Serizawa was worried.

Miss Kageyama, Master Kageyama, Mob…something was up with her. It was just another work day. She had come back from lunch, she had taken kind of a long one, and now she was just sitting at her desk. That was normal for her. What was abnormal was the way she was acting…or, rather, not acting…if that made any sense.

"Are you feeling alright?" asked Serizawa. Something had been off about her all day. Her face was normal, impassive as always, but her aura told a different story.

"Huh? Oh….I'm fine, just thinking." Said Mob. Her mind was elsewhere and had been for a while. In the past. The past was not in black and white or a different aspect ratio to the present, not like in anime, but she wished that it was. She wished that there was some kind of clear demarcation in her mind between past and present like that.

"Um…is it about something…troubling? And feel free not to answer! I was just…worried…about you but I don't mean to pry or anything!" said Serizawa

"You're not prying. I'm just…thinking. About the past I mean." Said Mob

"Oh…about everything that happened?" asked Serizawa. He thought about the past a lot too. The path his life had taken. The mistakes he'd made, all of them, the ones that led him to the top of that tower on that bitterly cold day four years ago. The ones that had brought him into her life, had brought her into his life, brought them to each other's lives. She had saved him…in every single way a person could be saved.

He had been thinking about that an awful lot lately.

Her. Him. The way he felt. He knew that it was wrong to feel the way he felt about her. He had known for quite some time. In the beginning it had been because of her age. He hadn't started feeling this way about her since she had gotten older, thank God, but he knew that it was still one hell of an age gap. He had always thought that she would say no on that basis alone. That and, well, the obvious. He was himself.

And she could have done much better than him.

She had done so much better than him.

"Not everything, not everything in my whole entire life, because a lot has happened to me, but a few things. Things from when I was a kid. Paths I could have taken. Things that I'd done that were…were selfish. Things like that." Said Mob. She had been such a selfish kid…in the way that she had treated Teru. She had loved Teru and Master Reigen, Arataka, at the same time…and she had told herself that she would make a choice when she got older…but she had always known what that choice would have been. She had always known, at the back of her mind, who she would have chosen…and she was terrible for that. Just terrible.

She had hurt Teru so badly.

And all he had ever done was love her. She had been his and he had been hers and he had wanted forever with her, he had even asked her to marry him when they were fourteen and thought that the world was ending….and it had almost ended….but they had lived and she…she wanted…she had no idea what it was that she even wanted.

She wanted to have been able to love him as much as he loved her.

But she also loved this, what she had right now, with Arataka. This was what she had always wanted, wanted since middle school. It had started off as a crush and ended with…with whatever this was. A relationship. Love. The true kind of love…maybe. She did not know. Maybe they would go the way of her and Teru. Maybe…

She hated that word, 'maybe'.

It was right up there with 'if only'.

"I…I think about that too, sometimes. If I had done things differently I mean…but I try not to." Said Serizawa. The loneliest words one could ever know. If only, if only, it were so. He wished that he could remember where he got that from. It was true, there was nothing lonelier than asking yourself 'if only'.

If only he had been able to control his powers.

If only he had never met Suzuki.

If only he had been strong enough to protect Sho that day.

If only he had been strong enough never to have gotten involved with Claw in the first place.

If only he had been a stronger man.

If he had been stronger then his life…his life would have gone in a totally different direction…and it might have been better. Though, these days, he can't imagine anything better. He has a job he loves and he has friends, real and true friends, and that's more than he ever thought that he would have had before…back when he had been in the hell that he had made for himself. He had a good life…

And there was no use thinking in terms of 'if only'.

"Why do you try not to? It's…important…I guess. To think about the things that you've done wrong. If you think about the things that you've done wrong then you can be different. In the present I mean. If you think about the things that you've done wrong in the past then you can be different in the present." Said Mob. She would not make the same mistakes this time around. No. She loved Arataka…and no other. That had been her mistake. Thinking that she could have her cake and eat it too.

Why not, it was her cake?

She had thought like that, before, when she had been younger. That expression meant that you could have a cake but once it was eaten you did not have a cake anymore. She had wanted to be with both Master Reigen and Teru…and she had ended up hurting Teru and getting hurt in the process. She had loved Teru. She had loved Arataka. She had ended up making a big mess. Well she was never going to make a mess like that again…she wasn't even in a position where she could have made a mess like that again. She wasn't in love with anyone but Arataka…right? She didn't still have feelings for Teru. It had been a year. What they had…it had been amazing. It had been fun and scary and wonderful and terrifying…like a rollercoaster. There had been ups and downs and twists and turns and the whole thing had been made even more…intense…by all of the events that had befallen them in those years. Claw. Sho's dad's attempt to take over the world. The Divine Tree. Asagiri randomly showing up. Mogami. All of it had been….it had been so much more than any person their age should have had to deal with. Even one of those things should have been too much….but she and Teru had dealt with it all. Together.

But they weren't together anymore.

But she had Arataka now. She had wanted him since she had been old enough to want someone. It wasn't just about sex….though she did love that part…it was about love. The love that they had shared. All of those things that she had been through with Teru…she had been through them with Arataka too. She and Arataka had been through so much together…and it had only brought them closer. Closer than master and student. Closer than friends. She wondered what it would have been like if none of those things had happened. If her school girl crush had stayed that, a school girl crush. Something to be outgrown like an old school uniform or an unflattering hairstyle. Something that should have passed with time.

It hadn't passed with time.

And now she and Arataka…there they were. Together.

So maybe it was pointless to wonder 'if only' over and over and over again.

"I guess that's true but…but I also feel like a person can drive themselves crazy thinking about the past like that. You can't change the past so you can only live with the present. I mean there are some things, a few things, that I would have changed if I could but…but when I think more about them then I know that I wouldn't because if I changed those things then I would end up changing the present, too." Said Serizawa

"But what if the present…what if the present isn't the way that things were meant to be? I mean….some things you can't for see or change but other things you…you can." Said Mob

"The way I see it is that it's pointless to wonder 'if only'. There are so many times in my life that I've wondered 'if only' and I…I'm tired of wondering that. I just want to be happy, now, and that's what matters. Not the past, not all the bad choices and outright mistakes that I've made. Just now…now is what matters the most." Said Serizawa. He wanted to tell her that being with her was what mattered the most…but he knows not to say that.

He knows never to say things like that.

She deserves much better than what he can be. She deserves a man who doesn't get anxious when he can't get off of a train fast enough. She deserves someone…someone else. Someone better. She deserves the man she loves. There's no point in wondering 'if only' like that. If only he had asked her out when she was single, if only he had been brave enough to make his feelings known….hell, if only he had gotten her real chocolates, not obligation chocolates, last White Day….

If only, if only, it were so.

"But what if now is…what if in getting to 'now' you had to hurt someone….someone who cared about you? I just…I don't know. I've been thinking too much, maybe. He said that he wasn't mad at me anymore but I'm just….I guess that I'm mad at myself. About what happened. About how I was back then. All of it. I'm mad at myself even though I know that it's pointless to be mad at myself. It happened and now it's over." Said Mob

"Who's not mad at you anymore?" asked Serizawa. He could not imagine anyone being mad at her. Suzuki even forgave her for defeating him and destroying his life's work. She was just…not the sort of person you could be mad at. She was sweet and caring and thoughtful…and so very….perfect.

That's the word that encapsulates her.

And he knows that he's wrong to feel that way.

"Teru…." Said Mob. She wondered if that was enough. Everyone knew what happened between her and Teru, how much it had hurt the both of them, and she hoped that one word, his name, could encapsulate the entirety of how she felt…then and now.

"Oh." Serizawa winced. That was….that had not been a good time for her. Being broken up with. He had never been in a relationship before, a romantic one, but he knew how painful it was to be cast aside. He hadn't had the faintest idea of what to say to her back then so he just told her that it was going to be alright. He hadn't said anything else because, well, what else could he have said? It was all going to be alright. And it had been alright. She was with Reigen now and she was happy…right?

"He and I…we had lunch together because he came back from his trip and….and we talked a lot about the past. About what happened between up…and it was kind of…it opened up a lot of old wounds, I guess. I just….I've been thinking about what happened. About the way I treated him. About how I could have, should have, done things differently." Said Mob

"But…isn't he the one who broke up with you?" asked Serizawa. That was his understanding of it, anyway. How anyone could have cast someone like her aside…he did not know. If she had been his-and he gets off that train of thought before it even leaves the station. He gets off that train, throws away his ticket, and gets on a bus going in the opposite direction. He cannot have those types of thoughts about her.

He couldn't do that to Reigen.

Reigen knew how he felt…and he was ok with it. Truly a friend. Serizawa was a friend as well. That was why he would never, ever, ever try and ruin what Mob and Reigen had. Reigen had been so happy lately, not his usual manic sort of happiness but real and true happiness, and Serizawa would not take that away from him. He deserved it, that happiness, the happiness that she could bring.

"He is…but he said that he only broke up with me because I like…Arataka…and he could tell and that he…he didn't want to break up with me but…but also he didn't want to keep me from Master Reigen, Arataka, since he was who I wanted….and it hurt a lot…and we just got to talking and I…I was so selfish back then…and I know that there's no point in thinking about it now. What's done is done…and I don't even know why this bothers me so much. I have what I wanted. I have who I wanted…and I'm happy. This is all that I've ever wanted, ever, since I was in middle school…and I should be happy but now all I can think about is what happened…and how terrible I had been-" said Mob

"Stop. Please, don't call yourself terrible. You aren't. You could never be terrible." Said Serizawa. That word….that word should never have been applied to her. Ever. If they hadn't been sitting at their own desks on their own sides of the room then he would have….he didn't even know. Offer her some comfort…but they were on opposite sides of the room so he had to use his words…

Words and aura.

Because his aura was reaching out to hers, now. Her aura was reaching out to Reigen's. He was doing his thing in the back room but her aura still reached out for his…not Serizawa's…and he was ok with that. He really was.

Really.

"I feel terrible…and I know that it doesn't make any sense. I mean, these are things that happened years ago. There's nothing that I can do about any of it now besides try and be a better person. That's all. Back then….back then I was younger and I thought….it doesn't matter what I thought. It matters what I'm thinking now and…and yeah, that's what matters." Said Mob. Was there even any point to agonizing over things that happened when she was a teenager? A kid? She was an adult now and this was…this was everything that she had ever wanted….right?

She didn't still want to be with Teru.

She couldn't. That part was over not and this part was just beginning. This part…this wonderful part. The part that she had been waiting for…the part that she had been waiting years for. She was with him, Arataka, now just like she had always wanted. She was his girlfriend. He was her boyfriend….and she should have been happy. This was her happy ending…

No, it wasn't.

Because this was real life. In real life you didn't just have a happy ending. Life went on. She was happy now, and she would enjoy being happy, but they still had a lot of years together…and maybe that was what she was afraid of. It ending. The end to those happy years. Maybe she wished, then, that she were an anime character. Then she could have had a happy ending in perpetuity. She could have just said that she lived happily ever after and the credits would roll and that would be that. Well that was not at all how things worked out in the world, in reality, in this reality.

She never wanted to hurt anyone again.

She never wanted to be broken up with again.

And she never wanted to be that selfish ever again.

"Mob…I hate seeing you beat yourself up like this. I don't know what it's like to end a romantic relationship, I've never been in one before, but I do know what it's like to be cast aside…and I do know what it's like, too, to…to hurt someone you care about…and I don't think that you're terrible. I could never think that you're terrible. I think…I think a lot of things. I think that you shouldn't ask yourself the 'if only questions'. I've been asking myself those questions for my entire life and…and they don't take you any place good. They just don't. If I could do it all again I'd….I would not change a thing because…because in changing things then I might have never met you…and I don't ever want a world in which I've never met you…because you mean a lot to me. I care about you. I've always cared about you, Mob…always. Since the beginning. The truth is that…I've always admired you. You're not terrible. You do so much for other people…you've put your own life on the line so many times before…I could never think that you're terrible….and I think that letting you go was a mistake on your ex boyfriend's part. It was. Because you're…you." Said Serizawa. He had said a lot more than he had been planning on saying…and now she was looking at him…well she had been looking at him before but now she was really looking at him. It was like he was under the world's most powerful microscope, then, and he hoped that she wasn't reading deeply into…but she might have been. People said that she was clueless, that she was unfeeling, but she could actually be very insightful sometimes. A lot of the times…and he had certainly given her enough to look into. He couldn't help it. It all came up like…like vomit. Word vomit.

"You…you're talking like…Teru used to say stuff like that to me…and Arataka says stuff like that to me…but they liked, like, they like me…a lot. So I think that I'm just being clueless again…and I'm sorry that I said anything. I'm just being weird." Said Mob. She looked away from him. That was just how she was. Clueless. Always totally and completely clueless. She never got it, ever. What people really meant. Maybe she should just stop talking to people. Then there wouldn't be any of her usual clueless misunderstandings…

"Um…" said Serizawa. This was a fork in the road. He could tell her, it would be so easy to tell her….and he had wanted to tell her for so long but…but then what? Real life was nothing like manga and anime. Nothing good would come to confessing to her. Nothing at all. She did not, could not, and had never had those types of feelings for him…and even if she did…then what? She was with Reigen. Reigen loved her, had loved her for a long time, and Serizawa was not going to hurt him.

His best friend.

He was not going to break his best friend's heart like that. Nothing broke like a heart. It broke into a thousand and one tiny little pieces and no matter how much you tried, how much gold and lacquer you used, it never came back together nicely…ever. A heart was not a teacup. Even if you put it back together it would never be the same, never look nice the way you wanted it to, and that was…that was the way that it was. Be it a broken heart from romantic rejection or just plain being used and cast aside…nothing broke like a heart…

And he would hurt anyone like that…ever.

"I like you a lot…not like that! No, but I do like you…and it hurts me to see you beating yourself up like this. I think that wondering about the past, about different paths that your life could have taken, will only upset you. You're right, you can only try and be a good person now…and you are a good person. You're a good friend and a good person and…and you've got someone who cares about you a lot. So I think that you should just…just think about what you have now, all the good things you've got, and worry about that past….less." said Serizawa. He still felt like he was under a microscope…

But he wasn't.

Because her attention turned away from him. She thanked him for listening to him, for his advice, but her attention was no longer fully on him. No. He saw her aura, the way it shifted, and then he heard a door opening. Her attention was back where it should have been, on the man she loved…and that was fine. He'd had a chance, in the past, but he had not taken it. There was no point in thinking about it now, in wanting to…to say something now…because there was nothing that he could do. He could have told her how he felt but…but there was nothing good that would come from her having that information.

Maybe she ought to know…

But maybe not.

Because she was happy, now, and he would not ruin that for her. Ever.

The last thing he needed in his life was another regret.