VII
Quinn calls an end to their time in the pool when she inspects Hugo and Lex's fingers, calling them prunes and booting them out of the water. They grumble as they go, but they're also yawning and probably hungry.
Rachel has peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwiches waiting for them, and the boys gobble them up, barely pausing to chew.
"Oi," Quinn says. "Slowly. I'm not dealing with either of you if you end up choking."
Lex offers her a toothy grin while Hugo blushes, and Rachel just looks thoroughly amused by the entire interaction.
At least she's no longer torturing Quinn with her eyes and her hands and her legs and her voice and just everything about her.
Or so Quinn thinks, because now there's a foot trailing along her calf with purpose, and Quinn can't get a handle on her breathing. This woman is going to kill her. That's what's going to happen.
After they've eaten, Hugo and Lex pass out on the floor in the living room, their limbs spread out, hair a lot wild and skin sun-kissed. Quinn offers to move them somewhere else, but Rachel waves her off, choosing rather to cover them both in light TV blankets before she takes Max upstairs to put him down for his nap.
While she's upstairs, Quinn starts on the dishes in the kitchen, just wanting something to do. When Rachel gets back, she knows they're going to have to talk about whatever seems to be happening between them.
There's no escaping it now, and she just hopes Rachel won't run from her. Quinn doesn't think she's in too deep yet, but it would still devastate her if this turns out to be all they end up being. She just doesn't want -
All her worries evaporate to nothing when she feels arms wrap around her waist and a body press against her back.
Oh.
Rachel breathes against her shoulder, warmth seeping through the fabric, and Quinn shivers at the sensation. "Hi," Rachel murmurs. "You know you don't have to do that."
Quinn lets out a shaky breath, her brain short-circuiting at the feel of Rachel's right palm flat against her abdomen, fingers warm and a little ticklish. "I know," she manages to say. "I want to."
Rachel's hold on her shifts and tightens, her hand tracing the midline of her abs. "What else do you want?" she asks, her voice low and dripping with intent, and Quinn thinks she might die. God. This is how she finally kicks the bucket, isn't it?
It's amazing, really, that she was so worried Rachel wouldn't be ready for this, and now -
Now, Quinn can barely take it. She sucks in a sharp breath, making the decision, and spins around quite suddenly, surprising them both. "What else do I want," she echoes, moving right into Rachel's space.
Rachel blinks up at her, lips parted and breath unsteady.
"You," Quinn breathes. "I want you."
And then they're kissing, Quinn's hands cupping Rachel's face and Rachel's hands gripping her t-shirt at her sides, trying to keep herself steady. The kiss is all passion, all lips and teeth and tongue, and Quinn wants her in a terrifying way.
She steps forward, backing Rachel into the island and getting a delightful moan in response. Her hands slide over tan shoulders, along her sides and down to her thighs before her own body reacts and she lifts.
Rachel makes a startled sound as Quinn sets her on the counter, but their mouths never detach. She spreads her knees, and Quinn immediately steps into the space, her hands roaming with purpose.
Rachel's fingers slip into Quinn's hair, fisting the strands and bringing her closer. Quinn's heart is pounding, her breath lost to the world as she seeks more of Rachel: her touch and her taste and her -
"Oh, fuck," Quinn groans when Rachel locks her ankles behind her, bringing her flush against her body. It's too fast, she knows. They need to slow down, but, God, she just feels so good.
If anyone had asked what she thought she would be doing this afternoon; making out with Rachel wouldn't have been it. And yet, here she is, with Rachel's tongue in her mouth and her hands on her ass.
Huh?
When did that happen?
They kiss for a lifetime, mouths occasionally drifting to jaws and necks, but ultimately remaining attached. The kisses slow at times, allowing them both to catch their breath, but they don't stop.
Quinn is halfway worried Rachel will panic if they do, so she just keeps kissing her and touching her and making sure she knows this is what she wants. Rachel is what she wants.
It's almost fitting that the reason they have to stop is one of their sons. Max's baby monitor alerts them to the fact he's awake about a half-hour later, and they break apart as if they're just coming back to the world, breathing erratic, lips swollen and faces flushed.
Quinn is wrecked, emotionally and physically.
Rachel stares at her for a long, long moment, and then opens her mouth to say something, only for Max's discomfort to come through again. She glances to the left where the monitor's receiver is showing him shifting around, his face scrunched up.
"I should - " Rachel starts, and Quinn immediately steps back. Well, she probably stumbles, but who's asking?
Rachel doesn't do any better when she slides off the counter, landing on shaky legs and running a hand through her hair.
"I'll be right back," Rachel tells her, and then bolts from the room.
Quinn lets out a long breath, feeling overwhelmed. That wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't planned, and she really hopes she hasn't ruined it before it's had a chance to begin. She was supposed to take Rachel on a date first, wine and dine her, and then kiss her sweetly.
Not practically maul her.
Quinn runs her hands through her own hair, trying to tame it, and then finishes with the dishes before going to check on Hugo and Lex. They're both still asleep, which is a relief, because she really doesn't know how to explain to either of them that she and Rachel are -
Well, Quinn doesn't know what they are.
With a sigh, she settles on the couch and tries to relax. She fidgets with the hem of her shorts, and then taps a tune on her thighs, trying and failing to settle her mind. She's in the middle of coming up with what she wants to say to Rachel when she gets back, when Max's adorable face is suddenly in front of her.
Rachel deposits the baby in her lap from behind, and then kisses her cheek, hugging her shoulders and whispering, "You're cute."
Quinn holds Max steady with her hands as she turns her head to look at Rachel.
"You're cute, and I like you, and I'm freaking out, yes, but I want this, too," she whispers. "I want you, too."
Quinn can't help her smile if she tries, and Rachel presses their lips together for a moment.
"Can we just keep doing this?"
Quinn nods, eyes bright and heart so full. "Anything you want, Romeo," she murmurs. "Whenever you're ready."
Quinn takes an eager Hugo into Rachel's kitchen when he wakes from his late afternoon nap, and Rachel sits at the breakfast nook to watch them work, her eyes soft with deep, deep affection. Rachel keeps looking at them as if she can't believe they're even there, doing what they're doing, and it's adorable.
Hugo's little hands struggle with kneading the dough they've made for the pizza the boys requested earlier. She's separated it into smaller balls, ready to be spread out, and she knows she's going to have to wake Lex soon, lest he sleep right through the night. She also doesn't want to deal with the sulk when he realises they made his pizza without him.
"Hey, Strawberry," Quinn says, getting Rachel's attention as an idea strikes her. "Think you can get Tex-Lex up? He'll want to decorate his own pizza."
Rachel nods as she slides off her stool and disappears from the kitchen. It's a little odd for Quinn, having someone she can ask to do something like that. Her last relationship was complicated in many ways, mainly because she kept Lex and Blair as separate from each other as she possibly could in the beginning. It was just easier that way, given she didn't even tell Louisa or Jane they were dating until at least four months in.
Then she did the thing most single parents worry about and introduced them to each other. Lex was young, and he was so fascinated by her shiny badge and general Devil-May-Cry attitude that it devastated him in a way she's convinced he still hasn't properly dealt with when Blair was just no longer there.
It isn't even as if they broke up. There were no actual words. All Quinn said was if you do this, then we're done, and Blair did the thing, and now Quinn and Lex are here in Lima, Ohio with a Rachel Berry who looks at them as if they could mean as much to her as she and her two sons mean to Quinn.
Quinn wonders if she should be wary of all of this, but she's not going to. There are regrets about Blair, sure, but they're largely outweighed by everything she learned from the relationship. If this thing with Rachel ends up imploding, at least she'll have learned something.
Though, when Rachel comes back into the kitchen with her hand valiantly trying to smooth down Lex's bed hair, Quinn knows she doesn't have much to worry about.
"Good morning, Sleepy Head," Quinn says, smiling at Lex.
He rubs his eyes of sleep as he moves towards her, seeking the hug he normally wants after he's just woken from a nap. She abandons her own dough to rub his back and kiss his hair, feeling him nuzzle against her shirt. "Pizza," he eventually says, more awake now.
"Wash those hands and let's get started, so we can get these in the oven," she tells him, and he silently complies.
Quinn separates her own dough and presents one half to Rachel. "This way, you can put whatever you want on yours."
"Can't I just share yours?" she asks, staring at the foreign substance in front of her.
Quinn chuckles. "No."
Rachel pouts. "But, I wouldn't even know what to do."
"That's why we're doing it all together," she says. "You're not getting out of this one, Cherry."
Rachel exaggerates a groan, and both Lex and Hugo giggle, Max moving around at their feet, content to use their legs to help him stand. It's just so easy, the way they all seem to slot together, and Quinn finds herself having to pinch herself at the fact this is her life.
Rachel puts on some soft music as Quinn instructs them through spreading out their dough, making sure to flour the island-top. She even shows off a little, spinning her pizza base in the air and getting excited giggles from everyone in the room.
"Oh, pizza sauce first," Quinn says, carefully ladling tomato and basil pizza sauce onto each pizza. She then explains the various cheeses and toppings, making suggestions as she does.
Hugo, apparently, is a simple man, and he claims he wants his toppings to be pepperoni and more pepperoni, but Quinn manages to convince him to spruce it up a little with some red and green pepper strips.
Lex's pizza is Tex-Mex inspired, with some ground beef, refried beans and cherry tomatoes, which they'll finish with black olives and sour cream once it's ready.
Rachel says, "Surprise me," and Quinn does an elaborate pesto, corn, goat cheese and sundried tomato concoction that Rachel suddenly can't wait to try.
And Quinn's pizza is simply bacon, pickles and a hell of a lot of cheese. Rachel raises her eyebrows when she sees it, and Quinn gets the shock of her life when Rachel pinches her side and whispers, "You're really making sure you don't get another kiss out of me, huh?" right into her ear.
Huh.
When the pizzas are in the oven, Quinn and Rachel somehow manage to execute an elaborate and thoroughly thought-out bath time, using two separate bathrooms and ending up with all five of them fresh and clean and ready for dinner just forty minutes later.
It's something like a miracle, really, and Quinn is quite proud of them. Her hair is damp and her feet are bare when she returns to the kitchen to take out their pizzas and set the kitchen table. It's a foreign kitchen to her, but the house and the space all feels so familiar.
If she's not careful, she'll never want to leave.
Louisa would have a field day with that thought, calling her the biggest lesbian stereotype.
Quinn has just finished setting the steaming pizzas on the kitchen table when Hugo and Lex come running in, bare feet slapping against the wood, with Rachel following behind, Max secure in her arms.
"Dinner's served," Quinn says, a little unnecessarily. She thinks, maybe, they could be having dinner in the living room. It's a warm summer evening and they're all living their best lives. There are no rules.
And yet, they all settle at the kitchen table to dig in to their pizzas. They exchange slices and bites, trying one another's, save for Rachel, who quietly tells Quinn she's actually a vegetarian.
Quinn gapes at her. "What?" she squeaks. "Wait, no, I'm pretty sure you ate the chicken, pasta thing Chef H over here made."
"Well, of course I did," Rachel says, smiling a little indulgently. "I'm always going to eat whatever my son prepares."
Quinn stares at her, thinking back to that night. It's a fond memory for her, and her recollection is that there was still food on Rachel's plate when she declared herself full; most of it pieces of chicken. Oh.
Rachel winks at her when the boys aren't looking, and Quinn is even more gone on this woman than she ever thought. It's a thought that lingers in her mind as they talk around one another over a meal, and she decides she wants this. She wants Rachel, and she wants this family. Exactly like this.
Louisa is going to tease her to within an inch of her life, and Quinn doesn't even care.
After they've eaten, Rachel insists that Quinn isn't going anywhere near the dishes. Instead, she offers to clean up with Hugo and Lex while Quinn relaxes with Max and a finger of Scotch in the living room.
Quinn's protests are only as vocal as they are because she embarrassingly doesn't want to be apart from them, but Rachel shoos her away, discreetly patting her ass, so she goes, blushing all the while.
Quinn settles on the main couch and sets Max on the floor between her knees, holding him up on his shaky legs. It takes him a moment to stabilise and he keeps upright with his tiny hands on her thighs when she lets him go. "Look at you," she coos. "Such a strong, strong boy."
His smile is gummy, his front teeth barely visible.
When he teeters a little, she reaches out to steady him, her heart suddenly aching. She and Rachel haven't really spoken properly about their past relationships, which they'll probably have to do at some point, but she can't imagine anyone ever not wanting this. This baby boy, who is looking at her with such trusting, adoring eyes.
Well. Here she is, and she wants this. All of it.
Which includes two rowdy boys and a stunning woman, who is determined to drive her insane. When the three of them finally come into the living room, Quinn feels this warmth settle over her. It almost feels as if they've been doing this their whole lives.
"What are you smiling about?" Rachel asks, moving to sit next to her, closer than is strictly appropriate.
Quinn brushes a hand over Max's soft hair. "Nothing," she murmurs. "Everything."
Rachel touches her back, just briefly, and Quinn leans into her palm. She doesn't say anything, but Quinn thinks she gets it. This feeling of being exactly where they're all supposed to be; it exists between them and all around them.
It's present and lingering and engulfing, and Quinn wouldn't have it any other way.
Rachel just amplifies the feeling when it's time for them to leave, Lex already passed out from the excitement of the day. Quinn is the one who suggests it's time for them to go, and Rachel pouts but doesn't dispute it. It's way too early in whatever this is for family sleepovers.
Soon, though, Quinn thinks.
"Do you have to leave?" Rachel asks once Quinn's buckled a sleeping Lex into the backseat of her car and closed the door, and, if she whines a little, she's not even a little bit embarrassed about it.
Quinn just smiles at her, casually leaning against her closed door. "I have to leave," she says. "You know we can't stay."
Rachel pouts, almost without her say-so, and Quinn gently kisses her.
"Plus, Sash could have burned down the house while we've been away."
"Unlikely," Rachel comments. "That dog is more of a human being than I am."
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Don't let her hear you say that," she says. "She might get some ideas."
Rachel presses her body against Quinn's, both of them leaning against the car. "Are you scared?" she asks.
"Of what?"
"Of this? Of us?"
Quinn answers without hesitation. "No."
Rachel looks surprised by her certainty. "But how? Why aren't you?"
"Should I be?" Quinn asks. "Are you?"
"Definitely."
Quinn meets her gaze. "Why?"
"Because I know I could fall in love with you."
"And that scares you?"
Rachel buries her face in Quinn's neck, which is answer enough.
Quinn gently rubs her back, hand coming to rest at the nape of her neck. "I wish you wouldn't be so scared of the idea of falling in love," she murmurs. "It's going to be different now, Blueberry. There's nothing to be afraid of with me. I won't hurt you."
Rachel lifts her head, needing to see her eyes. "How can you say that?"
"Because I know I could fall in love with you, too." If she hasn't already.
Rachel studies her face in the dark night, and Quinn doesn't dare look away. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"We're doing this."
Quinn looks a little bemused. "This?"
Rachel kisses her, lips lingering and fingers curled around her hips. "Exactly this."
Good morning, Raspberry! Just making sure you know I regret nothing, I haven't changed my mind about anything, and I still want to do THIS with you. Whatever you want this to be. (Also, I think you agree with me, because, if I recall correctly, you kissed me with my bacon/pickle breath, and if that doesn't tell you something, what else does?) I hope you and the boys have a great day - just know we're thinking about you :*
Quinn sends the text, knowing Rachel probably woke this morning with a myriad of thoughts and, if Quinn remembers anything about her first relationship with a woman, she freaked out. As much as she wanted it, and as much as she was convinced it was what was right for her, it was terrifying.
So, here she is, ready and waiting for an inevitable freakout...that just never comes. Instead, she gets a snapped picture of Rachel, Hugo and Max all spread out on what looks like Rachel's bed with the caption Come save us from this pizza hangover, and Quinn immediately suggests they meet up at the park in the afternoon to see the ducks.
She waits barely a minute before she gets a confirmation, and Lex squeals like an actual banshee when she tells him about their plans for the day. Quinn might have done the same, maybe, but she's trying to play it cool in the face of this new dynamic in which she and Rachel now find themselves.
'Cool' is her spending a little longer picking what she's going to wear and actually worrying about her appearance. It's ridiculous, she knows, but this is Rachel, and she actually wants to impress her.
Quinn wears black cotton shorts instead of denim ones and chooses a snug Yale soccer practice t-shirt that she suspects will make Rachel's eyes linger. She packs a cooler of drinks, fruit and other snacks, and then reminds Lex to bring his soccer ball, frisbee and Sasha's leash and tennis ball. She lathers him in sunscreen, sets a SnapBack on his head, and then they're off.
When they get to the park, Rachel and the boys are already there, spread out on a large picnic blanket and enjoying the sun. Rachel is wearing a floral sundress and a large white sunhat, sitting with her legs crossed at the ankles in front of her while she leans back on her hands and looks up at the sun.
She's stunning.
Lex runs up to them, Quinn following at a more sedate pace. Because of it, she gets to enjoy the moment Lex and Sasha descend on the unsuspecting family and create chaos. Rachel screams in surprise, Hugo laughing until he doubles over and the sound of Max's excited shrieks is music to her ears.
She takes out her phone before she can stop herself and snaps an endless amount of pictures, slowing her approach and just marvelling at the fact this can be hers.
All of it.
She wants it all.
Rachel smiles genuinely when she sees her, the situation having settled around her. Hugo jumps up to give her a hug, and then he, Lex and Sasha are taking off to burn some of their pubescent energy.
Quinn shouts, "Stay close," at them, and then drops onto the picnic blanket beside Rachel rather dramatically.
Rachel laughs at her antics, fingers touching hers between their bodies in quiet greeting.
Quinn leans over her legs to press a kiss to the top of Max's head, delighting in his giggle. "I'm digging the shirt," she tells him. "Iron Man was always my favourite, but you can't tell the Spidey enthusiast over there, all right?" She winks at him. "Good man."
Max touches her cheek for a moment, and then promptly falls onto his back, kicking his legs in the air.
Well.
Quinn looks at Rachel, holding her gaze for a long moment. "You look beautiful," she says clearly. "I'd like it put on record that I've already kissed you in my head."
Rachel links their fingers, keeping them carefully hidden. "Was it good?"
"You definitely don't need me to tell you you're a good kisser, Cherry."
Rachel regards her carefully. "I have to ask," she says. "I can't not ask."
"What?"
"What is with all the nicknames?"
Quinn chuckles as she shifts to lie on her back, lifting her arms and resting her head on her hands, ankles crossed and Rachel in her line of sight. "It didn't really start until college," she says. "When I met Jane, my roommate, the one with the crazy mane of hair. We didn't get along at first - like, at all - and I used to call her everything but her name just to annoy her, and I guess it kind of stuck even after we started getting along. I don't do it with everyone, obviously, but it's definitely required some creativity at times."
Rachel peers over at her. "Are you ever going to call me 'Rachel?'"
Quinn shrugs. "Maybe, maybe not," she says. "When the occasion calls for it, perhaps."
Rachel raises her eyebrows. "And, just what occasions are you referring to?"
Quinn grins with mischief. "Occasions that involve no clothing," she can't resist saying, and Rachel immediately looks away, her face flushed.
Quinn enjoys her embarrassment for a long moment before she sits up again and peers into the distance where Hugo and Lex are playing Fetch with Sasha. It amuses her, really, that this once feared dog is basically fully domesticated now.
"Do you want to go and play with them?" Rachel eventually asks.
Quinn nods. "May I?"
"Of course," Rachel says. "Hugo says you're a soccer sensation."
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Your son is mistaken."
"What are you wearing?" Rachel asks, pointedly staring at Quinn's soccer practice shirt.
Quinn says nothing as she gets to her feet, purposefully brushing against Rachel until they're both laughing. "You sure you'll be okay?"
"I've got Max," she says. "And a book I've been meaning to finish for months now."
Quinn checks one last time, and then dribbles the soccer ball towards where Lex and Hugo are play-fighting over who gets to throw Sasha's tennis ball next.
"Hey, Superstars," she calls out, and she gets matching grins in response. "Think you can keep up?"
Lex takes off immediately, running straight at her, and she dribbles the ball backwards, waiting until the exact moment and nutmegging the poor boy before passing the ball to Hugo. Of course, he panics and sends the return too far to Quinn's right. It's cute and a little sad, but he can only get better.
They play for a while, and, if Quinn shows off a little, she hopes Rachel notices.
Hugo isn't any better at Frisbee, though they all seemed to know that already. He's still having fun, which is all that really matters. They get sweaty and dirty from the grass, and this is the kind of childhood these kids deserve. It's the childhood she's determined to give them, and she'll work damn hard to accomplish it.
Eventually, the three of them trot back to the picnic blanket, Sasha behind them, and Rachel is ready with juice boxes for the boys, a bottle of water for Quinn and the portable water bowl for Sasha. It's all so simple; so easy, and Quinn watches over them, feeling her heart grow to quadruple its size with just how much emotion is bubbling up inside of her.
Rachel glances over at her worriedly when she's been silent a little too long. You okay? she mouths.
Quinn smiles softly as she nods. Perfect, she mouths back, and she means it.
She's also pretty sure Rachel can tell.
Exactly what would need to happen for me to be able to take only you out on a date?
Quinn has been thinking about it for a while. Between dealing with whatever mess Noah Puckerman is determined to create for himself, and actually doing her own renovation, all she wants to do is spend time with Rachel, and Hugo and Max.
Doing things as one big family is always going to be a priority for her, sure, but she can't shake the desire to spend a substantial amount of time with only Rachel. She wants to take her out, spoil her and compliment her and do all those things a woman as wonderful as her deserves and shouldn't have to ask for.
Is this your way of asking me out? Rachel sends back a few minutes later.
This is my trying to figure out what stunts I have to pull to make sure the stars align well enough that a date is even possible.
Quinn waits a full minute while she sets up her portable drill until her phone starts buzzing on the table. She grins at the sight of Rachel's new Caller ID, the picture she sent of her and the boys amid their pizza hangover.
Quinn can't even begin to keep her voice controlled when she answers with a warm, "Hello."
"So, you want me all to yourself, do you?" Rachel asks, in lieu of a greeting.
"God, yes," Quinn breathes, with zero hesitation.
Rachel's own breath catches.
"Just for an evening," Quinn says a moment later. "Getting to know the Mom-you is the best part, believe me, but I want to know the Woman-you, too. God, I want to know everything about you." She pauses. "Every part of you."
"Quinn," Rachel squeaks through the phone. "It is way too early in the morning for this."
"For what?"
Rachel ignores the question and asks, "What are you doing?"
Quinn allows the topic change. "Just making sure all the cabinet doors are secure," she says. "My countertops are being installed this afternoon, and then I can get started on the backsplash."
"Question: is it normal to find your talking shop this sexy?"
Quinn laughs. "Definitely find me sexy, in everything I do," she says. "And, yeah, it's totally normal. If you're lucky, you'll actually get to see me in my utility belt and work boots."
"And if I'm not lucky?"
Quinn grins, alone in her disaster of a kitchen. "I'm sure you'll figure something out," she practically purrs, and she's enjoying this far too much.
"Hmm," Rachel muses. "How's Lex? Sasha?"
"The squirt is currently watching Miraculous Ladybug, so I kind of have a black-clad kitty climbing all over my furniture and fighting invisible Akumas, and Sash is just amused by it all."
"You know, if I didn't have children, I wouldn't understand a thing you just said."
"That is a lie, Juniper," Quinn says. "We both know you dig that show."
"I can neither confirm nor deny."
"Smart move," Quinn jokes, and then sighs. "But, seriously, I want to take you out. It can be something totally low-key. We don't even have to call it a date if you don't want to."
"I want to."
Quinn blushes, despite herself. "So, look, Little Rose mentioned the diner does an Open Mic Night on every second Thursday, right? Is that something you'd be interested in going with me? It'll be chilled, just two people out together, getting to know each other without the pressure. And, you know, if you're still willing to date me, I can assure you I'll blow you right out of the water with our second date." She waits a beat. "I also really want to hear you sing."
Rachel is quiet for a long while, and Quinn imagines she's processing everything that's been said. Eventually, she says, "We can make that work."
Quinn waits.
"My parents can watch the boys, Lex included, if that's something you're comfortable with, and we can go to the diner," she says. "Are you sure you want to, though?"
Quinn hears what she's not asking. "Are you worried people will see us and know we're on a date?"
Rachel doesn't respond.
"It's okay if you are," Quinn says, her voice so gentle; so understanding. "If you're not ready for people to know, it's perfectly fine with me. I can tone down the charm while we're there, or we can do something else entirely; something where we probably won't encounter an abundance of people you know."
Rachel breathes out. "You make the mistake of thinking you're charming at all," she forces out.
"I managed to land you, didn't I?" Quinn banters right back. "That's an achievement right there."
Rachel audibly swallows. "I'm - can we - I don't - "
"Hey," Quinn murmurs. "There is absolutely no rush. I'm never going to ask you to do anything you don't want to, okay? If you're not ready, you're not ready. Baby, it's really as simple at that."
Rachel gasps softly.
Quinn just smiles. "Oh, come on, I call you nicknames all the time."
"This one is special."
"You're special."
Rachel laughs. "I take it back - you have charm."
"And it's working?"
"Like you have no idea."
Quinn laughs, feeling her heart expand in her chest. "So, this Thursday?"
"That's in two days."
"Is it too short notice for your parents?" Quinn asks. "And, uh, would they really be okay watching my rat?" She pauses. "Um, not that I don't trust you or anything, but would it be possible for me to meet them before, you know, I kind of just leave my kid with them? Which is probably a heavier question, given my intention to court you, but I would just feel more comfortable with it, if it's okay."
"Quinn?"
"Hmm."
"I really like you."
"Well, that's a relief," Quinn says, more serious than she intends. "I really like you, too."
"That's good."
"Isn't it?"
Rachel breathes out slowly. "So, Thursday," she confirms.
"Thursday."
"I'll confirm everything with my parents, and let you know about times," she says, and then seems to pause. "I - I know we haven't had the talk about parents, but you should probably know I have a bit of a complicated situation."
"Well, I don't have any, so I can use all my complicated-quota on you," Quinn says, easily and without malice. She's bitter about it sometimes, but she's largely moved on. "Anything goes here, Barb."
"Oh, my God," Rachel laughs. "I think that's the worst one yet."
Quinn ignores her. "If this is too much too fast, you can tell me," she offers.
"It's not that," she immediately counters. "It's just that I'm, uh, adopted, and I have two fathers."
"Okay."
"And a sometimes-present biological mother."
"Doesn't sound as complicated as you think," Quinn lets her know.
"Try growing up in that situation and say it again," Rachel points out.
"People can be cruel little shits," Quinn agrees. "Well, you can rest assured that your complicated situation doesn't scare me, or put me off, or make me like you any less or even see you differently."
"Why do you always say the right thing?"
"I'm just saying the thing," she murmurs. "The fact it turns out to be right is merely a bonus."
"What a charmer," Rachel teases. "Think you can handle these two days without seeing us?"
Quinn exaggerates a sigh. "It'll be a struggle."
"I think you'll be fine."
"And if I'm not?"
"Well, I'm sure I could think of a few ways to make you feel better," Rachel says, and her voice drops low.
"Jesus," Quinn breathes.
Rachel laughs. "Okay, let me leave you to get back to work," she says. "Send me pictures of your progress."
"Nope," Quinn says. "If you want to see my kitchen, you're going to have to see it in person."
"I'm choosing to take that in the context it's been said," Rachel jokes; "because you're just dropping euphemisms everywhere."
"Ah, so you are thinking about it?"
"Bye, Quinn."
Quinn laughs out loud. "Wow."
"Goodbye, Quinn."
"All right, all right," she chuckles. "Talk to you later, Gorgeous."
"Stop it."
Quinn grins, feeling a little smug, for whatever reason. "Just know that I'm definitely thinking about it, too."
Rachel hangs up to the sound of Quinn's continued laughter.
If Quinn thought asking Rachel out was going to be the most difficult part of putting together their elusive evening, she's wrong. It's when she's sitting across from Lex at the kitchen table over breakfast, his eyes expectant, that she figures out she's not going to be able to explain why she's going out without him, without actually telling him exactly why.
Lex obviously knows his mother dates women. It's all he's known, really, and, while Quinn has tried to be as truthful about his origins, she's never wanted him to feel as if he's not enough for her. Because he is. He's everything.
Quinn selfishly wants more, though.
"Is it a date?" Lex asks when Quinn tries to skate around the idea that she and Rachel are going to spend time together, away from the children, which is why he's going to be spending the evening with Rachel's parents.
Quinn can say no. She can say it's just an adult group outing where Rachel wants to introduce her to other people her own age, but she doesn't want to lie to her son. Not about this. Never about Rachel. "Maybe," she finally decides. "We're still figuring it out."
Lex looks thoughtful, processing her words. "But you like her?"
Quinn nods. "I like her very much, Lex," she confesses.
His eyes narrow slightly at the sound of his first name in all its glory. It's not even his full name, but calling him 'Lex' has much more meaning than calling him 'Alexander.' Names are important. They've always been.
"Baby Shark," she whispers, her heart hammering in her chest, because she's not sure she'll be able to handle it if Lex actually isn't okay with this. She'll accept it, sure, because he's always going to be the most important person in her life, but it would suck.
It would really, really suck.
"Do - do you not like her?" Quinn asks him, trying to figure out where his… hesitation is coming from.
Lex frowns. "Mom, of course I like Rachel," he says.
"Then I don't - "
"I liked Blair, too," he interrupts, and Quinn's mouth snaps shut with an audible clack. He shifts in his seat. "What - what happens if she also - " he starts to ask, but stops, his bottom lip trembling.
Quinn immediately shoots out of her seat and rounds the table to gather him into her arms, hugging him to her chest and wishing all of this was easier.
Stupid fucking Blair Ricci.
"Does it feel different?" Quinn asks him, pulling back a little to look at his face. "With Rachel, does it feel different than it did with Blair?"
Lex's brow furrows, but he nods, looking a little unsure.
"Why?"
His frown deepens. "I don't know."
"Think about it," she instructs gently, and then waits patiently for the longest time. Her legs are even starting to cramp a little by the time Lex takes hold of her face in his small hands and turns her head to face him.
"Mommy," he says seriously.
"Lex."
"Rachel's not going to leave me."
Quinn smiles, just a little. "No, Baby Shark, she's not," she answers, because it's something of which she's suddenly so sure. Even if she and Rachel crash and burn - which, God, she hopes they don't - there's just something that assures her Rachel will remain in Lex's life in whatever capacity he allows.
She knows it, because it's always going to be the same for her with Hugo and Max. They're already too entwined now, irreversibly linked in all the ways that are everlasting. It's a little terrifying, but Quinn wants.
"Okay," Lex finally says.
"Okay?"
"You can date Rachel," he finally tells her, giving her express permission. "But you have to be extra nice to her."
She doesn't need the added instruction, because she already knows she's going to treat Rachel like she's a goddess, but she still asks, "Why?" because she's curious to hear his reasons.
"Because I like her very much, too," he says, sounding very, very serious. "And I want her to stay."
Quinn nods, mirroring his facial expression. "I will do everything I can to make sure she does," she vows.
Lex meets her gaze. "Promise?"
"I promise."
What are you telling Lex?
Quinn has been expecting the question, so she's not too surprised by it when Rachel's name pops up in her Messages. She's certain she's about to alarm Rachel with her reply, so she sets the paintbrush she's been using for touchups aside and prepares herself.
The truth, she types back, and her phone starts ringing barely a beat later.
"Hello," she answers.
"What do you mean by 'the truth?'"
"Hi, Baby, how are you? I'm fine, thanks for asking," Quinn says in response.
"Quinn," she sighs, sounding particularly unimpressed with her antics. "This is serious."
"I know," Quinn says with a wince. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to worry over it."
"How can I not worry about the fact you want to tell your son we're going on an actual date?"
Quinn's wince turns into a grimace. "Well, uh, you should probably know that I already told him," she starts to explain.
"What?" Rachel almost shrieks.
"And he's totally okay with it," Quinn finishes anyway.
Rachel sucks in a sharp breath. "He is?"
"Of course," Quinn easily answers. "Told me himself. It was a sweet moment for us." She pauses. "He also made me promise to be extra nice to you, which I'm maybe a little insulted by, because I've been nothing but a complete angel to you."
"Well, when you're not torturing me with your ridiculously hot body," she comments, almost without thought, and Quinn grins from ear to ear. "Ignore that," she adds a beat later. "Forget I said anything."
"I can't," Quinn says. "You've given me so much right there. There's no possible way I can let this go."
"Quinn, please."
"I mean, not only do you think I'm hot, but you think I'm ridiculously hot," she says. "There is no conceivable way I will ever recover from this."
"You're actually an idiot," Rachel deadpans. "Why are we dating?"
"Until this conversation, my response would have been 'Because you like me,' but my eyes have been opened to new possibilities."
"Oh, my God."
"Which is why my answer is now 'Because I have a ridiculously hot body.'"
Rachel groans. "I don't even know what to say to you right now," she says. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation here."
"You're right," Quinn sighs, mildly chastised. "I just wish you wouldn't worry so much."
"What if Lex tells Hugo?"
"He won't."
"But what if - "
"Rach," Quinn says, and Rachel stops talking. "I have spoken to my son about my intention to pursue a relationship with you. I made mistakes in my last relationship, and I've since learned from them, which is why I felt it important to have an open discussion with him, especially since you're already involved in his life. It was a conversation I felt I had to have with him, and it occurred solely between the two of us and will remain between the two of us. He understands that, I understand that, and I wish you would, too."
Rachel is silent on the other end of the line.
Quinn sighs. "Look, whatever you decide to tell H-Man or anyone else in your life is your decision to make," she says. "I will never make it for you or influence it in any way." She clears her throat. "I'm aware you're not yet comfortable with what all of this between us means for you, and I respect that enough not to out you to my friends without your permission, but my son is different. I know you understand that."
"I - I can't tell him," Rachel confesses, her voice barely above a whisper.
"And you don't have to," Quinn reassures her. "I'm not asking you to tell him. Nobody is."
"Why - why do I feel as if I have to?"
Quinn closes her eyes, her breathing slowing. "Because you love your son," she says. "And the two of you have had a rough few weeks, and you're feeling an entire host of emotions regarding the fact you're starting a new relationship with someone who is as close to him as I am to you." She waits a beat. "In an entirely not sexy way, of course."
"Quinn," she squeaks.
"What?" Quinn asks. "I'm just clarifying that you're the only one I want to get close to that way. It's important you know my intention, and I guess this is my requesting consent, while we're here."
"Are we seriously talking about sex right now?"
"I'm always happy to talk about sex," she answers. "I'm also game not to talk about sex."
"I can't even with you, right now."
Quinn chuckles for a moment, and then grows serious once more. "I wish I could promise that everything is going to be smooth sailing, but I can't, because it's probably not going to be," she says. "With regards to our children, yes, our friends and your family. Society as a whole. Wherever this relationship goes, we're going to face numerous challenges, so please don't let this be one of them.
"When the time comes, you'll tell him," Quinn continues. "When you're ready, you'll tell him. Until then, you are in no way failing him by deciding not to."
"Oh."
"Is that what you needed to hear?"
"I think so," Rachel says, and her voice sounds different. A little more settled. "Yes."
"Okay."
"Thank you, Quinn," she says quietly.
"It's why I'm here," Quinn says, and she means it. "So, we'll meet you at your parents' house at six o'clock," she states, as if she needs to remind either of them.
"Six o'clock, indeed."