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Eat

Steve reentered the room with fresh pots just taken out of the fridge. The ones that had been waiting on the table had lost their coldness and were not very appealing to taste.

"Ok, now we´re good." He gave his surprisingly awake friend a smile. "Which one first? Doctor said you have to eat at least two. Let´s see, now we haaave…. vanilla pudding.. peach yoghurt aaand.. mashed apples. You choose buddy."

Sighing to himself, Danny signaled his preferences.

"Apple and peach it is!" Steve jovially said as he proceeded to place two pots on the table and started to remove the lid of the mashed apples.

Although Steve´s attempt to lighten the mood, the nervousness he felt inside was inevitable and it has been silently growing up. This particular seemingly basic and simple task has become psychologically sensitive for both of them. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw and sensed Danny trying to move and achieve a more comfortable position on the bed. Placing the little pot on the table, he approached his friend and helped him straighten up and arranged the pillows behind his back. Danny tensed and closed his eyes, as an unexpected and shockingly wave of dizziness hit him hard and the room turned upside down. Feeling himself falling, his arms instinctively reached for support. The wounded hands made contact with anything that happened to be on the way, and that hurt. Two strong hands stilled him by the elbows, and he gained sense of direction again. The white spots stopped dancing behind his closed eyelids and the annoying ringing in his ears slowly faded away. Grunting pitifully and breathing hard, Danny lowered himself on the raised pillows and after a few minutes he used to calm down, he tentatively opened his eyes.

"What happened?" His friend´s concerned eyes were too close, making it hard for Danny to focus and, although squinting, his half-closed and narrowed eyes transmitted the well-known and now familiar frustration.

"Dizzy." Danny could feel his increased heart rate slowly normalize its pace. "..m ok." Steve studied him for a second and, approving, he reassumed his previous task. Reaching for the spoon, he sat at the edge of the bed and started stirring the apple product.

"Hope it tastes better than it looks". Steve´s laugh made Danny´s turned away face look at him and a shy smile lighted up his handsome features. The two friends shared a moment of relief and silently support emanating from each other, telepathically preparing themselves for the moment none too pleasant they had to share. Smiling in silence, Steve continued to stir the mashed apples, trying to sense the appropriate first move he should take. He relished this moment though; he relished that the deep connection with his friend remained intact; that the smile on Danny´s face was easy to achieve; that although weak, tired and sometimes scared, his friend was a fighter and was making his best efforts to get better.

"Give me that, get this over with and then kill me." The low voice giving permission, impregnated of Danny´s old self, helped Steve made his move. Running the spoon through the rim of the pot, he raised it towards his friend´s mouth. Opening it, Danny awkwardly took the food and without much fuss swallowed it, along with was left of his pride. The motion brought back to notice the very uncomfortable and annoying feeling at the back of his throat. Instinctively and without thinking Danny tried to raise his hand to his face, frowning in frustration at his weakness, his clumsiness and the restrictively lines attached to his elbow flexure and other parts. He was aware of every one of them, but one of the most annoying at the moment was the one that entered his nose.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Steve tenderly pinned his partner´s arm back down, taking on the discomfort emanating from his friend.

"What is that..?" The whined question was accompanied by a new attempt at raising his arm, which was effectively blocked by Steve´s firm forearm, the same arm which held the spoon.

"What is what? Relax.."

"Throat." The one word answer was back. Those in which Steve had to guess the rest of the problem. He guessed right this time.

"It´s the NG tube, remember? Leave it, you still need it buddy."

Without much time to give it some thought, Danny found the spoon right in front of his mouth. Obediently opening up, the mouthful was again beyond awkward. This time the spoon hit teeth.

"Watch out you goof.."

"Sorry." Steve couldn´t help nor hide his big smile. He hold on to those glimpses of his old friend for dear life and to make this all difficult process more bearable. He just knew Danny was doing the same. He knew Danny was hurting, was afraid, and was doing this effort on purpose, for himself, but primary for Steve´s sake. His smile lost a bit its wideness. He knew Danny would always put himself last; would minimize his suffering; would act for others benefit. This time he was caring for his partner´s. This realization hit Steve as an unexpected lightning. He knew Danny had sensed his nervousness and was now trying to relieve the tension by doing what he does best, being his friend. The smile left Steve´s face completely.

"Will you feed me that or what?" There it was again. A little forced and tired, but Danny nonetheless.

"Yeah, sorry". Steve left his lethargy and took another spoonful. This was the most awkward of the three spoons they managed to work on so far. Part of the apple product ended up on Danny´s lower lip and chin. Steve decided to play along.

"Will you open wider? damn it!"

"You load it too mu.." His complaint was cut short by the rag that was suddenly covering his mouth and wiping his lips and chin out. As the rag was put aside, Steve discovered they shared the same amused smile.

"Put less on it."

"I will, thank you."

The next mouthfuls improved a lot and by the end of the pot they were two pros. Danny was grateful for the water he was next offered, and when he was ready to settle down, Steve started to remove the lid of the yogurt.

"No, I don´t want any more."

"Come on, the Doc said you had to eat two Danny. And we are gonna do what he says. You have to get stronger."

"I barely finished that one."

"Come on, you´re just tired, eat this and then you can go to sleep." Steve hated pushing him, but he had been warned of this possible behavior, and subsequently he has been given useful tips to achieve his goal.

Danny sighed and opened his mouth when he realized that the persisting spoon tapping his lips wouldn´t recede. The acid taste of the yogurt in contrast with the sweetness of the apples made him crumple his face. Steve smiled, but this time Danny was not amused anymore. His eyelids were weighing a lot and all his effort now was put on keeping his eyes open. He must have failed because he had to open his eyes, he hadn´t realized he had closed them, and found Steve now hunched on the chair instead of sitting on the bed, holding the half full pot of yogurt and playing with its content with the spoon.

"Sorry." His weak and groggy apology made his partner stand and sit again at his side.

"Don´t worry about it. You feel like finishing it?" He smiled, encouragely.

"Ok." A non-too convinced answer was sufficient for the spoon to be at the entrance of his mouth again, claiming to be able to enter. He hardly managed to eat all, and there was no space for anything else inside him. When he was offered water, this time he just took two small sips and stood up for his right to not being given more. He crumpled his face again and closed his eyes, this time as a sign of frustration as the now annoying and humid rag cleaned his mouth and chin again. He didn´t open his eyes as he felt Steve getting up, lower the head of the bed and arrange his bedding.

"Go to sleep buddy." At the verge of reality and the land of dreams, he heard his friend moving around, and sensed the light diminish as the window lids were pushed down.