CHAPTER 15
"Hope, what's wrong?" Josie asked as soon as she felt the buzz of the alcohol. One of the few things that remained equal between her and her sister: they were both light weights when it came to alcohol.
Hope on the other hand? Josie looked over at the tribrid sitting two feet from her, she'd already drank thrice what Josie had. And that was after Josie had arrived. Jesus Christ the tribrid was a mess; a mess that Josie felt wholly unprepared to deal with. "I'm a–hic–monster," Hope replied with an ill-timed hiccup.
Josie's eyes widened, oh boy, this is gonna be rough. "That's a lot to unpack. I'm not drunk enough, give me a minute." Josie spared a glance outside, the sun had set a little while ago now. She knew that this drinking binge for Hope would've happened in the middle of the day if the events leading up to it were earlier. At least this way, they only taboo they were breaking was the underage one, and not day-drinking. She had standards…probably. Josie really hoped she remembered this tomorrow. She took out her iPhone and activated the voice memo app while Hope went fishing around for another swig of alcohol from a pocket sized Bacardi bottle Hope seemed to pull out of fucking nowhere. She threw the phone behind her, knowing it would still pick up their conversation.
It occurred to Josie that maybe one of the worst things Hope may have inherited from the Mikaelson side of the family was a penchant for alcoholism. But Josie knew that particular issue should be addressed later.
"Hope, you're not a monster," Josie said as soon as she felt her brain fuzz up a little.
"How can you say that? You saw what I nearly did to Penelope. I was going to force my blood down her throat and then probably snap her neck. Well, I would've waited for the neck snapping part…that doesn't make me a good person, or even okay to be around."
Josie was trying to reconcile the crying red-headed mess in front of her with the calm and poised apex predator she normally presented herself as. There was a part of Josie's alcohol addled brain that was fixated on how adorable Despairing Hope was. She tried to shake off that feeling, but it didn't quite leave her.
"I like being around you," Josie said softly. "Why is it do you think you freaked out earlier? Like, not that I'm not grateful or whatever, but why do you care so much about us enough to hurt other classmates," hurt Penelope, she didn't say aloud. Josie still wasn't sure how she felt about that. It was scary. But the part of her that enjoyed the shit out of yandere nonsense in the anime she watched, or manga she read, that had to admit Hope's extreme solution was the slightest bit endearing. Nobody had been willing to go that far for her (or her sister) like that before. Well, maybe her parents…and Bonnie Bennet, but those were just hazy memories from when they were like, three years old.
When Hope spoke again, it took Josie by surprise in how soft she spoke, "I hurt so much Josie. I'm sad; all the time. If normal depression is like this 'black dog' that follows you around and falls asleep on you or whatever-the-fuck, I feel like mine is like a sinister bright flower dress I wear every day. I never put it on, but it's always there, everything else goes on over it. It's in my dreams, it's there when I wake up, and even when I'm happy it just taints everything…" she flailed her hands sloppily trying to drive home her point. Josie didn't say anything. It seemed shitfaced Hope was physically incoherent, but nearly poetic with her introspection.
The youngest Mikaelson inhaled another few swallows of the booze before she continued, eyes glassy, but speech surprisingly succinct, "It looks beautiful too, like, my sad little flower dress full of sunshine and sadness. It fits me just right, it has flair; because of-fucking-course-it-does…but it's so horrible Josie. If it was just a black dog, I could kill it with fire, put it down. I could deal with it. But it feels like I can't get this, this thing off of me without setting myself on fire. And sometimes I don't even care if I burn…my mom burned to death as a vampire you know. She didn't' even get to die as a wolf. Because of me. And when my dad and uncle staked themselves for me, they burned alive too. That's how originals, people I care about die…badly." Hope looked at Josie for a long moment. Both of their eyes were laden with tears.
"Oh, Hope," Josie whispered, tears spilling over her cheeks. She reached her hand out and laid it on Hope's thigh in some desperate attempt to comfort her complicated friend.
Hope put her hand on tope of Josie's. They could basically feel each other's heartbeats through the minimal contact. Hope tried and failed to collect herself before continuing, "I know that we don't talk much and your sister hates me. But I just want someone to…I just want…I'm so scared I'll lose…" Hope's previous composure was rapidly slipping away.
As the soberer of the two, Josie tried to bring Hope into an awkward hug, but they both sort of fell backwards onto the bed. The unexpected intimacy of their situation raised Josie's heartbeat considerably. But it did nothing to slow down Hope's meltdown.
Through Hope's irregular sobbing and her own increasing intoxication, Josie was having a little bit of a hard time understanding Hope, but she definitely got, "You're so precious Josie, and I think after I saw Penelope just emotionally break you last year, I held onto some feelings about it. And it all just came out today in the worst fucking way," Hope hiccupped. "I'm so sorry Josie. I, I can't even talk to you without blitzing my brain with poison. But I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to you, and I could've done some thing about it, I really like you. And now I've just ruined this too. I,I," Hope feebly tried to get up, some part of her was aware of how much of her soul she just bared to Josie. She didn't get very far with Josie's trembling arms around her though, pulling her back down.
Hope didn't really try to fight it. When Hope's head was laid down on a warm surface that pulsed, it somehow calmed her. She felt Josie stroking her hair, and it hazily reminded her of how she felt as a kid when her mom or Keelin, or Freya would calm her down from one of her nightmares. Josie's heartbeat thrumming through Hope's head along with the gentle repetitive fingers running through her hair felt like home. She was asleep before she could hear Josie's sniffles or feel tears track into her hair.