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Chapter 32: Implicit acceptance
Danny managed to sit on the border of his bed and sighed with relief. His legs, shaking due to the effort that they have done to go to the bathroom and come back, all by themselves and with none external help, had barely achieved to take him back to the bed.
It was three in the morning, and Danny wiped the sweat from his eyes with the sheet. The high amount of soup he has ingested was now coming out, principally in terms of urine for which he had already had to get up two times to go to the bathroom.
His children had served him a huge pot of almost overflowing soup, and he was minutely inspected to finish it, much as he had always done with his kids when he made them soup. Half the bowl down, his shrinked stomach couldn´t take any more but, nevertheless, he made an enormous effort not to disappoint Grace and Charlie, who were very excited on the fact that the soup was indeed delicious. But at the same time he tried to get Steve to gang up with him on trying to help him on leaving some soup on the bowl. The idiot didn't understood, or didn´t want to, and instead encouraged him to finish it, recommending him to take his time and also offered him to heat it up again if it get cold. The hatred look he gave him when his daughter and son weren´t looking didn't help any on softening his partner´s posture. Deep down Danny knew they were right, so he kept drinking the soup. He needed to eat. He needed to start regaining strength and body mass. He needed to do it to be able to become independent again. So he tried to please, so he continued to take small sips well after the others had finished theirs. But, when he forced his stomach too much and he couldn´t avoid a gag reflex, his friend had immediately reconsidered his inflexible posture and Danny was allowed to leave the remaining soup for later.
Now, thinking cold, the bowl has not been that big, but to him, it had seemed like a very, very big one. As big as his child´s eyes when he gagged and they were commanded to clear the table and take the dishes to the kitchen by their uncle, who got up and approached him, took the spoon from his hand and retrieved the soup pot, placing it on the other side of the table, where Grace picked it up and took it back to the kitchen, not before giving his father an assessing look. "You ok?" His friend´s face had appeared in front of him, looking concerned. "I can´t take any more inside of me, I just can´t…" His discomfort had been very evident, and the tiredness of a very exciting day had taken away any willpower to hide it. "That´s ok" His partner had said, with understanding on his tone. After receiving a kiss from his kids, Danny had asked Steve if he could accompany Charlie to wash his teeth and get in bed. His friend eagerly did as requested, and took his time settling the kid for the night.
Danny had stayed put sitting by the dinner table for a few more minutes after his children and his partner disappeared through the bedroom doors. He had waited for his stomach to settle and process at least a little of everything he had forced into it before he managed to get up and limp his way towards his bedroom. Not caring about nothing else than lie down and fall asleep right away, he hadn´t even bother to neither pay attention to his already protesting full bladder nor uncover the neatly made up bed. He had just managed to slide off his slippers and then crawled his way to the middle of the bed, sprawling face down and burring his face on his soft pillows. Doing so, the scent of his usual fabric softener filled up his nostrils, and he had gone to sleep with a smile of content on his face, not only because he was finally home, but also because during all day, he had been a witness of the simplest of the love gestures of his friends, which went from a firm hug to the fact that his house was impeccable clean and tidy, as if time hadn´t passed and it hasn´t been inhabited for long months. He recognized it as a sign of the dedication of his friends, who had made the effort to make his return home a really nice experience at finding everything as normal as possible, as if time hadn´t passed at all. He was sure that not only his friends had been at this task, but also and without any doubt, his mother. She had been there, and in her embrace he had melted and abandoned, like a little child, and without any shame, he had even fallen asleep on his mother´s chest, listening to the soothing rhythm of her heart while she caressed him and hummed him a tune. He cringed inwardly now for the sorrow image of a grown man he must have given, but at the time he had just needed that, and he wouldn't mind to get that again, at any time. He was tempted with calling her, had she not flown back to Jersey. But she´ll be back soon, and then he´ll be able to seek for her comfort again. In the meantime the phone calls will suffice.
Danny hadn´t been too long on the land of dreams when he was woken up by a light patting on his feet. "Hey, have you washed your teeth?" Barely awake, the detective had managed to roll on his side, regretting the fact of have been lying face down, because it resulted on his head pounding with vigor. Gazing his partner close the blinds of the window through the dim light coming from the living room, he half-awake had added: "I thought I asked you to see ´Charlie´ to bed. Go away please and let me sleep". Steve had smirked, and coming closer, he had taken the liberty of sitting on the side of the bed. "Come on, you´re sleeping above the covers. Go to the bathroom. Freshen up. Take a piss. Wash your teeth, and then you´re allow to bed" "I´m not a child, you know that?" "No, you´re not, a child is more compliant and easier to coax, I just checked" The Commander had then gotten up while pushing playfully his friend´s legs toward the side of the bed and turning the bedside light on. Danny had complied, more to achieve getting Steve off his back than for his own will to get those things done, he had dragged his feet towards the bathroom and then had buried himself on the now open and awaiting fresh bed, which gave him a long missed embrace, making him forget everything and close his eyes with delight. Oblivious to Danny, Steve had turned off the light and walked out of the bedroom, setting himself on the couch for the night.
Now, at three in the morning and after several trips to the bathroom, Danny was starting to suspect it wasn´t only because of the amount of soup he had ingested. Inexplicable to him, he woke up nervous and sweaty. Sitting at the border of the mattress, he wiped his neck and face with the sheet. He couldn´t help his heart beating at an abnormal pace, and it wasn´t because of the effort of pushing his recovering body to the bathroom and back.
He was convinced of his nervous and almost panicky state when he was brutally startled when a hand was placed lightly on the back of his bowing neck.
"Hey hey, I´m sorry buddy. Are you ok? What´s wrong Danny?" The short breaths made Steve bend and pay close attention to his partner.
"I don´t …" Danny took a deep and profound breath to try to fill up his lungs, which were complaining about the poor amount of oxygen they were receiving. "I think I´m having a panic attack or something…"
Danny´s sight blurred and he saw white for a few seconds. He was at the peak of his panic when he felt he was being laid back onto the bed, and his legs being lifted and placed above pillows. Then his hand had been forcefully squeezed and he was walked though his breathing, until he could control it and the hatred sensation of dying abandoned him, leaving his body trembling and damp with sweat.
"I´m sorry"
Steve just shook his head and evaded the unfounded apology. Danny rested a few minutes in silence, breathing deeply and exhaling slowly. They were getting good at this. It could be said that the two friends were now experts in getting out of a panic attack on record time. The fact was, sadly, that the could do that because they had had a lot of practice.
Danny´s chest evened out and took a normal pace again, as well as his heart. He broke his hand free from his partner´s strong grip and turned sideways, sighing deeply and closing his eyes. He felt Steve getting up and then felt the covers being placed back over him.
"I´ll go bring a chair and stay here for a few minutes" At the hospital he had always sat there until Danny fall asleep again. There was nothing to prevent him from doing the same here. Danny didn´t say anything, so he took it as an agreement.
"Thanks" The barely audible gratitude was lost to Steve, who was already coming back with a chair and a blanket from the living room. Danny closed his eyes when he had made sure that his friend´s presence was settled and on guard.