Chapter 12: Fifth Year
Calli finally felt like she could breathe when she stepped into the carriage to take her to the castle. At least within the walls of Hogwarts she could feel she had some privacy. Some semblance of normalcy. Classes, classwork, and face to face access with the only person she could trust.
That feeling faded when the monstrosity clocked in pink cleared her throat to make her first speech as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Delores Umbridge, undersecretary to the Minister of Magic had come to spy and regulate her hopes for a safe place. She wanted to groan, to glare at the gloating face of Draco, to lash out and make the Great Hall quake with her anger, but she clapped politely when expected. Her face showed disdain and a coolness that didn't go deeper than the mask. Another year of irritation. At least she had Professor Snape to talk to.
Umbridge. Severus felt his jaw clench. That pink coated hag was going to make this year miserable. Everyone, even Dumbledore could see it. A mole from that useless fool Fudge. They say the Dark Lord craved power. Well, hark who's talking.
He hoped this wouldn't force a change in his promise to Calli. He couldn't understand the Dark Lord's interest in her, this small powerful witch. Was it because her mother was his most fervent subject and soldier? If so, his curiosity still didn't make sense. When he'd asked Severus for information, he'd complied. He told him she was an excellent student. That she had a high proficiency in every class. Her marks were in the highest range and she was a quick study. The Dark Lord shook his head in irritation and Severus braced for pain.
"I don't want her transcripts, Severus." He stood and paced, wand twitching. "What's she LIKE? Popular, charismatic?"
Severus swallowed his confusion. "She's alone mostly. Aloof, cold, and unimpressed with her peers." He contemplated what else to share. "The others fear her. Students and teachers alike."
"They fear her?" He'd stopped moving and was standing behind Severus so he couldn't see his expression. "Why? Because she's so powerful?"
Severus nodded, but added, "and her parentage, my Lord. She's in the same year as the Longbottom boy."
"Ah," the Dark Lord sighed and returned to his seat. "That would cause some discomfort and cruel thoughts amongst her classmates. What does she look like?"
This question truly threw Severus. What mattered about her looks? "Like her mother, but more diminutive. She looks someone younger than her peers, but only due to her size. She has the same hair, eyes, and bearing as Bellatrix."
He hazarded a look at the Dark Lord. He was pensive, clearly, taking in this odd mix of information. Severus offered a way for him to see the girl for himself. "I'm certain that Lucius would be more than happy to furnish you with a photo, my Lord."
"That won't be possible, Severus." He glanced down at the man at his feet. "I want no one to know of this conversation. Especially not Malfoy."
Severus suddenly realized that he was completely alone with the Dark Lord. No one was witness to this meeting which made his curiosity spike. Why did the Dark Lord want this information? What importance was there about Calli?
Back to his work he felt more concern for the petite girl in his care. If the Dark Lord was interested in her, there was no good that would come from it. He kept the interest to himself, not sharing it with even Dumbledore. Whatever his interest, Snape would keep her safe, from friend or foe.
Weeks into fifth year and Calli was already exhausted. It wasn't because OWLs were approaching. Nor was it the upheaval from the pink terror. No, it was because try as she might, she couldn't shake the fear of her parents' release. Her uncle's words kept creeping back to her-during class, when the newspapers came morning and evening, but mostly as she tried to sleep.
While most people or children feared the imaginary monsters, or for wizarding children the dark creatures we knew existed, she feared REAL monsters. Monsters who wore the faces of humans, and craved the pain of others. Her parents were real monsters.
Even finding a chance to speak with Professor Snape alone was proving difficult. The pink toad was eagle eyed. If a teacher showed too much interest in any student, it would be noted and investigated. She'd no doubt make it look nefarious. As if there weren't already a multitude of reasons to despise her. How anyone missed her version of "writing lines" was beyond Calli. This monster could be a rival to her own mother.
Severus was aggravated. First the Umbridge woman had commandeered the position he coveted. Then she refused to teach it properly. On top of that, since she seemed to have eyes everywhere, he couldn't keep his promise to Calli. All he could imagine was the old crone finding out and insinuating something inappropriate.
When she was deemed High Inquisitor, or whatever nonsense title Fudge bestowed on her, he watched as the most idiotic students rush to join her little squad of tattletalers. No shock that Malfoy was first to line up. Hogwarts was under attack from the Ministry. He seethed inside as she had the audacity to interrogate him during class. This sycophant searching for whatever scraps of power she could grasp from Fudge and her surroundings. He almost wanted to check to see if she'd taken the Dark Mark.
When Minerva put her in her place, he'd internally cheered. And feared for the older witch he'd grown fond of teaching alongside. Umbridge was dangerous. And he knew she'd do anything for revenge.
The pink horror came to his office demanding all of his stock of Veritaserum. And her interrogations grew to include the students. What she was searching for was anyone's guess. Severus only knew that the storm was building and he wasn't sure who'd be left standing when it struck.
Then came the realization that Harry Potter was seeing through the eyes of the Dark Lord. Dumbledore, knowing Severus had become skilled at occlumency, ordered him to teach the boy to close his mind to the Dark Lord's interference. Unfortunately, Potter felt the ability to see what the Dark Lord saw was some sort of power and refused to understand that if the Dark Lord sensed him then the sight he saw would be twisted to what the Dark Lord wanted him to see.
The tutoring came to an abrupt end when Severus caught Potter delving into his memories. He'd seen what Black and his father had done to Severus. Watched as he lost Lily's friendship and any hope of having more. He felt violated and livid. If Potter felt so smart, then he could teach himself occlumency. Damn Dumbledore's orders.
He warned Dumbledore that Potter felt special because he'd saved Weasley with one of his strolls through the eyes of the Dark Lord. He would never accept that the channel wouldn't be one-way for long. He wouldn't accept that when the Dark Lord became aware of this power, he'd take full advantage of it. Especially if it gave him what he so desperately wanted. The prophecy. And as he warned Dumbledore, the boy would fall into that trap because he refused to LEARN.
Coddling old man. He refused to push. Refused to force Potter to take the threat seriously. Severus knew the path ahead held horrors.
Then the news broke. Mass escape from Azkaban. Bellatrix and Rodophus Lestrange were free. He couldn't even comfort Calli. Couldn't calm the fears that he knew had to be overwhelming her as her worst nightmare came to fruition. All because the school was covered in spies that would rush to tell Umbridge anything out of ordinary.
Insufferable woman,
Calli could read the headline from across the room. It was done. They were free. And the mutterings, which had died out with Diggory's death, restarted. The stares, the wider berth all came rushing back. Once again her parentage wrought anguish.
She knew they wouldn't dare come to the school. Her parents, the other escapees, they'd stay far away from Hogwarts. Malfoy Manor would be another story. She feared summer break.
As if the year wasn't horrible enough, her turn with Umbridge came. Surrounded by pink and plates of cats, she was offered tea by a monster. Tea, she considered, not plain clearly, but what secret was in the delicate cup the monster prepared?
Focusing on the pink crone's back as she poured, Calli silently offered the spell that would reveal the secret. It came easily. Veritaserum. Truth Potion. To see where mummy and daddy were hidden, or something more sinister?
As the witch placed the full cup of 'tea' on the saucer in front of her she ordered her to drink up. "I'm sure you know tea is best when warm, Miss Lestrange." The sickly sweetness of her voice belied her words.
Looking at her cup, she cast a dissolving spell and a barrier spell. That would make the tea disappear as she 'drank' while the barrier would keep the serum from her mouth. Lifting the cup, she took what would look like a sip. Carefully replacing the cup so her audience would see the lower volume, she waited.
"Miss Lestrange, do you know where your parents are?" She looked so intense that for a moment Calli wondered if she could read minds. No this woman was basic in every way, other than a thirst for power and the urge to make others feel pain. Power seeking, but average in her abilities.
"I haven't a clue, Professor Umbridge." She answered, raising the cup and taking another 'sip'.
Umbridge tutted. "That's unfortunate. Surely you know of some place they may go to. After all, Sirius Black is your cousin and since he escaped first, perhaps your family mentioned a place that he, and possibly your parents would use as a sanctuary."
"No, I don't." She offered honestly. "Since I last saw my parents before I could even remember them, I wouldn't be privy to their hideouts. As for Sirius Black, I believe my family disowned him long before I came along." She shrugged and 'drank' more of her tea. "I'd offer my parents' house, but I believe the Ministry confiscated it when they were arrested."
Her cup was almost empty. One more pretend sip and she could leave, hopefully. She took it and waited.
"Well, I see that your family has kept you pure." Her voice implied Calli was anything but. "One more question. Why didn't you join my Inquisitorial Squad? Your cousin and most of your house is included, but not you."
Calli wanted to scream all the reasons she wouldn't join this evil monster's group of roving spies. Instead she gave a bland answer that could be verified by her entire house AND her idiotic cousin. "I'm not really a joiner, Professor. I like to keep to myself."
Umbridge took a look at Calli's empty cup and appeared finished if not satisfied. "Very well, Miss Lestrange, you may go."
"Good afternoon, Professor." Calli offered as she left the presence of the repugnant toad
Walking back to Slytherin's common room, she nearly missed Professor Snape. He stopped her and gestured to his office. She followed in silence. Clearly they were going to finally have a chat. Inside the safety of his office, he waited until she took her seat, and then settled in the chair next to hers. Offering her his hand, she took it gratefully.
"Calli," he said, feeling a failure for not keeping his promise. "I'm sorry I haven't been available to you since you returned."
"It's fine, Professor." She said with a sad smile. "With that pink toad in residence, I understood." His hand felt nice holding hers, comforting.
He watched her, wondering where to begin. "I'm sorry about your parents." Too little, he imagined, but true. He fought the urge to tell her of the Dark Lord's interest. Why add to her burden?
"Professor?" She asked, having come to her own decision. "I didn't share everything with you that I wanted." He saw his nod, he wasn't surprised. "I was happy with that decision when I found out that my uncle was reading my letters, and yours."
"Lucius was the-" He stopped himself. Of course, Malfoy needed a path to redemption with the Dark Lord. "What didn't you share?"
Calli squeezed his hand for strength. She didn't understand what importance was in the information she planned on sharing. His returning squeeze helped.
"I have strange traits, I supposed you'd call them." She said, closing her eyes to gather her thoughts. "I can speak Parseltongue. Everytime Voldemort," oops that was a bad word for him, "' he who must not be named' came close to coming back and now that he's returned-my blood burns. My veins scream with pain."
His brow furrowed. Why would she be able to speak with snakes? The Black and Malfoy line didn't go back to Slytherin roots. Why would her blood cause her distress? Why would the Dark Lord be so interested in her? It came to him so clearly.
Bellatrix wouldn't have given her husband an heir, no matter what the expectation would be. She couldn't stand the man for anything other than a partner in torture. But the Dark Lord? She'd refuse him NOTHING. Not even being used as a breeding mare. Sitting beside Calligenia Lestrange, he realized that she wasn't the offspring of Bellatrix and Roldophus Lestrange. She was the child of Bellatrix and the Dark Lord. A mix of the most powerful wizard of all time (next to Dumbledore) and the darkest witch he'd ever met. For Merlin's sake, what did he do now?
"Is there anything else?" He asked, happy to hear that his voice remained steady.
"When I'm within feet of Harry Potter, the burning flares. I get knots in my stomach and this sense of wrongness overcomes me." Tears were glistening in her eyes. "No one knows, Professor, only you."
Good grief, he knew it all. And he felt terrified that the Dark Lord would read it on his face the next time he was summoned. He'd give almost anything to be ignorant of the information, but then he couldn't comfort her. He couldn't work out a way to protect her. He was certain of one thing: her real parents couldn't have innocent plans for Calli.
"Thank you for telling me this, Calli." He said, standing and taking away his hand. He turned away, she could read everyone so easily that he needed to be able to lie to her. "I'll try to think of what it could mean. These traits you shared, they could mean nothing."
"And they could mean that I'll become exactly like them." She whispered, her real fear: becoming her parents. "If you learn what they mean, will you please tell me?" She was pleading with him and it nearly broke him.
He pretended to fix something on the shelf in front of him. "Of course, Calli." Internally he added, when I learn to keep you safe. "Are you ready to return to your dorm?"
"Yes, sir." She said, standing and heading toward the door. "Thank you again, Professor."
He nodded afraid to face her. "Good evening, Calli," he offered as she opened the door to leave.
"Good night, Professor." She answered as the door closed.
The walk back to her rooms was spent in reflection. Professor Snape knew what it all meant. That became clear as soon as he shut down and turned away from her. Calli knew that whatever all of her quirks meant, from his reaction it wasn't good news. She had a choice. Remain fearful or move forward. She had enough problems without borrowing trouble. After all mummy dearest was free. She had to trust that Professor Snape had her best interests at heart. He was the only person she could trust.
Severus had warned Dumbledore. Potter's incessant need to play hero had cost Black his life and put multiple students in the hospital. Instead of being patted on the back for his foresight, he was hearing the crazy old coot being vindicated that the wizarding world now knew he and Potter hadn't lied about the Dark Lord's return. Well, yippee!
Dumbledore now seemed to fail to understand what the real result of this exposure would cause. The real terror unleashed by the unveiling of the Dark Lord's presence. Freed from the shadows, the Dark Lord and his followers would rain death and destruction on the world. So YAY, everyone knows he's back. Instead of keeping his actions quiet and restrained, nothing would hold him and them back now.
The only good that came from the entire ordeal was the Umbridge was gone. Without the pink horror under foot, he could return to counselling Calli. As long as they steered clear from the topic of her parents, they should be fine. She'd need him, especially since Bellatrix had been with the Dark Lord and she'd killed Black. He'd seen the looks Potter and his friends shot Calli when they were released from Madam Pomfrey's care. Draco's father had been arrested for his role, something Lucius was probably happy about since he'd failed the Dark Lord so spectacularly after being on his short list of punishment. So while Draco was free to sulk about his father's participation, Calli was given the dark looks, the mutterings. The call to have her expelled from Hogwarts nearly echoed throughout the halls. He shook his head in anger.
No one knew her. No one could know her fear of the very woman they insisted she was a copy of, how different she was and they would never know.
Calli was finding it difficult to hold her head high. Her mother had killed Sirius Black. If rumors were true, and given the dirty looks and hissing she encountered everywhere she turned they were, Sirius had been Harry's godfather. Another student that actively blamed her for what her vile mother had done. Only this student was popular, beloved even, now that he'd been proven truthful in his assertions that Voldemort had returned. And so the whispers grew louder, the urging from her peers that she should leave Hogwarts and join her evil mother was echoed everywhere she turned.
She didn't fight back. She didn't allow her posture to droop, no matter her inner angst and defeat she felt. She would hold her head high. Her mother wasn't Calli, and it didn't matter what these people thought. Calli would power through. Rise above. Prove everyone wrong.
When Professor Snape summoned her to his office before the second term ended, she was expecting it. Knocking on his office door, she entered when he beckoned. He was seated in the chair beside her seat. She sat and took the hand he offered her.
"I can't imagine what you're going through, Calli." He offered, watching her relax beside him. This room seemed like the only place she could relax and let her mask drop. How incredibly sad.
She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'll survive. When they got out, I knew they'd do something monstrous. I should be grateful she held out for so long." She was trying to be flippant, but she knew he could see her pain through the strength she was trying to maintain. "I'd gotten used to being ignored. The new notoriety is hard to adjust to."
"Calli,' he said, using his thumb to rub a soothing pattern on her hand. "You don't have to be brave here. You can let me know the truth. I won't judge."
Her eyes blazed briefly. "I hate her. I hate that I bear any resemblance to her. I hate that that's all everyone can see. That I live with people who want it to be real. A mini-Bella. Do you know how often I've heard that? My uncle," her voice dripped with sarcasm, "and my aunt only wanted another Bellatrix. No one ever wanted ME. No one knows or cares about Calligenia. They only want her to push through from me. A terrible due." She knew tears were running down her face, but she couldn't stop them or her release of all the pent up pain. Worse than even the constant burn in her blood. "Only you, Professor, ever showed any interest in me for who I am or might be. Every person in this castle, a place I naively thought could be my refuge, hates or fears me. Except you."
He listened as she vented all the anguish she held so tightly inside. How horrible to be looked at purely as a copy of a woman who didn't even want her. Calli was more damaged than he'd imagined. And she was correct. Hadn't he sat through staff meeting after staff meeting where the other teachers asked him to make her stop. When he asked what he should stop her doing, blank faces stared back. Stop being, their faces seemed to scream. A child that scared them so deeply that she should cease to exist.
"You poor girl." He whispered, wishing he could hold her. Take away her pain. "No one should be made to feel like that. No one, no matter where they've come from."
"You understand." It was a statement, not a question. "You experienced something similar. Guess we're kindred spirits." She gave his hand a squeeze and wiped at her face with her free hand.
Severus pulled a handkerchief from his robes and handed it to her. A wave of sandalwood enveloped her as she used it to wipe away her tears. "With your uncle indisposed, it may be safe for you to write, but-"
"My mother," she said, nodding. "She'd be as vigilant in spying."
He agreed. "Bellatrix and I, we aren't very close."
Calli chuckled. "Another commonality. She doesn't trust you. I've heard stories. My uncle pretended he was cursed and you supposedly changed sides." She studied him. "Playing both sides sounds exhausting."
He smiled at her and she was surprised at how young he looked. And more approachable. "You've no idea." He considered her life and squinted. "Or, actually, one more thing in common. Look at how you have to pretend. It's quite similar."
She sighed and withdrew her hand from his. "Yes, but I don't have to face HIM." She walked around his office, exploring for the first time. More comfortable now. "What's he like?"
Severus felt a pang of deja vu. It wasn't so long ago that He was asking the same about her. He considered the question. How do you describe the Dark Lord to his daughter?
"He's exacting. He's quick to punish any fault he finds He's powerful, one of the most powerful wizards I've ever met. He rewards his most loyal followers. He expects perfection in all things." He thought that was the best, if brief explanation he could give.
"I saw a photo of him, in The Prophet." She stopped and was studying the same shelf he'd pretended to before. "Has he always looked like that?"
Severus gave the question no thought. "No." His answer was brief and he knew she wanted more, but he couldn't remember the before without Lily invading his thoughts. He shrank from that pain.
Calli accepted his answer, hearing the strain in his voice. She returned to the chair and sat down. "Thank you for answering, Professor." Making eye contact, she asked the one question he'd hoped to avoid. "Is he my father?"
Severus grimaced. He'd hoped he would have longer to figure out how to keep her safe, that she'd stay ignorant a little longer. He'd forgotten in those hopes how bright she was. "Yes, I believe he is." It was true, he had suspicions, but no proof.
"He'll come for me." Again a statement. "And I'm afraid of what part he expects me to play. How do I fight against his will?"
"You don't." Again no thought needed. She couldn't fight the Dark Lord. He'd torture her or kill her. "Calli, if the summons comes, or he comes to you, DO NOT FIGHT. Play the part he expects, you'll have enough time to learn it, I assure you. The consequences of insubordination aren't pretty."
His intensity forced her to realize the depth of the darkness that created her. "He'd kill me." Her voice remained calm. She knew her mother could care less, it was no surprise that her father was worse. "My mask will never be allowed to drop." Exhausted, she stood. "I need to finish packing, and prepare for 'home'."
Severus stood. "Be careful, Calli. Your mother will do you no harm. She'll follow his lead. So keep him satisfied."
She nodded. "Thank you for the instruction, Professor." Her smile was still sad. "I hope we can meet in better circumstances one day."
"Good-bye, Calli."
"Good-bye, Professor."
Calli walked back to the dorm with purpose. She'd realized his lie about her quirks the first time he'd made eye contact. Voldemort's baby girl. She'd laugh, but it petrified her. How much darkness could one person hold?
Bellatrix and Voldemort. She glanced at the skin on her hand as she finished packing. Could she feel the darkness inside her? Was that the burning? Fighting it, the darkness, did that make her blood rage against the unnaturalness of being good?