see if I can get Hugo to play Mario Kart with me."
Rachel just waves him off, needing the space, because this is just getting ridiculous.
She's ridiculous, and she needs to get a hold of herself really quickly, or this evening is going to be a disaster.
Well.
She glances down at her pasta sauce, and she almost wishes it would burn or something. Maybe they should just order in; make it a pizza night instead of whatever culinary feat she's trying to accomplish. That seems like the best idea right now, because her head really isn't in it tonight.
With a sigh, Rachel switches off the burner and shifts the pot to a different one, just to be safe. There's an odd melancholy in her entire being, and it has a lot to do with the unknown situation with Hugo and her growing confusion about Quinn. Just thinking about it makes her queasy.
She's trying to be careful.
Rachel eventually abandons the stove completely and leaves the kitchen. She picks up her phone on her way, and steps into the main lounge where everyone else in the house has congregated.
Noah and Hugo are setting up the game station, her parents are discussing flowers with Max over their wine and Marley is reading a novel while lounging on an armchair in the corner. Rachel can't suppress her smile at the complete scene, feeling her spirits lift a little.
"So," she says, getting their collective attention. "I'm thinking pizza. Who's game?"
She even gets a grin from Hugo.
Maybe the night won't end in disaster.
Rachel speaks too soon, obviously, because she should know that Noah is always going to bring up Quinn again, which really starts an entire conversation about the woman.
The woman Rachel has failed to mention to her fathers beyond the fact she maybe kidnapped their grandsons. She also hasn't been able to tell them she's feeling all sorts of things for a woman with whom she's had some rather intense interactions.
So, Noah brings her up, which prompts Marley to gush about her and Lex, which gets Hugo especially chatty about his new friends, even saying things she's sure he can't possibly know. They haven't spent nearly long enough together for Hugo to know Quinn and Lex are obsessed with pancakes and bacon, or that they visit a comic store at least once a week.
Rachel's suspected Hugo has been contacting Quinn and/or Lex somehow for quite a while now, but she's been unable to pinpoint when he does it, and she also doesn't want to bring it up, in case it enlarges the gulf that currently exists between them.
Despite the rockiness in their relationship, things are somewhat settled at the moment. There's a bit of pride in that, she knows, and she won't allow her brain to connect the dots as to why her boys are more present with her when Finn isn't around.
It's right there, though, on the tip of her tongue, and there's a point when she's going to have no choice but to accept it for what it is.
Which is why it's unsurprising when that 'point' involves Quinn.
Apparently, they're making a thing of meeting at the hardware store, though it's actually in the parking lot this time, just two days later. Rachel is leaving, just as Quinn and Lex are arriving, and the women pass by each other, both of them a little awkward.
Quinn is the one who says, "Hello," first, Lex dutifully at her side.
"Hi, Hugo's Mom," Lex says, only a little awkward.
"Hello, Lex," Rachel says, managing to smile at him. "Quinn."
Quinn cocks her head a little to the side, and then tells Lex to go and get a cart; she's right behind him.
He looks at them uncertainly for a moment, but eventually scurries away, leaving the women alone for only the second time ever.
Quinn clears her throat. "I, uh, wanted to say thank you for the supplies," she says. "I hope you know it was unnecessary."
Rachel blinks. "It felt like it was completely necessary, and not nearly enough," she says, dropping her gaze. "I - I said some pretty horrible things."
"I've definitely heard worse," Quinn interjects. "Just, well, thank you."
"I am sorry, you know," Rachel says, and she really, really is. "I've been struggling with a few things, and you definitely didn't deserve my just going off on you like that."
"But somebody else does?"
Rachel can't bring herself to answer.
"You, perhaps."
Rachel opens her mouth, and then closes it again. She reasons Quinn doesn't require any kind of response, anyway. She already knows. Rachel suspects Quinn knows far more than Rachel thinks, and she's still unsure what to feel about that. What to feel about Quinn.
"You're staring at me," Quinn suddenly says, and Rachel blinks slowly at her, coming out of her slight trance. "Why?"
Rachel meets her gaze. "Why what?"
"Why are you staring at me?"
Rachel blinks again. "Hugo," she says.
"Excuse me?"
She clears her throat, trying to get a hold of herself. "Hugo was wondering if he and Lex could have a play date one of these days," she says, just managing to get the words out without making an even bigger fool of herself.
Quinn looks sceptical. "Are you sure you would be comfortable with that?"
"Would you?"
"How would this work?" Quinn asks, ignoring her question. "Because, I don't mind having both boys over, if you want a day off or something."
Rachel's mouth drops open. "Both of them?"
"Sure," Quinn says. "Why not? Hermit and the rat can have their fun, and so can Little Lamb and I."
Rachel's brow creases. "Do you always use nicknames?"
"What?"
"Whenever you talk about the kids, you refer to them by random nicknames all the time," she points out. "Why?"
"They're not random," Quinn says, as if it's a point of pride to her. "And, I don't know why. I just do."
Rachel thinks she might have touched a nerve, so she steers away from it. "Would you really be willing to have them both over?"
"Of course," Quinn says. "I don't mind at all."
"Amazing."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, no, it's just that most people can usually handle only one of them at a time, and that's usually Hugo, because he's older and well-behaved, thereby requiring less supervision."
"But Maxi's so cute," Quinn says. "Who could ever deny that face?"
"I think you just get to experience him when he's being good," Rachel says. "He's not always so chill."
"When is he not?" Quinn asks, frowning slightly.
"Oh, just whenever - " she stops suddenly, because her mouth was about to say whenever Finn's around, and that thought makes her supremely uncomfortable.
Quinn raises her eyebrows, her eyes a little too knowing. "Well, our schedule is pretty flexible, so whenever works for you will probably work for us."
Rachel has so many questions, but she wouldn't even know where to start. She wouldn't normally just leave her children with someone she barely knows, but she can't help the fact she trusts this woman. The mere thought is terrifying, because she knows next to nothing about her.
"Can I let you know?" Rachel asks.
Quinn nods. "Of course," she says. "I won't even need that much of a head's up, really. You could just text in the morning, and then just drop them off whatever time. Though, depending what I have in the fridge, we might head to the diner at some point. H says he's not allergic to anything, but I don't really know about Little Bug. I don't want to end up feeding him something that would send us to the Emergency Room. I do have an EpiPen, you should know. I have a bee allergy, so I think we'd be okay. Can't ever be too careful, though, and I - " she stops, as if catching herself. "You're staring again."
Rachel is charmed.
Just so very charmed.
Quinn waves a hand in her face, smiling amusedly. "Are you okay?"
"I think I'm just imagining the beauty that would be an actual day off," she finds herself saying, and Quinn laughs in understanding. "Sorry about that."
"No worries, Poppy," she says. "Whenever you're ready, just let me know. You have my number."
"I do?"
Quinn gives her a sceptical look. "Didn't you ever get that voicemail I left?"
It's the first time Rachel realises she's never actually talked to Quinn about that night and that message. What was the incident to which she was referring?
"Oh, right," Rachel says. "Of course."
Quinn gives her a curious look. "Okay."
Rachel licks her lips, pondering her next words. "I - I wasn't sure what to make of it, at first," she explains. "That night was... a lot."
Quinn internally scoffs, because that's definitely an understatement.
"Hugo was so angry when we got home, and I couldn't really figure out why," Rachel continues. "I still don't really know. When I asked him what happened, he wasn't very forthcoming, and even - " she stops, rethinking bringing up Finn. For some reason, she doesn't feel right talking about the man in front of Quinn; as if she's aware, subconsciously, that she's hurting her.
Quinn shifts from her left foot to her right. "H-Man didn't tell you what, exactly?"
Rachel wrinkles her nose. "Why he would ever get into a car with a complete stranger."
"Isn't it obvious?"
Rachel shakes her head, clearly confused.
Quinn runs a hand through her hair, wondering if the next words she says are going to spell disaster. Still, she opens her mouth and says, "He felt safer with me," and it takes a long moment for the words to sink in.
"What?"
Quinn smiles a little sadly. "You should talk to Hugo," she says, serious enough to use Hugo's first name. "I think you definitely need to talk to your son."
Rachel Berry never intended to be a mother so young. She had her entire life planned out, year by year, written out to play out exactly the way she wanted.
Then a positive pregnancy test derailed everything.
She has regrets, of course, but Hugo isn't one of them. Does she wish he arrived a little later in life? Yes. Does she wish she'd been able to bring him into a more stable relationship? Definitely. Would she do anything different? Probably.
Rachel has never looked at her son and resented him, which is a point of pride for her, because her life and career goals drastically changed the moment she decided a baby was going to be part of her future.
Her present.
She's aware she's made sacrifices, struggled through finishing school and supporting herself and her babies. All with help from her fathers and her best friends of course. It really was a wild time bringing a baby boy into a college apartment with three struggling artists and a rogue father/partner.
Rachel has lived a lot of years since then. So have her friends. All of them trying and ultimately deciding the New York life wasn't for them. Rachel is the one who stuck it out the longest, forcing herself to make things work with Brody - especially with Max on the way - but it all imploded.
Santana made the move back first, having decided a simple life with Brittany was something with which she would always be happy. Now, she's the Sporting Director and cheerleading coach at William McKinley, with Brittany running her own dance studio downtown.
Kurt's time at NYADA didn't disillusion him about what he already knew about his chances of getting roles on Broadway. He's too niche, and he conceded to the life of a boutique store owner, running his own small design business, from prom dresses to wedding tuxedos. All while his husband, Blaine, works as the Music Director at Dalton Academy, determined to nurture young minds to love and appreciate music in its various forms.
Blaine likes to joke he picked Dalton, because he had an inkling Rachel Berry would, one day, make her return to Lima and claim the job at William McKinley. Which, honest-to-God, makes her skin crawl at the mere idea they believed she would end up back here.
Noah never quite left.
And, yet, here Rachel is, having made her fateful return a little over a year ago, a little heartbroken and a lot angry and very pregnant. She'd been in Lima barely a few months before Max was born, and, as far as she's aware, his father hasn't even met him.
Well, Rachel knows a thing or two about absentee parents. Shelby is probably the number one reason she knew she could never give up her child. It didn't matter that she was young and still a student and totally unprepared for motherhood; Rachel Berry was always going to do everything in her power to be the best mother possible.
This is the first time in her life she's truly believed she's actually failing.
Quinn's words ring in her head the entire drive home, taunting her. He felt safer with me. It makes her body hurt, just thinking about what they imply.
It can't be.
No.
She won't believe what the words could mean.
She would know.
Of course she would know. These are her babies. These are the most important people in her life, and she - there's -
Rachel realises she's actually crying when she can no longer see the road, and she's forced to pull over before she causes some kind of accident. The paperwork would just be a nightmare.
It takes a while for her to calm enough to continue on her way home, but her mind is still whirling. She doesn't even know what to do with herself. All she really wants is to wrap her arms around her babies and hold them close for all of eternity.
So, when she gets home, she goes in search of her sons, getting the surprise of her life when she finds Finn, instead of Noah, sitting in her living room with Hugo and Max huddled together on the carpet, as far away from the man as possible.
Rachel freezes at the sight of them, not sure what to make of the situation. None of them has seen her yet, and she doesn't want this to be the moment she explodes, because she doesn't know how that's all going to play out. She could be mistaken. This isn't -
The home phone starts to ring, and Rachel startles where she's hidden behind the large arch that leads into the living room. Hugo gets to his feet to answer it, and she hears him say, "Hello, Hugo speaking." A pause. "Oh."
Rachel immediately knows who's on the other end of the line, and she's actually relieved.
"I know you wouldn't," Hugo says. "She would probably nag it out of you." There's a little giggle, and Rachel feels a smile creep on her face, right until Finn's voice sounds.
"Who are you talking to?"
Rachel sees Hugo grow tense, his body turning to face Finn. "Nobody," he says to Finn, and then whispers into the phone, "He's here, yes."
"It's obviously not nobody," Finn says, getting to his feet.
Hugo stumbles back, "You said she's coming home, right? She'll be here soon?"
Rachel almost steps in at that moment, but Finn grabs the phone and brings it up to his ear, barking out an irritated, "Who is this?" His face twists into an angry scowl at whoever is on the other end. "Of course, it's you."
Rachel can almost imagine the steel in Quinn's voice when she replies, and she's just relieved that Hugo has moved as far away as possible, his body between Max and Finn.
"Why are you calling this number?" Finn asks, accusatory. "Just stay away from us. Everything was fine before you came along."
Finn's words strike Rachel even worse, because she's said similar ones to Quinn, and there's such shame attached to them now.
"What did you think you were doing getting involved in things that have nothing to do with you? Oh, because you're a Good Samaritan? I wasn't smothering him." Rachel's fists clench. "Sometimes there's no other way to get the brat to shut up."
Rachel blinks back tears, because this is her fault. This is a man she's brought into her sons' lives and he's created chaos. She can barely make sense of it, but she does understand the sudden desire to punch his face and kick his shin.
Then Finn says, "All she's done is spend time with them since that night, and it's your fault I haven't been la - "
Rachel steps into view. "Finn!" she snaps, and the entire room freezes. For a few pulsing seconds, nobody moves, as the reality of the situation sinks in. Eventually, Rachel kicks herself into gear, and she walks towards him, takes the phone from his hand and brings it up to her ear. "Quinn?"
"Oh, uh, hello."
"Thank you," she says, and she means it. "I'll take it from here."
"Aim for the balls," she quips, and then hangs up.
Rachel breathes slowly, and then says, "Hugo, please take your brother upstairs and stay there until I come and get you."
Hugo visibly hesitates, looking between the two adults.
"It's okay, Sweetheart," she says soothingly. "I promise it's okay. Take Max upstairs. Mom will handle this."
It takes another moment, but he eventually gets to his feet, and moves out of the room backwards, Max clutched to his chest.
Rachel waits, steadying her breathing, until she can no longer hear his feet on the stairs. Then she turns her gaze, hard and calculating, on Finn, and she hates him.
Hates in a way she didn't even know was possible, because he was once a boy who was part of her plan. She loved him as a teenager, and she was convinced she could love him as an adult.
Now, though, now she hates.
"I'm going to ask once and only once, so I suggest you answer me truthfully," she says, her voice measured. "Have. You. Ever. Laid a hand on either of my sons?"
"Rach, I can - "
"Answer the question," she instructs.
Finn blinks. "It's not what it - "
"Finn, I swear to all that is holy, if you don't answer the question, I will tear out your spine and feed it to you." She pauses. "If you had one."
Finn gulps. "It - it was one time."
Rachel releases a tense breath, because, even if that were true, it's one time too many. She takes a step back and does her best to weigh her options. She should make a gigantic deal out of this, but she can't. She doesn't want to put her sons through that.
So she says, "Get out."
Finn looks shocked. "What?"
"Get out of my house," she says, clear and pointed. "If you ever come near me or any member of my family again, I will unleash a world of pain on your pathetic existence." She clenches her jaw. "And that's even before I involve Santana, which, I can assure you, you don't want."
Finn audibly gulps.
"Do I make myself clear?" she asks, because she needs him to understand. She's already mentally preparing an email to her lawyer to discuss her options.
Finn nods, though there's a certain rage burning in his eyes.
"Good," she says. "Now, get the fuck out of my house. I never want to see you again."
Finn lingers a moment, as if she'll change her mind, and then huffs out angrily. He mutters something under his breath that sounds worryingly like this is all that bitch's fault, and then finally leaves.
Rachel doesn't move until her heart rate has steadied. Even then, she waits another few minutes, because this isn't anything she thought she would ever have to deal with in her lifetime.
Shaking out her limbs, she finally goes upstairs, panicking slightly when she doesn't find Hugo in his bedroom, but rather in hers. Her boys are curled on her bed, Hugo reading a baby book to Max, even though he doesn't understand a word.
Rachel just stares at them for the longest time, eventually moving to sit on the bed, her back against her headboard, knees to her chest and her heart in her throat. She wants to cry again, but she won't do that in front of her babies. She can hold it in for now.
At some point, Hugo crawls across the bed and tucks himself against her side, Max fitting between them. "Are you okay, Mom?"
She's not, but she won't lie, so she says nothing. Instead, she wraps an arm around them both and vows never to let go. "I'm sorry, honey," she murmurs, kissing the top of Hugo's head. "I'm sorry Momma didn't see."
Hugo sags against her.
"I understand now," she says quietly. "Why you've been so angry with me and Aunt Santana. Why you like Quinn so much. She saw it, and she protected you and Max where we didn't. She kept you safe where we failed."
Hugo still says nothing, and Rachel doesn't expect anything else. He does sniffle a bit, and she tightens her hold on him.
"I promise, promise you'll never have to see him again," she vows, strong and determined. "I love you," she says, closing her eyes and just breathing him in. "I love you, more than anything, all the way to the moon and back."
"I love you, too, Mom," he says into her shirt, and those are the last words he says before he falls asleep, slipping into what must be an exhausted nap.
Rachel doesn't think she'll be able to do the same. It's not even that late, which is really the only reason she feels comfortable enough to reach for her phone to text a certain blonde. First, though, she finds a text from Noah informing her that he had a work emergency and asked Finn to cover the babysitting for him.
That's never going to happen again.
Rachel opens a new text thread with her newly-entered contact and stews for several minutes over what to send first.
Eventually, she just sucks in a breath and goes for it. It doesn't even matter. It's just a text. To a woman. Whom she may or may not harbour several confusing thoughts and feelings about.
Totally simple.
Hey, Quinn, this is Rachel, Hugo's Mom.
Who's Hugo?
It makes Rachel smile, and her heart swells a little because of it.
a.k.a. Heartbreaker.
Never heard of him.
Her smile widens, and she feels so stupidly ridiculous.
So, I was just texting about that play date I mentioned. I seem to be running low on potential babysitters, all of a sudden.
That's a lovely problem to have. I'm listening.
Lex is the one to answer the door just two days later, Quinn standing a few feet behind him and wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Hello," Lex says, smiling so widely that it must hurt.
"Hey, Lex," Hugo says, practically vibrating where he is.
"Do you want to go upstairs and look at my comic books?" Lex asks, looking equally excited.
Hugo nods. "Totally."
Lex grabs for his arm and drags him inside, the two of them shooting for the stairs.
"Hi, Quinn," Hugo shouts.
"No running," Quinn shouts back, and their steps slow for only a moment before they're on the landing and out of sight.
Rachel just stands in the doorway, Max squirming in her arms and feeling supremely awkward being left alone with Quinn when she doesn't want to tear at her throat.
Quinn smiles a little hesitantly as she steps closer. "You can come in, you know," she says, waving a hand. "You'll just have to excuse the mess. We're doing quite a bit of renovation in here."
Rachel almost tells Quinn she knows, but she holds her tongue. "Hi, Quinn."
"Hello." She steps up, to look into Max's eyes. "Hello, you." Her smile is so genuine that Rachel feels her heart expand. "Aren't you looking handsome in your little outfit?"
Max gurgles something or the other, his arms reaching for her. Quinn looks at Rachel, trying to gage her reaction to her approach.
It takes her a moment, but Rachel eventually hands him over, doing her best not to hang on.
Quinn practically lights up when she has Max, her hands on his sides as she lifts him up above her head for a moment. Max giggles at the attention, and Rachel is struck by this moment.
This moment when she wants this.
She wants all of this, more than anything in the world, and that's -
She's not ready for any of that.
Quinn settles Max against her hip and looks at Rachel. "Are you in a rush? Do you want to come in for a bit? I kind of want to tell everyone I meet about my renovation."
Rachel thinks the best idea is to step back and leave, but her feet propel her forward, and Quinn looks so adorably pleased.
"It's a bit of a disaster zone at the moment," Quinn explains. "We're currently using our dining room as a makeshift kitchen, and the front room is our living room while we redo this entire left side."
Rachel follows her as she ducks under a tarp that separates them from the worksite.
"The room is large enough to extend the kitchen, and I love myself a gigantic island," Quinn continues as they step over some plaster and into what is the kitchen. Sort of. All the cabinet doors are down and the floor has been redone with a dark wood. "I'm thinking of doing a two-tone cabinet."
"Two-tone?"
Quinn turns to look at her. "Oh, uh, white cabinets at the top, and then a grey for the bottom ones, with the island being wood." She smiles. "White top on the counters, and then a lovely quartz on the island. I'm making it a feature."
Rachel should probably understand all of this, given the amount Noah talks about his work, but it's really all gibberish to her. She's content just watching Quinn gush over her kitchen, though.
"I can do a lot of the work myself, so we should have it done soon," she says. "I've already done the painting on the cabinets, which are drying out back, so I'll finish that up in here, and then the countertops should be able to go on. Oh, you have to see the tile I chose for the backsplash." She does a bit of a hop, and then bends to retrieve a blue chrome subway tile. "I'm thinking of a herringbone pattern for this, right up to the ceiling."
Rachel just nods, trying to follow.
Quinn stops, flushing slightly. "Sorry," she says. "I forget people don't generally know what I'm talking about when I say stuff like that."
"Do other people?"
"In my life, yes," Quinn says, setting the tile in its box again. "Do you remember those two women who were with us at the bowling alley?"
Rachel nods, because it's highly unlikely she'll forget them any time soon.
"Well, they're friends from college, and, after graduation, we all kind of started this flipping company on the side," she explains. "We learned quite a lot about design and building in the process."
Rachel blinks. "That's actually really cool."
Quinn grins at her, which makes Rachel feels hot all over. "If I could do it all myself, I would, but I kind of need the help to get it done quickly."
"You hired someone?"
Quinn nods. "A local contractor, as far as I'm aware," she says, frowning slightly, as if the experience wasn't all that pleasant. "A few of his guys are supposed to stop by this afternoon to help put the cabinet doors back up and get everything ready for the countertops and new sink. I hope that's okay."
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Uh, I don't know how comfortable I'd be having a bunch of strange people around my kids," Quinn says a little awkwardly.
Rachel winces internally, knowing that Noah's guys probably know Hugo and Max already. "Well, I mean, it's Lima, so the chances they're actually strangers to my kids is quite minimal."
"If you're sure."
"I trust you, Quinn."
Quinn looks a little surprised at first, but a soft smile spreads across her face a moment later. She looks so beautiful like this, and Rachel has an inexplicable urge to reach out and touch her.
She goes for Max instead, tickling his side. "Well, I should probably get out of here."
Quinn nods, gesturing for her to lead the way back out. "What are the plans for the day, anyway? If you don't mind my asking."
"The Spa with Brittana and Kurt," she says automatically.
"Who?"
"Oh, uh, Brittana is the couple name we use for Brittany and Santana, and Kurt is Hugo's godfather. They were all at the bowling alley that night."
Quinn clenches her jaw. "And at the Diner, I presume."
Rachel hesitates, and then nods, wondering if this is the moment she should mention everyone else in her immediate circle. She wants Quinn to know her and her life, but she's caught between wanting to divulge everything and making sure they keep their lives as separate as possible.
Rachel doesn't think she could be just her friend, which means she has to choose the safest end of the spectrum, and that end is as far away from this unsuspecting woman who seems to hold her son so easily and interact with Hugo like he's a person and not just a waste of space.
It's amazing, and Rachel isn't sure she deserves it.
"Thank you for watching them," Rachel says. "Normally, they go to my parents when we're all busy, so I'm sure they're also looking forward to a day off, as well."
Quinn looks a little curious, as if she's also actually interested in learning about Rachel.
It's definitely not helping with Rachel's resolve. Whatever may or may not happen between them, she needs to nip it in the bud.
They can't do this.
She can't do this, even if she might want to.
Which she doesn't.
She definitely doesn't.
Quinn walks her to the front door, smiling gently, as if she knows what Rachel is struggling with. If she does, well, that would be mortifying, and Rachel needs Quinn never to know that she wants to take a picture of Quinn holding Max and make it her wallpaper.
Wow.
Okay.
"Is there a specific time you want me to pick them up?" Rachel asks, suddenly remembering the diaper bag hanging off her shoulder. She slips it off and sets it on the first stair.
"Not really," Quinn tells her. "Whenever you're ready is fine with me."
"Even nine o'clock, huh?" Rachel jokes.
Quinn gives her a very serious look. "Whenever you're ready," she repeats, and it feels as if she's saying something else entirely.
There is champagne at the spa.
Lots of it.
It's really the one saving grace, because Rachel is tense and confused and anxious. She needs a day away, but she also needs her friends to figure out what's wrong with her so she won't have to say any of it out loud. Not that she believes anything is wrong. It's just -
Rachel downs her first chute in less than a minute, which makes Santana nod approvingly.
"How did you get Blaine to babysit?" Santana asks Kurt, casually sipping at her own champagne as they wait to be called for their massages.
Kurt smiles a little slyly. "I promised him many, many things."
"Gross."
Brittany laughs, casually twirling around.
Santana looks at Rachel. "And your parents were okay with watching the boys?" she asks.
Rachel gulps another mouthful of champagne. "Of course," she squeaks. "Five kids would have been way too much for poor Blaine."
"They would have eaten him alive," Kurt says, clearly agreeing.
Rachel downs the rest of her second glass, unsure why she can't bring herself to tell her best friends that her children are actually with Quinn. She doesn't think they'll approve, for whatever reason, and she's still trying to figure out why she even cares.
It doesn't help that she also hasn't been able to explain that she and Finn are beyond over; that she will never see the man again, if she can help it. Telling them about the way Finn treated her sons would also cause unnecessary drama, because Kurt is his stepbrother and Santana would probably try to kill him.
Rachel wonders if she didn't do enough. If she should have showed Hugo the way she's protecting them both. All three of them. It's a doubt that's plagued her mind, but what is more alarming is that the person she wants to discuss it with is Quinn.
She's already finished her third glass of champagne by the time they're called.