During her long career as a forensic psychiatrist, Ruth had never had a problem detaching herself emotionally from her patients. She would observe and assess every one of them in a clinical, scientific way, precisely in the manner she'd been trained to do. But with Martin and Louisa this was not possible. She loved them both and she had formed a very special bond with Martin in particular. So it saddened her to see their relationship falling apart because neither of them could express themselves properly to one another.

She observed Louisa fidgeting with the cup in front of her, her eyes downcast. That she loved Martin was quite evident but her expectations of him were causing them both unnecessary grief. And it wasn't that Louisa was being unreasonable. She just had no idea why Martin was so distant and at times, seemingly clueless about what was going on around him. And so, from the perspective of her own insecurities, Louisa deduced that Martin didn't really want to be with her and his silence just proved it. Ruth knew that if she really wanted their relationship to work, Louisa had to see her husband through different eyes.

Ruth fixed Louisa with a direct stare. "I take it you know something about Martin's upbringing?"

Louisa nodded. "A bit. That he was sent to boarding school at a very young age. That he was sometimes beaten by his father or locked in a cupboard under the stairs. Absolutely unforgivable behaviour on his parents' part." She shook her head. "Martin always makes light of it…says it hasn't done him any harm. I have always differed with him on that point."

Ruth nodded. "Yes…but you see Louisa, there's a lot more that Martin hasn't told you."

Louisa's eyes widened. "More?"

"Much more."

Ruth's eyes narrowed slightly as she weighed up whether she should tell Louisa all of what that 'more' was and, more importantly, whether Louisa could handle it. She finally decided that if Louisa was to understand her husband and if she wanted reconciliation, she would have to know what made him tick. She took a deep breath and took the plunge.

"Martin's parents were without doubt the most dysfunctional pair ever to become parents. In my opinion they should never have had a child at all, but that's all water under the bridge now. When Margaret fell pregnant with Martin, she was devastated and I am sure she wanted to terminate the pregnancy but Christopher would have none of it. He needed an heir; someone to parade around as proof of his manliness." Ruth snorted with contempt.

Louisa looked shocked but didn't speak as Ruth continued.

"When Martin was born Margaret wanted nothing to do with him. Instead she arranged for a series of nannies to look after him. Needless to say that with Margaret around, none of them stayed very long, so Martin never had anyone stable in his young life. His mother was always out socialising - his father was always working." The way she said it implied something else entirely.

Ruth picked up a teaspoon and began to smooth the sugar in the bowl in front of her, her expression thoughtful.

"During those early years Martin was completely isolated from anyone of his own age – he was allowed no friends. When he was six years old he was finally packed off to boarding school and his parents breathed a sigh of relief."

Ruth pursed her lips. "I was away at that time in Martin's life - up north at a major high-security psychiatric facility, so I had very little contact with my brother's family. But I remember going to visit when Martin was about four years old and was quite charmed by the bright and inquisitive little boy. He could already read quite well and was insatiable with his questions about everything in sight. But instead of his parents being proud and delighted with their bright son, they would shush him and banish him to his room once he had been paraded in front of visitors."

Ruth looked deep in thought as she patted the sugar in the bowl.

"The next time I saw Martin was just before he was sent to boarding school. He was six years old and I hardly recognized him as the same boy. The light had gone from his eyes. There were no more smiles; there was no eye contact at all and no more questions. It was as if his personality had been snuffed out. You see, Martin had already started building his walls."

Ruth looked at Louisa's stricken face. As a teacher she dealt with children of this age every day and it would be almost impossible for her to imagine how any parent could treat their own child like that.

"Over the next twelve years at boarding school," Ruth continued, "Martin was subjected to the traditional behaviour prevalent at that very British of institutions: the Public School. He'd had no significant social interaction with other children prior to going there, so from the start he didn't fit in. He was quiet and withdrawn, so he became a target. He was unmercifully bullied. A situation exacerbated by his bedwetting. Can you imagine how the other boys loved that!"

Louisa looked appalled. She obviously did not know any of this.

"I won't go into detail, but some of the bullying was so cruel it is a wonder that Martin ever survived his schooling. His only escape was in his books. He would hide in the library and read for as long as he could so that he didn't have to interact with the other boys until it was time to go to bed or to use the communal bathrooms. There he was subjected to unrelenting teasing and physical intimidation from the older boys. He was no match for any of them and every day he just had to take it until they lost interest."

Louisa's eyes filled with tears and her hand covered her quivering mouth.

"What Martin lacked in physical strength he more than made up for with his intellect. On that front there was no-one who came even close. But that too made him a target of ridicule and more bullying. His exceptional intelligence and, in my opinion, his ability to withdraw into some sort of safe inner space, were the only things that kept him from cracking.

As he grew older, he grew taller and stronger and eventually towards the end of his schooling the other boys would largely leave him be. But the damage had been done. Martin had built his walls so high that no-one could get through. He distanced himself from others completely."

Ruth nodded her head thoughtfully.

"His academic record at the school is still unsurpassed. Every top medical school was clamouring to have him as a student. He left school with a good education and the manners of a gentleman - but at what price?"

Louisa searched for a tissue in her handbag, then dabbed at her eyes. She looked devastated.

"At medical school Martin excelled. He was the most brilliant student they'd had in decades and, I am happy to say, he eclipsed his own father."

Ruth's mouth curved into a lopsided smile.

"It was the talk of the college. And Christopher didn't like it one bit…belittled the poor boy whenever he got the chance. But Martin didn't need his father's approval any longer. He'd become a man. He'd also become a brilliant doctor and the youngest senior registrar at St Mary's, once again soundly upstaging his father."

Ruth chuckled outright. She looked so proud.

"But there was a downside. Martin kept everyone around him at arm's length. No-one could get close to him and he became known for his monumental impatience and his abrupt and rude manner. Some of his peers, and definitely those coming up the ranks, were either in awe of him or were afraid of him."

She looked thoughtful, "And now, having developed haemophobia, his life has changed drastically. He had a brilliant career as a surgeon. A career, I might add, where he had attained an unsurpassed reputation, and which he loved very much. Then he had to give it all up and retrain as a GP, because that was the only way he could continue to practice medicine and, to his credit, he has thrown himself into it with unwavering dedication and commitment. It was a massive adjustment for him and I am very proud of what he has achieved."

She paused and added, "Just so you know, the account of Martin's horrific experiences at boarding school didn't come from him. He has never spoken about it, even to me. But some years ago I met someone, also a psychiatrist, who had been at school with Martin…perhaps a year or so ahead of him. He recognized my surname and asked if I was related to Martin. He then told me the whole sordid story and admitted that he was ashamed that he had never intervened or done anything to help the poor boy. As a psychiatrist, he now knows the terrible damage that had been inflicted on Martin and thought about it often over the years with deep regret."

Ruth looked directly at Louisa now.

"So you see Louisa…your husband has a damaged soul and his way of defending himself has been to detach himself emotionally - if he doesn't let people get close to him, he can avoid getting rejected or hurt. He has never had cause to trust anyone. His parents' abominable behaviour resulted in feelings of severe poor self-worth. Martin, at his very core, doesn't believe he deserves anything good in his life. How could he when even his own parents didn't want him around?"

She looked pointedly at Louisa.

"And deep down, he doesn't believe that you could love him and want to be with him. It just doesn't make sense to him. Every time he lets himself start believing it, he waits for the axe to fall. And for him, it has fallen a number of times, hasn't it?"

Louisa covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to stifle her sobs. Ruth knew she had to push on so that Louisa would understand Martin once and for all, and hopefully adjust her behaviour to meet his needs and ultimately her own as well.

"The only thing that has never let Martin down," she continued, "is medicine. There he is in control - he is unsurpassed in his knowledge. It is the one thing he knows he is respected for and it is to medicine he retreats when he feels insecure or threatened."

The tears were streaming down Louisa's cheeks now.

"Oh Ruth…how did he survive all of that and still be the wonderful man he is?"

She sobbed, unable to speak for a few moments. Ruth couldn't answer that question but she was glad that Louisa had recognized this quality in Martin.

Louisa knew Martin to be a complex person. What she hadn't realised though, was just how much courage it had taken for him to declare his love for her and to put himself in a position where he could have been rejected or ridiculed. Opening himself up on a physical level too must have been so hard for him and yet he was the most tender, considerate and attentive lover. And now, she had made him feel as if she couldn't bear his touch.

"What can I do Ruth? How can I get behind that wall to where the vulnerable Martin is? I want to show him that he is loved beyond measure."

Ruth knew that what she was about to say to Louisa was going to be hard for her to hear, but it had to be said if any good was going to come of their discussion.

"Louisa, I know you have also had a difficult upbringing."

Louisa's eyes widened and Ruth said wryly, "The village telegraph again."

"I see…"

"You were let down by both your parents and had to fend for yourself for much of your adolescence. So it's not surprising to me that you have issues with commitment and trust."

"I wouldn't say that exactly," said Louisa, her tone defensive again. "Why do you say that?"

"Well for a start, you were 33 years old and single when you first met Martin – 37 before you agreed to marry him. Can you honestly tell me that a beautiful, intelligent woman such as yourself didn't have men throwing themselves at her? So, my reasoning is that none of them came up to snuff – none of them could convince you that they were to be trusted and therefore you couldn't commit. So what made Martin different?"

Louisa's face softened as she thought about it. "I don't know exactly…Martin just always seemed so confident and in charge…so dependable. He seemed to know exactly who he was and didn't seem to care what people thought of him. He stood out as being his own person."

Louisa thought for a moment.

"Most of all, I think it's Martin's integrity I was drawn to – he always speaks the truth no matter what the consequences. And I suppose underneath all of that, I sensed a lonely man. Behind that perfectly groomed and authoritative appearance was a vulnerable man...I was just hooked." She smiled and her eyes were soft. "I love him so, so much Ruth," and the tears welled up again.

Ruth waited a few moments.

"Louisa…do you think Martin would ever leave you?"

She looked confused. "No…I don't think so." She thought about it again, then said emphatically, "no, I don't think he would actually."

"Then why do you keep on doing it to him?"

Louisa opened her mouth but no words came. She was completely taken aback by the question.

"I haven't exactly…left him…we're separated actually…just until…" She shook her head, "I don't know Ruth…he seems so distant and I think it's my fault that he's so unhappy. That he wishes he'd never gotten involved with me." She thought a moment. "And maybe I just want him to prove how much he loves me by coming after me - by taking the initiative…I don't know." She bent her head, twisting her hands in her lap, "I can't take it when he so distant. I can't Ruth. I just can't."

Ruth pursed her lips. "Leaving him every time things get tough doesn't help matters though, does it? And I think you do it because this is your defense mechanism."

Louisa shook her head skeptically as Ruth went on.

"You leave before others can leave you. Even though, deep down, you know Martin would never do that to you. By leaving first, you feel in control of the situation - you run before you can get hurt."

Louisa looked stunned. The idea had obviously never occurred to her. She didn't see herself as a runner. Was she?

Ruth fiddled with the sugar spoon again.

"Louisa, Martin has great difficulty articulating things at the best of times, especially when it comes to his emotions. I have no doubt that in his mind he tells you all the time that he loves you but the words are difficult for him to say. Does he show you in other ways how he feels about you?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean physically. Is he distant and cold as well?"

Louisa looked uncomfortable with the line of questioning. She shook her head, her face flushing slightly.

"No…not at all. Although he hardly ever…umm…initiates things. But when we do...umm...he gives a hundred percent of himself and is so passionate. No Ruth…he's not distant or cold when we...umm..." Her blush deepened.

Ruth ignored her obvious embarrassment.

"Think about that for a minute, Louisa - that Martin might be able to communicate his love and commitment to you better when he has no need of words. He often does this by being over-protective of you and James when it comes to health issues. because it's the only way he can show he cares without coming out and actually saying so. When it comes to intimacy, Martin probably doesn't initiate things because subconsciously he fears rejection and that is exactly what has happened now."

Ruth leaned in and her voice was soft but firm.

"Martin is not good at interpreting undercurrents in a situation. He thinks in very literal terms. If you want something from him you have to tell him exactly what you want. He can't pick up on hints and the subtle nuances in word play. It confuses him. Help him Louisa. Don't force him to play games he doesn't understand. When he doesn't get what you are saying immediately, don't get upset – just tell him what you want."

Ruth stood up, taking her cup to the sink.

"And another thing…you've got to show him that you care about him – even when you've been upset with him, just like you would if it was James that had upset you. You wouldn't let James go to bed feeling that you were still angry with him, would you?"

Louisa's eyes were wide as she shook her head.

"Neither should you with Martin. By all means let him know that you are upset but don't cut him out. You don't like it when he does that to you, do you?"

Louisa looked shocked. She didn't do that...did she?

"Show him affection and I don't mean by dragging him upstairs every five minutes."

Louisa blushed to the roots of her hair. Ruth ignored it and went on.

"It will eventually sink in that you love him for who he is – all of him, even when you've been upset with him. And eventually he will come to believe that he deserves to be loved by you. It's a form of positive reinforcement Louisa, and you must take the lead here."

Ruth slid her hands into the pockets of her jacket and leaned back against the countertop.

"Martin has been rejected and made to feel unworthy his whole life and every time the pair of you have hit a wobble in your relationship, you've left him and taken his son with you. It just reinforces his feelings of not being good enough, Louisa and you must stop doing that if you want this relationship to work."

She leaned forward slightly as she tried to make eye contact with Louisa.

"How would you like it if, every time you had a disagreement, Martin packed a bag and moved out? What would you think? That you weren't worth sticking around for? Because I can tell you now, that's exactly how Martin interprets it. That he is not good enough for you - that he can never make you happy."

Ruth paused and watched as Louisa dabbed her eyes with a tissue. She looked completely dumbstruck.

"Love him Louisa...love him with everything you've got and show that love to him every day, even if at first he doesn't respond. He will eventually find a way to do so. Make him feel good enough – only you have that power."

Louisa sat there, devastated by what Ruth had just said. It hurt to hear the truth - that she had cut Martin out. That she had been the one to abandon him. That she was doing to him exactly what her mother had done to her, by choosing a life in Spain over her; what her father had done by choosing a life of lies and gambling and deceit, over her; what Danny had done by choosing his career over her. They'd all withdrawn their love from her in one way or another and subconsciously that's exactly how she was punishing Martin. And the realisation shattered her.

"Oh Ruth." She covered her face with her hands and sobbed until there were no more tears to cry.

ooooOOOOoooo