Ships of Heaven
The clock on the mantel showed that it was past one o'clock in the morning, but he still sat in his chair, his favourite chair, the one he always sat in when he came to this house. This house that he'd visited countless times over the past twenty years, this house that he knew as well his own. There was a fire still burning in the fireplace, casting shadowy flickers across his face as he stared straight ahead. The hand that rested limply on the arm of the chair held a sheet of paper, while the other held his glasses loosely against his mouth. He was the very study of melancholy concentration, his mind ten years or more away, unaware of an omega watching him from the doorway.
"How many times have I told you not to chew on your glasses?"
Taehyung jumped slightly at the voice. "We should put a bell on you or something," Taehyung grumbled, and the omega felt the beginnings of a smile come to his face at Taehyung's response. Taehyung'd been understandably quiet for the past few weeks, and that comment told him that the man he fell in love with, the man he'd married, was still in there somewhere.
"So I've been told." The omega padded across the floor to him in his bare feet, thankful for the soft warmth of the carpet. Outside, a strong wind howled and rain beat against the windows, but inside the room was warm, and he settled himself by the fire at his feet, staring up at his husband.
"I thought you went to bed."
"I did. Two hours ago. I couldn't sleep."
He laid his glasses on the table and the piece of paper with them. One hand reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I know how you feel."
"But at least I've tried." There was mild reproach in the omega's tone as he reached up and took one of Taehyung's hands in his. He visibly recoiled at the touch. "Your hand is freezing," he told Taehyung, shocked, rubbing it in between his.
"It's July in Seoul. What do you expect?"
"I expect my husband to come to bed with me." His head rested on Taehyung knee. "You need to sleep Tae."
Taehyung sighed, and he felt his hand begin to run through the omega soft hair. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the world, remembering all the nights that Taehyung'd done this, under happier circumstances. "I'll sleep." There was no conviction in Taehyung words, but the omega didn't call him on it. They'd had this conversation before, on nights when the omega'd found him like this, lost in memory, and he knew that they probably would again.
But just because he didn't call him on it didn't mean he wasn't worried about Taehyung. He missed the talking, the banter that had flown between them every morning and every night. He knew how little Taehyung was eating, and he'd taken to checking the drinks cabinet on a daily basis. He'd missed Taehyung at nights when he didn't come to their bed until the small hours of the morning, or when he didn't come there at all, instead staying in his study, writing, reading, thinking. But not crying. Never crying.
Taehyung hadn't cried when things began to worsened, when the inevitable future that they'd been dreading for years became the present. He hadn't cried when the phone had rung and Namjoon had told them to come to Seoul as quickly as they could. He hadn't cried as they'd stood around the bedside with the family, while their extended family waited downstairs. Hadn't even cried when they'd walked down the stairs hand in hand to tell them.
"He left note you know."
"He did?"
"Yeah. He always was freakishly organised about things like this" There was a dry chuckle. "He thought of everything. What he wants, how he wanted it. He also had some…how do I put this?…interesting suggestions for the songs."
The tone of his voice left the omega in no doubt as to what those suggestions were and he found himself smiling, imaging Park Jimin ranting against the press intrusion that had dogged his life ever since "you dragged me kicking and screaming into this circus Taetae."
"There's a song. That he wanted to play. He even left the lyrics for me." He picked up the sheet again and his hand stilled on the omega's hair. The omega lifted his head, trying to see the words, tilting the page towards his, and Taehyung handed him the page. As he did so, he took the omega's hand in his, pulling him up. Knowing what Taehyung meant for him to do, the omega arranged himself comfortably on Taehyung's lap. "Sing them for me," Taehyung told him.
The omega felt tears come into his eyes after skimming the first couple of lines, and his hand went to his mouth. "Tae…" he whispered.
Taehyung took his hand down, held it in his, kissed it gently. "Out loud..."
His voice trembled as he sing.
Don't cry for me when I'm gone
Keep the faith and be strong
'Cause through it all I've been blessed
I faced my fears
And I've passed the test
So when you look up in the sky
On a sunny day
Imagine me drifting away
I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out for the
Last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day
I come sailing back to you
"If you'd known how hard it was to get him to run…"
"But you did it. Twice."
"I think the second time was easier, believe it or not." The omega knew that his doubt must have been written on his face in five foot high letters as he remembered those hurtful days, the fuss over Jimin's confession that he suffered from MS augmented by the death of Min Yongi. "He just got stubborn. You know what he could be like."
"Like someone else I know." But the omega smile was kind, his eyes filled with sorrow and love in equal measure.
"I used to think we'd never get there. That we'd never reach this achievement. Then that first year - " Taehyung shook his head. " - disaster after disaster, haters every where, rumors, scandals." He avoided mentioning Lee Taemin and its aftermath, but he knew that it was never far from his thoughts. "Then I never thought we'd still get that chance." He glanced down at the sheet of paper and his hand that still held him. "He really did it, didn't he?"
"We all did." The omega continued.
Remember all the times we had
Some were great and some were sad
But you know that in the end
Our love was stronger then when we began
No unforgiven sins and no regrets
Just the times of our lives that we'll never forget
"I think I got to know him even better in those years. You know, I asked him once if he ever regretted me talking him into it. He told me never. That he wouldn't have traded those years, with those people, for anything. He asked me if I felt the same."
"And did you?"
"I had my private life splashed all over the songs, composing, composing and composing." His lips pressed into the omega's neck as he spoke.
"Good answer."
Taehyung was smiling, but a look back at him told the omega that he was serious. "I remember the day I told him about us. I thought he'd have a stroke."
"You worry too much." The omega leaned back in his arms, resting his head against Taehyung shoulder. "I knew he'd be fine."
"Right." Taehyung retorted dryly. "Which is why you cowered in practice room the whole day while I did all the composing in the studio with Namjoon."
"I did not cower, I was working on some new choreography- "
"You were cowering." Taehyung's quiet authority cut off his words.
"Maybe a little." Taehyung chest shook slightly with laughter and the omega was pleased that he'd given in, pleased at the brief moment of normality.
"He laughed at first, thought I was kidding him. He had the same reaction when I told him about Soekjin hyung (Soekjin is Taehyung's brother, Soekjin and Namjoon got married after Soekjin threatened Namjoon at New Year party after seeing one of their omega (female one) friends asking about Namjoon's number)." Taehyung's voice cracked for the first time all week. "He got a kick out of knowing that he was going to be an uncle at the same as I was going to be a father." Jungkook's cheeks burned as he remembered the teasing that had taken place as he and Soekjin each neared their due dates, Soekjin's son (Kim Soobin) being born only eleven days before their son (Kim Yeonjun). That thought distracted Taehyung from his memories. "They asleep?"
Jungkook nodded. "I checked on them before I came down." The sight of the two toddlers peacefully sleeping in their cradles had eased many broken heart that night. "They're out for the count."
"Good." Taehyung lips found his neck again, more insistent this time and Jungkook eyes closed in response, letting Taehyung travel down his neck to the collar of his pajama. It was only when his hands went to Jungkook's waistband that Jungkook eyes snapped open, and his hands went over Taehyung's.
"Hyung..?" Jungkook turned to face him, a shiver of something running up his spine as Taehyung fingered the rings on his ring finger. He hadn't touched Jungkook like this in weeks. Instead he'd stayed away from their bed until the early hours and even then, he'd held himself apart from Jungkook until he fell into a restless slumber. Then his body always found its way back to Jungkook. But this was the first time he'd touched Jungkook consciously, and much as Jungkook wanted to abandon himself to Taehyung, he wanted to know what Taehyung was thinking, what Taehyung was feeling, neither of which was forthcoming.
"Ssh,," Taehyung whispered. "Don't talk." His lips found Jungkook's, soft at first, and Jungkook was transported back to their first kiss all those years ago. Even now, after the minor media skirmish that had followed, years of marriage and one child, his kiss still had the same effect on Jungkook, making his head swim and his stomach knot pleasantly.
Almost of its own accord, his hand found its way to the back of Taehyung's head, fingering the dark hairs at the back of his neck. Taehyung's hand travel on his pajama and unbutton it, slipping it over Jungkook's shoulder. Jungkook gasped at the cold air that hit his skin, and felt Taehyung tongue slip between his lips as he pressed Jungkook tighter against him.
As much as he was enjoying the pleasant sensations Taehyung was creating, some part of Jungkook's mind that insisted on clinging to sanity was screaming at him, reminding him that they shouldn't be doing this here. Reluctantly he pulled away from Taehyung. "Tae..." Jungkook heart broke at the expression in Taehyung's eyes. "We shouldn't do this now."
Taehyung stared at him, then nodded wordlessly, but lowered his head to kiss Jungkook's shoulder. When Taehyung looked into his eyes again, Jungkook could see the emotions that he'd been keeping back for so long swimming just below the surface. Taehyung had to take a deep breath before he was able to speak. "I need you."
Jungkook caught his breath, nodding at the simple truth that was so clear to him now. Nodding again, he took Taehyung hand and led him to their bedroom.
And once they were there, Jungkook stopped worrying about whether or not they should be doing this, in this house, at a time like this. Because Taehyung was looking at him as if Jungkook was the only thing in the world that made sense, as if Jungkook was his world. Because they'd just lost his soul mate, who they had seen almost every day for twenty years, who also happened to be a good friend that Jungkook admired, whose friendship Jungkook'd been honoured to share with this man. Because Jimin'd been so strong for everyone else for so long, repressing his own pain so much so that he couldn't feel anything at all, and now, the night before the funeral of his closest friend, he needed to feel something.
He needed to feel alive.
He needed Jungkook.
Because he was in pain, and because he could never voice that pain, he instead whispered terms of endearment to Jungkook, trying to make it all go away, trying to stop the pain from drowning both of them. Those lips that would never allow his pain to slip past covered Jungkook face, Jungkook neck, every inch of Jungkook's body, as Jungkook writhed underneath him. Taehyung hands were everywhere, touching him, alternately soothing him and making him moans with pleasure. When Taehyung finally entered him, he looked down at Jungkook, met Jungkook's eyes with his, and Jungkook could see nothing but the love that he'd always seen there. There was none of the pain, none of the lethargy that had dogged Taehyung movement in the past few weeks. Instead there was motion and emotion, passion and compassion and when he came, Taehyung lips were against his neck (over his mating mark), and Jungkook felt, as well as heard, Taehyung whisper "I love you."
And when it was over, when they lay spent together, his head rested on Taehyung chest and he heard his heart beat, strong and steady. Jungkook was almost lulled to sleep by the rhythmic rise and fall of Taehyung chest when he felt the first drop on the top of his head. Pulling himself up, Jungkook looked at him, at the tears silently rolling down his face. "hyung..." Jungkook whispered, brushing the tears away, only to have them replaced by more. "ohh, hyungie…"
Jungkook moved so that he was level with Taehyung, taking him in his arms, laying Taehyung head on his chest, just letting him cry. There were no sobs, no sudden outpouring of grief, just those long tracks of tears on Taehyung's cheeks. And Jungkook held him, one hand wrapped around Taehyung shoulders and reaching up to stroke his hair, the other reaching around and moving in circles on his back, soothing him as Jungkook had so often soothed their son. And just as he had when soothed Soekjin, Jungkook found himself humming a tune, before whispering the words of a song.
I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out for the
Last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day
I come sailing back to you
On the ships of heaven
I come sailing back to you...