Chapter 11
Scorpius started squirming to get down so she helped him off the sofa before looking back to Draco. She gathered her courage.
"I need to tell you something though," she swallowed thickly.
Her expression must have been bleak because he immediately closed the gap between them and put an arm around her.
"What is it?" He asked softly.
As much as she appreciated his attempt to comfort her, what she needed at the moment was space. She practically leapt off the couch, and when she turned back to look at him he appeared upset, but was obviously trying to hide it.
"I'm sorry, but I need to get this out and it's just too difficult to say when you're being so sweet."
He started to smirk. "I know I can be distracting, Granger," he said, ruffling his hair.
She rolled her eyes, but appreciated his attempt at humor and began to pace. It was only when she heard Draco chuckle quietly that she was pulled out of her own thoughts and looked around to see that Scorpius was crawling along in her wake. When he saw her looking at him he he plopped back onto his bottom and giggled at her. He thought this was a game.
"You're going to be the death of me," she told him. He clapped his hands and she wondered if it would be terribly emotionally manipulative if she was holding him when she told Draco what she needed to tell him. She scooped him up regardless and bounced him on her hip.
"Remember when I told you that something upsetting happened yesterday?"
Draco nodded.
"Well, in the middle of the party, in front of everybody, Ron announced that he and Lavender are having another baby."
He looked away, frowning. "He really is an insensitive ass, isn't he?" His jaw was clenched and he was obviously trying to suppress his anger.
"Unbelievably so. But it's actually worse than you think," she swallowed nervously again and clutched Scorpius to her as a means of fortifying herself. "The reason it was insensitive is not because he cheated on me with Lavender and now they have a family together and were bragging about it in front of me. It's much more cruel than that. The thing is that I quite possibly won't be able to have children and Ron knows it."
He whipped his head back around to face her looking aghast. She just nodded and continued her explanation.
"We all had health checks after the war and they discovered extensive scarring on my reproductive organs. The healers don't know if I'll be able to conceive a baby much less carry one to term. They believe the chances will get slimmer the more time passes, and it's already been eight years since the diagnosis. Ron wanted to get married and try for a baby immediately, but I knew we weren't ready. When he was in one of his nastier moods he would taunt me, imply that I wasn't a whole woman. He's still rubbing my face in it, it seems," she sighed and pushed that thought away. Ron's insensitivity wasn't really relevant to this conversation, the story was just a conduit to tell Draco about her health issues. "Anyway, if we're doing this I thought you deserved to know from the start that there is a pretty good chance I won't be able to give you more children, if we get to that point."
There was a long pause and she couldn't bear to look at him. She'd told so few people about this and most of them had been completely supportive. But Ron was the only one whom she had been dating when she told him, and he had made her feel like he was doing her a favor by sticking with her. In retrospect, it had been utterly humiliating.
She didn't want to go through that again, nor did she want to lose Draco. But she knew that fertility was highly important to purebloods. The magical community being so small, it was important to have a child to keep the society alive. But Draco did already have Scorpius, and she could only hope that, perhaps, it wouldn't matter to him.
"It's because of what Aunt Bella did to you, isn't it?" He said suddenly, breaking the tense silence.
She nearly winced before steeling herself. "It's a result of the cruciatus damage, yes, and also complications from a curse I was hit with in the Department of Mysteries," she answered in a business-like fashion, determined to tell him the whole truth despite how awkward it could make things between them, given his family's involvement in both of those events.
He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face vigorously with both hands. "Please tell me it wasn't-"
She cut him off before he could finish formulating the question. "It was Dolohov," she assured him.
He let out a sigh of relief and looked up, he appeared absolutely wrecked. "It's not really better though, that it wasn't my father. Merlin, I'm sorry Hermione, so fucking sorry," his voice was breathy and agonized.
She shook her head vigorously, choking back her tears. "I won't lie to you, you did a lot of things wrong, but you're not responsible for this," she took a deep breath, "I yelled at my dad over you," she blurted. They just blinked at each other, each trying to make sense of that.
"Oh?" he said eventually.
She blew out a breath. "My dad and I don't ever fight but, he just- he knows who you are and when he pointed out how much baggage we have between us I got angry. When he implied that Scorpius was part of that baggage, I basically saw red and attacked. My point is, that I'm invested in this, enough to fight my dad over it. I've thought about this, including our past, and I'll tell you what I told him: it's over, we can't change it, but we were children, and more importantly you've changed. I don't know if I can express how much I admire you for that."
There were several beats of silence and he held out both hands for her, she took them and he pulled her back onto the couch, tucking her securely against his side.
"I saw you," he said- it was apparently his turn to make a random observation.
She looked at him questioningly.
"I saw you for the first time, really saw you, last week in the apothecary."
She frowned, trying to make sense of the statement. "What do you mean?"
"My hatred for you at Hogwarts was real. For years I believed that it was because of your blood status. Now I know that it was because you weren't the inferior being you were supposed to be. Almost from the moment we met I started questioning my ideas about blood, I just didn't realize it at the time. The fact that you were making me subconsciously question my most fundamental beliefs made me despise you." He paused and smiled to himself, his mind obviously far away, it was a bitter look. "Oh and it was so easy to hate you, you were so frustratingly good at magic, and so very annoying," he shot her a sly, teasing smile.
She rolled her eyes. "I know I could be a little overly enthusiastic," she admitted.
He chuckled, his face relaxed. "But I was always drawn to you, I couldn't help but pay attention to you."
"Negative attention," she pointed out, but she smirked playfully at him to show that she wasn't upset.
He rolled his eyes. "No, you're right, it was negative attention. Merlin, I'll never forget that comment you made about me buying my way onto the quidditch team. That was the first time I ever used that word, if you can believe it."
"I do have a hard time believing it," she said, recalling with perfect clarity how that insult, 'filthy mudblood' had rolled off his tongue.
"Well it was, my mother would have scourgified my mouth. Not that she necessarily would have disagreed with the sentiment but such language, not befitting of a Malfoy," he wagged a finger at her playfully, "of course, ironically, I learned that word from my father," he snorted derisively.
There were a few beats of uncomfortable silence.
"It was the worst insult I could think of but it didn't even seem to phase you. It never phased you."
She shrugged. "It meant something to you, and to Ron because you grew up knowing that it was a bad word. I didn't. I hated what it meant, of course, once it was explained to me. But as insults went I thought it was rather uncreative. I mean, it's not like there's dirt actually running through my veins."
He just shook his head. "I'm still sorry for every time I used it, for all the terrible things I said and did and thought about you," his voice was low and grave, he drew her against him even more firmly, Scorpius squirm but just situated himself again on her lap, as if he understood that they needed his soothing presence.
"You don't need to keep apologizing. I said, and did, and thought some pretty terrible things about you too. You may have been prejudiced against my blood status but I was prejudiced against your house and I judged you for your father's actions. Neither of us is blameless."
He rubbed the pad of his thumb against her cheek tenderly and his lips blossomed into a smile."I hardly ever got to you, except for that time you hit me, I could never rile you up. It drove me crazy, it was so easy to get under Potter and Weasley's skin but not you. Yet I couldn't help but keep trying," he paused thoughtfully, "I guess you know what they say about boys picking on girls they like," he teased.
That broke the dam, and she started laughing.
"You will never convince me that you had a crush on me at Hogwarts," she choked out between giggles clutching Scorpius, who was imitating her.
"You're right, I didn't, but I absolutely would have if you had been a pureblood, maybe even a halfblood."
"How gracious of you," she spat sarcastically, and then cringed, "wow, I didn't mean that."
He just shook his head. "No, you did. And I deserve it," he cupped the base of her neck, looking her straight in the eye. "I might not have been able to admit it, but I couldn't stay away from you, couldn't help noticing you, couldn't help confronting you to try and get you to notice me. You were unbelievable, so brilliant, so brave. I watched you at Hogwarts and I followed your career after that. Now I realize that I simply couldn't help myself, but I didn't really get it until I saw you last Saturday."
"And what happened then?" The words came tumbling out of her mouth, she just had to know.
"You looked at my son like he was the most precious thing in the world. I waited for months for his own mother to look at him like that, and it only took you seconds. You were kind to us, despite my past, and then he reached for you and I just saw this woman who had always been off limits to me, but I couldn't remember why, because she was good and beautiful and she seemed to adore my son from the moment she laid eyes on him, when so many people sneered at him in the streets. And you, who truly had a right to hate me, and to shy away from him because of me, you didn't."
"He's perfect, he deserves nothing but the best," she assured him quickly, without needing to think.
He nodded, not breaking eye contact. "And I want to give him the best," he looked at her meaningfully, and her heart felt like it skipped a beat, "I finally understood that's exactly what you are and decided right then and there to do something about it."
"And what's that?" She asked anxiously.
"Relentlessly pursue you until you agree to be mine," he growled into her ear, "Malfoys always have the best."
She shivered, completely ruining the scolding she was preparing to give him for implying that she was some kind of possession, he chuckled.
"So you don't care, about the kid thing?" She asked instead.
He sighed heavily and she braced herself.
"Of course I care. I hate that you suffered, that you're still suffering. It just doesn't change anything. And-" he hesitated.
"What?"
"I have almost unlimited resources. If you want a baby I'll take you to every healer in the world, do anything to make it happen," he vowed.
She shrugged, a little unnerved by the fierceness of his statement, but also wonderfully overwhelmed by the sentiment and by his acceptance.
"My parents think muggle reproductive treatments might help if I have trouble getting pregnant. But we're getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we?"
"Maybe," he conceded
She took a deep breath and glanced at Scorpius. She felt the need to reciprocate the good faith he was showing her.
"I'd love him like he was my own," she promised. "If we stay together and it turns out we can't have another baby I won't feel deprived, I just wanted you to know that."
He glanced between them, his eyes warming. "I think I did know that," he smiled at her and then abruptly changed the subject. "Have breakfast with us? I'll tell you why I flooed so early."
"Alright," she agreed immediately, having no reason to return to her flat and glad that he'd so easily accepted her confession.
"Effie!" He called out, and suddenly there was a house elf standing before them in a neat tea towel tied in a toga-like fashion, beaming. "Effie, I'd like you to meet somebody. This is Hermione Granger. Hermione this is my elf, Effie, she takes excellent care of me and Scorpius."
One look at his face and Hermione realized that he had some idea about her history with elves and was pleading with her not to upset the little creature standing in front of her. He needn't have worried.
"Hello Effie, it's very nice to meet you, I had been wondering how these two got on so well," she said kindly.
Effie was preening under the praise and Draco shot her a grateful smile.
"Hermione is going to be around, a lot, I hope. Maybe not here at the Manor, but once we move," he informed the elf.
Hermione heard her own breath hitch. How had she forgotten she was in Malfoy Manor? She'd barely even considered it when she'd hopped in the floo.
"Draco," she whispered, "your parents aren't going to come in here, are they?" She asked urgently.
"No, Mother rarely comes to my wing, and Father even less, certainly neither of them would arrive before breakfast. And Effie would alert me anyway," he smiled fondly at the elf and then looked back to Hermione, "I'm sorry, I didn't think, are you uncomfortable being here?"
"No, I'm fine," she answered, realizing that she meant it. While she wasn't prepared to wander the house or anything like that, she felt secure with Draco.
He nodded in acceptance.
"Is there anything in particular you'd like for breakfast?" He asked politely.
"Whatever you usually have is fine," she answered dismissively.
He looked at her carefully and then just nodded at Effie who immediately popped away. Draco rose from the couch and extended his hand to her. He held his arms arms out for Scorpius and then led her through a set of double doors to a small, but formal looking dining room.
"You don't approve," Draco asked, sounding amused, and she realized she was giving the room's decor considerable scrutiny.
"It's not that, I mean it's all very nice. It just doesn't look like you, I suppose," she said, trying to put her finger on why it didn't feel like Draco belonged here in what was, obviously, his home.
"Well, Astoria did the decorating, this is all much more representative of her tastes than mine."
"That makes sense then," she took a seat in the chair he pulled out for her, he really did have impeccable manners.
He sat next to her, at the head of the table, once he'd placed Scorpius in a high chair at his other side. She suppressed an amused smirk at the sight of the high chair. It matched the rest of the dining set, which she believed was made of mahogany. It had to have been specially made and more expensive than such a contraption had any right to be. It was a reminder, just as his behavior in the restaurant on Friday had been, that they were Malfoys. The thought made her only slightly uncomfortable.
The table was already set and almost as soon as they were seated Effie began popping in with various dishes full of food. When she was finally done there was far more on the table than two people and a baby could possibly eat.
"This is what you normally have for breakfast," she stated dubiously, quirking one eyebrow.
He just shrugged. "It's more than usual, but Effie is trying to figure out what you like, she wants to impress you."
"It's really not necessary."
"It makes her happy," he responded firmly.
She sighed and nodded, knowing he was right. She'd conceded years ago that house elves loved to serve and that it was cruel to force freedom upon them, that doing so was actually the equivalent of a human being disowned from their family, if not worse. So, instead of trying to give every elf in Britain clothes, she joined the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and began campaigning for legislation that made house elf abuse illegal.
The passage of that law had been her crowning achievement in that department and had earned her a promotion to Assistant Director of the D.M.L.E. when that position had opened up two years ago. That didn't automatically make her comfortable with the idea of being waited on though, she had almost gotten used to Kreacher before he died, but it had been several years since she'd had any regular exposure to the doting services of an elf.
"I think I've found a house," Draco informed her after they began eating.
"Really?" She smiled at him.
"Yes," he nodded, "that's why I called, I have another appointment to see it in a couple of hours and I'd like you to come with me."
"I'd be happy to, but may I ask why? I mean I'm sure you're perfectly capable of picking out a house that fits you and Scorpius. You know your needs better than I do."
He looked at her searchingly."You can be rather dense you know, Granger."
She rolled her eyes. "Have you noticed you still call me 'Granger' when you're being sarcastic or insulting?"
"Habit, I suppose," he shrugged, seemingly unbothered. "Don't you want to know how you're being dense?"
"Sure, Malfoy," she said with a heavy emphasis on his last name, "enlighten me."
"You heard what I said to Effie. I'm hoping you'll be spending a lot of time at this house, I want you to like it too. I want it to fit us, all three of us."
"Oh," it was more of a gasp than a word, "okay then, I'd be glad to come along. Do you still want to go on our picnic afterwards?"
"Of course, that's why I made the appointment for the morning, so we'd still be able to go this afternoon, like we planned."
"Okay good," she smiled at him, "tell me about this house."
"No."
"No?" She questioned, "why ever not?"
"Because I don't want to color your opinions, I want to know what you think when we get there," he said in a tone that brokered no argument and tucked back into his breakfast.
She rolled her eyes and turned back to her own breakfast, allowing him his secrets, for now.
Author's Note: Thanks to Weestarmeggie for beta reading, she knows this story nearly as well as I do and I'm infinitely grateful for her patience and enthusiasm. And to you all for reading and for the love this story has gotten. I continue to post inspiration for the story on Pinterest if you're interested. :)