Chapter 20: PT

"And one last time. Very good". The physical therapist said as he helped Danny lift and lower his trembling leg from the mattress. After a short sequence of exercises on both arms and legs and strong massages on the damaged muscles, Danny was in quite a huge amount of pain and totally spent, barely able to lift the leg and only being capable of it when helped by the therapist who assisted his miserable attempts of completing the exercises.

Three full days had passed since the surgeries. The fever didn´t made another uninvited appearance, a sign that the infection was under control and obediently receding. Those days were efficiently used to allow Danny to gain some strength, by nourishing him through the NG tube and also reassume taking food by mouth. The first and second day they were processed ones; jelly; puddings and yoghurt. The third day he was given solid food for the first time in months. Luckily, it was successfully tolerated. Therefore, the doctors started thinking it was time to program the start of the PT, and today was the day.

"Ok, now we´re going to try sitting up on the side of the bed for a few minutes. How do you feel about it, Danny? It´s very important and crucial to help you continue with your improvement. You want to try it?"

"Yes...ok…"

"Good" The therapist didn´t waste any time in order to take advantage of the achievement of Danny finally accepting changing his lying position and motioned Steve, who was leaning on the wall, to come closer. "I would like you to assist me". Steve propelled himself away from the wall with his back and quickly made his way towards the bed.

"Finally" He thought. At two previous requests from the doctors and nurses, Danny had denied all intent on sitting up, alleging a strong dizziness, headache and nausea. But, truth to be told, above that all, Steve knew that Danny was scared and unconfident on his body.

After slowly elevating the head of the bed at maximum level, the PT specialist gave Danny a few minutes to adjust while he explained to Steve how to proceed.

Danny closed his eyes. Partially, he wanted to hear what was being said next to him and, on the other hand, he desperately wanted quietness to stop the currently dizziness that threatened to engulf him. He felt extremely tense and even with the eyes closed, he could sense the outside world was starting to spin and roll up and down. Swallowing several times to subconsciously keep the warm bile at bay, he breathed deeply and let it out through his mouth.

The past few days after the surgeries have been dedicated to also ensure that his body was cleared of all infections and to prepare him for his next steps of his recuperation: mobility and strength. Two times he had vehemently refused to sit up and be moved more than he was accustomed to. The first time the doctor tried to move him to change his position he had, inexplicable even to him, freaked out and hyperventilated. Danny will never forget that feeling. He thought he was dying. His terrified panting made each labored breath he took to end with a stressful whimper. The doctor, at that moment, hadn´t had another option than to placate and promise him that he wouldn't be obliged to sit during that day, postponing the task for the next day. That had cost him a visit and an exhaustive talk with the physiatrist, Dr. Hale, and then his mother sitting by him all day long.

Although the support, the next day´s attempt was almost as problematic as his previous panic attack. That´s what Dr. Hale said that it has been. That approach had been conducted by his caring nurse, helped by Steve´s ever strong and supportive presence, but, although better than the day before, between both of them couldn´t made Danny mentally and emotionally strong enough to achieve the much expected required sitting position. At first Steve had almost convinced him after a considerable time of talking hand to hand. But, when the nurse reached and started to move his legs towards the bedside, Danny tensed as an unexpected and unfounded fear made his heart compress and beat erratically while he put up a considerable resistance against the nurse. His partner had again tried to calm him down and only achieved it when he promised Danny they will try again tomorrow.

The detective was completely aware and conscious of the baseless of his fear, but he just couldn't help it yet. The talks with Dr. Hale and Steve were very helpful and he agreed with them on the necessity of movement and in gaining strength, but when the time of changing position came, the almost four months bedridden body was stronger than his mind and overpowered it with its own will to stay still.

For today, the tactic has been changed. The doctors accorded to approach the task differently, and start with the physiotherapy right away, so, after the usual movements of the therapeutic exercises, they would easily coax Danny to gain confidence on his body and sit up at least for a few minutes.

Now, they have been doing relaxing exercises on both legs for at least twenty minutes. The physiotherapist has had to reprogram the amount of exercises he had intended to work on due to Danny´s still weak condition, and so, after a short while, he decided that it was time to sit him up before exhaustion gained his patient over.

After calling Steve for assistance and explaining each of ones tasks, they directed their attention again towards Danny, who had the eyes tightly closed and was breathing deeply, definitely not a very good start. Danny flinched when the big physician again started to massage his legs as a tactic to reconnect him with what had to be done. As Danny felt those hands starting to go under his knees to pick them up and move his legs and another pair of hands started to elevate his back away from the bed with the intention of turning him over along with his legs, his breathing subconsciously started to race and he couldn't help the wave of fear that hit his core.

"Wait, wait…"

"Danny, come on, we´re going to do it easy". Steve´s calm and placating voices near his ear tried to ease his anxious partner, who seemed to be changing his mind about sitting up and was apparently about to chicken out again. "We´re here at each side of you, you won´t fall, I promise".

"No. I´m gonna pass out, I don´t want to pass out Steve…" Definitely, Danny was scared.

"No, you won´t pass out, you´re just sitting up here, nothing more, ok? I´m here to support your back and your head and the doc here will make sure you´re fine, don´t worry".

Danny knew that this time there will be no chance for him. There were not weak places on the statement his partner just gave him, it was more like a sure thing that they will do it and he had to cope with it.

"…don´t know…please". Begging was his last resource. Eyes still closed, his heart didn´t take in the shushing sounds and words and hammered strongly when a hand slipped in the back of his neck to support his head and, before he could think any more of it, he was quickly and efficiently moved and seated up. This time, he couldn´t choose, there was no listening to his pleas and he was forced to face his fears by doing what he dreaded. Steve´s heart suffered a spasm and broke one more time when, while lifting his friend up, Danny pleaded and begged to be left lying down. Steve hesitated and was about to guide him back down but the physician motioned him to continue, ignoring the ailing man requests. Once the therapist finished securing Danny´s feet on the floor and checked that the lowered special clinical bed was secure, he focused on helping Danny in maintaining an adequate position, grabbing his free arm and placing his other hand on his patient´s curved and bonny back.

"Now this is going to be for just a few minutes, so you can start to regain equilibrium and strength, ok?" There was no doubt that Danny was not at all ok, physically but also emotionally. "Can you lift your head, please?" Danny was leaning heavily on the hands that supported him, and his head was hanging forward. With effort, he accomplished what he was asked to do, but with eyes still tightly closed. "It´s ok, you don´t have to open your eyes if you don´t feel like it".

"I´m dizzy" Danny´s low voice stated the evident. Head now tilting to the side, the lack of strength was accompanied and aggravated by the hatred dizziness and headache. A hand came in mercifully and with much experience started massaging his neck and shoulders to alleviate him while they waited for the desired time to pass and be able to lay him back down again. Several times Danny gulped, putting at bay the vomit that was treating to make an unpleasant appearance.

"Take it easy". Steve´s hand squeezed his bicep. "Breath in and out slowly". As minutes passed and Danny seemed to be more confident and comfortable with the position, the physician took the opportunity to take and record Danny´s vitals, as well as working the exercises with his patient´s arms. Danny grimaced every time they were stretched more than he had moved them for months, and so the medic had to reduce the exigency of his programed worksheet again.

"I want to lie down".

"Five more minutes and it´s done. Five more minutes and we´ll get you back down".

Frustrated, Danny sighed loudly. Dearing to open his eyes, even to mere slits, he had a reward, at least, confirming that the dizziness has abandoned him. Those five minutes went by slowly. Encouraged by the lack of vertigos, Danny opened his eyes completely. Doing so, and seeing himself, he realized that he was not at all straight but instead he was leaning heavily on his partner´s side, while the doctor took advantage of those final moments to finish working his massages on Danny´s hurtful backside. Self-consciously, Danny tried to retrieve some of his weight away from his friend, but his efforts were short lived when he couldn´t find much strength left on him to sit all by himself. Steve must have noticed it because he adjusted his grip and helped him straighten up a little.

Finally, the moment of mercy came and he was laid down on his side, as he requested; the head of the bed was lowered; he was covered up with the bed sheets and the PT instructor finally left, promising on returning tomorrow to continue the PT.

Danny couldn´t care less. The dude was gone and now he could rest his super tired body. Slightly content with his non-quivering sight and almost inexistent nausea, he could dedicate entirely on resting, but first he had to deal with a final matter. Steve´s silent and guilty presence was disturbing, and he couldn´t go to sleep even if they knocked him out.

"Come on, what´s wrong, you goof?"

Steve lifted his sight to look at Danny´s closing eyes.

"I´m sorry, buddy"

"You´re sorry for what? Come on…"

"For forcing you to move when you didn´t want to"

"Well… at least you didn´t let me fall" Danny smiled. All was fine now. The gilt evaporated and the pain in his heart eased until it was completely gone when those white teeth showed themselves on a sincere and much missed smile. Steve smiled too, and their two soothed souls parted ways as Danny fall asleep.