RIGHT AND LAW
Job 12: To Catch A Cop
Sly jumps to the ground and kneels by the old fox. "Out cold," he mutters. "I'll have to carry him out. Bentley, do you have anything to take care of the time machines?"
"Well, there is one thing that'll work," Bentley says. "I just did the calculations, and it won't cause an unstable time vortex, either. Unfortunately, it's going to be a bit... difficult."
Sly raises his eyebrows. "Difficult how?"
"Well, enough ghosts should cause a minor explosion, and the exothermic energy will cancel out the time machine's propensity for traversing the fourth dimension via—"
"For time travel?" Sly interrupts.
"An accurate, if simplified, explanation. I have several binoc-u-com memory cards with me, including the one you overloaded with ghosts back in Scotland," Bentley says. "It's easy enough for me to transfer ghosts between them. If you stand beneath the chimney, I can toss one down to you. Make SURE you catch it, as the harsh impact with the ground will cause it to go off. Once you've got it, throw it at whatever you want to explode."
"All right, that sounds simple enough."
"Yes, well," says Bentley, "you should still be on the alert. When I destroyed that black anchor in Holland, there were animal statues like those robots. They attacked me when I went after it. The same may happen here."
"Just what I wanted to hear," Sly mutters.
Still, it's a plan. There's a waypoint just below the chimney now; Sly climbs to it and calls up, "Ready."
There's a low, drawn-out groan from the floor beneath him. Sly catches the ghost chip, darts to the catwalk's railing, and peers over.
Dr. Foxworthy's upright. The helmet, that used to be in the center of the room? It's in his hands. "I didn't want to do this," he says to himself, "but it seems as though I'm the best choice after all."
"What are you doing?"
"Adding myself to the collection of those I'd previously selected." Foxworthy puts the helmet on his head.
Every light in the building flashes brighter, like lightning, then back to the normal amount of light. But Foxworthy is gone.
And one of the robots is moving. The tigress.
And leaps straight at Sly, its mouth open, the voice coming out in metallic disonance: "Once a thief, always a thief. And all thieves must DIE!"
Sly drops, dodges, and is suddenly in a second boss fight. A boss fight against a robot tigress. A robot tigress who can't be hurt by Sly's cane.
"Sly!" Bentley yells. Sly blocks the tigress's lunge and pivots out of the way. "Use the triangle button to throw the ghost bomb; it's your only chance!"
Sly leaps back up to the catwalk, trying to get far enough away to avoid the blast radius, but the tigress follows him, digging its claws into the support poles and hauling itself up. Sly has to knock it back when it's off balance, knocking the robo-tigress into a time machine, then he throws the computer chip as hard as he can.
Over the noise of the background music is a muffled WHUMPF! and a low-pitched humming like a microwave starting up. The time machine crumples in on itself, the tigress collapsing backwards into it, ghosts erupting outward then sucked back in, moaning (screaming?), by a spiraling blue glow that erupts from where the time machine was, grows to a circle about as wide as Sly is tall, then collapses in on itself. Ghosts, time machine remains, and killer robo-tigress are all gone.
And another robot is stirring.
Sly really doesn't have time to ponder what just happened when a moose is barreling at him, roaring its anger. It's like facing Murray when he was brainwashed, except much, much bigger and only a hair slower.
Sly climbs for his life, dodging left right and sideways like a maniac, the moose shaking the supports; by the time Sly's reached the catwalk parts are unstable enough to shake beneath his feet. He sprints beneath the opening. "Throw down another chip!"
With a terrific CRASH! the moose knocks part of the catwalk down. Now it has a ramp, a way up...
"Incoming!" Bentley calls, and Sly catches the chip. The ghost-bomb itself doesn't do more than blacken the metal and release ghosts, wailing as they circle the area; Sly has to knock the robot into another time machine and bomb that to make any progress.
And each time he does, another stirs, with its own nightmare of attacks to dodge.
There's no time to think, no time for another plan. Sly dodges and dives and climbs and catches and throws ghost chips, leaping and wall-hooking and in one notable case railwalking along the dang robot's back (it might not have been as bad an idea as it sounds. Might). And each time, throwing a chip that blew up both them... and a time machine. Just in time for the next to wake up.
Of course, there was one teensy little problem with that.
"Bentley," Sly says, watching as the bat struggles awake, "I'm out of time machines."
"The helicopter should've cooled off by now. Penelope—Penelope, are you listening? Can you fly the chopper again, like before?"
"I'm on it, Bentley."
"Get out of there, Sly; we'll figure something out once you're topside."
Sly doesn't wait for any more encouragement; he takes off at a run, pulling out the chopper and jumping on it as the rotors start to whirl. And I hope you liked going down the lava corridor last time, because now we get to do it again. But backwards.
While being chased by a robot bat with killer sonar that shoots lasers, of course. Why make it too easy? After all, it's not like Sly is riding a remote-control helicopter and making his way through laser fields or anything...
By the time Sly emerges on the other side, he's tired and thirsty and singed his fur in a dozen places. "Bentley, please tell me you've got a plan," Sly says, jumping off the RC chopper and running up the tunnel, bat in pursuit.
"I'll think of something," Bentley says. "Just give me time."
"I don't think I have any," Sly says, reaching ground level and running for the nearest building. The bat swoops down at him—
and a shock pistol bolt knocks it away. "Don't worry, Ringtail. I do."
Carmelita is on a rooftop almost on top of the tunnel entrance, feet apart, shock pistol aimed. Sly could've kissed her. If he wasn't running for his life.
It takes another three shots before it leaves off Sly and turns to her, but Carmelita is ready.
...Sort of.
Maybe.
Okay, so she can't actually hurt the freaking bat, but she can stun it so it stops moving and sinks a few feet whenever she shocks it, or knock it off course. She keeps it away from Sly (lying on a rooftop, draining a water bottle and panting) and Bentley (blueprints open on his lap, three holographic screens around him, all his arms typing in a blur). And it doesn't take long for Bentley to come up with something: "It seems resistant to residual heat, but if they're using lava to make it, you can use the lava to melt it. Try hitting it into the crater!"
Sounds good to her. Of course, the best way to knock something trying to kill you into a lava pit is by standing over said pit, using the various catwalks. Which is, you know, dangerous. Especially since, while the guards may have run for their lives already, the security systems are still up. And just because lasers and spotlights don't harm murderous robo-bats doesn't mean they won't take out a great cop.
And yes, the darn thing is still firing missiles.
But she manages to stun it one time too many, and it touches the lava and sinks, thrashing, its wings dissolving into the fiery concoction. It's an amazing, terrifying sight.
It's only eclipsed by the oversized metal owl that shows up before the bat's finished melting. It's not Clockwerk, no; the shape of the beak is wrong, and it's smaller, and there's something off about its wings, its talons. But it crashes through the catwalk Carmelita's standing on, instead of bouncing off like the bat, and she has to get off before the whole system collapses into the lava.
As if this didn't make it hard enough, the owl shoots freaking laser beams. Laser beams! Not missiles, which can be shot from the sky; laser beams. Carmelita has to do some smart, fast dodging to avoid getting fried. But between the laser beams, the catwalk, and some explosions going off in random buildings around the area for no apparent reason, this whole place is falling apart. Guess destroying those time machines did something useful, after all.
"Guys, I hacked into the security cameras and spotted another robot," says Penelope over the binoc-u-com.
"Where's this one?" Bentley asks. "Sly's still recovering, but Murray could take it."
"It's a fox. And it's... well, it's running."
Carmelita growls some choice words in Spanish as she tries to lure that owl over lava so she can fry it. Under other circumstances, this may be time for a joke, but not even lava-fried robot would taste good, so no one makes it.
"Has the helicopter Sly was riding cooled down enough to fly? Tail it. We'll deal with that after we've got this situation under control. Murray, make sure the van's ready to go."
Getting 'this situation' under control only requires a few more minutes. Carmelita fries that owl as everything, including the walls and towers around them, falls to pieces. The van races over the bridge, screeching to a stop before her; Penelope throws open the back doors. "Everyone ready for a fox hunt?" she asks.
Everyone scrambles their way into the van. As soon as the back doors shut, they take off. "Penelope, you ride shotgun," Bentley orders as the screen fades to black. "Tell Murray where he needs to go. Everyone else, stay alert. No telling what we'll find next."
The game reopens on the mountain, the robo-fox far ahead of them, running for its life. "I can't go any faster!" shouts Murray.
"Isn't there any way to stop this thing?" cries Sly.
"Carmelita, try shooting it down," Bentley says, and the van's sunroof opens. Carmelita stands head and shoulders above the roof, in the place a turret once stood waaaaay back in Sly 1.
Now driving a tricked-out van at breakneck speeds down a mountain path full of hairpin turns and very rough terrain, including jumps and bridges that break as you drive over them, while frantically shooting at a robot that sometimes pauses to shoot missiles both at you and at the unstable rocky terrain surrounding you so dodging and destroying boulders is a requirement, and occasionally tiny robo-owls appear from caves in the surrounding area to further harass you, is a lot of fun to do. Writing about it, though, is... a tad bit dull.
So do forgive me, but I'm going to pick up the description as they catch up to the robo fox as it runs into a cave... just as the outside collapses, boulders blocking the way.
The van screeches to a stop, turning as it does so. Sly jumps out, Carmelita and Bentley on his heels; Murray and Penelope slam open the doors and join them, Penelope a step behind the rest. "We lost him?" cries Murray.
"He could come out anywhere," growls Carmelita. "The sort of damage that robot could do, if it's fully programmed..."
"If it's fully programmed," Penelope says, her voice quiet, "then it's been long enough for the AI to kick in. Since he uploaded himself in there, well, the AI may be an exact copy of Dr. Foxworthy." She looks at the ground. "They'd been planning this since 2002; they had a bunch of cops to choose from, even got a bunch of Interpol officers who didn't know what was going on in there. So I guess it could be another Interpol agent's personality controlling how it goes after things. I don't know how that'll work with the AI."
"Either way, it's gonna be a nightmare." Sly crosses his arms. "If that thing treats a murderer the same way it does someone breaking the speed limit, who knows what'll happen."
"We may still be able to stop it," Bentley says, wheeling close. "There's an opening, there." Bentley points at the rock slide; sure enough, there's a space. "Think you can crawl through there, Sly?"
"That shouldn't be a problem," he says, bending down. "I'll take a look further in and report back."
"Take the helicopter. We can use it as a signal relay if you go too deep." Bentley looks at the rock pile and grimaces. "We'll clear things away here until we can follow."
Sly nods, tucks the helicopter into his leg pouch, and crawls inside.
It only takes a moment before Sly can stand again. He's in a cave. Streaks of light filter through the rocks in spots, providing dim lighting. More helpful, and dangerous, are the trickles of lava dripping down the walls, slipping through holes in the edges of the floor and disappearing. They cast the whole area in a dim red light.
The cave continues further forward, into a regular tunnel, though the floor is unnaturally smooth. Sly moves forward, his fur bathed in red, through a twist. A turn.
The path ends with a river of lava crossing it. Stalagmites poke out, allowing Sly to spire jump across, and into a large, open, circular room. Lava drizzles down the walls and coats the floor around the edges in deep pits; stalagmites poke out in spots, none more than a few inches above the lava. In the center of the room is a large circular platform; part of it shakes, then blasts towards the ceiling on a pillar of lava, slamming against it with a solid thud.
Bentley is in Sly's ear, mumbling about what sort of rock that might be, but Sly isn't paying attention. As the lava pillar drops, as the central floor reforms, he sees a single robot fox standing there. Waiting for him.
Sly ninja spires over the lava and crosses his arms, glaring. "So, am I dealing with an actual person in that thing? Or is it just another pile of tin cans?"
"You know, the longer I know you, the more I realize I should have listened to my sponsor." Dr Fox-bot glares back. He picked up a shock shotgun at some point, and he leans on it, as though it were his cane. "We should have recreated the owl that was haunting your family. But I believed it would be better to have a series of robots that enforced the law, not one that focused on hunting down and destroying the worst lawbreakers." His scowl deepens. "A mistake I won't repeat."
"You're under arrest," Sly says.
Dr. Foxbot laughs. "Coming from you? That's rich. I know now there's only one type of thief that's truly reformed."
Sly raises an eyebrow. "And what type is that?"
Dr. Foxbot aims his shockgun. "A dead one."
Sly has just enough time to dodge out of the way. Dr. Foxbot keeps aiming and firing, and Sly dodges this way and that, trying to get close—not that hitting him does any damage. But it makes him stagger back a step, just until he uses the shockgun like his cane for balance.
The ground beneath his feet shakes, and Sly darts off it before the lava pillar slams the ground into the ceiling. That could've been him—and it would have hurt.
Bentley's voice crackles in his ear. "We already know you could use lava to hurt him, but he uses his shockgun to keep you from pushing him around. Try attacking that directly."
It's good advice. Sly dodges more, one way then another, then gets close when Dr. Foxbot reloads. When he aims again, Sly slams his cane into it, knocking it from Dr. Foxbot's hands.
Dr. Foxbot snarls and jumps for Sly, landing a solid punch, stunning Sly long enough for Dr. Foxbot to scramble away and grab the shockgun.
Sly waits for another chance. This time, he's ready when Dr. Foxbot lunges forward, darting sideways and thwacking him solidly across the back. Dr. Foxbot stumbles to the edge of the platform and falls to his knees, but not off. Fine.
It gives Sly enough time to run to the shockgun and knock it off the edge, into the lava.
Unfortunately, that's when Sly learns Dr. Foxbot doesn't actually need a shockgun for distance attacks. It can do quite well by shooting lasers from its feet. They shoot out in all directions, a solid sheet of burning light; Sly has to retreat to some of the nearby stalagmites to avoid having his feet lasered off. It only lasts a few moments before settling into something a bit more predictable, but disliked: floor lasers.
Rather than the floor lasers coming from any one spot on the floor, or moving from the walls, they spread out from him. Lines of light start at his feet, at least a dozen from each foot, and spread outwards in all directions, off the edge of the platform; it's especially dangerous where they overlap. They're moving in circles in opposite directions, the ones from one foot going clockwise and from the other counterclockwise, and each laser is a different speed. If Sly wants to get close, he's going to have to step lively.
"Look at him move, Sly," says Bentley's voice in his ear. Dr. Foxbot has pulled out a cane, and is using it to stumble around. "Those lasers must be acting like anchors; he's dragging his feet like he can't lift them."
"So what should I do?"
"Most laser emitters can't stand up to pressure. Don't get close until the ground shakes; then, shove him so he'll get crushed against the ceiling."
Easier said than done. Sly can always duck to the stalagmites poking from the lava, but he has to get on the ground to get Dr. Foxworthy to move anywhere, whether it's trying to tackle Sly or dodge out of Sly's way. The entire arena seems divided into thirds, each of which can slam into the ceiling; it's never the same one twice in a row, but which section is random. If Sly weren't quite so good at what he does, the entire affair would be left up to luck.
Slamming Dr. Foxbot against the ceiling once isn't a problem. It makes the lasers go haywire, sometimes vertical, sometimes horizontal, and overall harder to dodge as he stalks around. It also causes the land segment he was standing on to crumble into pieces and fall into the lava, so that a solid third of the circular battlefield is just... gone.
"It looks like someone took a chunk of that pizza," Murray comments.
Sly swallows hard and grips his cane tighter. "Yeah, well, it's time to break out that pizza again."
"We almost have the entrance cleared, Sly. Hang on just a bit longer."
In one way, getting Dr. Foxworthy onto the slamming ground is easier: they alternate, and there's less room to move. In another way, it's harder: the lasers are fiercer, harder to predict, and there's less room to move. Sly manages to get Dr. Foxbot on another crusher without too much difficulty... but he did get hit a couple times in the process.
The lasers are gone at last, and so is another third of the platform. Sly perches on a stalagmite and faces the robot. "Give it up, Foxworthy or... whatever you are now."
The robot chuckles. "I may as well be Dr. Foxworthy. But better. I can't age, I can't die. And I will continue forward until all THIEVES are destroyed."
"Then ignore the thieves," says a voice from the tunnel, "and focus on me." Carmelita stands there, dust in her hair and coating her uniform, her shock pistol in one hand. "A decorated officer of the law, the highest order of what you propose to serve right now. Disobey me, and you're no better than the thieves yourself." She hoists her pistol into a ready position. "And I say to stand down."
"You heard the lady," Sly says. The ground beneath Dr. Foxbot trembles; this section of the floor is going to hit the ceiling soon. "Surrender, and we can all get out of here."
"An officer of the law?" demands Dr. Foxbot. He laughs, and through his desperate cackles, shouts, "You're no better than a thief yourself!"
The platform he stands on slams against the ceiling and crumbles. Dr. Foxbot falls too—since when does he get a jetpack? What else is built into this robot, a DVD player?
No, but there are hand cannons.
"How many features does this thing have?" Carmelita shouts.
"It was designed for your AI, Carmelita." Dr. Foxbot fires at Sly, who spire-jumps to another spire. "I thought you were quite the officer, remember. Worthy of every feature at my disposal. Not some jumped-up mammal who slums it with thieves." He shakes his head. "What has the world come to, that my own family has betrayed me?"
"You are no family of mine," Carmelita says.
"Sly, you're running out of rock poles!" shouts Murray. "Bentley, do you have any ideas?"
"Well... if those blueprints were correct, the robot's design was based off Clockwerk." Bentley lets out an irritated breath and rustles some papers over the binoc-u-com line. "Carmelita's shots should stun him and disrupt his armor. If you can get close, Sly, you should be able to disconnect the jetpack."
"How do I get close?"
"Try riding that helicopter again," Bentley says. "It worked before. And I think we're safe relying on Penelope's skills as a pilot."
"Just don't ask us to get too close to the lava," Penelope says. "If it overheats, I can't do anything."
That's all they have time for. Sly pulls out the RC Chopper and jumps on it just as Dr. Foxbot destroys the stalagmite he was standing on.
Between the missiles coming at him and the shock pistol bolts in the air, Sly's reduced to dodging. He can't get too close to any of the walls, or the floor; the lava all around will affect the chopper, making it stutter in the air, in danger of coming down. When he goes too high, Dr. Foxbot unleashes an especially harsh barage.
Dr. Foxbot holds absolutely still for a few seconds, charging, and fires a massive circle of a laser all around him. Sly has to jump off the chopper, hanging in midair for desperate seconds, to avoid it. But Dr. Foxbot held still long enough for Carmelita to hit him, and his right arm jitters, electricity playing around it.
Sly flies towards Dr. Foxbot as fast as the chopper can move and swipes at that arm. It falls to the lava below.
I'm certain there are ways a flying, murderous fox-robot can be hacked into pieces with dignity. I'm sure it's possible for a robot, missing an arm and firing lasers from the stump, could be stoic. Could compliment his opponent. Could laugh in Sly's face, as Sly hacks off the other arm and creates a more complicated laser grid to navigate. Could remain silent.
"Thieves, all of you THIEVES! Even you, my own niece, a low-down, no good THIEF! ALL OF YOU, THIEVES! DEATH TO ALL THIEVES, YOU DIRTY ROTTEN COWARDS! I WILL DOOM YOU ALL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!"
Dr. Foxbot does none of these things.
"I COULD'VE RECREATED THAT OWL! I SHOULD'VE! BUT I WILL TAKE YOU OUT MYSELF! DEATH TO ALL THIEVES! DEATH TO ALL CRIMINALS! DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE THIS? YOU. HAVE. NOTHING!"
"Sly, all these lasers are upsetting the delicate balance of forces in the—"
"Hurry up, or it's gonna blow!"
"I'm trying. Carmelita—"
"We've almost got him."
"The chopper's not gonna last much longer!"
The next shock pistol bolt smacks into Dr. Foxbot's chest. Sly ducks one laser, jumps over another, lands on yet another laser and runs up it to tackle Dr. Foxbot with all his strength, shoving him into the lava and almost following him in, landing on the chopper again almost by accident.
Dr. Foxbot sticks to the wall and melts. And as he melts, he screams. "I SHOULD'VE RECREATED THAT OWL WHILE I HAD THE CHANCE! BUT I'M NOT DONE YET, COOPER! YOU HEAR ME?!" He's almost melted now, his face the only thing left, staring straight at Sly as he screams. "WE WILL RISE AGAIN. THE ROBOTS WILL RISE AGAIN. AND IT WILL BE THE END OF ALL THIEVES—ESPECIALLY YOU, SLY COOPER!"
Carmelita fires one more shot straight into his melting mouth. "Sly! We need to get out of here!"
"I'm coming!"
JOB COMPLETE