Naruto (—ナルト—NARUTO)© Masashi Kishimoto
Ninja Dating Plot and Original Characters Belong to Me.
xSamidare Presents
N-I-N-J-A D-A-T-I-N-G
Rating: PG-13; Mild Language
Takes Place During The Two Year Time Skip
Longing.
a prolonged unfulfilled desire or need
having or showing desire or need a longing look
Kakashi was longing for a relationship. He was lonely, Bored, and his life was dull. It was the same repetitive routine every day. Sleep; Shower; Eat; Mission; Read Icha Icha; eat some more; shower; sleep, every single day, and while he enjoyed reading Icha Icha very much, it was just not enough anymore.
Sighing heavily, he stood and walked out the door, deciding to head to the bookstore.
-X-
Kakashi was scanning over books when a feminine voice suddenly rang out through his head.
Are you lonely?
Now if this was a normal fanfic, he would've probably been calmly freaking out over the voice. But, since this is a crackfic, he just decided to look around in a startled fashion.
Where had that voice come from?
Well?
"Hello?" He spoke out loud drawing attention from a man on his right.
"Yes?"
I'm in your head you dipshit!
"A-ah nevermind."
The man looked at him strangely and nodded.
'Who are you?" Kakashi asked mentally
Jesus of Nazareth
'Je-huh wha-'
Damn wait I forgot Jesus doesn't exist here never mind. I am here to save your perpetually single ASS. Now don't be fucking rude and answer my question!
Kakashi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion 'What question?'
You dumb fuck pay attention! Kakashi suddenly felt a sharp, stinging pain on his right cheek.
'Did I-Did I just get mentally slapped?'
Are you lonely?
'What does that-
Just answer the damned question!
He reluctantly answered. 'Yes.'
Are longing for a relationship?
'How did you know?'
I would make a That's So Raven reference but you wouldn't get it, so instead, go to that second set of shelves over there to the right.
Kakashi hesitated before walking where he was directed. 'Now what?'
Squat. 'It' said in a demanding tone.
He blinked dumbly. 'What?'
Squat.
'Ookaay?' Again he did what he was ordered.
Now do repeated pelvic thrust and wave your arms around.
'What!?'
Kidding, now seriously clap your hands together in the concentration sign.
Kakashi sighed and followed the 'God Authoress's' Instructions.
Good now close your eyes and say OUTLOUD:
I kissed a girl and I liked it
"I kissed a girl and I liked it." Kakashi whispered
LOUDER
"I kissed a girl and I liked it."
Come on, you can do better than that
"I kissed a girl and I liked it!" he semi-shouted, which earned him a few strange looks.
PREACHHHHHHHH but also PUT SOME BASS IN YO VOICE
'But—'
JUST Do it, no Nike.
'I just-'
DO IT!
"I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT!"
The whole book store went silent. Kakashi opened his eyes to see many people staring at him like he had grown a second head. He could feel his face getting hot from under his mask. Slowly someone began clapping. Then some others. Even the old lady behind the register.
"ALRIGHT DUDE!"
"WAY TO GO BRO!"
SDLKNDSFLNSDFJLH;LNSHGFJIL;NDFJKJKBDBJK
Kakashi scowled indignantly. 'Hey! You just—'
Hahahahah hah ha Lol that was Hi-lar-i-ous
'Alright that's it! I'm—'
He was cut off as he suddenly vanished with a poof and a white cloud of (crack fumes) smoke.
-X-
Kakashi coughed and waved the smoke out of his face. He looked around and realized that he was no longer in the bookstore, but at his home… In bed. 'Was it…was it just a dream?'
No.
'Then how—'
I shot you with my ten year bazooka. Now you're ten years in the future~
'Really?'
No fool. How would that even be possible?
'…'
Yeah, so, look at your lap.
He looked down to see… A medium sized brown book. His brow twitched lightly. 'How the heck did this get there?'
The Dating Guide for Ninjas: This guide is for silver headed closet perverts who are lonely and read porn publicly. By: Scam Likely
This was a New York Times best seller right After Oh Sehun's "How to Train Your Sugar Daddy"
'Who is Se- nevermind.'
Kakashi shook his head and opened the book.
The following tactics of ninja dating work together to generate maximum surprise and confusion towards the ninjas true intentions. If the tactics are successful, the target will end up in a relationship with the ninja without ever having a chance to reject them.
Prologue: Your Mission
Chapter 1/Step 1: Acquiring a Target
Chapter 2/Step 2: Disguised Infiltration
Chapter 3/Step 3: Shadow Ambush
Chapter 4/Optional: Smoke Bomb Escape
*An unsuspecting female target has no chance against an experienced ninja dater, because the female's natural power in determining the status of the relationship cannot exercised if the relationship is vague.*
I suggest you start reading after a good night's rest.
'But it's not even—
Goodnight!~
And he blacked out.
[To Be Continued…Maybe]