Summary: For Steve, waking up next to Pony Merks after a night out wasn't uncommon. They just usually had their clothes on. Steve/Pony.
Notes: This is a China, IL fanfic. "China, IL" is a cartoon on Adult Swim created by Brad Neely, which is about four friends at the University of China, Illinois - known as "The Worst College in America." I first composed this in June 2015 but for some reason never posted it until now. Cross-posted to AO3.
A Night to Forget
For Steve, waking up next to Pony Merks after a night out wasn't uncommon.
They just usually had their clothes on.
The first time Steve ever got trashed with Pony was at Omega Theta Rho during Rush Week. She was a brand-new addition to UCI's History Department and Steve took it upon himself as mentor to foster her social skills, encouraging her to attend the first big bash of the semester. (Mostly so she would invite him.) Lesson one: BYOB. "You can't walk into a party with nothing in your hands," he instructed. "But your mom's probably taught you that already." Steve placed a six-pack of King Drunk in Pony's arms and added, "Think of it this way: two thirds of these kids are underage, so anybody walking through that door with booze is at least a little bit cooler than those who don't."
The sight of a professor on the porch didn't deter Omega's brothers one bit. They enthusiastically welcomed him after he promised everyone A's, and since none of them were actually enrolled in his classes, Steve had no qualms about it. Steve spent a short while teaching Pony the art of beer pong, teaming up with her to destroy two shitfaced pledges. They separated later, so Steve could seduce a beautiful young member of the next-door sorority, which made the whole noisy, suffocating experience worth it. But at some point things had took a turn, and Steve didn't remember why or how, but that girl had transformed into his new TA. Steve groggily woke up on the living room floor a few feet from Pony, who had his jacket draped over her like a blanket. He gently shook her awake and said, "We need to get the fuck out of here." Confused, Pony asked why. Steve pointed to the slumbering panda bear on the couch above them and they crawled away to safety. Steve didn't know what a panda with a hangover was like and didn't want to find out.
The second, third, fourth, et cetera times that Steve woke up beside Pony were along the same theme. Fall asleep from exhaustion or pass out from intoxication. Sometimes they were still at their desks after pulling an all-nighter. Late nights drinking together in the office, Steve and Pony found a neutral position for couch-sharing by lying head-to-toe. The only problem was that whenever Pony woke first, he'd get a kick to the face. Just a nudge, really, but come on. Any other position could be misconstrued as cuddling, however, and it was bad enough they slept like this. Whenever Frank caught them, he teased them mercilessly. But passing out like this was still preferable to taking the bus home.
One time, they went camping by the river with Frank and Baby Cakes and woke up in a tree. (Apparently they had been fleeing a bear.) Another time they woke up on the roof of the Super Science building covered with blue dust, surrounded by shards of broken glass, with a fierce craving for Vegemite. Another time they awoke in the Town Bar sprawled on the floor of the ladies' bathroom.
The most memorable time was the morning after they took the Elixir that turned Steve into an eagle and Pony into a pony. Talk about a hangover.
After their more mundane sleepovers, Steve would find Pony snoring on his living room couch kicking a nose that wasn't there. She'd perk up at the scent of fresh coffee, and another day would begin.
Today Steve woke up to a warm, naked Pony in his arms with her head on his chest. After the initial shock subsided, it was replaced by a raging panic!boner. The why's, the how's, and what the hell's took a backseat to the thought, She is going to kill me when she wakes up.
Steve tried to carefully disentangle his body from Pony's, but the movement made her stir. Half of him wanted to just make a break for it and half remain as they were. Pretend to be asleep and see what Pony's reaction would be.
Steve tried to recall what would lead them to embracing in the nude. Sex, obviously, but why on Earth would he have sex with Pony? (She was beautiful, and smart, and hilarious, and cared about him...) If he didn't remember, they must have been drunk. Surely, then, it didn't count. Ergo, she wouldn't be mad at him.
But what if it had been her idea? What if he hadn't been the creeper plying her with beer and liquor and it had actually been the other way around? But why would she get him intoxicated instead of just, ya know, asking? Sure, he'd find it laughable at first, but Pony Merks in a strapless top and short skirt giving you the eye and asking you to bang her? There was nothing funny about that. Watching her "work" didn't just make him a proud teacher - though really, what a fucked up thing to teach - it turned him on. She didn't need to know that, though. Neither did anybody else. This was Pony. Jeez, she was like a sister!
A sister giving him a very hard time remaining wrapped around his torso.
Forget it, he was waking her.
"Pony."
"Mm."
"Ponygirl."
"What time is it?"
"I dunno, like noon. Wake up."
"I'm awake," she said, eyes still shut. Steve reached for his glasses, then rolled onto his side so they faced each other. He considered lifting the blankets to sneak a peek at his nude friend, but she blearily met his gaze before he had the chance. "What happened..."
Here it comes.
"...to the car? Should we have gone with Frank to get it back?" Pony sat up, then lay back down, looking nauseous. "And why'd I drink so much goddamn absinthe?"
"I...kinda have a similar question for you. Did we-?"
"Use a condom? Yeah, don't worry about it."
Steve blinked. "Whoa, hang on a second."
Pony's eyes widened. She sat up. "Ohh my God, I date raped you."
"No, no, you didn't-"
"Wow, okay, this is weird, because it was actually your idea to have sex, and I was the one who was unsure about it. But then I was like 'Fuck it, YOLO,' so I said yes, and now you don't even remember and I don't know whether to be super relieved or...or..."
Steve placed a hand on Pony's arm and she calmed a bit. She placed her own hand over his, and the small gesture combined with her sad expression told him how that sentence ended.
"I'll probably remember after a cup of coffee. I didn't black out, I only browned out." He chuckled weakly.
Pony shrugged. "It's okay, man. Shit happens. Can you find my shirt?"
Steve threw on a robe, then waited in the kitchen for Pony to get dressed. When she finally emerged wearing her green t-shirt and jeans, Pony was all business. She took a sip of coffee and got into it.
"Okay, let's fill you in on everything that happened last night. It started with this French exchange student-"
"Frank will be fine. Baby Cakes is with him."
"Do you hear yourself when you talk?"
"Let's just break open the absinthe. I haven't had this stuff in years. Careful, Pony, this shit makes you hallucinate."
"Actually, there's so little wormwood in contemporary absinthe that it no longer has any hallucinogenic properties."
"Then we'll just have to drink a lot of it. Cheers, Ponygirl."
"Salud!"
"..."
"Ugh, it tastes like green licorice."
"You don't like licorice?"
"Give me Red Vines any day, but this is awful."
"Well, we went to a lot of effort to snag this bottle, so you're drinking half of it. Come on, down the hatch."
"It's a sipping drink."
"Not in China, Illinois. Drink up."
"I bet you get sick on this stuff before you see any cool visions."
"Oh really? And what are the stakes?"
"If you have one, I'll give you a kiss. If you don't, well, try not to puke on me."
"And if you see a vision?"
"I'll give you two kisses."
"Then let's hope the Green Fairy gets here soon."
"To a night we won't forget!"
"To a night we won't forget."