Ezra stared out over the water of the small oasis, hair dripping from its submergence upon his arrival, cooling him even more than the shade he was loathe to move from. He'd only left it to have a second and then third drink from the clear water-upstream from where he'd bathed his face and head, of course. The temptation to dip his entire body in had been strong, but then he had worried about being chilled as the day turned into evening.
It was a beautiful place, a patch of vibrant green and crystal blue nearly hidden in the deeper tones of the desert that he had discovered and thought to be his own, until he had found Mr. Tanner sunning himself there one day. Strangely, while he couldn't say it hadn't bothered him, it had quickly ceased too. Rarely were the two there at the same time and slowly the idea that they shared this small paradise in the dusty desert had become a warm one.
His hand tracing over the ground, Ezra found a small stone and tossed it into the large pool, watching as it splashed down into the water, ripples flowing out smaller and smaller until the waves calmed. Ezra's thoughts kept vacillating between the complete shock he'd felt when he overheard the dreaded conversation and the notion that this had always been inevitable. Hadn't it always happened before? What a fool he'd been to think that matters would differ here.
Even if they had, Mother would have just shown her face eventually, retrieving him when she felt he would be beneficial to whatever game she was currently playing. Really, it made no difference in the end. Swallowing the lump in his throat once again, Ezra nodded. Really, truly, it didn't.
The ever lengthening list of sins Ezra had contemplated on the hot, dreary walk he'd undertaken made it clear that whatever betrayal he might have felt at the words he'd heard was not truly undeserved. Even the misadventures that had ended with Buck laughing, trying to ruffle his hair as Ezra dodged, before he told him he'd do best to keep his nose clean and away from such mischief suddenly seemed to loom large in front of him. Clearly, the man had been more bothered than he'd let on.
Or...or maybe he just didn't like him any longer, didn't care for his company. Maybe he never had.
It wasn't fair, wasn't right that he'd let Ezra think he had, that he'd called him pard and son, that he'd said...swallowing, Ezra pushed the thought away. Buck wasn't the first relative to say such things, to offer a family only to later declare that Ezra did not deserve to be a part of their own. It had been years since he'd allowed himself to be taken in in such a way, but he'd long learned that his mother was not the only one in the family who was partial to a good con.
Fool. He was an utter fool.
His hands, needing to be busy, needing to be occupied in some way, even as his mind refused to be occupied by affairs otherwise than his current train of thought, sought out his deck of cards from his inside coat pocket. Almost mechanically, he began shuffling, the smooth feel of the well worn cards quieting his wild emotions slightly, each inch an old friend. Ezra tried to tell himself it didn't matter. That leaving Four Corners would be no different from leaving any number of other towns and cities he'd resided in.
But it was. It was so very different.
His hands faltered as he ran his cards through a waterfall shuffle, the pasteboard flinging itself up and into his face before falling to the ground all around him. It seemed a fitting metaphor for what was happening in his life and it drew a sharp laugh from Ezra as he began gathering up his deck before the fickle wind could scatter them around the small quarry in the rock formation. He had nearly all of them when exactly what he had feared took place; a gust found its way through the narrow entrance, not strong enough to pull the cards he'd already gathered out of his hands, but enough to whip those few still lying loose around, Ezra chasing after them. Nearly all had been retrieved when disaster struck, his boot catching on a loose rock his eyes had missed. Ezra went sprawling forward with his hands still busy reaching for cards, landing on them hard enough that he slid across the stone and sand, the pain and surprise of the scrapes startling a cry out of him.
But it was not that that had tears springing to his eyes, a sob choking its way past his defenses. No, it was the carefully gathered cards, floating and sinking into the water before him that had first one sob, then another, and another, snaking their way out of his throat traitorously, that had tears filling his eyes, unable to stop, even as their force shook his body and mucus clogged his nose. Unable to stop, unable to think about anything but that his cards were gone, and Cousin Buck didn't want to be his family anymore, no one did, Ezra curled up and sobbed into his knees.
*.*.*.*
Buck felt like his heart was in his throat. It had been since Nathan had spotted him sneaking out of Miss Dora's room and called him over. Pulling Lady to a stop as Vin once again leapt off Peso, taking a closer look at something Buck couldn't even see, the rogue tried to swallow, remembering the look on Nathan's face and the way his first thought had been that something had happened to one of the boys.
It had.
While he'd been off with Dora having himself a good time, somehow, someway, Ezra had been dealt the sort of blow no kid should have to deal with at all, let alone by himself. Just showed that he really didn't know what he was doing, he knew how to be an uncle or a big brother, but this, with Ezra, it was all new, and far as Buck could tell it was about as tricky as hugging a cactus. If you didn't have any arms. Shifting slightly on a tense Lady, Buck tried to understand again how Ezra could have gotten such an idea in his head. If someone had actually said something so cruel to him Buck wasn't sure he'd be able to control himself, couldn't imagine even the townsfolk who thought the boy was running too wild actually saying such a lie.
Swallowing down a throatful of anger and grief, he quietly asked Vin, "What'd ya find?"
"He veered off that way," Vin pointed off the side of the trail, out into the sparse scrub land and Buck frowned, even though he didn't doubt Vin for a second. Where could Ezra have been heading to out there? "I might know where he is-wouldn'ta thought he'd go there on foot, though. It's pretty far." Buck might as well have heard the silent 'too far' that followed Vin's last words and he swallowed even as a stream of swear words swept through his mind. A boy on foot, upset and not thinking straight, could get into all sorts of trouble in the desert. The heat of the day followed by the chill of the night had wrung the water out of and frozen plenty of grown men.
"What are we waiting for?" Buck's voice came out intense, maybe a little angry, but Vin didn't react except to get back on Peso and start leading the way. It was still slower than Buck would've liked, knew that Vin wasn't counting on Ezra being where he hoped he was, instead looking for every bit of sign he could find, but it was something. Something that damn well better not turn into nothing.
Why hadn't he kept looking for Ezra earlier? Why had he let himself be distracted by Miss Dora? She was sweet and interesting, and a pretty thing to boot, but the truth was there weren't too many women Buck didn't find sweet and interesting, and pretty enough to spend an afternoon with. If he'd kept looking for Ezra, done his duty by the boy, maybe he would've been able to find him before he left town, or at least before he was walking through the desert during the heat of the day. Walking through it, thinking he didn't have a home anymore.
Vin hopped off Peso almost without stopping and then was back on top of him before Buck had slowed Lady. "No doubt where he's headed now." Vin moved Peso from a fast walk to a canter and Buck quickly joined him, wondering a little just where Ezra had headed and why Vin knew about it. Mostly, he was just plenty grateful that he did.
*.*.*.*.*
"Just what do you think you're doing?" Nathan glared, the surprise and outrage clear in his voice as he realized just why he'd been pointed in this direction when looking for Eli. Eli, hands still on the laundry bag that had been dropped on Conklin's back porch, froze, like he was hoping he'd imagined Nathan's voice. Clearing his throat pointedly, Nathan waited impatiently for the boy to turn around, not impressed by the innocent 'who me' look on his round face.
"Um, uh, I was helping the laundry lady drop off the bags." It came out more like a question than a statement and Eli definitely didn't have Ezra's poker face. The tin cup full of dirt he'd been about to dump inside the open bag still being clutched in his hand sure didn't help, either.
"Sure you were. Why don't you come down from there and leave that alone and maybe I won't tell your mama what you were getting up to." Not that he didn't understand the temptation to ruin Conklin's day, but going around damaging others property wasn't something he could condone as a peacekeeper. (Not something he wanted a boy Ezra called friend doing.)?
Even if it was Conklin. Even if Eli being here now made him think that this might be revenge for Conklin having been the one to tell that foul lie to Ezra.
Slowly, like he was expecting Nathan to haul him off to jail, or maybe pop him one, the boy came down the porch, the tin cup dumped in the yard and then held awkwardly in his hand. Nathan wondered where he'd got it, he hadn't had it with him earlier, and even though it had taken him awhile to track the boy down it hadn't been long enough for him to go home and back. Getting a little worried that the man of the hour would appear and want to know what they were doing, he jerked his head backwards and muttered, "C'mon," as he started through the tiny yard towards the alley. He kept his eye on a reluctant Eli, half expecting the boy to try and run off, but he followed him even as he looked at Nathan with a nervous, shifting gaze. It was only when they were partway down the alley behind the row of houses that he stopped and fixed him again with a gimlet eye. Eli attempted to keep walking, like he hadn't noticed Nathan had stopped, or didn't think it was much to do with him, and he was not about to put up with that even if he hadn't been wanting to talk to him in the first place. "And where do you think you're goin'?"
To his credit, the kid actually stopped and turned back to him. "Figured I should go home." Eli seemed a bit resentful that he'd stopped him, but mostly like he just wasn't sure how to react, shifting a bit and shoving his empty hand in a pocket only to pull it out again. Nathan figured it wasn't too often people took him to task on his mischief instead of just shooing or chasing him away. Which probably explained a lot.
"Yeah, well I figure you should tell me why you thought that was a good idea, messing with somebody else's clean clothes. Someone might not pay their laundry bill after opening the bag to that. Even though the work had been done."
Eli scowled, but it was a guilty scowl, "No one would think the laundry dumped dirt into their clean clothes. 'Course he'd still pay Mrs. Liu."
"It would be the decent thing to do." Nathan's tone made it obvious that that didn't mean it was what would've been done, and from the slight shuffle of Eli's feet in the alley dust he thought he might be making his point clear. "Either way, you've got no business messing around with another person's property. Clothes ain't cheap, and if he'd caught ya he probably would've wanted you locked up."
"But he-" Eli cut himself off, looking both indignant and uncertain, and spiking Nathan's curiosity. Even if it wouldn't excuse what the boy had been planning, if it had been Conklin who'd upset Ezra at least there would be reason more than him being a cranky old man behind it.
"He what?" Nathan waited a beat while Eli hemmed and hawed all over again. "Conklin have something to do with what you told me about Ezra?" There was a long moment while Eli considered this question, the kid finally shrugging.
"Don't know. Ezra didn't say." It was muttered grudgingly, with a quick glare shot back in the direction of Conklin's clapboard house. Clearly, Eli thought it was Conklin, but knew he had no proof. Maybe, wanted it to be Conklin. It would make things nice and simple, was someone the kid knew how to fight. Even if Nathan didn't think Eli had any business trying to. Only, after the talk Buck and him had with Conklin, Nathan wasn't sure even that man would be so stupid. Would hope Ezra would know better than to believe anything he said, anyway.
"He do something else then?" The healer was sure he already knew the answer, but he wanted Eli to say it.
"Guess not…" Eli kicked at the dirt and couldn't seem to meet Nathan's eyes. Nathan wasn't sure if he actually felt guilty or was just upset that he couldn't come up with a reason, but it would have to do for now. Josiah had been right, it wasn't fair that no one seemed to be trying to teach the boy better, and with as close as it seemed he was sticking to Ezra the healer figured it would come back to bite him if he didn't start speaking up.
"Either way, taking matters into your own hands, especially like this, is plain wrong. Earlier, when you came and told me about Ezra, you got us all looking for him, so we can fix things. That was good. This wouldn't have fixed nothing, just give Conklin another reason to be a fussy old crosspatch. And destroying someone else's property ain't right no matter what and at 14 you should know it." The words came out awkward, more reluctant than Nathan meant them to be and Eli shrugged again, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world, and, finally, properly guilty. Nathan felt an unexpected surge of sympathy for him and mustered up a bit of a smile.
"Now, I was looking for you. Wondering if you could tell me anymore about what Ezra told you." Slightly reluctant, Eli looked up at him again, a hand coming up to push sweaty hair off his forehead and for the first time Nathan become conscious that he was a large man towering over a teenager in a narrow alley. Gentling his voice a little, Nathan said, "It could help us figure all this out. Help Ezra."
"I told you what he said. Ezra was awful upset, 'cause he thinks Mr. Wilmington hates him now. Only told me 'cause I could tell something was wrong and kept asking." Eli didn't sound guilty or nervous now, just sort of sad, resigned, and Nathan recalled the red eyes.
"Hey, you know Buck isn't sending Ezra anywhere, right?" Another shuffle of feet and an unconvincing nod, a hint of a sniffle the kid couldn't quite hide.
"Well, he isn't. This is Ezra's home now, your friend isn't going anywhere."
The boy rocked on his feet a moment, round face an open book showing every anxious thought, building on each other until his lips split and they all came sliding out. "He doesn't want to be my friend no more," Eli's words were barely loud enough for him to hear, and before Nathan had time to process them, to wonder for more than half a second if he'd been part of what upset Ezra after all, more words started pouring out of the boy, it seeming like their flow was the only thing keeping tears from following, there wasn't any room. "Said it was all my fault, that it was 'cause we keep getting into trouble, only maybe he didn't say that part, but I don't know what else I could've done to make him hate me, and it ain't fair, sometimes things are my idea, but sometimes they're Ezra's and I ain't trying to get him in trouble, we're just always having so much fun, and now," the torrent of emotion slowed as quickly as it had started, Eli sagging in a way that had Nathan worried he was going to slump right over for a minute, "and now he hates me. I ain't got no friends at all."
If Nathan hadn't spent the last six months slowly figuring out how to deal with one difficult teenager he might have handled the next bit more clumsily than he did. "I'm sure that's not true-"
"Is so! Henry pretends to like me 'cause of Ezra, but he don't, and Missy Belk thinks I'm dumb, and Mrs. Potter won't let the twins play with me anymore. Sometimes she even sends them out of the room if they're in the mercantile when I go in!" Eli was glaring at him, with tears crowding around the corner of his eyes, and, even as part of him was thinking the boy needed to mind that glare, Nathan wished he weren't sure that what he'd said about Mrs. Potter and the twins was true. You couldn't make kids like each other, and Henry Conklin was a bit of a snob anyway, taking after his daddy, but what harm could the boy saying hello to the twins do? A tiny bit of the protectiveness he would feel if it were Ezra telling him this welled its way to the surface of Nathan's heart.
"Well, about Henry, remember who his Daddy is. That boy doesn't like much of anybody." That got a tiny hint of a smile, and Nathan decided to skip right over Missy Belk, a very pretty and very smart girl who was two years Eli's senior and treated all the younger boys with disdain. Nathan figured having them trailing after her probably got pretty old. Mrs. Potter was a difficult one, too. "But I know Ezra isn't gonna stop being your friend just like that," Eli's mouth started to open in protest, face going a bit mulish, but Nathan kept talking, "He was just scared and probably not thinking clear."
The boy shrugged again, swiftly bringing up and swiping a sleeve across damp eyes, "I guess."
Getting that the boy was just agreeing to try and end the conversation, but not wanting to push too much, Nathan nodded and said, "I know so." Eli shot a little smile at him, hopeful and doubtful all at once. Truth was, if Ezra's attachment to Eli wasn't so strong the peacekeepers might have tried to keep them apart, but none of them had had the heart. Now, even though some blurted words and one conversation couldn't change his opinion of the boy entirely, Nathan was glad of that.
Kid was loyal. That stood for a lot in Nathan's book.