A/N Something I completely forgot to address. In chapter 5, Hermione calls Voldemort the Dark Lord. This is only because she inherently knows it's a horrible idea to refer to him as Voldemort. She has not officially chosen a side yet and what she is to call him until she chooses is addressed later. Just wanted to put that out there to dispel any possible confusion.

We are (by we I mean you) getting so close to the beginnings of a proper explanation. Patience, dear readers, by so close I mean I'm pretty sure it's next chapter but it could also be chapter 9. They all kind of blend together for me.

I love that you're enjoying this story so far. Well, I assume you're enjoying it if you're still here.

This story is, as always, non-canon and all characters arnd rights still belong to JK Rowling

It was Wednesday when Hermione received a reply from Bellatrix. She couldn't help the way her magic nearly sung when Ammy landed on the table at breakfast that morning. She hadn't a chance to read it away from curious eyes, so she had tucked it away in her robes. She could feel it practically begging to be opened but she knew she couldn't open it during DADA. That didn't make it easy to sit still, though. Umbridge was horribly boring but Hermione didn't want to have detention with the evil toad of a woman.

While waiting for Bellatrix's response, Hermione had grown adept at wordless magic, having thrown herself into practicing to avoid thinking about the Death Eater. She had not gathered the courage to try wandless magic yet. She had read the book in its entirety, but something about casting without a wand terrified her. Hermione was no fool, she knew both skills would be of tremendous value in the impending war. There were just so many things that could go wrong.

The terse dismissal of the class brought Hermione back to reality, and she quickly packed and went straight to the library, knowing most students would go to the Great Hall or literally anywhere else. She was glad nobody wanted to be in the library. It meant there was always somewhere for her to just be; there was no pressure to be the smartest, no expectations, just silence. Blessed silence.

For the Brightest Witch of Her Age

I must admit I am relieved you still wish to exchange letters with me. I worried if you knew, you would turn everything into the Order. I know that you value knowledge, but I did not know if you valued the Order's opinion more. I am pleased you chose knowledge, chose me. I apologize for not replying sooner, I did not mean to worry you with my lack of response, however, I am still recovering from my stint in Azkaban and sometimes I forget this. I hope you will forgive me if I have worried you.

In order to alleviate the constant buzz of magic, you must find an anchor. Something must keep you grounded in the real world at all times. The magic will always be there, but having a focus will keep it from being overwhelming. It must be a physical object that you can touch, or else it will not be effective. Mine is a raven necklace gifted to me by my younger sister on my 18th birthday. It holds sentimental value and it's something I can always have on. You will need something like that. With an anchor, you will be better able to discern individual magic. I have heard that rings or necklaces make the best anchor. It should also assist in wandless casting as well.

As for my sanity, that depends on the moment, but I'm sure that's the case with most people. Am I utterly off-my-rocker, lost-my-marbles insane? I highly doubt it, though sometimes I wonder. I sense, however, that it's not entirely what you were asking. I shall let you in on a secret, young lion. Nothing in the Dark is what it seems to be, but sometimes the Light is too overpowering to tell.

I have faith that you will not lose yourself in magic as you fear. You are stronger than you realize, but it is always good to respect your fear. It keeps you safe. I very much doubt that you will lose your sanity unless something unforeseeable happens that pushes you over the edge. You are standing on a cliff, teetering on the edge, but you are not so off balance that you will fall, and you are not alone. Remember this when you feel too near the edge. It is important you voice all your concerns. If you bottle them up, you will surely fall. I shall always be here to guide you away from the edge.

If you would like to know why I chose you, show the Potion Man the back of this letter. He will know what it means. You must, however, be prepared to learn things potentially world-shattering. It could be the very thing that pushes you off the cliff, so don't approach him if you aren't ready to know. If you believe yourself to be ready for the full story, he will tell you, and if at any time you cannot handle it, you may take the time you need before returning. It is not a pretty story, and it will not be held against you if you need time. I have confidence in you.

My sister has also informed me that she has chosen the next book when you send back the current one. She has not told me what it is about, but she assures me it will be useful. If you were wishing to choose the next topic, my apologies, but it is unwise to go against her.

Sincerely,

Your Dearest Friend, the Most Faithful

A smile formed on Hermione's face as she read the letter again. She was immensely happy she had not been cast aside. Bellatrix also offered the other side of the story, something Hermione couldn't deny she desperately wanted. Dumbledore would never reveal the truth, but she had someone who would. Was she ready to know? Maybe not just yet, but she was beginning to see that the Order was not the light she once thought it was.

It stands to reason that the dark may be greyer than I thought. I mean, the Order definitely isn't the light they claim to be. Perhaps I should give them a chance like I did with the Order, Hermione thought, her lip between her teeth. She wasn't ready to reply to Bellatrix yet, but she had plenty of things to occupy her. The first being to find an anchor before she drowned in the sea of magic that was Hogwarts.

Hermione didn't really have anything sentimental to use as an anchor. If she were honest, the letters from Bellatrix were her most treasured possessions. She wondered if they were suitable. She could just tuck one in her robes and it would be on her when she needed it. It didn't seem like a bad idea, but she worried about someone discovering it or accidentally destroying it. She didn't exactly have a better option, but she would keep thinking about alternatives.

"There you are, Hermione. Are you coming to dinner or are you going to study until you die?" Ginny teased, appearing from around the bookshelves.

"I was just on my way there, actually. Would you like to walk with me?"

"I'd love to. Is everything alright?"

"I'll tell everyone at dinner, I don't want to repeat myself more than necessary. Merlin knows Harry and Ron are dense enough."

"Isn't that the truth," Ginny laughed, tugging the brunette to the Great Hall, but more importantly, food. Hermione couldn't help but smile at the Weasley trait as she walked with her younger friend.

"So, Hermione, what was that letter about that you didn't open earlier?" Ron asked as soon as she sat down at the table. Hermione couldn't help the feeling of anger that nearly bubbled up at his invasiveness.

"If you must know, Ronald, it was a letter from my parents saying that I can't come home for Christmas break," Hermione snapped at him.

"Oh, sorry, 'Mione. But you know mum would be more than happy to have you, right?" Ron quickly said, realizing his mistake.

"I know, Ron, but if it's alright, I'd rather not talk about it right now" she mumbled. She was getting rather good at lying to her friends. It helped that the information wasn't entirely false. Her parents had told her she couldn't come home for Christmas, but that had been at the end of summer. Truthfully, it didn't bother her too much. If anything, she would just stay at Hogwarts over the break, practicing her magic.