Chapter 7. From Clarisse's POV. Her thoughts about the scene from the previous chapter.

7. After the stumbling hallway incident

When she finished her morning tea she decided to finally get up and get to work. She was five minutes late already. But of course being the queen had positive sides. A queen is never late, everyone else is simply early.

Leaving her suite she walked across the hallway when suddenly a door opened and someone stumbled into view. She tried to avoid a collision, but it went too fast to do something about it. The person bumped into her and she could not keep herself standing. Luckily, while heading to the ground she felt that a hand grabber her upper arm in order to steady her somewhat. It only helped a little because she still landed on her knees.

While she tried to get onto her feet again she suddenly realised who it was she collided with.

Joseph. Her head of security.

Although she had never been inside his rooms, she knew his were situated at the same corridor as hers. Somehow she felt safe knowing that he was close during the night also.

"Your majesty. I am very sorry, are you unharmed?" she heard Joseph say.

When she looked up and saw what situation they were in she grasped for air.

It turned out that Joseph was not alone. They had actually bumped into her together. The other person was a attractive woman.

She felt hurt and jealousy flow through her body. Joseph apparently was in a relationship? She wasn't aware of a woman in his life. But clearly there was someone and she clearly was not just a friend. She was sure about that because the upper buttons of the woman's blouse were open and the top of her bare breast was showing. She tried not to stare at it so she looked away towards Joseph. Trying to keep her expression neutral.

The woman that was apparently Joseph's partner started speaking:

"I am so sorry your majesty. But I hope you don't mind me saying that even considering the circumstances I find great pleasure in meeting you."

Clarisse saw from the corner of her eye that the woman held out her hand in order for her to shake it.

She did not know very well what to do. She was caught out of guard. She feared that she could not be kind to this woman in the current situation. She wanted to run and hide. She found herself surpassing tears that were building. But she managed to keep them away for now. She did not want to let the woman or especially Joseph know what she truly felt.

Early in her marriage with Rupert he learned her how you could keep true thoughts and emotions away from your face. The main rule to accomplish this is by focussing on the display of another emotion. Sometimes that could be a smile while in horrible company or a serene face while being in parliament during boring meetings. It took her years of practice, but she now was very good at showing one emotion while feeling something else.

But in this case she was not in control. She was far too hurt and confused to get the smile onto her face. So in a split second she decided to go for another emotion. Anger.

She had to do something to get in charge of the situation again and quickly. Before Joseph noticed what was going on.

So she kept ignoring the other woman and gave Joseph a stern look. Then she said in a very serious matter:

"First of all, it's very bad behaviour for adult people to stumble and play around the hallway. I think you can do better than this Joseph. And second, it's inappropriate to fiddle around in the hallway during your shift. Which, if I may remind you, started five minutes ago."

It felt like doing some justice when she saw Joseph's cheeks redden. Yes. Let him feel sorry for this she thought.

Joseph replied with: "Yes, your majesty. It won't happen again."

She couldn't look at Joseph any longer after this and finally turned her attention to Joseph's lover.

She had no intention at all to be properly introduced to the woman. She did not want to acknowledge her as Joseph's girlfriend and she felt a little unsure about the open blouse. But as with a lot of things in live it always seems best to address issues on the spot. So she dared to say to the lady:

"May I recommend that you close the top buttons of your blouse? You are a little bit too exposed I would say."

She could not hold herself together much longer. She had to get out of this situation and think it over. So while not looking at Joseph she quickly turned around and marched trough the hallway and around the corner.

After slipping into her private bathroom that adjoined her office she allowed herself to cry for a minute. Then she looked at herself in the mirror and said out loud "oh, stop it stupid woman."

It was her own fault that she felt this way. Jealousy was a despicable emotion anyway. Especially towards someone you had no claim on whatsoever.

With that thought she had to fight back tears again. She had no claim on Joseph.

Years ago after the kiss they shared it seemed best to focus on their friendship, rather than on something more.

For the last years for her that had been the best course to follow. Mourning took time and it had taken her years to really accept that Rupert was gone. That he was no longer a part of her daily life. While she grew further into her role as queen she was very happy to have Joseph as a friend.

He was not her bodyguard anymore. But he accompanied her to most of the bigger meetings and stood somewhere where he could be seen. With his presence showing everyone that the queen's security was tight and professional. In their private lifes they fell into a nice routine of walks in the garden or a nightcap every now and then.

Joseph quickly became good friends with Amelia and he kept his original promise to help her to develop a friendship with her granddaughter also.

For sure, while working together of spending time as friends she felt it sometimes. The spark was still there. Joseph felt them equally. She knew that for certain because he in contrast to her was not very good at keeping his emotions in check. But again he also kept this promise and never crossed the line of friendship again. She on her part never mentioned anything about his obvious feelings.

For years she was happy and content with their agreement on friendship. But the last months she noticed that she became more and more confused. While she could very easy ignore the spark in the past by keeping the friendship goal at the front of her mind, the last time that she felt a spark she had to surpass thoughts of the feeling of his lips on hers.

For a while now she had been debating with herself about her feelings. If she was in love or if it was just lust. Now she knew the answer. She was jealous for goodness sake! She wanted to be the woman that came out of Joseph's room in the morning. To snuggle into bed with him in the evening. Him to unfasten buttons of her blouse.

But he had been with that other woman tonight. She was the one he kissed, made love to and…

For the third time that day tears were coming. She held them back again. She was not going to cry over this.

Yes she clearly was in love. In love with Joseph.

While love should feel great, at this moment it only hurt. It was her own fault. If she was interested in Joseph she should have acted on it. She could barely expect from him to wait for her for years and years.

But what was she thinking anyway? Waiting for her? Why was she even thinking that! He was in a relationship right now. Probably because he felt something for his lady, not for his queen who just wanted to be friends.

God what a mess she was.

Oh, but even when Joseph was without a girlfriend, any romantic relation between the two of them would be difficult anyway. In her heart she knew that she would do everything to finish her job as queen in a good way. She owed that to Rupert. She promised him and she would not break that promise. Amelia needed her guidance now and after her coronation. So one way or another…even if Joseph was interested in a romantic relationship…it was unfair to ask him to wait or to hide in the shadows for her.

Suddenly she realised that she had been very rude. Both to Joseph himself and to the woman in his life. Joseph wanted to have a good relationship for years now. She knew that, she wished for him to be happy. If she could not be the woman in his life, then she should be happy for him and support him as a friend now that he found someone. If he would forgive her for her behaviour that was.

"What must he think of such an ill friend. Silly woman." She told herself.

I have to go and speak with him this evening she thought. Offer my apologies and this time shake hands with his lady. The idea that she could have damaged their friendship send chills across her arms.

She took a towel from the shelf and cleaned her face. "Now it's time to get to work your majesty" she told herself.

After she sat down in her office chair she did not manage to concentrate fully on her work. But she kept trying and she picked up a letter from the pile and opened it. She was unaware that at that very moment Joseph was looking at a live footage of her.