It was dark when Louisa awoke. She squinted at her watch in the dim light and was shocked to see it was almost 8 pm. James was still fast asleep in his pram, so she went into the kitchen, switching on lights as she went.

She was just contemplating making a cup of tea when she heard a car and knew it must be Martin - there were very few cars using Roscarrock Hill at that time of night. She quickly got the salad out of the fridge and put the bread on the table ready for him to help himself. But she needn't have rushed because it was quite some time before she heard the car door slam and his slow footsteps coming around the side of the house.

The kitchen door opened and she gasped at the sight of him. He looked terrible. His suit was stained with blood and mud and his usually impeccably knotted tie was askew. But it was his face and his posture that shocked her the most - he looked haggard and his shoulders weren't quite as square as they usually were.

"Martin? Are you alright?"

He was startled by her presence and froze in the doorway, immediately trying to assess if she was hurt or sick. Only when he was satisfied that she was neither, did he shut the door.

"Fine…yes I'm fine. It's not my blood. There was a car accident," his voice sounded subdued.

"Oh no, that's terrible."

"Mmm…" He continued to stare at her but didn't move. "What are you doing here? Is James alright?"

"Yes...he's fine." She pointed to the sitting room. "He's asleep in there."

Martin glanced towards the darkened room, then down at his ruined suit and muddied shoes. It was as if he didn't know what to do next.

"You looked absolutely shattered, Martin. Why don't you go upstairs and have a hot shower…freshen up a bit...mmm? I'm sure you'll feel much better for it."

He looked up at her but still didn't move and his mouth opened then closed again.

"Martin?"

"Ah…yes…yes." He moved slowly towards the passage door, then turned to face her again. "Umm…will you...?"

"I'll still be here." She pointed to the table she'd set. "And when you come back, there'll be something for you to eat…if you're up to it." She nodded encouragingly.

He grunted and ducked his head under the door frame. She watched him put his medical bag just inside the door of his consulting room then he went upstairs and it wasn't long before she heard the faint sound of the shower.

Louisa was more than a little worried about Martin. Even in the past, when he'd been called to cases that were just as traumatic, she had never seen him so dejected. She hoped that the shower and a light meal would lift his spirits a little.

A short while later she heard him coming down the stairs and he entered through the sitting room doorway and stopped next to the pram. He bent and put the back of his fingers on James' forehead, the way he always did. He'd changed his clothes and Louisa smiled inwardly, because instead of wearing something more comfortable, he had put on a clean suit and tie even though he would be going to bed in a short while.

"Would you like something to eat now?"

He straightened and turned towards her. "No…no…thank you."

"Ok...I'm going to make tea if you'd like some," she said, walking towards the kitchen.

"Yes...that would be good." He came to stand next to the kitchen table, his hands resting lightly on the back of a chair.

Louisa glanced at him. "Why don't you sit down Martin, you look exhausted."

She filled the kettle and switched it on. He was still standing beside the table looking at her hen she turned to face him, his eyes sad and so very tired.

"Why are you here?" His voice was soft.

"Umm...because I wanted to talk to you. But it can wait...you're far too tired."

"I thought you'd said all you wanted to say yesterday."

"No...I umm…I actually wanted to explain something."

"Explain?"

"Yes...about what happened yesterday..."

His face looked drawn in the soft light. He gripped the back of the chair until his knuckles showed white.

"No need to explain...everything was quite clear to me."

Louisa shook her head. "No...it does need explaining." She took a step closer. "Umm...when you touched me yesterday and I pulled away...it isn't for the reason you think."

Martin's face remained impassive.

"It was only when you left, I realised that you must have thought I...that I couldn't stand you touching me…"

"Mmm..."

Louisa came around the kitchen table to stand nearer to him, her expression anxious. "It wasn't because of that Martin. Anything but."

Martin stared down at her, his gaze unwavering. By the frown that deepened the furrow between his brows, Louisa could tell he was confused. "I'm not putting this across very well, am I?"

"Not really...no."

"I pulled away because…" Louisa's voice dropped to a murmur, "I would very much have liked you to touch me. But I was so upset with you and if I'd allowed myself to forget that I was upset...and we'd...you know?...we wouldn't have resolved anything. That's why I pulled away. I couldn't trust myself not to give in to you."

"I see." he said with an upward lift of his chin.

"I just wanted to tell you...I'm sorry I did that...and to explain the reason why I did it."

Martin searched her face, looking for any sign that this was just a platitude, a way of soothing troubled waters. He didn't want that. He gave a soft sigh.

"Whatever the reason Louisa...it doesn't really make any difference to our situation though, does it?" He swallowed hard. "The issues are still there."

"Yes...but they don't have to be. We can talk about things…can't we?" She nodded encouragingly. "I'd like that…"

"Mmm...so would I." His voice was soft and his eyes looked infinitely sad. "Because I don't think I can do this anymore. This...on off thing."

Louisa's face reflected her own sadness. "I know...me neither. I just want you to know, I've been wrong to leave Martin. And I won't do it again...I mean, that's if you'll have me back this time?"

Martin's eyes were intense as he stared down at her. He would always want her back. Every time she left with James it felt like a piece of him was being ripped out.

"Is that what you want? To come back...here?" He couldn't bring himself to say 'to me'.

"Yes..."

He took a deep breath and exhaled through his nose. "Mmm...I umm…"

"You what?"

He shook his head. "Oh...I'll probably just end up upsetting you again."

Louisa narrowed her eyes. "Why? What makes you say that?"

"Because, that's all I ever seem to do...is upset you."

"That's not true."

"It is true Louisa. I never know where I stand with you...whether something I say or do is going to end up in you leaving again...with James."

"I've just told you I won't do that again."

Martin's expression was guarded. He wanted so much to believe her. He shook his head slightly. "I just can't go through this another time."

Louisa looked a little panicked. "So...what are you saying? That you don't want to talk this through? What? What do you mean?"

He hesitated. "No...no...I'm just saying that if I say something that upsets you...when we talk things through...you'll just leave again and there is never anything I can do about it. I always seem to muck things up."

Louisa shook her head sadly. "Don't you even want to try, Martin? Do you want it to be over between us?"

Martin wished he could tell her that for him, it would never be over. He would always love her, whether they stayed together or not.

"No I don't want that. But I do want to know where I stand with you. Are you going to stay...or go? Because it seems clear to me that I can't make you happy...and that's why you don't stay...so..." He gave a deep sigh. "I'd rather you tell me now that you wish to end things once and for all. Don't let things drag on."

Louisa's eyes were bright with tears. "I don't want that, Martin. I really don't. But I can't seem to make you happy either. You never give me any sign that you are happy...to be with me."

Happiness was a word that came up over and over. He personally thought too much store was set by something that couldn't be quantified and was so subjective, but it seemed extraordinarily important to Louisa, so he said, "Is this really what everything is about? Happiness?"

Louisa frowned. "It's part of it...yes. I want you to be happy. Or what's the point…?"

"I am...umm...happy...to be with you." He cleared his throat softly.

"Well you never show it."

"I'm not exactly sure how I'm meant to..." He looked bewildered. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know Martin...by at least looking as if you like being in the same house as me, for a start."

Martin dipped his chin.

"I do like being in the same house as you. I just don't really express that kind of thing very well…as you've already pointed out. But I am err...happy. Well not now of course...things are pretty grim now. But generally...when you don't have issues…with me...I consider myself to be happy...with you..." His voice petered out as he looked at her from under his brows and a palpable tension flared between them as their eyes locked.

The kettle clicked off and the sudden silence seemed to magnify everything. Louisa was the first to look away as she slowly rubbed her hands together.

"I went to speak to Ruth today."

Martin's eyes widened.

"She made me see things about myself that I would never have known...and they are things I don't like about myself." She looked down at her hands. "It made me realise that I have not been very understanding of you Martin...and that's because I have been so wrapped up in my own insecurities…expecting you to read my mind...and of course that's just ridiculous..." Her voice trailed off.

Martin searched her face. She looked distraught and he wanted to take her in his arms, but he didn't want to presume that that was what she wanted.

"Louisa..."

She put her hand up, "No…let me finish." She looked up at him then and her eyes were soft. "I thought you were deliberately cutting yourself off from me…not talking, not sharing things with me, not showing me any spontaneous affection...because I thought that you probably wished you were somewhere else...rather than with me."

Martin shook his head. "No…that's not true."

"But it felt like it...and it took Ruth to make me realise that I have been programmed since childhood to expect everyone I love to withdraw their love from me sooner or later. So I subconsciously prepare myself for it. I saw your remoteness as a sign that you were preparing yourself to leave me."

Martin was about to speak, but Louisa held up her hand again.

"It's not a conscious thing...I didn't even realise I was doing it. But now that I know, I can see there's been a pattern...in our relationship. Ruth said I leave so that I feel in control of things...I leave before I can be left." She shook her head sadly. "Even though I know you would never do that."

Martin's eyes were soft as he gazed at her and when he spoke his voice had that velvety quality that always melted her inside.

"I would never leave you and James."

"I know..." She swallowed hard before she could continue. "I know...and I have to work hard to change the way I handle things between us in future. I'm going to try...but I can't do it on my own." She twisted her hands together, clearly agitated. "I want us to communicate better. To not keep things bottled up until they become major issues." She looked up at him. "I want you to tell me what's in your heart...to actually say it out loud and not just think it. And so will I. Do you think you can do that Martin?"

Martin blinked. "In your heart!' The very idea terrified him but if it meant they could work things out he would have to overcome his fear. "Yes…yes...mmm." He cleared his throat and dipped his chin again.

He wanted so much to touch her, to reassure himself that things would be alright but he was hesitant. The last time he'd acted on his desire to touch her, she hadn't responded well. So he stood rooted to the spot and the tension grew between them as they stared at one another, each unsure how the other would respond if they reached out.

Louisa tilted her head. "I can tell you something that's in my heart right now...about what happened yesterday." She had an almost wistful expression on her face. "Do you remember the second time we met? It was at your interview for the GP position in Portwenn. You stopped me in the hotel lobby and asked about my eye and you put your hand out and touched my cheek as you examined me...and it was as if the breath was sucked out of me. That's the effect you had on me...and you still do. So please don't ever think that I don't want you to touch me." Her voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Because I do and I always will."

Martin's heart began to race as Louisa stepped forward and took his hand in hers, lifting it gently and placing it against her cheek. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted as she nuzzled his hand. He remembered that moment well. He'd been mesmerised by her. Just like he was now.

Her skin felt silky and warm under his hand and he searched her face for a long moment before he let his fingers trail slowly down her cheek and along her jaw until they reached her mouth, where his thumb gently caressed her bottom lip. He heard Louisa draw in a shaky breath. Then she stepped even closer until he could feel the warmth of her body against his and involuntarily his arms slid around her waist and he pulled her close. Her proximity made it hard for him to think straight and when she put her hand behind his head and gently pulled it down, he didn't resist. He buried his face in her neck and felt the now familiar stinging in his eyes as the raw emotions of the last couple of days threatened to overflow. He was so relieved to have her in his arms - when he was with her, nothing else mattered. They stood like that for a long, long while, clinging together - drawing comfort from one another and nurturing the fragile thread that still bound them together.

A little whimper from the sitting room interrupted their comforting embrace as James Henry began to grizzle. Louisa lifted her head from Martin's shoulder to look into the darkened sitting room. "I'd better see to him."

Martin kept his arms around her. "I'd like to. May I…?"

She smiled up at him. "If you want to."

He stroked her cheek with his fingers and Louisa held her breath as he slowly lowered his head and their lips met in an achingly gentle kiss. It made her legs feel weak as she leaned into him but reluctantly Martin had to release her as James' cries intensified and he quickly went to the sitting room. Louisa followed and watched as he pulled the blanket aside and bent to pick James up out of the pram. She heard him murmur softly as he cradled his crying son to his chest, his big hand supporting his back. The baby's head nuzzled against his chin, his little hand clutching Martin's cheek and his cries immediately abated to little snuffles.

Martin looked at her over James' head. "I think he needs changing. Do you have…?"

Louisa fetched the nappy bag and Martin took it and slowly went upstairs, talking quietly to his son. Louisa's heart felt as if it would burst with love. This man, who was so guarded and afraid to show his emotions, could pour it out so easily when he was with James. Ruth was right, it was because with James he didn't fear rejection. This vulnerable and helpless baby gave Martin confidence and brought him into a place where he could show his love. Louisa could only marvel at the miracle of it - that Martin, so deprived of love and comfort as a child, could be such a loving and gentle father. It could so easily have been very different. But then she'd always instinctively known that Martin was an extraordinary man.

Louisa began to pack away the food on the table and tidied up while she waited for Martin. After a while it grew silent upstairs and Louisa eventually went up, looking first in the nursery and then in the bedroom where she found Martin lying on the bed. He'd discarded his jacket and tie and his shoes were on the floor. Little James was lying face down on his father's chest, fast asleep. Martin lifted his eyes to hers as his hand gently rubbed his son's back. His eyes were soft and a hint of a smile hovered around his mouth.

Louisa's heart melted and she smiled gently back at him as she slowly walked around the end of the bed and slipped off her shoes. The mellow light from the bedside lamp cast a soft glow in the room, accentuating her lips and the soft curve of her jaw. Martin's gaze was riveted on her as she slowly unbuttoned her white cardigan, sliding it off her shoulders and throwing it onto a chair in the corner before she slid onto the bed next to him. He shifted to put his arm around her and she snuggled into him, resting her head on his shoulder and sliding her arm around his waist. She felt a surge of contentment wash over her - this is where she wanted to be, just like this, close to the comforting presence of her husband. She listened to the sound of his breathing and felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest under her cheek. The emotional intensity of the day had tired her out and it wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep.

Sometime later, Martin moved carefully so as not to wake his sleeping wife and son. He took James through to the nursery and settled him under his fleecy blankets in his cot. Then he fetched a thick blanket from the linen cupboard and got back on the bed next to Louisa and covered them both with it.

When Louisa awoke early the next morning, this is how she found them, still fully clothed but entwined together. Martin stirred and she turned her head to look at his profile. He looked relaxed, a far cry from how he had been the night before. As if he felt her scrutiny, he opened his eyes and she saw him blink as he tried to adjust to the light.

"Morning." she murmured, running her hand down his chest to rest just above the waistband of his trousers.

He turned and looked at her, his mouth inches from hers. He looked sexy in the half light of the room with his hair slightly mussed and a faint stubble on his chin. She couldn't resist and closed the gap between them and they kissed – gently, tenderly.

"Mmm...morning," he murmured, his eyes half closed as he languidly stroked her hair.

Louisa sat up and leaned on her elbow. "We're a fine pair, aren't we? Falling asleep in our clothes when we could've...you know...been more...comfortable." Her grin was mischievous and in response his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"Yes…" he said and pulled her gently until she was lying on top of him. "We've still got a little time though...haven't we?" he murmured, framing her face with his hands and drawing her down so that their lips met. What started off as a gentle kiss soon turned to passion as their kiss deepened and Louisa felt Martin's body respond against hers. Uppermost in both their minds now was how to get out of their clothes as quickly as possible. Louisa was just about to get up when they heard James Henry begin to fuss.

"Oh no," Louisa groaned and hid her face in Martin's neck and she heard him growl, "Bugger…" in frustration.

ooooOOOOoooo

Thanks to all those who take the time to leave reviews and PMs. The feedback is a wonderful way of getting to know readers' thoughts and whether one's intentions with the story are hitting their mark, or not. So thanks once again.