Okay, I don't think Dean is as creepy sexually as Lucifer makes him out in this chapter. He's just going on a rant about the first thing he could, because he knows he's going to have to face this world's Uriel soon. On Halloween. Ow.

Episode Seven - It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester

The first thing Ella did when she got to his place that Wednesday night was show off the cheap bottle of champagne she had with her. She went to his bar and grabbed two glasses and filled them.

"I noticed that you are out of champagne and tonight is a champagne night!"

He blinked at her and he could tell that he probably looked just as confused as he felt. "Um, why?"

She grinned widely at him, before taking a sip from one of the glasses and passing the other to him. "Dude, we're a week into this crazy plan and it's still going. That needs to be celebrated, even if it is with cheap champagne and another episode of Supernatural you're probably not going to like."

He winced. "Oh no, more of Dean being a right bastard?"

She cocked her head to the side. "Um, no, not really. You said the first night that Uriel died and he was the only angel to do so. This episode introduces the show's Uriel. So, a lot of unpleasant memories are probably going to be brought up for completely different Winchester free reasons, though I can't remember how badly Dean acts at the end of the episode, I'm pretty sure it's not as bad as metamorphosis."

He grimaced at that. "Oh great..."

"Yep, so, peace offering and celebration in one. Cheap, horrible champagne."

He grinned at that. "Yes, bad champagne is definitely the right way to go with this, though whiskey would go down better."

She laughed at that, before taking her glass and herself to the couch and flopping down. She grabbed the remote before he could get to it, but at least she waited until he sat down before pressing play.

Trust it to be a Halloween episode. This was going to be hard. A Uriel that wasn't his brother alive and well in an episode played on the day his real brother died.

"Shit, why Halloween? Why this?"

This time Ella paused it to look at him.

"What's wrong with Halloween?"

"Did I tell you that's when Uriel died?"

She winced. "Ouch. Shit, this episode is going to be so bad for you..."

"Yeah..."

"Sure you don't want to skip this one?"

He shrugged. "No. I might miss something important. And there is bound to be other episodes with Uriel in them. Might as well get it out of the way."

She nodded at that one, pressed play and some guy stole his own candy before Halloween and died from razor blades in them. She handed him the remote after that to do with as he pleased.

He gripped the flimsy piece of plastic like a lifeline.

He did feel better and laughed at Dean's "So vanilla he made vanilla seem spicy' line. That was funny and he knew people like that. They were fun to play with when they let go.

He curled his lip in disgust at Dean saying he would never followed by a look that said that he would. He may be very sexually active, but he did not sleep with minors. For that matter he didn't sleep with virgins. No matter how old hey happened to be. He refused to be someone's first time. Plus, he preferred older men and women who were experienced and knew what they liked.

Yeah, the first problem Lucifer had with Dean and it has so far followed him through the entire series was the way he was with women. It felt like Dean thought he was owed sex for saving a woman. It sickened him, as it was sex out of obligation.

He preferred sex that was 100% give and take free will consensual.

Dean...did not.

Thankfully, the show didn't make him a rapist, just creepy.

And looking at underage women in a sexual way was one of those very creepy things.

"Dude, move on already!"

He glared at Ella. "You actually like a guy who would hit on and sexually fantasize about minors. Nice, Ella. I thought better of you."

She smacked him. "He's a fictional character and not real and I am not a minor."

"No, you just like the way he looks and acts. This is how he acts towards women and teen girls. Charming."

Ella glared back at him. "Like you're any different, Mr I will have sex with anything with legs!'

He folded his arms and leaned back. "You think? You saw an entire line of people I slept with in a two month basis. The youngest was 22. I don't do minors. I don't do teens or children. I don't do virgins. I don't do people who aren't familiar enough with themselves sexually. I don't do inexperienced. Do you have any idea of how big the line is of people I have rejected sleeping with because of this? No, because you see only the line of the people I have. I have standards. Dean, fictional or not, doesn't."

That shut Ella up. And were they seriously fighting over this? Wow. He turned back to the television and pushed play, not really looking forward to this episode at all any longer, even though the witch mystery itself was interesting.

He winced at the butchering of the pronunciation of Samhain.

He smiled when he saw Castiel again and how he took Sam's hand. He didn't see it as a rejection like Sam might have thought, it's just how Castiel knew him as. "Aww, he likes him," he said, and Ella chuckled by his side.

"They get to know one another without the whole demon blood thing going on later and become closer than just shaking hands."

"Glad to hear it."

He hadn't paused it through that tiny little conversation, so immediately did the moment that the black man in the background got called a demolition specialist. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, no. Uriel saw patterns and was stationed at the Gates, not demolished things. You want something demolished ask Michael, or Gabriel. Gabriel can be full on brutal when he wants to be and people piss him off. It's a good thing he's a ball of fun and laughter and joy otherwise. Michael I swear just likes to hurt things for the joy of hurting them..."

Ella patted his shoulder. "So, Uriel didn't ever try to destroy things?"

He sighed. "Well, he did try to destroy mum and failed, and so he went after Chloe to get to me to get to mum. It was a whole big mess and how he ended up dead..."

"Oh yeah, Stabby Town dagger of soul destruction. You told me. Wait...he went after you and Chloe. Does that mean that you..."

"Killed him? In self defense, yes. He was about two seconds away from using his patterns to kill Chloe and then he was likely to kill mum and maybe Maze for good measure. He said he woudn't kill me though. The only way to stop him from that was to...well, to stop him. He would have kept coming back. And before you ask, yes it still huts and no, I will likely never forgive myself for it."

"I wasn't going to ask, but that's good to know. And I'm sorry you felt you had to do that to save the people you love."

He grinned small and sad down at her. "I'd do it for you too, you know?"

She put her head down on his shoulder and sighed. "I'm glad."

They stayed in silence for a minute or two, before he sighed and hit play again.

He didn't stop it for the rest of the episode. By the end, he liked this version of Castiel a whole lot more, disliked Uriel even more than he already had from that first visit as a smiter of towns and liked that Dean didn't go off on Sam for using his powers.

He wasn't sure how this was going to end, but he did know all the seals would be broken because he knew that this version of him would get out of hell. He wasn't too sure he was looking forward to that if even Uriel was made out to be a bigger dick in the show than he was in real life.

"Well, I'll leave you to your deep thoughts. Night Lucifer. And spirits up, dude, another fun episode of the curse kind again tomorrow."

That did raise his spirits just a bit and he smiled at her. "Thanks. I don't think I'd still be watching if you weren't here, and yeah, I may want to quit, but I won't. I will get through this show even if it feels like it's going to slowly torture me."

Ella laughed at that. "Trust me, some of this show can get so bad it feels like torture to me, so hey, I'll be suffering right along with you there, buddy."

He nodded and said his goodbyes.

He was still on the couch staring at the blank screen a half hour later, well after Ella had left.

Headcanon - Uriel the demolition expert had to become that once Michael took over Heaven and Gabriel split. Someone had to do it, and he was chosen. Some other angel took his place guarding the Gates of Heaven.

Headcanon - Supernatural's Uriel is a Seraph, while Lucifer's is an Arch. I will forever wonder how good a military strategist Castiel is that he got put in charge of his Garrison after Anna Fell instead of Uriel, who would have been next in rank.